PS. I feel compelled to mention that I had dinner with three friends from high school last night ... the first time the four of us have gotten together at the same time since I moved home. One of them (love ya, Ep!) commented on my pregnancy .... about the same time I downed a pitcher of margaritas and ripped my shirt off to dance nekkid on the table top, I suppose. Kidding. You know I don't drink tequila.
When I said to her, with what must have been a funny look on my face (winded, you know, from the dancing on the table top) that I wasn't pregnant, she said, "I thought you were." And I replied, "No, I was, but I miscarried over Spring Break."
And she said, "But I just read on your blog about the ultrasound, and how it's only one baby .... you typed that, right???"
And that's when it occurred to me that I perhaps haven't done as good a job at reminding all of you that I'm RECAPPING my original surrogate pregnancy, and not telling a current story.
We had a good chuckle about the misunderstanding, and then ordered another pitcher, and then danced nekkid on the table some more. Because there have to be *SOME* perks to not being pregnant, right?
*****************************************************
Things continued to just roll along without any problems. {In my FIRST surrogate pregnancy, back in 2001/2002 time frame!} The amnio results had come back as normal, and confirmed that the baby was a girl. By the time I was 28 weeks along, I had taken all the requisite tests (I am one of the freaks who actually likes the flavor of the orange syrup glucose test ---- tastes just like the orange slush desserts we used to get in elementary school --- yummy!) and we began making some tentative plans regarding the delivery.
My due date was May 7th-ish, and I bought plane tickets for my mom and dad to come to Alabama a few days before and stay with my kids so Blaine could be with me at the hospital whenever the time came to deliver. There was always the chance I could deliver earlier than planned and my parents, or even the baby’s parents, might not be there in time, but Kellen and Kendrie were both ten days past their due dates, so I was hopeful this baby wouldn’t put in a surprise appearance earlier than any of us intended.
My IM and I were still talking on the phone often, and she was busy getting the nursery ready, and shopping for the items the baby would need. Her friends threw her a surprise private shower in a department store, after hours, with the salespeople serving them champagne, which I thought was about the coolest thing ever.
Despite all our excitement, and gratitude that things had gone so well, it’s still an unusual situation to find yourself in. Me, and her. Happy, but in an odd sort of limbo. She confirmed that to me on the phone one day, when she made the comment ….. “It’s just so weird to sit here, waiting for my baby to be born, and there’s nothing I can really do in the meantime. I’m not the one pregnant; I’m not the one in control; and while I’m happy, I can’t help feeling a little frustrated that it’s happening to someone else. That probably doesn’t make any sense to you, but its how I feel. Like I’m just …. Waiting around. An observer.”
I thought for a moment, and then said as gently and respectfully as possible, “I understand precisely how you feel. That’s exactly how I felt when M. was pregnant with Brayden, and I was at the mercy of someone else, and unable to be in charge of what was happening. I knew this marvelous thing was going to happen at the end, but in the meantime, I wasn’t really an active part of it, and I couldn’t help feeling like I was missing out. Yet admitting that felt ungrateful. So I think I understand just what you’re feeling.”
And she paused, and then said, “You’re exactly right …. I never thought of that. Of anyone else involved in this entire process, you know how I’m feeling probably better than anyone.”
And with that, I think our friendship, and level of respect for one another, was cemented.
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10 comments:
So, it's official. Your story is better than any shows I have watched lately. Well, maybe for the exception of Lost, but that is SO much weirder. I have enjoyed reading about the process and emotions that go into surrogacy. It is such an amazing thing that you do and what a great circle of giving you have been able to complete by doing so.
I really enjoy hearing your surrogacy story, Kristie.
I've never heard of anybody having baby shower in a department store...how cool would that be!
I love this story and can't wait to get to the "having the baby" part :)
Cindy
Virginia
I agree with Shannon....this is better than most shows on TV!
Isn't is funny how things have a way of working out as far as why you had problems getting pregnant and had to go through the adoption process. It just made you that much better of a surrogate as you would understand these emotions more than most.
What an amazing journey - we need more people like you in our lives.
Mel
What a fascinating journey- thanks for sharing it.
It's like you all were meant for each other. Because of your struggles, you have to have more insight into what the other couple is going through.
Thanks for continuing to share your story. It's great!
Lenaya
Your ability to communicate in writing all of the emotions that occurred is amazing. I feel them all along with you and the IM.
Department store shower? Very cool! I never knew such a thing existed. I agree with the others that this is way better than tv- maybe after you write your book (cause you have to write a book!) it could be turned into a movie and we can all go to the premiere! haha! They'll have DDP with rabbit pellet ice.
Ok, but seriously, thanks for the window into your experience. It really is a great story and I feel priviledged to be reading it!
At the risk of sounding repetitive, thank you SOOO much for sharing this story! It is enlightening, uplifting, entertaining and lots of other "-ings", too!!
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