Saturday, February 09, 2008

It’s All Greek to Me

So our soon-to-be renter came up with a great proposition for us --- if she would supply a dishwasher, and agree to leave it when she moves out, would we be willing to pay to have it installed in the house? Sounded like a no-brainer to us, so I whipped out my cell phone and called my handy-man (why yes, as a matter of fact, I DO have him on speed-dial --- you want to make something of it?)

So Mr. Handy-Man-Boss-Man and Mrs-Probably-Crushes-Beer-Cans-With-Her-Forehead** came over yesterday morning to look at the kitchen and decide how/what/when would be the best way/place to install the dishwasher. Should we take out this cabinet? Take out that cabinet? Put it in the old refrigerator spot? Etc. This was pretty much the conversation that followed, word for word:

Handy-Man-Boss-Man: I think as long as you get an extra-long hose, the drainage will run to that space just fine.

Tough-Girl: Do I need to run a new electric, or just use the existing outlet in the cabinet?

HMBM: Use the outlet in the bottom cabinet and for the top we’ll tack the extension to the underside of the cabinet. Kristie, would you like us to install a shelf a few feet above the dishwasher to hold a microwave?

Kristie: Ooooh, pretty!

HMBM: Just make sure you get a 3/8th valve.

Tough Girl: You think 3/8th? Or 5/8th?

HMBM: I think 3/8th, as long as you get a 3-tap extension cord.

Tough Girl: I’m going to need a splitter for the hot water line.

HMBM: You can just pig-tie the line if that’s easier.

Tough Girl: You think a j-hook would work for the drainage?

HMBM: Oh, yeah, a j-hook will work fine. Remember to cut a hole in the 1/12th wood for the cord from the microwave.

Tough Girl: You want me to secure the 1/12th with 2 by 4 or 1 by 2?

HMBM: Oh, 1 by 2 will be plenty. Just make sure you round the edges and sand it so it looks nice.

Tough Girl: You want me to get a left splash for the wall-side?

HMBM: Yep, that should take care of it. And don’t forget the connector kit with a 3-mip elbow joint. Kristie, what do you think?


Kristie: Ooooh, pretty!

I mean seriously. Do I have ANY idea what they’re talking about? No. Just tell me to whom to write my check and it’s all good. Don’t make me feel like a moron because I don’t know the difference between a three-quarters pig tie and a two by four j hook drainage splitter. Or WHATEVER.

**Ms. Tough Girl and I were chatting before Boss-Man showed up, and she mentioned that she was going to night school to get her IT certification; that she only does this handy-man gig to pay the bills in the meantime. Then she told me that she has her masters degree in psychology, but that private counseling, which she did and she loved, unfortunately doesn’t pay enough unless you have your PhD, which she doesn’t want to get right now.

So, great. She’s handy, technical, in tune with her inner child, probably could analyze MY inner child, and could kick my inner child’s ass in arm wrestling. Geez, I feel like a loser around her.


Anonymous said... she telling you that your handyman pays more than private counseling? GOOD GRIEF-can you ask if he needs another helper?? :-)

Pat in CA

jadine said...

I wish I'd have married your Ms. Tough Girl. (I didn't say that).

And my favorite part of the dialogue was definitely the part about the pig-tie.

I'm sooooooo going to try that out on the kids tomorrow. to find out how to do this thing called "pig-tie"...

Grandma J said...

You are way better than me. I have a work order request in to my SIL to install my paper towel holder. No kidding...those two little screws are stubborn.

The up-side would be his low rates.
one Bud Lite.

M, Ms. R, Mom, Auntie M, Marey said...

I am lost at the IT certificate...?

feefifoto said...

Bill Cosby did a wonderful piece in the 60s called "200 MPH", about buying a sportscar so fast that it scared the living daylights out of him. In the lead-in to his encounter with the car he talks about what he knows about automobiles: "I know that if the car's going 'RRRRRRRRRRRR' and it goes 'brrp', it's broken. And I call up the mechanic and tell him: 'Hello, the car's broken, come and fix it.'... I pull into a gas station and the attendant comes out and says: 'Whattaya want?' and I say: 'Fill'er up!' That's what I know."

Check it out someday. You'll laugh yourself silly.

Anonymous said...

I am proud to admit that I understood MOST of that. :)

Pam Doughty said...

You know, I imagine that Ms. Tough Girl would trade all her (wo)manly knowledge, degrees, etc. for three great kids like yours! I went back and looked at some of the photos over the past year, and no diploma or paycheck could trump those three jewels. So stand tall and look her in the eye, Kristie, and know that, where it really counts, you got the goods!

Hyzymom said...

I want to know if you are taking notes during this conversation, if not how the hell do you remember it all. If I don't write it down I forget everything within about 3 minutes. I just tell everyone it's because my brain is so full of... important stuff. Yea, that's it important stuff. :o)

Rene S said...

I'm impressed you remembered enough of the conversation to document it. You obviously know more than you think. My eyes would have glazed over.