I Want My MTV. Er, At Least My Television.

I have to say, I was a little surprised by the people who were so annoyed by my last posting, and felt the need to comment on it. It’s not surprising that I annoyed people ... I can be annoying. Quite annoying. Really, darn annoying. Like that scene in Dumb and Dumber about the most annoying sound in the world, only instead of a sound, it’s just me, talking and typing and talking and typing, about whatever I feel like, with no consideration to others, once again abusing the comma, just entertaining myself, on and on and on, endlessly. Being annoying. I do find it interesting, like my neighbor Amy said, that someone would rather spend their time and energy posting a rude comment, than simply clicking on the red “x”. You know, the red “x” on the monitor. Go ahead, look for it.

No, seriously. Go on. I’m waiting.

Maybe you’ve never noticed --- right up there, in the top right corner.

See it? Right there?

Goooood boy.

It’s not that I don’t welcome comments from people who disagree with me. I have no problem with that ... and in fact, enjoy hearing other people’s opinions. Diversity is what makes the world go ‘round. Well, that, and the sun’s gravitational pull, or something like that. I never really listened in Science class. I just enjoy it more when those opposing opinions come from people who can express them logically and tactfully and intelligently. Thankfully, the vast majority of people who comment on this site are interesting and funny and kind and generous. And I like you, even if we don’t see eye to eye. So even if you disagree with me, please, post away! Just don’t be smarmy. I don’t “do” smarmy, and I don’t like it in others.

Although I find it very curious that the anonymous smarmy ones really think they’re anonymous. Do they not know there is tracking software that allows me to figure out who they are? (Not that I do ... I’m just saying. Maybe I don’t. Then again, maybe I do.)

But, that doesn’t honestly explain my take on the smarmy comments. If your comment is so nasty-hateful-spiteful (and yes, I’ve had a few) that I feel it might be necessary to track and block you, I simply delete your comment. I’m the moderator .... the boss of this little speck on the internet, and guess what? I can delete any comment I want ... nanny nanny boo boo, stick your head in doo doo. And if you post a rude comment and I leave it on the site? It’s because quite frankly, it didn’t offend me that much. So really, it’s a lose-lose situation for people who like to try and stir things up. If you’re mean enough to get noticed, you’re deleted. And if you’re still here, you just weren’t mean enough. Quite honestly, this is way more attention than I intended to give the situation as it is. So let’s drop it, and move on, to my next annoying topic.

Although, wait, one more thing. If you *do* sign in as anonymous because you don’t have a google account, please remember to put your name in the body of the comment. I really love hearing from all of you (yes, yes, even the ones who disagree with me, seriously) and love even more, knowing who’s who.

So, let’s go back to the topic at hand: television. And the fact I don’t watch much of it. Maybe I should clarify. It’s not because I don’t like tv, or there’s not anything on it that intrigues me. Just the opposite. There are a LOT of shows that look interesting to me. It wouldn’t take much more than a Diet Dr. Pepper and a bag of Doritos to turn me into a bona-fide couch potato.

I’ve seen one episode of Gray’s Anatomy. I really liked it. It was the episode, about two years ago, where that one doctor (the Asian chick) was involved with that other one doctor (the brown guy) but only her one friend knew it, and he didn’t know she was pregnant and she fainted while watching that surgery, and then they whisked her into the operating room and realized she had an ectopic pregnancy. And I think in the same episode, if I’m remembering correctly, that one doctor (the gay one ... or is he gay on the show, or in real life? I don't know) was taking care of a patient who had Alzeheimers and thought he was her husband from years ago. And I think maybe her real daughter was the other doctor, the pretty one, who’s having an affair with the McDreamy guy (who, can I just say, I’ve loved since he played in Can’t Buy Me Love .... what girl wouldn’t want to be swept away on that riding lawn mower????) who was married to still yet another doctor. Or something like that.

But the whole thing was very captivating. Honestly.

However, I still don’t think it’s appropriate for my kids to watch (that’s MY opinion, for MY kids. I’m not preaching what is right for YOU and YOUR kids. Just ME and MY kids. Are we clear, Kemosabe?) and since I am pretty much, for the most part, basically, practically, ultimately, the most selfish person on the face of the planet, I don’t want to commit to Gray’s Anatomy or House or Boston Legal or Ugly Betty or any of the other shows that look interesting to me, if that means I have to miss a single minute of them because my kids are in the room. Except maybe for that new show, Something About the Underbelly. I think it premiered tonight. Did anyone watch it? It looks really hysterical. Was it hysterical? I bet it was hysterical. Then again, I'm easily amused.

