Friday, January 11, 2008

Another Funny Wedding Ring Story. If Being Called a Fat-Ass is Funny to You. Because Whoo-Boy, it Sure is To Me!

When I got pregnant with Kellen, I gained 60 pounds. (No, that’s not a typo. Six-zero.) I lost fifty of them before getting pregnant with Kendrie. Then gained those fifty back when I was pregnant with her. Why no, I don’t suffer from morning sickness or nausea; how did you guess?

While pregnant with Kellen, my hands got so fat (along with every other cell in my body) that I had to quit wearing my wedding ring. Same thing when I was pregnant with Kendrie. But after she was born, I don’t know if my finger joints had permanently puffed up, or if the stubborn ten …. fifteen …. OK, TWENTY pounds I still had hanging around was making the difference, but I couldn’t get my wedding ring back on my finger, no matter how much hand lotion or spit I used. (That’s a lovely image, isn’t it?)

So I finally caved and went down to have my ring stretched. Or expanded. Or whatever it is they do to make them bigger. And while the lady at the jewelry store was nice, I’ll admit I was self-conscious and a little embarrassed about it. Who wants to make the public confession that they’ve gotten so much fatter, even in the fingers, that their jewelry doesn’t fit?

Then, like being mortified by my fat-ness in front of one employee wasn’t enough, when I went back later to pick the ring up, there was a different girl working. She handed me the ring to try on, and asked me if it fit better. This is the conversation that followed:

Her: Does it feel better?

Me: Yes, actually, much better. I can at least get it past the knuckle now.

Her: Were you having it sized up or sized down?

Me: Oh, sized up. (feeling self-conscious, so doing that stupid self-deprecating thing that I do) I guess that’s what happens when you’ve gotten pregnant twice only eight months apart …. Your fingers get bigger and you need to get bigger rings (embarrassed laughter)

Her: Well, I suppose. But after you have this one, you’ll just have to get it sized back down again.

Have this one? HAVE this one? Did I mention that I had already HAD the baby? Like, THREE MONTHS earlier????

So, needless to say, since I was already at the mall, I called Blaine and told him I was going shopping. For clothes that did a better job of hiding my post-baby tummy. Sadly, it’s been eight years and I’m still searching the racks. (sigh)


jadine said...

That stings, doesn't it?

I have a similar story (get ready, I'm betting many of us have a similar story) is that when I worked at a hospital, there was a woman I saw occasionally in medical-records who knew I was pregnant. Prior to my giving birth, she saw me at about 38 weeks (and, coincidentally, about 60 lbs heavier than pre-pregnancy). She commented on how big I was, asked when I was due, and wished me a healthy baby.

Fast-forward to my return to work 3 months later, thinking that I had lost a bunch of weight and thought that I was looking pretty good. So medical-records lady saw me in the hall, and ASKED ME WHEN I WAS FINALLY GOING TO BE HAVING THAT BABY. ?!

I mumbled that I had already had the baby, sat in my car and cried.

These stories are so heart-warming, aren't they?

And then yesterday someone said to me something like, "...blah, blah, blah, because you're SO OLD..." It was a bit shocking to hear so bluntly, with absolutely no sensitivity or consideration of how that would make me feel. No adult, under any circumstance, would want to hear that!

Same with the pregnancy faux pas. Keep your thoughts to your selves, people! No sense making someone feel bad, even accidentally.

(But I do admit to taking-heart in hearing other people's similar stories of woe).


Jamie said...

My 5 year old told me the other day "Mom! You are having another baby! Look, your belly is getting bigger and bigger."

Heh gotta love it.

Deborah said...

Two words for you: TUMMY TUCK. When (and if) you ever retire from surrogacy, save enough cash for that. Because it's totally worth it. No one will ever mistake me for a PG lady, at least not from the front. Now the back end, that's another story....

Krisha said...

I was coming coming home from my daughters one week checkup. Had to stop to pick up a prescription. My husband stayed in the car and I walked in. I had been there plenty enough that they new me. The lady behind the counter said to me "Boy, looks like that baby is about to come out, we should see you back here in a week carrying your bundle of joy" All I could do was shake me head and smile but by the time I got out to the car I was a mess. My husband thought something really bad had happened. I laugh about it now, but boy, at the time.....not so funny! Krisha

Candy said...

When I was pregnant with my first child, my husband and I were in the newborn section, searching for clothes for the baby-to-be.

Another woman was doing the same thing, but I could only see her head. I heard my husband utter these words:

"When are you due?" her and before I could turn and scream DON"T SAY THAT she turned an ugly stare at him and replied,

"My daughter is six months old."


Grandma J said...

Those pregnancy insults are nothing. Wait until you have grandchildren and your sweet 3 yr old granddaughter, while lying in bed with you, traces your wrinkles with her little fingers. I thought she was just ramdomly running her little fingers over my face and I smiled....she said "don't smile so big grandma, my fingers will get stuck in the cracks".
Fast forward to our next sleepover. I wake up to the feeling of her rubbing her hand lightly on my cheeks....I tell myself not to make any facial expressions and ruin the moment. After a few minutes I open my eyes and she smiles at me and says,"grandma, you are so furry".

