Travel Tip #7

And if you continue in your vain, shallow, organized manner, you might decide in addition to the clicky fake nails, you would like to get your hair styled while on vacation. If you wear your hair straight and {sometimes, unless it's a thousand percent humidity like it has been every day this week in which case I resemble Leo the Frizzy Lion} flat like me, that means getting your hair blown out and flat-ironed by a professional. A concept your husband will find totally bizarre .... "You're going to **pay** someone to blow dry your hair??? If *I* do it, will you give ME twenty bucks???" But you will do it anyway, because you want to look pretty for the humpback whales and bald eagles you will be seeing soon.

And while you are in the salon, getting your hair done, the shocking and depressing realization will come to you ..... that the girl styling your hair, the girl who is not only a high-school graduate but also a cosmetology school graduate, who is telling you about her upcoming vacation with her boyfriend and the house she just bought ..... is your best friend's daughter. Your best friend's TWENTY TWO YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. The guy whose ass you saved in sixth grade, who helped you learn to drive a stick, who double-dated with you, and who taught you how to shotgun a beer in high school. And if HE has a 22 year old daughter?????

That makes you officially old.

So afterwards, you will decide to take the pampering all the way, and treat your OLD skin to some quality skin care products .... or at least a higher-quality than the Clearasil brand cleanser you normally buy at Kroger. So you will find yourself sitting at a Clinique counter, confessing to the counter-girl that you'd really like something to help you obtain that elusive glow that (younger)women with beautiful (younger)skin seem to have.

And she will recommend cleansers, and moisturizers, and refiners, and you will be encouraged.

Then she will bring out an anti-wrinkle creme ...... "just in case you're interested". And then she'll dab on a little under eye gel .... "to help with those bags and dark circles."

And after you get done running her over with your car for daring to suggest such a thing, and then forking over your credit card because my gosh, she's right, I need every one of those products, you will realize ....

I am officially, seriously, depressingly old.

But! My hair looks fabulous! If only I could swoop it all the way over to cover the wrinkles and bags under my eyes, I'd be all set.