Monday, December 18, 2006

Skin-Tastic

So, I finally had my appointment with dermatology today. Because I have skin cancer. Although my primary care doctor’s office neglected to send over the pathology report on the spot they originally biopsied and diagnosed, the visit was not a total waste of time as today’s doctor found two more suspicious spots, one on my chest and one on my thigh. As much as I hate to admit it, it appears those years spent lying on the tanning bed might have given me more than rosy cheeks and an enviable tan line. The doctor assures me both of these “new” spots can be taken care of, along with the “old” spot, once the report shows up. Not sure what he means by “taken care of”, as every method I can think of for removing a specific part of my body, any part of my body, involves sharp pointy things and pain, two items I try to avoid at all costs.

And, in an example of multi-tasking at its best, he also gave me another steroid prescription for the eczema on my lower legs that the steroids of two weeks ago didn’t clear up, as well as an antibiotic, as it seems I have clawed and scratched my way into a low-grade infection, proven by either the lovely mass of scabby wounds on my shins and calves and ankles, or the bloodstains on the inner legs of my sweatpants, or perhaps both. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn he wrote “leprosy” or even "dry rot" as a diagnosis today. I actually got so into scratching myself this afternoon while stopped at an intersection that I didn’t notice the light turn from red to green until the car behind me honked. That, my friends, is being sidetracked by an itch.

While I was waiting in the doctor’s office today, I picked up brochures on chemical peeling, tumescent liposuction, soft tissue fillers, Restylane aesthetics, botulinum toxin, and laser hair removal. As I was leaving, I put them in my purse and said to the doctor, “I’m going to look these over. Maybe after you make me healthy again, you can make me into a supermodel” to which he replied, “Yes, that’s a good idea” which leads me to believe either he has no sense of humor, or I’m in worse shape than I thought and actually need all of the above.

Best part of today? Waiting approximately 42 seconds in the drive-through lane at Eckerd to pick up my prescriptions. Take THAT, slow-poke Tricare suckahs!!

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kristie, I may be wrong, but your rash sounds a lot like I had, which turned out to be poor circulation. (Boy can I relate to that scratch till it hurts and maybe it will quit itching feeling!) So if the steroid cream doesn't work, you might try compression. It wasn't really bad swelling, either. Just getting older and having several babies can get you! I can't believe I'm old enough to have this problem - weren't my babies just babies? I mostly just read, but I love hearing of your family's exploits, and I keep praying for no relapses, ever. Melinda Kaye - mkbrandt@isp.com (Air Force wife stuck in Houston at NASA)

Elle said...

Kristie, Glad to see you are blogging. You remain hilarious! As for the "skin cancer", hey, if the first lady can have it, then why not you too? Maybe if you're really nice to her, Kendrie will let you in on some Emla stuff to help deal with the sharp pointy things required to remove the "skin cancer". Hang in there, I'm enjoying the reading.

Lisa from Macon (Jay's hope is our common link)

Briana Roehling said...

Ok, now I have to retrain myself. I keep going to Kendrie's caringbridge page and forget about this one. It gave me something to do this SLOW moring at work though - it took a while to catch up and I just rolled laughing at the bowling alley entry (although I take offense at the age and weight limit of the bowling ball that you set - I love flinging an 8 pounder down the lane!). I hope all turns out fine with the skin cancer. I really should have myself checked. And don't worry about being a beginner on blogger. I'm thinking of joining you.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there GF!

Stephanie D. from Lawrenceville, GA

Anonymous said...

Kristie, I love your updates. I started following Kendrie's site a while back and have followed you over here! Maybe you can impart some wisdom here. I also have a blogspot blog, and I have a strip of photos from Flickr across the top like yours; how in hell do you get the photos UNDER your navigation bar? Mine are stuck above it and I can't seem to move them! How did you add music to your site? I'm envious because your site is set up like I wanted mine to be, but can't pull it off! Arrgh!

Kristie said...

Melissa, I visited your website, but can't find an e-mail address for you on there. E-mail me privately (kristieokc@cox.net) and I'll send you information on moving your flickr strip and getting music on the site.

Consider it my Hannakuh gift to you. And I'm not even Jewish. :)

Anonymous said...

Kristie, You are such a hoot of course in a good way...Love, Marci p.s you need a myspace too
mine is http://www.myspace.com/theconnellklan