Saturday, January 05, 2008

Blaine’s turn for a nervous breakdown

The scene: Our bedroom, this evening.

The prop in question: The writing desk I just purchased.

The conditions: Blaine’s hair, standing on end. Well, if he had enough to stand on end, that is.

Blaine: No, of course I don’t **mind** putting it together for you. It’s just that it’s never as easy as they say it's going to be. This is the third or fourth piece of some-assembly-required furniture that you’ve bought since we moved here. It takes, like, all day to put them together, and it never makes sense, and I always wind up with an extra bracket or a missing screw or a piece of the instruction booklet is torn out, or something! This shit makes me crazy!

Kristie: Well, I’m sure it will look great when it’s done; you always do a really good job.

Blaine: Yeah, if I don’t lose my mind first.

Kristie: Hopefully this one will go smoothly and will only take a short time.

Blaine: Uh-huh. And maybe MONKEYS will fly out of my butt.

Kristie: Well, when they do, hand them a hammer and a screwdriver and tell them to get cracking.

13 comments:

WendyK said...

Ain't that the truth! My hubby does not like those things either, and what is funny is that we had that same conversation a couple of months ago complete with handing the butt monkeys hammers. ROFL!!

Loralee Choate said...

My husband FREAKS if I even get NEAR one of these projects.

It's like I have bad "Assembly Mojo"

Sigh.

Sharon said...

My husband is convinced we are under the (last name) curse at our house. The curse means anything he has to put together will come out of the box broken, will be missing parts, will have instructions written only in Finnish....you get the picture. Won't he be surprised to find out you all are under the curse too!

Falcor said...

My husband actually puts the box to any RTA (ready-to-assemble) stuff in the garage in the hopes that I will FORGET that I bought it. Usually I just put it together when he's not home.

Last year on Valentine's Day he bought me something I wanted and the gift was SUPPOSED to include assembly (so I refused to put it together). After promising to put it together for my birthday (July) and our anniversary (October), my brother put it together when he was here for Christmas.

http://racingsnail.blogspot.com/

Monica H said...

LOL :)

Anonymous said...

WHEN are you going to write a book? You are so hysterically funny!!! Lovin' it.

Blaine is a good man to put any of those together for you. I have 2 things that have sat for 3 months waiting for my husband to put together.

Rachael J.

Hyzymom said...

John and I tried to put a "some assembly required" CD/Stereo cabinent from IKEA together TOGETHER! First problem we tried to do it together!!! There are just some things after 18 years we just shouldn't do together! It ended up with all the unfinished edges showing and the screw holes in the wrong places. Our solution we refinished the unfinished edges and drilled new holes. It looks okay as long as you don't look to closely. We keep the lights VERY DIM in that room! #1 Lesson: NEVER work TOGETHER again!!! Hang in there. Just ply him with lots of fancy beer. Who knows sometimes the addition of copious amounts of alcohol helps the process. Lord knows with the way those instructions are written it can't make it any worse!

Renee' said...

I'm one of those freaks who enjoy putting that stuff together. I put the boys computer desk together. Keith would rather pay extra to have it already assembled. Miss you guys!

Alisa said...

I usually 'start' the project, knowing at some point my husband will start feeling sorry for me or frustrated watching me struggle. Then he ends up doing it for me. I've found it gets done much quicker this way then if I wait for him to have time to do it.

lizinsumner said...

Blaine - there's an IKEA in Seattle, and, try as I might, I can't stay out of it. So, I feel your pain, man.

lizinsumner said...

ps - the good part??? My son Jake (13 going on 14) put the last couple of IKEA purchases together, all by himself. So, just some advice - make Kellan watch you (and make it look like it's so much fun!!) - and, maybe next time you'll luck out and he'll do it for you....well, it worked for me....

Natalie said...

Didn't you know? The manufacturers put extra pieces and parts in the box to mess with your head. Or they leave one out. There's a ward at psychiatric hospitals for people who have driven crazy by this.

Trish in Leesburg,VA said...

haha! Yep, sounds like my own husband. We bought a new dresser for me a year ago. We finally decided to put it together in early December. It is now standing, full of clothes yet not quite put together, in our bedroom. I am not sure it will ever be completely together!