Monday, December 15, 2008

Not so much anymore

You remember I posted a week or so ago about once upon a time there was a cute, cute, cute widdle doggy named Barley, who was tall enough to stand on her hind legs and reach the kitchen counter, and once there she ate seventeen chocolate chip cookies? And how once we realized she would be ok (because she then promptly proceeded to throw up all seventeen cookies on my bed) that we had to admit that despite her mischevious ways, she was really all about the cuteness? Do you remember that?

Well, fast forward to Saturday morning. One of my nephews had spent the night and being the dutiful aunt and mother that I am (snort) I got up and made chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. I always make a triple batch so we have some to freeze and re-heat on school mornings ................. this time, not only did Barley stand up on the counter in order to eat some of the chocolate chip pancakes, but she somehow knocked one of my ceramic plates onto the ceramic floor and CRASH!!! Plate shards everywhere. Hmmmm. That really wasn't so cute.

Now, fast forward to last night. I had taken Brayden to an afternoon matinee of Twilight, and ate my weight in Milk Duds, so didn't feel like cooking. Actually, what I felt like doing was barfing. Definitely not cooking. So I stopped by Papa Murphys on the way home ...... put the pizzas on the counter after they were done cooking so everyone could help themselves ..... (you see where this is going, don't you?) Freaking dog ate HALF A CHEESE PIZZA before we realized what had happened. I swear, we really do feed her, and I swear even more that one of these days I will clue in and start pushing the food to the back of the counter. Or maybe on top of the refrigerator, since that might be the one place left on earth she can't reach. The cuteness? Not so much anymore.

Neither of our other dogs, both of whom were taller than Barely is now and could have easily reached the kitchen counter, ever did. I'm just not accustomed to having my dinner snatched right out from under us like that. Begging? Accustomed to. Digging stuff out of trashcans? Accustomed to. Eating the crotch out of dirty underwear??? TOTALLY accustomed to. But we've never had food taken right off the counter.

But still, even despite those things, despite the fact the cuteness was wearing thin, I still was not as angry with her as I was at 11:30 last night, when I blearily and wearily climbed in bed, relieved to have finished paying bills, and licking all the Christmas envelopes and thinking of the busy day ahead, only to discover that at some point during the evening, Barley had apparently jumped up and urinated all over my side of the bed. Through the comforter, through both sheets, through the mattress protector, and left a big wet puddle on the mattress.

It was, in all honesty, the first time in the four months that we've had her that I regretted getting her at all. And in fact, I might have said something along those lines to Blaine, raising my voice and flailing my arms about wildly. Well, or as wildly as you can flail your arms when you're stripping the (#*$&#*(& sheets off the #($*#&(*& bed. And then I started talking about how this was total passive-agressive behavior on her part, in retaliation for the scolding she got from me after the pizza. Notice whose side of the bed she pee'd on???

I know. It was irrational and grumpy and rude. But in my defense, I was tired, and perhaps suffering from Milk Dud poisoning.


Lea White said...

EEEWWW! Not a fun way to end your day isn't it? We had a little miniature pincher a couple of years back - a male and even though he was all "fixed up" he continued marking his territory all over the house and often on our bed / pillows. So even though it might not be wet anymore, you go and lie down and... oh boy, the smell!!!!!!

Lea White

Melissa said...

I feel your pain. I have a cat, about 13 now, who I've always loved to death. Lately though, I'm loving her a lot less. She's suddenly refusing to use her litter box, and after coming home every day to discover poop & pee all over the living room, we started confining her to one of the bathrooms while we're gone or in bed. Even though her box is in there, she ignores it, peeing on the floor right in front of it, and she'll climb up onto the bathroom counter to take a crap. I am SO TIRED of mopping up cat piss and hosing crap off every surface of the bathroom every single day, I'm about ready to get rid of her, and would if she weren't so old and probably senile. The vet can't figure it out either. Meanwhile, I'm NOT happy...

