Friday, April 27, 2007

Lightweight

Thanks very much for all your kind comments and well-wishes for my mom’s recovery. She’s back at our house now and doing much better. I told her if she wanted to extend her stay with us, surely there was a less dramatic way????

My mother is perhaps the biggest lightweight on the planet. It’s a good thing she doesn’t drink, or she’d have permanent brain damage from all the times she most likely would have fallen under the table. Aspirin puts her to sleep --- and sinus medicine? Into a coma. I’m not even overstating it.

I’ve never had kidney stones, so I can’t speak from experience about how much it hurts. But judging by the comments people have left on this site, and the personal stories I’ve been told, and the way my mother was behaving in the emergency room, I assume the pain of trying to pass a kidney stone must be on par with the agony of having hot lava poured through your nostrils. Hot lava mixed with nails and paint thinner. I’ve never seen my mother in that much pain, and I was never so glad in my entire life to see a nurse show up with pain medicine.** I think that even includes the time I almost delivered a 10+ pound baby sunny side up with no epidural.

I know they gave her a lot of stuff … Demerol, Phenergan, Toradol, and a few other things thrown in for good measure. I lost track. In between the whimpering and moaning and rocking on all fours and crying, she kept insisting, over and over, that she either needed to have her appendix cut out, immediately, or she was having a baby. The doctor ordered the meds pretty quickly, either because he could tell her level of pain was high, or because he didn’t want to be around to witness the birth. At one point, I turned to the nurse and asked if it was common for kidney stones to cause delirium, and she said actually, it wasn’t uncommon. My mom is normally a pretty stoic gal, but I guess it really hurts that stinking bad.

Once the meds kicked in, though, and her pain was better controlled, a whole ‘nother problem emerged. The fact that my mother is a complete lightweight and can’t handle her narcotics. She never got mean, or ugly, or nasty. She just completely lost her mind and couldn’t remember a damn thing.

This is the conversation we had, at least (and I am totally NOT exaggerating) a hundred times the other night between the hours of 10pm and 2am:

Betty, looking around the room in confusion: Where are we?

Kristie, patient for the first fifty times but then rolling her eyes a lot after that: We’re in the ER, mom.

B: How did we get here?

K: I drove you in my van.

B: You did? I don’t remember that.

K: Yes I did.

B: Why?

K: It seemed easier than calling an ambulance.

B: But why am I here?

K: Your side was hurting you.

B: It was? I don’t remember that.

{pause}

B: Well how did I get in this room?

K: The {rude, ill-mannered, I-will-punch-him-in-the-neck-if-I-ever-see-him-again} ER tech brought you in a wheelchair.

B: I don’t remember that. I didn’t ride in a wheelchair.

K: Yes you did.

B: Why am I here?

K: They think you have a kidney stone.

B: A kidney stone? I don’t have time for that.

K: Well, we won’t know for sure until we get the results of your cat scan.

B: I had a cat scan?

K: Yes

B: When?

K: About half an hour ago.

B: Where was I?

K: Lying on a table, I assume.

B: No I didn’t.

{Pause for a few seconds while she would gaze around the room.}

B, panicked: Where are the kids?

K: They’re at home with Blaine.

B: What time is it?

K: It’s 11.

B: At NIGHT?!?!?

K: Yes, mom. 11 at night.

B: How long have I been here?

K: About three hours.

B: Three hours?!? Why am I here?

K: They think you have a kidney stone.

B: Well, it's late. You need to go home.

K: I think I’ll stay here for a while. I want to get your test results. {I never had any intention, whatsoever, of leaving her, but couldn’t persuade her to listen to me.}

B: I had a test?

K: Yes, mom, you had a cat scan.

B: When?

K: About {Five minutes later than the last time you asked me} ago.

B: Why?

K: They think you have a kidney stone.

B: I can’t have a kidney stone. Those hurt. I haven’t had any pain.

{pause}

B: Where am I?

I swear, it was like talking to Ten-Second Tom from Fifty First Dates. At first it was bizarre, then it was annoying, then it got funny and I started giggling, at which point she got mad and told me to quit laughing at her. Which, naturally, made me laugh more. Because I’m supportive like that.

She still doesn’t remember going to the hospital, being in the ER, having the cat scan, being moved to a bed, or being in any pain, although she does at least believe me now and doesn’t question me a thousand times about it.

Which leads ME to believe, we should ALL have some of those drugs.

**That’s not exactly true. The night, two years ago, when Kendrie was in the hospital and her bone marrow was recovering from a bad virus, and she was literally screaming in the hospital bed and clutching her legs, and it took every ounce of control I had not to burst into hysterics because I just knew her cancer had returned ……… THAT was the time in my life I was most glad for pain relief medication. But on Wednesday night, my mom ran a close second. Big-giant watermelon-head baby gets pushed to third.

