The Greatest Gift

Ya’ll. Seriously. I got the greatest gift in the world today, and it was totally by accident.

Blaine and I wanted to take the kids to see Santa Clause 3, but it wasn’t showing at the theater we normally go to by my mom’s house. So we drove across town to the multi-plex inside one of our local malls. The theater is located at the end of the food court, and as we were walking in, getting ready to hand our tickets to the ticket-taker, I noticed the group of people in front of us were walking in holding Sonic cups … there is a Sonic in the food court. And they weren’t being sneaky about it, either, trying to hide the cups in their pockets or inside their coats like some people do with bags of m&ms or milk duds or junior mints not that I would know anything about that (ahem).

No, they were brazenly walking in, cups in hand, sipping from the straws without a care in the world. So I asked the ticket taker, “Excuse me, are we allowed to bring outside drinks into the theater?” and He. Said. YES!!

Oh, my gosh, naturally, straight back to Sonic I went to buy drinks for the entire family. (Hello? A buck-fifty for a drink at Sonic vs. four dollars at the theater? Who wouldn’t buy drinks at Sonic?)

I caught up to Blaine and the kids at the concession stand and passed the drinks out to everyone. I was standing there, waiting for them to finish up with their candy purchase so we could go into the movie, holding my Styrofoam cup filled to the brim with fizzy, carbonated, nectar-of-the-Gods, wonderful Diet Dr. Pepper, just thinking about how fucking fabulous my life is. Really, it’s the day before Christmas, I’m out with my family, my husband bought me two boxes of milk duds, and I get to carry a Diet Dr. Pepper from Sonic into the movie with me. Could my life GET any better?

And right about then, Kellen and Kendrie were fighting over who would get to squirt the butter into the popcorn and they were each trying to wrestle the bag from the other, and they each gave a mighty pull, and promptly dumped three-quarters of the bag on the floor at the exact same moment Kellen hit the button on the butter machine and greasy, slimy butter ran out all over Kendrie’s arm ….. and so I did what any sane parent would do.

Walked away, pretending like I didn’t even know them, and left Blaine to deal with the mess. I had a Diet Dr. Pepper to enjoy.

Seriously. Unless I find Brad Pitt, naked, in my stocking tomorrow morning, I think I’ve pretty much received the best gift of the season. And we’ll be moving back to Oklahoma immediately so I can see every movie ever made at that theater.

Preferably without kids, or their popcorn.