Kristie, the drug-addict

Back about a million years ago, when Blaine and I had our very first interview with the counselor, after I initially applied to be a surrogate, one of the questions she asked was, “What type of couple would you NOT want to work with?” She went on to explain that the agency works with all types of Intended Parents ….. same sex couples, couples of different ethnic backgrounds, even single parents. Couples who want a LOT of contact with their surrogate; couples who don’t really want much contact at all. Couples who want to be very involved with the pregnancy; couples who don’t. Couples who want to stay close after the baby is born; couples who don’t. Couples from all over the country; couples from all over the world. Was there any thing at all that was a definite NO for me and Blaine??

I thought about it for a moment, and then replied, “No tree huggers.”

The counselor had never heard that term, so I explained to her what I meant: no “crunchy” people. No couple who wanted me to take pre-natal yoga classes, and get pre-natal massages or acupuncture. No giving birth in a bathtub, or pool of water in my living room, or in my own bed. No chanting or incense or monk music playing in the background during delivery. No bouncing on a delivery ball, no hypno-birthing, no bean-bag birthing chairs, no birthing stools. Basically, I wanted a couple that was medically main-stream. I wanted to give birth in a traditional hospital setting, and most importantly, with drugs on board. Lots and lots of drugs, in fact, if I decided I needed or wanted them. At all. Even for a hangnail.

Now, that’s not to say I think all of those less-conventional birthing methods are inherently bad. But even the first time I was pregnant, and planning to deliver Kellen, the idea of a home birth or water birth was a little out of the realm of “comfortable” for me. Do I think those things work for other people? Of course. Did I think, prior to giving birth to Kellen, that *I* wanted any of them? Not really. And especially not after giving birth twice, and discovering both times, that although I do the pregnancy thing really, really well ---- well, I pretty much suck at the delivering part.

My body doesn’t seem to know how to go into labor spontaneously, and I was ten days past due with both kids. I had to be induced both times (did you know that at so many days past due, your placenta starts to fall apart like a moldy sponge, and you really have no choice but to induce labor for the health of the baby? No? Neither did I. But me and my moldy-sponge placenta learned it both times.) And once induced, I am the tortoise-woman of labor. Entire shift changes can happen in a hospital, while I struggle to dilate even one more centimeter. I hear about women who show up at the hospital already dilated to a ten, and push for ten minutes and out pops a baby. That, no doubt, would be fabulous. But, it’s not me. My body is basically crap at the delivering part.

With Kellen and Kendrie both, I labored for hours, and then pushed for literally HOURS, and then still, no baby. Kellen wound up being a c-section because I had already been at the hospital 28 hours and quite frankly, didn’t have it in me to keep going. I pushed with Kendrie for over two hours before crying Uncle and letting the doctor pull her out with forceps, something that has apparently traumatized her for life.

Whatever. My point, in talking to this counselor, is that while I loved being pregnant, and was very excited about the possibility of being a surrogate …. Not so much with the deliveries. So I needed a couple who understood, and supported, my decision to give birth in a traditional hospital setting, in case another c-section became necessary. And a couple who wouldn’t be disappointed if I used pain relief during my marathon labor session. Because while I say more power to the women who *want*, and are successful, giving birth without drugs, that’s simply not me.

The counselor assured me that the final decision about whether or not to get pain relief during labor was up to me and my doctor; that under no circumstance could a couple dictate drugs or no drugs for a surrogate. Well, ok, I suspected as much, but I wanted to be sure any couple she matched me with not only knew I most likely would want drugs, but that they would be perfectly fine with that decision ahead of time. Other than that, I didn’t really have any deal-breakers. Match me with pretty much anyone, and I’d be happy, so long as they agreed with me that “epidural” was synonymous with “heaven.”