Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Pedal to the Max

Universally Well-Known Factoid: You never, ever, ever, forget how to ride a bike. Even a rental bike with a big-butt seat and a big metal basket on the front.



Less Universally Well-Known Factoid: While admiring your pedaling prowess, if you load your basket down with beach towels, new sweatshirts (because I'll be damned if we freeze on that bus on the way back home) flip-flops, the camcorder, goggles, and a bag from the local market with a loaf of bread, a jar of jelly and bananas .... AND you have your camera bag slung across your shoulders with your expensive telephoto lens and external flash inside, you will be so pre-occupied with not biffing it going over any curbs and trashing your camera that you won't even give a second thought to the fact you are riding all over the resort in your bathing suit with your flab bounching and jiggling everywhere. Seriously. Not a thought. Not until you reach your house, safe and sound, camera intact, will the gravity of the situation cross your mind.



Then, you will be mortified to realize the horror and trauma your fat white thighs have unleashed on this innocent seaside community.







18 comments:

D said...

RFLMAO!!!!!! Oh my, what a friggin HILARIOUS song choice!!!! I am guffawing out loud!!!! Thanks for making me really laugh!!!! Who cares what people thought as you were riding around on your bike. I hope you have the opportunity to eat lots of yummy food while you guys are in Florida!

Anonymous said...

LOL! What a great visual you gave me. Sounds like ya'll are having a great time, can't wait to see pictures.

:Mental note: Go pack your swim coverup for retreat!
~Shannon
www.caringbridge.org/tx/ethantf

Anonymous said...

What! No pictures?!?

Dixie in CA

scanmom said...

I fell on my bike about 5 years ago. For some reason, I thought I could handle a bag with 2 single scoops of ice cream while riding. Then came the abrupt 6 inch increase in the height of the sidewalk. I fell. My daughter and her friend thought it was the funniest thing ever. I have a six inch scar on my right forearm, scars on my knee and on my right middle finger. The one I wanted to use to flip off my daughter for laughing at me. But that would be totally inappropriate....

Ellen

www.caringbridge.org/mi/sammijean

joann said...

I am laughing hysterically!!! A universal truth among mothers! Freaking hysterical!!!

And yes- I must agree- where are the pictures????

kim said...

MWAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm right there with the others who think this is freakin' hysterical and who would love to see to pix. Cause I'd love to know if the visual in my mind matches up with the reality! Really...MWAHAHAHAHA! And I know EXACTLY the big-butt bike seat you're talking about. But which no one will see because it's enveloped by a big butt (that's a GENERAL big butt, not a SPECIFIC big butt). But that wire basket all loaded up with Mom stuff? And the camera slug crosswise over the chest (which is the way it is in my visual)? MWAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm also envisioning those big balloon tires and handlebars on the bike?

Bottom line? It's a good thing you have such a beautiferous face and enviable long, luxurious locks to take away attention from the jiggling white thighs!!

I'm laughing so hard I just snorted. Thanks for making my day. YOU JUST SOOOOO ROCK!

MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Tracy said...

As I was reading I thought you were going to say you fell but I am relieved to know that you and all of your stuff made it safe and sound. Although I will tell you, I was shaking my head at the end thinking that it could have been me. Except I would have been at a campsite and people would have seen my lily white thighs and butt pedaling by their RV's. That wouldn't have been pretty!!

Enjoy your trip!!

The Running Girl said...

No picture? Glad you and your camera made it back safely without crashing. Hope you are having a wonderful time.

Renee said...

Please give Blaine the camera next time so we can enjoy the pictures!

Anonymous said...

Dear Kristie,
Well that was a funny entry, but hey, you're not that fat, there are lots of people a lot fatter so why would they be looking at you?!!!
Take care,
Love Angela

Sonya - Cols., GA said...

I agree...HYSTERICALLY funny...I work in an office with 4 other women and I just read this to them and blasted the music...TOO FUNNY!!! They're all laughing now, too. Although the visual I have TOTALLY cracked me up, let Blaine be the "camera keeper" next time so that he can get pictures. I have to say you're a lot braver than I am b/c I would have had a tunic cover-up on with leggings...who cares if I pass out from heat exhaustion. Haha!

Thanks for the laugh...you've made my day! I look forward to your next update.

Anonymous said...

Tammy in Fort Worth, Oh shit, you so fricking crack me up girl, I can really see your white ass thighs peddling as fast as you can, lol!!! I'm sure those people took a double take at you, and probably said, "look its that crazy woman with a blog, she is the best blogger in the whole wide world!! lol Ya, where's our pictures, don't make us come down there and kick your ass! (cuz you know we will for some pictures!) lol!

Anonymous said...

Thanks alot, Kristie. I was going to go bike shopping this week, but after reading that and getting the image in my mind, I think I'll stick to the elliptical in my basement. But then again, like my Grandma told my mom, my mom told me, I tell my daughter, "who do you think is looking at you?"
Sheila in Minnesota

Anonymous said...

I have been following your website for over a year now by link of another cancer patients website. After reading this post, I had to leave a comment. I am LM*O!!!! My preschool kids want to know what's soo funny??? Have fun!
~Jolene, GA~

Anonymous said...

OK...first of all I know that is an exageration. Why...you are not fat, your legs are 10 feet long and I know you and know you have been tanning, so your legs look great. I have to see a picture to make me believe otherwise! Hope you guys are having a great time. Can't wait to hear all about it!

xo Kim and the boys

Kristin in Plano, TX said...

Note to self: Take LOTS of Self-Tanning Lotion to CA this weekend! Pack it in the large bag, so that I don't have to have it searched with my carry-on, because it would be AWFUL to have them confiscate the semi-liquid that I might possibly make into a bomb on my flight! And GOD knows, I have to have a TAN, so that I don't scare the locals in SF with my dimpled LILY WHITE thighs jiggling on the trolleys~!

Thanks for the warning, Kristie!

Kristin :O)

Anonymous said...

Hey Kristie, I am laughing because that white-thighed gal on the bike was me!! Seriously, I did the same thing, complete with a loaded basket and camera on the shoulder, last year. And the year before. Sad, isn't it? You'd think I'd learn. Or at least get a cover-up.

I hope you all are having a great time and can't wait to hear about the whole week. Please "give" Camp Jack squeezies (hugs) from Half Pint.

Love, Julie (aka the Pirate's Mama)

P.S. I'm glad you got the sweatshirt so you won't freeze on the bus trip back. You'll have to trust me though - being cold next to the potty is WAY better than sweltering next to the potty. I'll let you imagine the unpleasantness . . .

Jill said...

Love it. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one to have made that unfortunate mistake.