Thursday, June 12, 2008

Puppies for Sale

Oh, wait. Not puppies. Children.

So this is how my day went today:

7 am until 8 am: Typical morning insanity routine, as experienced by all mothers everywhere, during which time you try to dress and feed yourself, drag three uncooperative children out of bed, feed kids, make them get dressed, referee argument about who didn't really brush for two minutes, try to fix headband that was just purchased yesterday but which daughter says already won't stay in her hair, make water bottles for everyone, make sure you have cash for the concession stand, pack piano books in car, search for missing cleats how on God’s green earth can they be missing you just wore them yesterday for pete’s sake???

8:30 until noon: Sit in the blazing sun while all three kids are at soccer camp and try to explain to them why m&ms and Dr. Pepper from the concession stand during break time is perhaps not the healthiest choice. And yes, I understand that running for three hours makes your legs tired and your feet hurt but you are young and you will get over it. Leave soccer camp long enough to buy yourself a Diet Dr. Pepper from the nearby Sonic.

Drive kids to Chick-Fil-A for lunch. Specifically ask for one menu item for yourself, only to get half a mile down the road and discover *your* lunch item is incorrect, but the nugget order is perfect, which the children don’t even appreciate because they are too busy fighting over which box belongs to who. Diet Dr. Pepper is only thing that saves lunch for you and makes fighting in car bearable.

1pm until 3 pm: Take kids to see Kung Fu Panda. Misunderstand Kendrie when she asks for a “pack” (meaning kids snack pack) from the concession stand and think she says “Sack” so buy her a sack of popcorn then watch her puff up like a blowfish and pout when she realizes you have bought the wrong thing. Offer to pay for an empty kids pack so you can pour your kid’s popcorn into it (because Lord knows it tastes better in this cardboard bucket as opposed to that cardboard bucket) only for the pimply-faced teenager behind the counter to tell you that an empty kids pack is not available for sale.

3 pm until 4 pm: Drive kids to piano lessons, stopping at Sonic along the way for yet another Diet Dr. Pepper because if your kidneys haven’t begun to shut down yet then there’s still time to pour some Jack Daniels into the cup and just try to make it to the end of the day.

4 pm until 5 pm: Piano lessons, which I am required to sit and observe. (The teacher’s rules.)

5:30 until 8 pm: Attend nephew’s baseball game, allowing children to purchase hot dogs and ice pops for dinner. Then have cousins come over afterwards for brief playdate while Aunt Kelly picks up a few things for 6-yr old nephew who broke his leg last week in a pillow fight.

9 pm: Get into argument with both daughters who don’t want to return to soccer camp in the morning because “their feet hurt and their legs hurt and if they had known they were going to have to RUN so much they would never have agreed to go.” Who would have guessed there would be running involved in soccer camp??? Get into argument with son who announces he is not going to bed but is going to sleep in the recliner so he can watch more TV. When you tell him he *is* going to sleep in his closet bedroom, have him angrily comment about “how come he never gets to do anything HE wants to do?!?!?!”

Pour stiff drink. Inhale. Repeat.

28 comments:

Grandma J said...

My head hurts.

BTW, when my kids took piano, the teacher didn't want the parents there distracting the students. Go figure LOL

URBAN BLONDE said...

Been there, done that, have a garbage bag full of the t-shirts! LOL Enjoy it, it will be over before you know it.

Blondie

PS I am a Piano Teacher and I only "force" my parents to sit in and listen twice a year.
Once at the Christmas recital and once at year end. (Coming up in 2 weeks!)

Lisa said...

This is why I only have pets...:)

JAB said...

OMG - are you sure you aren't living in my house? with my kids?

Change piano to Karate, change soccer to sports camp and you have my life :)

My favorite part of the day is taking my 6 yr. old to karate. I have to sit silently with my 3 yr. old ( who by the way must sit silently as well) for 45 minutes. My 3 yr. old talks nonstop all day..even in her sleep. Keeping her quiet for that long is impossible :)

Donna said...

Broke his leg during a pillow fight??? Only in my worst nightmares...

Today is our last day of soccer camp, for which I was apparently supposed to arm my children with water guns. I have no functioning water guns. Camp starts at 9 a.m. I do not have time or inclination to visit WalMart before 9 a.m. Why in the world does SOCCER camp involve water guns??

At least I only have two take two children.

For the record, I think your piano teacher blows. If I pay for the lessons, YOU get to watch them play. We haven't even thought about trying to squeeze music lessons in yet among soccer, baseball, basketball and tae kwon do, but it's looming.