You should have seen me when I used to be obsessed with Survivor, and the kids would holler from their beds that they needed milk, or could I turn off their nightlight, or put their book back on their bookshelf because their legs are broken and they can’t get out of bed, right at the exact minute I was finding out who was backstabbing who, or who was accusing who of stealing food, or who was secretly aligning with who for the next tribal council. Same thing when I used to watch Ally McBeal. My goodness, I loved that show. But about the time Ally was having some kind of nervous breakdown in the bathroom, or hallucinating about the latest of her boyfriends, one of the kids would wander in and ask what I was watching. And I would have to turn my attention away from the television, to my child, which exasperated me. Quite frankly, I got tired of them interrupting me, and having to mute the show to attend to their desires (impertinent needy children!) and missing key points and plot moments, so I just quit watching. I am lazy, and I got tired. So I quit.

But all this to say, I am not anti-tv, despite what I think I’ve led some of you to believe. I love TV. I am one of those people who could sit in front of it all day and all night and pop bon-bon after bon-bon into my mouth, and never accomplish another thing. And I’ve lived periods of my life just like that. As evidenced by the size of my ass, what with all the bon-bons.

So, let’s review, shall we?

My favorite shows as a kid (no bon bons yet):

Back in *MY* day (Dear Lord, I’ve officially entered “old fartdom” when I say that, haven’t I?) my family used to watch tv together almost every night. I think we had more time to watch television in the evenings, as opposed to the families of today, because my sister and I weren’t involved in a hundred and one activities. We didn’t start band and sports and school activities until junior high. (Yeah, that’s right, I’m so old it wasn’t even called “middle school” back then) My parents weren’t running us to and from games and practices and girl scouts and Awanas and ceramics classes, so we had more time for just hanging out and vegging in front of the tv. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but that’s the way it was for us, back in the 70’s.

Every night was something. We had a routine, and I found great comfort in the dependable schedule of it. I even had a certain spot on the living room floor I laid in every. single. night. On my back, on the right hand side of the tv, with my hands behind my head, and my feet up on the top right corner of the floor-console television. Ahhhhh, that was the life.

Monday night was Little House on the Prairie. At least the good shows, in the early years. Once they adopted that whiny little Albert, and then Nellie opened up her own restaurant, the show pretty much jumped the shark and I was done. But for quite a few years, Little House on the Prairie was the HIGHLIGHT of my Monday nights.

Tuesday nights was Happy Days, and Laverne and Shirley (Schlameel, Schlamazzo, Hassenpepper, Incorporated!) I remember being confused about the relationship between Laverne and Shirley, and Lenny and Squiggy. Did the girls like them, or hate them? And why was their hair so greasy, and their voices so annoying? (Lenny and Squiggy, not Laverne and Shirley, although Laverne’s voice was pretty darn annoying too, now that I think about it.)

Wednesday nights was Charlie’s Angels. I could never quite decide if I wanted to be Farrah Fawcett or Jaclyn Smith. Part of me wanted to be pretty; part of me wanted to be athletic. All I knew for sure was that I didn’t want to be Kate Jackson because she never looked like she was having as much fun as the other two, although she was obviously the smart one and I sort of wanted to be that too. It was a very confusing time for a young girl like myself.

I don’t remember what we watched on Thursdays and Fridays, but Saturday night, that was a biggie. TWO fabulous shows: Love Boat and Fantasy Island. “De plane! De plane!” Really, do I need to say more? Who didn’t love themselves a little Tattoo?

And the week was rounded out on Sunday nights with the Disney movie of the week. Whatever it was, we watched it. I used to love when that little Tinkerbell fairy would fly around the tv screen, dangling glittery magic from her wand, and then *TAP* the screen so “The Magical World of Disney” would show up in gold letters. I vaguely remember lots of Herbie the Love Bug, lots of Benji, and the Apple Dumpling Gang. And I remember that Escape to Witch Mountain scared the crap out of me, probably the reason I don't watch scary movies to this day. By the time The Muppets hit the scene, we were on to Junior High and our own merry-go-round of extra-curricular activities, and we rarely watched tv.

Then high school came, and I was even busier, and hardly ever watched tv. Except for MTV. I could **always** make time to watch MTV, especially the Thriller video from Michael Jackson, which was pretty much magic on the screen. That was back when they actually showed music videos, something the youth of today probably can’t imagine.