Tammy said...

Yuck! And she's still alive? They are much smarter then we give them credit. I think you may have hurt her feelings just a little, about the pizza and all, lol! So, how long will she be on your shit list? What, you already forgave her? Hugs from Fort Worth!

Anonymous said...

Have you started her in an obedience class yet? If not, she needs to start now. What she is doing is called "counter surfing" and that behavior can be broken, through training her and YOU. As far as her peeing on your side of the bed, been there, done that. One thing it is not is a "gonna get you back" thing. At that age, once they have done something it is erased in their mind, totally over. Also, if it happens again, you may want to take her to the vet and have a UA done on her. When a dog does something out of the ordinary, especially peeing where she has never done it before, first thing is to suspect a UTI. I have 5 dogs, and the youngest is a 5 month old Golden Retriever. He is going to be the end of me, I know it.

Catherine said...

Yeah, they can do things like that. Our old dog once stole a pot roast out the grocery bags as I was taking the groceries into the house. When I got everything in the kitchen, there was no roast in the bags. I angrily called the store because I had gotten a new cashier who was slow and unsure about the groceries and I though she was the one culprit. The store graciously offered to replace the roast. As I went through the mudroom to the garage, I could hear a sucking sound coming from the dog's crate. Yup, he was enjoying the roast that he had filched.

We have a pup who has wet beds to mark his spot on them. What a pain when it happens on the king sized bed, the one with the comforter that does not fit in the home washer.

Our old cat, before she left us, started to spray on any clothing left on the floor. The only thing that got my kids to pick up their stuff.

Looks like Barley is going to force you all to put your food far from the edges of the counters. I would warn the kids about putting candy or food in pockets or backpacks, as they may end up nibbled when he smells the goodies. Just hope he doesn't learn to push the chair to the counter and climb on it to get up there like my old dog did. We stored things in the oven and microwave and locked all cabinets including one that held the garbage. Yeah, we locked up our garbage those days.

Daisy, Just Daisy said...

Ugh. I hate that stage with dogs. We had a standard poodle who ate everything off the counter tops including an entire pan of brownies & more bags of bread than we could count. We finally made a "no food on the counter" rule and invested in a bread box for bread, fruit, bagels & the like. (He only jumped up when we were not around, so the scolding didn't really work.) That finally cured that problem.

Anonymous said...

Cats and dogs that pee in the wrong places would have to go, lol. Seriously, I can handle alot. I have a Golden boy too, and his favorite thing to do is dive after the table when the kids get up from breakfast and gobble the dregs of their cereal. I blame the kids, who will get up without taking their bowls to the sink! But peeing on my bed would get him a fast pass to the pound. When we moved, my cat decided to pee on the livingroom floor once, protesting the move I guess. I grabbed her ass and looked her in the eye and told her on no uncertain terms if she pulled that shit again, she could kiss her pampered life goodbye. So far she has listened, lol.

You really need to crate the dog until he is housebroke. The only time you let him out is when someone is right with him, watching him. The minute you get busy, back in the crate he goes. He must sleep in the crate at night too. Start it really soon, because behavior that persists past a yr of age is very, very difficult to break. Using the crate method, we housebroke our Golden in less than a week, when he was a puppy. I still crated him at night/when we left for another year, so he wouldn't raid trashcans and eat electric cords and crazy crap like that. He is a very well mannered gentleman now, lol, and has free roam of the house.

Anonymous said...

I have to admit that I laughed. The only reason I laughed is because I have a 5-month-old yellow lab who is putting me through some of the same things and I need someone else to laugh at.

Mine is a master at pulling things off the counter and, like you, our older lab never did this. Luckily, she has not peed on my bed. I might have had to kill her.

She has done the following: pulled an entire bag of flour out of the pantry and threw it all over the house, tore some ornaments of the tree, chewed my husband's expensive sunglasses, chewed through his power cord for his laptop, chewed our front window sill, the list goes on. Of course, we expected a lot of this since it is our 2nd lab. We are going to see Marley and me on Christmas to make ourselves feel better.

