Puppies for Sale

Oh, wait. Not puppies. Children.

So this is how my day went today:

7 am until 8 am: Typical morning insanity routine, as experienced by all mothers everywhere, during which time you try to dress and feed yourself, drag three uncooperative children out of bed, feed kids, make them get dressed, referee argument about who didn't really brush for two minutes, try to fix headband that was just purchased yesterday but which daughter says already won't stay in her hair, make water bottles for everyone, make sure you have cash for the concession stand, pack piano books in car, search for missing cleats how on God’s green earth can they be missing you just wore them yesterday for pete’s sake???

8:30 until noon: Sit in the blazing sun while all three kids are at soccer camp and try to explain to them why m&ms and Dr. Pepper from the concession stand during break time is perhaps not the healthiest choice. And yes, I understand that running for three hours makes your legs tired and your feet hurt but you are young and you will get over it. Leave soccer camp long enough to buy yourself a Diet Dr. Pepper from the nearby Sonic.

Drive kids to Chick-Fil-A for lunch. Specifically ask for one menu item for yourself, only to get half a mile down the road and discover *your* lunch item is incorrect, but the nugget order is perfect, which the children don’t even appreciate because they are too busy fighting over which box belongs to who. Diet Dr. Pepper is only thing that saves lunch for you and makes fighting in car bearable.

1pm until 3 pm: Take kids to see Kung Fu Panda. Misunderstand Kendrie when she asks for a “pack” (meaning kids snack pack) from the concession stand and think she says “Sack” so buy her a sack of popcorn then watch her puff up like a blowfish and pout when she realizes you have bought the wrong thing. Offer to pay for an empty kids pack so you can pour your kid’s popcorn into it (because Lord knows it tastes better in this cardboard bucket as opposed to that cardboard bucket) only for the pimply-faced teenager behind the counter to tell you that an empty kids pack is not available for sale.

3 pm until 4 pm: Drive kids to piano lessons, stopping at Sonic along the way for yet another Diet Dr. Pepper because if your kidneys haven’t begun to shut down yet then there’s still time to pour some Jack Daniels into the cup and just try to make it to the end of the day.

4 pm until 5 pm: Piano lessons, which I am required to sit and observe. (The teacher’s rules.)

5:30 until 8 pm: Attend nephew’s baseball game, allowing children to purchase hot dogs and ice pops for dinner. Then have cousins come over afterwards for brief playdate while Aunt Kelly picks up a few things for 6-yr old nephew who broke his leg last week in a pillow fight.

9 pm: Get into argument with both daughters who don’t want to return to soccer camp in the morning because “their feet hurt and their legs hurt and if they had known they were going to have to RUN so much they would never have agreed to go.” Who would have guessed there would be running involved in soccer camp??? Get into argument with son who announces he is not going to bed but is going to sleep in the recliner so he can watch more TV. When you tell him he *is* going to sleep in his closet bedroom, have him angrily comment about “how come he never gets to do anything HE wants to do?!?!?!”

Pour stiff drink. Inhale. Repeat.