Friday, December 28, 2007

Picasso I’m Not

Power was restored last week. Can you guess what I’ve been doing??




Lesson #1: Primer is a necessary evil in life.

Lesson #2: You might think lesson #1 only applies to walls or large spaces, but in fact, it also applies to doors, trim, baseboards and cabinets.

Lesson #3: Especially in houses where the wood that makes up the doors, trim, baseboards and cabinets is a bazillion years old.

Lesson #4: Painting on wood that is a bazillion years old is the equivalent of painting on a sponge.

Lesson #5: Our rent house is approximately a bazillion years old.

Lesson #6: Those fancy paint rollers you bought won’t work too well on wooden doors with recessed panels or trim or baseboards or cabinets …. So make sure you buy a good brush, because you will paint it all by hand. ALL by hand.

Lesson #7: “Yes, ma’am,” said the Home Depot guy, “This is the best primer on the market today. One coat of paint over the primer should be all you need” equals BIG. FAT. LIE.

Lesson #8: One coat paint plus one coat primer plus one coat paint plus one more coat of paint because for pete’s sake I can still see the streaks equals a lot of fucking coats, all done by hand.

So, I hope today’s lessons have been helpful.

Signed,

Kristie, the girl with the freakishly overdeveloped right deltoid muscle

12 comments:

Lisa said...

You crack me up Kristie - I think your blogs are so funny because we can all relate to what you say. My tip - use exterior, no nonsense, bullet proof, hurricane proof garage paint! Good luck!

Grandma J said...

It's been a while since I've done any serious painting, and the one selfish thing I pray for daily is that I never have to paint again.

That being said, satin finish covers better than flat. Also, have you considered using a Wagner airless paint sprayer?

I like the way you work humor into all the fiasco's in you life. Good luck (if your still painting) and I hope your tenants appreciate all the hard work. Now kick your feet up and relax in 2008.

Renee said...

Friend, that sucks. Papa and I went through 18 gallons when we moved here and I don't think my muscles ever had such a workout. I had no idea what kind of strength it took??? Call me when you paint dries....

Angela said...

This totally has nothing to do with painting, but I have been reading your posts FOREVER and look forward to them everyday! You had some posts a few months back about photography and told what kind of camera you have. I can't find where you wrote it. What kind of camera is it? Your pictures are very good and I am wanting to buy a new one. BTW, you crack me up 99% of the time. You are an awesome writer. Keep it up. My email is campbell042001@msn.com

Anonymous said...

ROFL

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt
in fact I think I painted the t-shirt

Blondie

Monica H said...

Lesson #9: Switch arms halfway through to develop left deltoid muscle.

Sorry, I know how much that sucks.

M, Ms. R, Mom, Auntie M, Marey said...

Painting 101:
Tint the primer :)

jadine said...

Yeesh.

SILVER LINING (it took me a while, but I came up with one): There will be so many layers between the top-coat of paint and the actual wood/dry-wall, that your renters can wash fingerprints off the walls/doors/etc. as often as they like --- the paint will NOT be coming off!

That's a good thing, right?

And I'm calling you if I need the lid removed from a jar of pickles :)

WendyK said...

I agree with grandma J, a sprayer is the way to go on doors, cabinets, and even walls is you have the floors covered. My father has been a paint contractor for nearly 40 years, so I have watched, helped, and vowed never to do that as a career many times, and my favorite method is a sprayer.

Remember, this is a rent house, do not put too much work in the details, because it will just have to be repainted when they move out anyway.

Nate's Mom said...

I don't think I have ever commented, but have read for years (wow, seriously years!). We just bought our first house this month and are embarking on some "home improvement" projects, which considering this our first house that we can paint, means painting. Thanks for the tips. Keeping them coming. Any advice on laying hardwood flooring? That is our current project. OMG, it's not as easy as the do-it-yourself TV people make it look!

Take care Kristie.

Sheri in CA

Tracy said...

Hi Kristie,

We just did an addition on our house and we used new paint by Benjamin Moore. It is called Aura. It is very expensive, but we only had to do one coat of paint over sheetrock and spacal (not sure how to spell that.) We didn't use a primer or anything. It literally took one coat. I hope that helps you in the future. It saves money in the end and a lot of time.

KathyA said...

I hope, Ohhh I hope, you didn't paint latex over oil - though if your house is a bazillion years old, I'll bet you did.

Found out the very hard way that latex will PEEL OFF doors, baseboards, etc if you paint it over oil - peel off in very, very large sheets - very, very easily.

Relax, though, that won't happen till the first person 'accidently' nicks the paint.

Am having to re-paint every door and doorframe in the entire frackin' house. UGH!