Monday, December 17, 2007

It’s not even Noon and I’m already a Big Fat Failure

I had big plans today. Big plans. As you know, we own a rental property here, just a few blocks from our house, which needs a bit of work before it’s available again. (Code for “before someone is willing to PAY US to live there.”) Inspired by such shows as “Flip this House” and “Pimp my Shack”, and inspired also by the state of our wallet, we’ve decided to do as much of the work as possible ourselves. And of course, since Blaine just started his new job and can’t hardly take off to play handyman, that means *I* am doing as much of the work as possible. And since we all know I can barely open a can of green beans without slicing off a finger, let alone install cabinetry or refinish hardwood floors, that basically means I’ve been calling lots and lots of service people on the phone. Whew! The work is exhausting!

But the few things I think I *am* capable of doing, I’m trying to do myself. Blaine and I ripped out the carpets last week by ourselves (achoo!) and I went to Home Depot (hereafter referred to as “That Man Place That Steals My Money”) on Friday and bought all the paint I need to repaint the entire interior of the house. Walls, trim, cabinets, you name it, I’m going to paint it.

I bought drop clothes (although dude, they’re refinishing the floors and putting in new carpet, does it really matter?) and paint brushes and trays and rollers. I even remembered towels so that I could kneel on the floor without hurting my dainty little kneecaps. I got up this morning and put on some old clothes, eager to strap on a tool belt and get to work. Because by golly, painting is something I can DO and I can’t wait to dig in to a little manual labor. Nothing puts you in touch with your own body like a hard work and aching muscles. Let’s go!!

I walked the kids to school, returned home, and discovered I had locked myself out of the house. So I sat in the garage, slowly turning into a Popsicle for two hours, waiting on the locksmith to show up. (note to self: perhaps consider hiding a key somewhere, you MORON.) Finally the locksmith came, worked for forty-two seconds, got me in my house, and requested his $55.00 service fee. Seriously, Blaine is in the wrong damn profession!

I got in the house, gathered my purse, got a death grip on my keys, and headed over to the yellow house to get to work painting. I might be delayed by two hours, but I still had time to make LOTS of progress!

Only to discover thanks to last week’s ice storm, there is no power in the house whatsoever. No lights, no heat. And as I was walking around the house, muttering under my frosty breath about where’s the damn power box, my cell phone rang. Last week when my new living room furniture was delivered, one of the legs on my chair was broken. The repair men were sitting in the driveway of my other house, wondering why I wasn’t there so they could fix the chair.

Oh, geez, I don’t know --- because nobody called me to tell me they were coming!? Only apparently they did call the home phone this morning, which I couldn’t answer because I was locked in the garage freezing my ass off.

It’s not even noon and I’ve accomplished NOTHING today.

Wonder how the afternoon will go? At the rate I’m going, I’ll either have a car wreck or burn my house down.

Wish me luck! (she said sarcastically)


Anonymous said...

Oh Kristie!! Don't ask "what could happen next to me", you REALLY don't have great luck. It is not wise, woman!! Just start tomorrow fresh and ready to paint. Tomorrow you will have God-speed and have the whole house painted in one day. Now, you go girl!!!
((Hugs to all of you))
Wendy in Winder, GA (little nippy in GA today too)

Katie said...

If it makes you feel better I locked myself out of my future in-laws very upscale apartment while house sitting this summer and had to pay 125 bucks to be let back in. That was of course, after being quoted 55. Because, you know it's definitely 70 dollars worth of labor to snake a metal hanger under the door to flip the lock.

Hope today gets better. And, for the record, margaritas make almost anything better :)

Anonymous said...

I am a lurker but had to comment this time around! My husband and I just bought our first house and I have tackled many walls, celings and buckets of paint in our new place. Paint your ceilings first--it's a pain, but amazing how much it brightens your room. Home Depot sells paint that goes on pink and dries white, so you can see where you've painted. I was very gung-ho on the first few rooms, then it suddenly wasn't fun anymore--GOOD LUCK!

jadine said...

Ugg. I hope your afternoon went a little better than your morning did!

Elaine in Lynnwood said...

I used to lock myself out so frequently that my husband finally said to buy one of those key pads to open the garage door that is outside the garage. Don't understand why but he got tired of driving the 23 miles (one way) to let me back in.

Towels will seriously not help the knees. You can trust me on this one. Go back to the store and get some of those nifty strap on knee pads. You'll look like a dork, errr, a profesional painter, and your knees will thank you.

I'm currently involved in serious "creative avoidance". I'm just not in the mood to do the cards. Thank goodness we have power and cable internet!

Didn't know they sold ceiling paint that goes on pink and dries white. Boy could we have used that this last year. I will NEVER paint a ceiling again.

Happy Home Improvement! Elaine

Cate said...

You did accomplish something. You made me laugh today which since I found out a friend of mine's brain tumor is actually a stage four and not stage two as originally thought was no small feat.

I do hope your day got better.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about your day. I am so glad you got to vent on your blog! Tomorrow will be a better day!
Claire in TX

Grandma J said...

I feel your pain, seriously, I do.
I used to lock myself out quite often and hated paying the locksmith fees. A friend recommended I call a tow truck next time, they have the same equipment but charge about half as much. Now I keep a magnetic hide-a-key to the front door under the tire well on my car.
I hate to paint, but I guess if the house is empty it should go fast. The best thing for your knees is one of those thick foam pads that you kneel on to weed flower beds and such.
I would wait until tomorrow to get started.

Dianna in Louisiana said...

Oh No Kristie--- but hey, it did make for good fodder for you blog, eh!!!! Wow, that's SO awesome that you and Blaine are going to have a go at fixing up the "yellow house" by yourselves. My husband first cut grass at the age of 31 and when he did, he fell right into the ditch. Then, when we moved back to Louisiana into a rental hosue last year, he insisted that we get a riding lawn mower, because the house we rented was on an acre we weren't going to pay a landscaper so much money each week. I warned him that we shouldn't because we were just renting and there would be no way in heck that he could maintain the yard--- the house had TONS of shrubs, a goldfish pond, etc.) He did a great job of keeping the grass short (how hard is it to drive around on a riding mower, listening to an mp3 player). But, when our lease was up last month, we had to pay a ridiculous amount of money to have a landscaper clean up the work that he didn't do correctly. And that driving lawn mower that he insisted we have? Well, we had to pay to have it moved and it is now sitting in my parents' shed because my husband insists we will never again live in a house with a lawn so big it requires us to have a driving lawnmower---- Hmmppph men.

WendyK said...

Oh my goodness! I lock myself out of my house quite frequently, but so far I have never had to call a locksmith. My parents live 15 minutes away and my hubby works 8 minutes from the house.

Anonymous said...

Is it just my computer or do yo uno longer put your fabulous music picks on this site? I loved your tunes and I can no longer hear them! Just wondering if it is me or you!?!
LA in CA

Pink Lady said...

I can identify with the home remodeling. Due to "budget constraints" we're doing major work at home on our own. I HATE Home Depot!!! Painting is the only part of the job I can do too. Bring an iPod or something with you to make the time go by a little faster. (Book on CD, if you're so inclined.) Good luck!