Kristin in NC

Anonymous said...

When I have something that I think my cat might want to get into (which isn't often...she doesn't care much for "people food" but she DOES like to dig her claws into plastic sacks/baggies/LOAVES OF BREAD) I either put it in the oven or the microwave if it fits.

So obviously the oven would have still been warm from the pizzas...but I would just have everyone get their first couple of slices and then put them right back into the oven. Not going to hurt them. OR put the dog in her kennel or lock her in another room while you eat. Or outside. Or someone else's house if she keeps peeing on the bed. :)

Anyway...the oven usually does the trick.

Good luck!


Anonymous said...

Five simple words: Nothing In Life Is Free

This saved my house from complete destruction. I have three little monsters running around here, the largest (and most destructive) being a siberian husky.

You must be dedicated for this to work. After catching my sweet, precious puppy ON THE KITCHEN COUNTERS, I had to resort to this method to gain control of the husky.

Here are some links to look at:

It's cute when they eat things like cookies and pizza, but it won't be pleasant or cute when they get into things like medicine bottles, and hazardous cleansers.

Oh, and the peeing on the bed...there's a product out there called Nature's Miracle. Found it at a co-op, but also sold at PetsMart. Works like a charm on mattresses (yes...he unloaded his GALLON of urine on my tempurpedic mattress).

Good luck with everything!

Kelly said...

EW EW EW!! That dog would be so "done" in my house. Don't get me wrong, I'd never hurt him or get rid of him or anything....but I don't think I'd allow him to roam the house any longer! He's lucky to have you as his owner. Have you looked into obedience training yet??

Anonymous said...

OMG! That is horrible! Is that puppy the boss in your house or what?? LOL. My dog used to stand and grab food off the table until we put a piece of pizza on the table "on purpose" covered with hot sauce---never did that again! But I think peeing on my bed would draw the line! Good luck!

Cindi said...

No, she may not be so full of cuteness right now, but sometime soon (you won't know when) she'll do something that will make you laugh so hard you'll pee your pants, and all will be well in EscoeLand.

Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting...I really appreciate it!

The Running Girl said...

Yeah, that would not be cute anymore. Ugghh. Never had a dog pee on the bed, but Madison's cat had a problem with that for a while and it was totally on purpose because she was mad or jealous. Maybe Barley needs to go to doggy school?

karen said...

Oh Kristie, I feel your pain. We also have a counter surfer. We have tried balloons, mouse traps and have a e collar. I swear she knows when she has that e collar on. She has chewed up so much. My eye glasses, hair picks, papers, bowls, cups, socks, pants, toys, toys, toys, ate a hole in the couch, and wood off the coffee table and end table. She ate the pipping off my new comforter.. Good thing I love her so much or else...

You are not alone.

Anonymous said...

I think that any of us who have shared our house with a Golden or a Lab can feel your pain. Those breeds are notorious for being moochers and thieves. They will hunt with you forever and stay at your side, only leaving to retrieve the game you've shot. But don't leave them alone with your lunch because your faithful helper dog will swipe it and eat it and still look as innocent as the day they were born. We've had four labs over the past 20 years and every single one of them was a mooch. Your stories did give me a good late afternoon laugh though.
Susan in MN

kimybeee said...

I know what you mean about revenge. My cats do the same thing - usually to the husband and kids that are "mean" to them. But just remember, even though they sometimes make a big mess and can be a pain - they are still much sweeter and more loving than the kids - they don't talk back!!!!

Anonymous said...

Yep, you definitely need a crate! We have a 2 year old goldendoodle and it was a great training tool for us. Until the puppy is trustworthy to be alone with free reign of the house, he needs to be crated unless you are with him right there. Either that or you tether him by leash to you at all times. Puppy training is hard, but if you don't get it right in the beginning, it's only harder. Get some good books on puppy training! Good luck!
P.S. close your bedroom door:)

Anonymous said...