Here's to ya mom! (raises glass)

Lane Boyz Mom said...

HELLO LYNETTE...IS THAT YOU??! No, sorry, I thought you were living MY life there for a minute! So sorry that you are living one VERY similar to mine...wish I had words of encouragement for you, but well....I don't.

LOL

Elonda said...

Wow, I am so glad that other people have days like that. LOL

lizinsumner said...

Okay, after reading that, I'm actually GLAD that I have a full-time job. And I thought that MY day was slammed yesterday!

Anonymous said...

Wow! Sounds like my life only replace the soccer with baseball! Just remember....you will miss these days when they are grown (that's what everyone keeps telling ME)!
Sandy in Edison

leeanne said...

Geeeezz Kristie, I'm still laughing!! Ya know, sometimes, I feel a wee bit sad that my kids are all grown up and I sometimes feel a wee bit lonely for all the activity that used to be in my house. Thanks for the reminder. I'm cured!! Hallelujah!! LOL

Rene S said...

Isn't the whole point of summer camps to give parents a little child free time? What kind of camp requires the parents to stay?!?! The last time we did soccer camp in the summer, my son basically had heat stroke and threw up. He didn't want to go back after that! The things we do for love . . .

Sherri said...

I'm with leeann. Everytime I start missing the softball, music lessons, school events, etc. now that my girls are all grown up, I'm going to come here and read about Kristie's life. Mine's not so bad!!

And what the hell?? How DOES someone break a leg in a pillow fight? We must have that story......

Sherri in NC

CAT said...

Hey Kristie,

I agree with the others, it does go by very, very fast so enjoy the pain!!! It will end one day I promise. It is funny when you look back though you don't really think about the chaotic times just mainly the fun times!

I hope the girls survived their sore feet issues and had some fun today and that you got to relax a bit more than yesterday.

Have a great weekend,

Cathy

Anonymous said...

Oh how I feel your pain, sista! When does school start??

Thank God for diet Dr. Pepper (and vanilla vodka!)!

Diane in Cincinnati

Miscellaneous From Missy said...

Wait a minute, broke his leg in a PILLOW FIGHT??? What in the world? Did they insert bricks? Yikes! That must have been one awesome pillow fight!

Mandy McMahan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mandy McMahan said...

I loved this post. I don't know if you remember me but we had lunch at University Village one of the times you and Blaine were in Seattle. I picked you up and we both had our families' numbers on speed dial on our phone in case we discovered the other person was actually crazy. Anyway, I still stop by and check on you frequently and love all of your stories. I loved this post in particular because I just had my first child in January and I look forward to all the activities we'll do in the future. You are such an awesome mom and I only hope to have as much energy as you when I have multiple children with so many activities to manage. Your kids' lives are so full of fun and adventure. Kudos to you, Kristi and thank you for being an inspiration to this new mom! :)

Jeanette in GA said...

Funny your nephew broke his leg in a pillow fight...that's exactly what Will was doing when he broke his thumb last summer! Who knew pillow fighting was such a threat to children every where??
:)

Beth said...

Change the names, a couple of specifics, and change DDP to Diet Coke and God, girl, you're in my head.

When the blank does school start anyway????

Tracey in Calgary said...

This is when I tell them that I can arrange for them to have a new mother.

I am going to go pour myself a drink.

Anonymous said...

OH LAWDY!!! Let the fun summer begin!! Glad I work part-time so I can get away from mine for 6 hrs. a day. I so could not be a stay-at-home mom, their job is way harder than mine :-)
Wendy in Winder, GA

momto2boys said...

Isn't summer time so special...all that bonding and crap :) Survival mode will be kicking in soon. I, on the other hand, am teaching sumemr school and joy beyond joy, I have some of the students I retained in my class. Bet they'll be excited to see me.

lizinsumner said...

Okay, now I'm jealous......you didn't call ME to have lunch with you when you were up here in Seattle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haley said...

Your day sounded like my week of babysitting. Piano sitting? Oh yes. Twice, with a six year old, and a ancient piano teacher with no sense of humor. Flex and hold, flex and hold. Soccer camp and complaining? Had that, too. Welcome to summer.

Anonymous said...

OMG you are living my life! Or am I living yours?

Only 8 weeks until I go back to work, 9 weeks until school starts!

Julie in Madison

Anonymous said...

Too much in one day, that is all!

Sandie said...

Shit! Your day sounds just like mine; the only difference is Diet Coke not DDP.

Ang said...

Wow! You've got me beat! LOL

Have you tried Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper or the cherry chocolate one?? Either one with spiced rum = Yummm!