Skin-Tastic

So, I finally had my appointment with dermatology today. Because I have skin cancer. Although my primary care doctor’s office neglected to send over the pathology report on the spot they originally biopsied and diagnosed, the visit was not a total waste of time as today’s doctor found two more suspicious spots, one on my chest and one on my thigh. As much as I hate to admit it, it appears those years spent lying on the tanning bed might have given me more than rosy cheeks and an enviable tan line. The doctor assures me both of these “new” spots can be taken care of, along with the “old” spot, once the report shows up. Not sure what he means by “taken care of”, as every method I can think of for removing a specific part of my body, any part of my body, involves sharp pointy things and pain, two items I try to avoid at all costs.

And, in an example of multi-tasking at its best, he also gave me another steroid prescription for the eczema on my lower legs that the steroids of two weeks ago didn’t clear up, as well as an antibiotic, as it seems I have clawed and scratched my way into a low-grade infection, proven by either the lovely mass of scabby wounds on my shins and calves and ankles, or the bloodstains on the inner legs of my sweatpants, or perhaps both. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn he wrote “leprosy” or even "dry rot" as a diagnosis today. I actually got so into scratching myself this afternoon while stopped at an intersection that I didn’t notice the light turn from red to green until the car behind me honked. That, my friends, is being sidetracked by an itch.

While I was waiting in the doctor’s office today, I picked up brochures on chemical peeling, tumescent liposuction, soft tissue fillers, Restylane aesthetics, botulinum toxin, and laser hair removal. As I was leaving, I put them in my purse and said to the doctor, “I’m going to look these over. Maybe after you make me healthy again, you can make me into a supermodel” to which he replied, “Yes, that’s a good idea” which leads me to believe either he has no sense of humor, or I’m in worse shape than I thought and actually need all of the above.

Best part of today? Waiting approximately 42 seconds in the drive-through lane at Eckerd to pick up my prescriptions. Take THAT, slow-poke Tricare suckahs!!