Then college during the day and working nights --- no time for tv.

Then work during the day and college at night --- no time for tv.

Then marriage, and work during the day, and lots of The Sex during the night, so no real use for tv.

Then I turned 21, and wow! I can drink legally! Who needs tv when you’ve got nightclubs?!?!?

Then Blaine and I wound up in Minot, North Dakota, where six months out of the year there is snow on the ground and sub-zero temperatures, where you plug your car into a heater so it will start in the morning (I am not even making that up) and you know what? There is not a lot else to do when you’re housebound for six months BUT watch tv. I mean, let’s be honest, even The Sex only takes up so much of your time and you’ve got to find something else to fill up the snow-filled, freezing ass months.

So we got reeeeeeeaaaaaaaalllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyy into television. We were too cheap to pay for HBO or Cinemax, so we watched lots of prime-time and syndication.

We sat down to dinner every night at the coffee table (please tell me all young, childless people do that .... eat in front of the tv on the coffee table?) and watched Married With Children. Not the most high-brow of shows, but that Bundy family just cracked us up.

In fact, that was pretty much “The Era of the Sitcom” as far as Blaine and I were concerned ... we enjoyed lots of them. Cosby Show, Rosanne, Cheers, Wings, Murphy Brown .... and of course, the onset of America’s Funniest Home Videos (back when the videos were actually funny and not staged by people desperate to win ten thousand dollars.)

As we grew older and more mature (ha!) we turned our attention to the one-hour dramas that were coming out.

We LOVED Northern Exposure. Loved everything about it. In fact, last Christmas I bought Blaine Season One as a gift. It came wrapped in a mini blaze-orange puffy coat, which cracked me up. Everything about this show cracked us up.

We also loved Homefront, although sadly, the critics didn’t. Did anyone else watch this? It was a wonderful show, and facilitated the beginning of my lifelong crush on Kyle Chandler. A crush of ginormous proportions, that continues to this day, I must confess.

But our favorite show during those years was thirtysomething. You have no idea how much we loved that show. No idea. We would lay in bed at night, after watching the show, and literally feel sick with worry about Nancy’s ovarian cancer, and whether Michael and Elliot would be able to save their ad agency. Hope used to get on my nerves because she was all whiny, but when Gary was killed in that bicycle accident? Oh, a small part of me died inside that day, as well. LOVED this show! (as an aside, my kids’ current favorite is anything involving “The Naked Brothers Band” and did you know that movie/show is produced by Polly Draper, who played Ellyn on thirtysomething, and she is the real-life mom to Nat and Alex Wolfe? Just a little piece of trivia for you.) When thirtysomething was taken off the air, I wrote my first (and last) piece of gripy mail to ABC for canceling such a fabulous show. Shockingly, they didn't respond.

Then, we moved to OKC, and like the rest of the nation, got caught up in the E.R./Friends/Seinfield phenomenon.

Then after that we started having babies and were too busy changing diapers and wiping strained peas from our brow to watch much tv. Then pretty much, you know the rest of the story .... young children, bedtimes, shows not appropriate, blah blah.

So, rambling aside, for better or worse, THAT is my chronicled tv life for your reading pleasure. Probably not too pleasurable, actually, but great fun for me to reminisce about long-lost shows that I enjoyed. Sooooo, thanks! for reminding me of guilty pleasures, like sitting in front of the tv, watching Allie McBeal and eating chocolate chip cookie dough for dinner.

Which, really, isn’t too different from some of my nights now. Just that now we watch Zoey 101 and Drake and Josh. And maybe a little more Dancing with the Stars, if I can figure out a way to get over my self-righteous indignation at the commercials.

Post a note and let me know what you think about these long-lost favorite tv shows (even if you disagree with me ... remember .... I'm open minded!) and share your shows, too. But don’t you even think about making any kind of smarmy comment about the love of my life, Kyle Chandler, or I will delete your comment and block your IP address so fast your head will spin.

OHMYSTARS!!!!! I just googled Kyle Chandler to make sure I was spelling his name correctly (why yes, of course you can fantasize for years about a celebrity without knowing how to spell his name) and I just discovered he’s had a guest-spot on Gray’s Anatomy this season!!! Why didn’t any of you TELL ME?!?!?!?!?!? I recant, I recant! I’ll be watching Gray’s Anatomy, from now on, starting ........ starting ............ shit, what night of the week is it on??????