Caroline said...

I was called ma'am this past weekend. And I know that doesn't sound so bad, but I am 25 years old and he was 20. he was a friend of my sister's and called me ma'am. What the freak, people? Just shut up!!!

And on the weight side of things, I lost a good bit of weight a few years ago and my watch got too big so I went to the store to have some links taken out. I was so happy and excited and when he was giving my watch back to me he also gave me the links and said, "I'm going to give these back to you since most people don't keep weight off. That way you'll have them if you ever need to put them back in." He's lucky I didn't have a gun. I mean, I did gain the weight back. But that's NOT the point!

Anonymous said...

When I was pregnant with my 23 year old son, I started out very skinny and gained 50 pounds. I was young and fashion conscious so I refused to wear maternity pants home from the hospital. I could get my husband's jeans buttoned so I wore those. Fast forward to just the other day. I was getting dressed in the dark wee morning hours and accidentally put his jeans on. Um, I can't get them buttoned anymore (even though he's many pounds heavier than he used to be). Pretty depressing. I'm also shopping for a bigger car because it's getting too damn hard to get out of a Civic. Is that fat or old age? Either way it's not good.

Patty House, Jasonville IN said...

I had to have my wedding ring made bigger this year too. I was bummed and ok with it both at the same time...I told myself well at least it was only a 1/2 size.

I still have an extra 40 pounds hanging around from my last baby...who is going to be SIX in May. Eek. We started a 'biggest loser' contest at work today. I'm hoping the incentive of $$ will help me to lose some weight.

I had a guy at work a year or so after I had my daughter aske me when I was due. He and I just both about died.

Tracey in Calgary said...

Whenever I am out shopping for new clothes, I always end up telling the sales girls....'I just can't seem to get rid of this baby fat!' And then they invariably ask, 'oh, how old is your baby now?' And then I deadpan, 'Eight'. Cracks me up every time, the look on their faces, ha ha! I know, not a laughing matter, a weeping matter!!

Cate said...

My then eight-year-old nephew was talking to my mom about getting older. My dad is completely gray, but mom, even in her 60s, still has her brown hair. So my nephew's conclusion: I get it! When men get old their hair turns grey and when women get old their faces start slipping!

Tracy'sspace said...

Once got into a discussion with DD aged about 6 about prehistoric people. I told her about how they used to use bones etc, for plates. She seemed a bit shocked and then after a while came up with: "So let me get this right, when you were a child you ate off bones?" I was horrified!

Anonymous said...

My hubby has had to have his wedding band sized up TWICE in our 14-year marriage. I blame it on my fabulous (NOT!) cooking that has plumped him up. :)
(Then he had the nerve several years ago when I was tossing out old clothes to say "Well, your college clothes SHOULD still fit!" WTF?? Do his? NO!!!!!!)

Ahh...husbands! :)


The other me said...

Oh my! I went to have a pa smear, when it was done the nurse said to me " So, how old is your baby?"
"Eleven" I replied and did kegals all the way home.
Then, just a few months ago I was out and bumped into a friend Ihadn't seen for years, she had 3 new children with her, she was quite obviously about to have #4....I actually squealed with excitement as I yelled " HOW EXCITING" and RUBBED HER BELLY! Yes I did. She laughed and said " Ha! Nothing in there, it'all just FAT!" then I crawled away and she ran into a hedge to cry.

The other me said...

Grandma J you made me laugh so loud my kids jumped! Thankyou Helen ( who will be a grandma in 4 months time!)

M&Co. said...

A good rule to live by, never mention someone having a baby unless they tell you that they are.

Melissa said...

My son is three and I'm still about 30 lbs heavier than I was pre pregnancy, so I know that feeling. But I think I can top most of your mortifying moments with mine. A lady asked me the other day if my son was my 'little GRANDSON!' Talk about wanting to die! Granted, I am 42, which makes me older than most moms with three year olds, but I didn't think I looked like a GRANDMOTHER! With the extra weight I'm carrying, probably the only thing keeping people from thinking I'm pregnant is the fact that they think I'm a GRANNY!

Loralee Choate said...


I NEVER assume pregnancy unless it is confirmed 100% FIRST.


S. Ashworth said...

Hi Kristie, don't feel bad, you know Nicholas is 8 yrs old and I keep blaming the extra weight "baby fat." Well I know it isn't and I've actually had to have my wedding ring set sized UP 2x already. When I rcover more from the Gall bladder surgery, yesterday, I hav vowed to myself to lose at least 50 lbs by the summer or I"M NOT GOING! :( The surgery was unbelieveable, I can already say I feel better! Okay the pain meds are doing the trick too! The Ashworths, WE SURE MISS YA'LL!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Yep I have one too..... Looking for comforter sets in JCP. I asked the girl where they were. She gave me directions to the baby section -because obviously I was setting up a nursury???? I had on a big red shirt...obviously not very flattering.

I remember that story Kristie! That was not so funny for you - but pretty funny to hear after the fact. ;)

Love Erin

katy said...

I am carrying much more "baby weight" than any of you and mine is long does it take to come off?