13 comments:

Melissa said...

So glad your mom is feeling better. I never had kidney stones, but had a kidney infection several years ago, and the pain was beyond excruciating. They thought I had stones, but it was just the infection. I actually laid there in agony and fantasized about shooting myself in the head, the pain was so bad. I could actually imagine the cool steel barrel of the gun against my forehead, then the sweet relief of pulling the trigger. And I'm NOT kidding! I wasn't suicidal, the pain was just THAT bad. So I feel for her, and I'm glad she's better!

Anonymous said...

So glad things are sounding better! I hope your Mom is home with all of you soon! Thank you Blaine, you knew what you were doing when you got sick! Still I wish you were done with everything!

Postcard Cindy

Anonymous said...

It sounds like your mom got a healthy dose of Versed....along with the pain killers. I'm glad she's home and I hope she's getting pampered! Tell her there are people out here in cyber-world that are very glad she's feeling better!

Dixie in CA

Anonymous said...

Tammy in Fort Worth..Glad to here your Mom is home, and back to herself, you crack me up girl, laughing at your Mom, while she's out in la la land, how did she keep from slapping the shit out ya?? lol. Dearest Betty, hope you get over all that kidney stuff, its no fun, and try not to kill your daughter, we'd really miss her, she meant well, she did drive you to the hospital, remember? lol

Anonymous said...

So glad to read that your Mom is feeling better. Poor Betty has not had the best year...I am starting to think the lack of luck thing is a McC. thing and you guys are just bringing the poor ol' Escoe part of the family down!:) Hope Blaine is feeling better too. Call when you get a minute and things calm down. Give Betty our love and mention to her she may want to try vacationing at the Warcholik's once in a while. I will do all the food prep. just in case! xo Kim

Kathyy in Alaska said...

Gotta love them pain meds !

Glad to hear she is outta the woods and feeling better.

Been there done this and it is sorta like trying to pass a pineapple out your butt !

Now... tell me you didn't just picture that one !

Kathy (in Alaska)

Ann Marie said...

I am glad things are soundng much better!!!

You should be a little thankful that I found your site AFTER i got off the Vicodin for my accident this winter. I think there were times I left comments to people that went like this..
Oh blah blah blah. Wait.. I posted already today and said blah blah blah didn't I .. so blah blah.. wait I said that a minute ago. Oh.. no I didn't I just thought it..

so you see aren't you LUCKY???
Most of the time the blah blah blah wasnt' even POST related.. it was just what I was thinking at the moment.

Hhhmmm after reading this you might not believe I am actually off the drugs..

Hanging Haed now.

D said...

I'm so glad to read that your mom is feeling better. Only you can make a trip to the er so blasted funny!!! I giggle so much when I come to your site, my family must think I'm kooky. I'm also filled with compassion when I read about the struggles you have endured through your journeys with Blaine and Kendrie. At the risk of sounding super sappy (again!), thanks so much for sharing your story.

P.S. Like others have written, please let Ms. Betty know that your stalkers/fans wish her the best.

Lisa said...

So glad your mum is on the mend! I've been there with the conversations that go round in circles - my late husband had a lumber puncture and didn't remember any of it! Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Staci said...

i cannot believe you delivered that 10+ lb baby with no epidural.. OUCH!!!!!

anyway.. im glad your mom is doing better.. You said in your previous post that it was good you were home since blaine had the flu.. Once again it is proven that everything happens for a reason.. :)

i will keep your mom and blaine in my prayers..

Staci in NJ

Anonymous said...

Dear Kristie,
After a rather depressing day you had me laughing my head off again (at your poor mother's expense!) - thankyou!! The drugs sound like fun, I didn't know pain killers could do that to you. (I've never tried drugs!!)
I hope Betty is better now anyway.
Take care,
Love Angela

Andrea said...

I'm so glad she's doing better! That's got to be very scary, seeing someone usually so stoic writhe in pain. I hope the rest of her recovery is pleasant and uneventful.

Also? Um, I don't mean to tell you what to write about, because it is your blog and all, but I'm curious if you're going to pick back up the fertility/children/surrogacy story again. I was absolutely riveted and I didn't know what the concensus was on continuing the story when you questioned the peeps. I didn't read all 200+ comments (because Lawd that's a lot of comments) to count the votes, but I saw many saying don't stop the story. Is there more you're willing to tell?

And yes, I do think you should write that memoir. You definitely have the voice for it.

Staci said...

i failed to see the word
"almost" in front of delivered a 10+lb baby.. so.. im glad you did it.. hahaha

Staci