Just read Dad Gone Mad's blog and wanted to drop a little comment. To tell you that I look forward to reading your blog each and every day.

Thank you.. and Merry Christmas!!

Anonymous said...

Have you read Marley and Me? If you haven't you really do need to I think...not saying your dog will be as psycho...but Marley...Barley...just sayin'

Unknown said...

You are making me feel like i've made the best decision in NOT having any animals in the house. well, of the four-legged variety.

Anonymous said...


Sally said...

Okay....I am now feeling really good about getting an "older" dog (he is only a year and a half). He doesn't steal food and there is no accidents in the house!!

Our other dog was a huge food thief!!! One day she got a box of doughnuts and two loaves of bread....and her stomach didn't seem to bother her at all. Another time she got a small carrot cake that I had bought from the store - she was able to open the plastic box without a single bite mark!!

Good luck and know this too shall pass!!!

Amy said...

I'm so not an animal person. Pooch would find itself listed on Craig's List like now.

Anonymous said...

I'm so going to see Marley & Me if only to make me feel better about my dogs. We got our dogs from the shelter at 11 months and 1 year. The 85 lb lab is afraid of his shadow...literally. And out little 25 lb terrier mutt thinks she owns the us and our house. Patience, patience, patience. After the little one had eaten 4 places in the couch, a recliner (ruined), countless earplugs, earrings, paper (all our house papers...ya know, the ones they tell you to keep when you buy your house), a whole pair of sunglasses (yes, including the glass), a mattress, and a few blankets here and there, you'd think we'd want to get rid of her. But we've learned crates are your best friend and so is obedience training. Dogs are smarter then they let on. Or we're just stupid.

Bright side...only 1 accident in the house per dog. I'll take it. Hang in there.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry but despite the "eeewwww" I just felt at the end, that very well may be your best post ever. Sorry to find humor in that but man that was great.

Mama Bear said...

Toddler goldens and labs are so mischievous. We lost our Thanksgiving turkey one year. Dragged off the kitchen island, through the dining room, living room and discovered behind the couch with the dog happily munching on the carcass.

This baby needs some training and should never been left to run loose in the house. Until a dog is completely crate trained, they can run havoc in a house. Keep her in the crate when you don't have your eyes on her.

As for the counter surfing, put mousetraps on the counter and cover with newspaper. Then put something really aromatic in the middle - like a freshly baked pizza, steak, whatever will tempt her. When she jumps up, the movement of the newspaper will cause the traps to snap and will scare her away.

Also, get a coffee can and put in 12 pennies. Keep it handy. When she does something incorrect, shake it at her immediately. She will not like the noise and it will keep her from repeating.

Of course, give her lots of praise for the GOOD things she does. Take her for walks so she has positive feedback and doesn't get bored. And do obedience training. She's not a Marley, but she could become one if she isn't trained properly at this young age.

Anonymous said...

You must, must, must watch the Dog Whisperer. He preaches that the most important things in training a dog are "rules, boundries and limitations". (He isn't too hard on the eyes, either.)

We got a dog from the pound that, when our back was turned, ate an entire pork tenderloin off the counter. The unfortunate thing is that once they do it, it's forgotten. If you punish them after the fact, they have no idea why they are being punished. (If they ACT guilty, it isn't because the FEEL guilty, it's because they sense you are upset.)

You have to establish yourself as the pack leader. This doesn't mean you physically punish the dog, just that you assert yourself. Also, crate training is a wonderful thing, but don't ever use the crate for a timeout or as punishment. If should become her sanctuary, not her prison.

My son can now leave his Halloween candy on the floor of his bedroom and the dog doesn't touch it. It's because she respects him as the leader and knows she can't take what's his.

Being the pack leader will also solve other problems. She just needs to understand that she is not the boss or you're in for constant trouble down the road.

I hope this doesn't come across as preachy, but we have had great success with Cesar's teachings. Just something as simple as making them wait so you go out the door first makes a HUGE difference.

To Melissa: You've probably already done this, but the cat should be checked for a urinary tract infection. It could just be that the cat is getting old, but it never hurts to be sure.


Anonymous said...

Oh yes, that was total passive agressive behavior (no, I'm not the dog whisperer). I only speak from previous passive agressive behavior incedents! Our dog was ticked off that we squirted her with the hose b/c she was doing some sort of unbecoming thing. She chewed off the end of the hose where the nozzel is. Coincedence? I think not! Did she chew up an empty can/bottle/shoe/toy/bucket/etc... NO! Did she chew up the hose in some random place along the hose length? NO! She chewed off the nozzel. We did get a good chuckle at that one. You might consider a kennel in the house where she can go so she won't eat you out of house and home! :)
Tammy in Ohio

Libby said...

Barley, thank you so much for providing such inspiration to Kristie! I agree that this likely is her best post ever and the comments that it has generated are great entertainment as well. I have read every one of them!

On the other hand, Barley, you do need to learn to respect your family. I am a big fan of the Dog Whisperer myself - ask your family to watch some of his shows with you!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to the Escoe Family!

Stefunkc said...

I guess right now I'm pretty happy that my dog is ankle height. I will say though, if I drop something on the floor she has ingested it before I can blink! An enitre Mushroom Puff once! I don't know how she got it down that little throat.

Anonymous said...

We had a Lab once that actually stole a steak off of the grill while it was grilling. You should have seen my dad, Oh. my. gosh. he was soooo pissed. My Lab now tries to steal food off the counter but I always push it back now and put up little barriers so that I know when he is trying.
Oh, and WHY do dogs eat the crotch out of dirty panties????? It drives me crazy when I get home only to find a pair of my panties in the living room because of one of my dogs. WTF?

Megan E.

Anonymous said...

I'd feel more sympathy for you if I didn't have a boxer here that has eaten THREE pioneer woman sandwiches, six chocolate cupcakes, giant snicker bars, my sons grilled cheese sandwich from off his plate! ALL of the chicken breasts I had cooked and cut into the small pieces that the family like before I could get them back in the noodles... Chicken and noodles without the chicken anyone? lol
What would we do without our dogs?

Anonymous said...

Ewww, so sorry! There is a contraption sold at pet stores that may help. It's like a big mouse trap but not nearly as hard/painful to the dog. Put it on the counter with bait and when Barley jumps up to get it, it will give him (her?) a little whack on the nose. A few of those and he (she?) should be cured!

Diane in Cincinnati

Anonymous said...

I feel so fortunate to have a height challenged pooch that can't reach the counters. No pizza stealing in this house, she just got mad while we were away and climbed up on the dining room table and left us a very smelly souvenir. Other than that, an absolutely adorable dog.

Beverly said...

Your dog diaries are making me laugh!

I have to tell you that I have (had?) a beautiful tree skirt this year. I bought it at an after-Christmas sale, and it sure is much nicer than the red sheet that I usually use.

Daisy has taken a liking to that tree skirt and peed all over it. I kept thinking the house smelled bad. UGH!

Also she got into a Target bad in my room and ate several chocolate bars! (Didn't even faze her, by the way.)

She's not crated because the boys think that's cruel...but now she's spending a lot of time in the bathroom because I will simply explode if the gifts develop a smell of urine!

(The boys have also asked for another dog for Christmas!)

Anonymous said...

We have a HUGE Doberman who doesn't even have to stand on his hind legs to reach the counter. Riley manages to use his go-go Gadget tongue to get anything left on the first foot of counter or stove top. NOTHING is safe. He once ate 1/2 a quiche that was supposed to go to work with my husband. He has eaten pizza, butter, cake... We now use our microwave as a safe-haven for baked goods and the like. Good luck!