Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Three Weeks

Well, it’s been three weeks since the d&c, and four weeks since the miscarriage. I am feeling much better physically and mentally. Blood tests have shown that my hormone levels are *almost* back down to normal, which means I am now only a raging shrew in private, as opposed to publicly, like I was there for a while.

Thanks to all of you for being patient with me while I took a break from the surrogacy story. It felt a little too weird and traitor-y to talk about my experiences, and celebrate the things that went right, in the middle of something going wrong.

Please keep all of us in your thoughts while we await test results that will tell us what our next step is …. And in the meantime, I’ll keep blabbing, which is really what I do best. When I left off, I had met, and been subsequently turned down, by the first set of Intended Parents. Instead of being stopped cold in my desire to be a surrogate, like I feared, the counselor recommended I meet the *other* set of parents … the set I had wanted to meet at the beginning.


You know the drill: up at dawn, fly to Baltimore, rent car, consider vomiting on the way because not only do I have the typical nervousness-blotchy-chest-rash-thing going on, but now I know first-hand the experience of rejection. Geez, Louise, I don’t want to go through that again. I mean, what if it really IS me? What if Blaine’s being in the military will scare off any prospective couples? What if I’m just not meant to be a surrogate? What if I’m doomed to live a surrogate-less life, wandering in the desert for forty years like Moses, and I become a sort of surrogate myth, with other surrogates talking about “that girl named Kristie, you remember her, and how she kept getting rejected by couple after couple until she snapped from the disappointment and simply abandoned mankind and...” …. Ok, wait. I’m getting carried away here. Let’s just meet this second couple and see what happens.

That particular morning, our flight had been delayed, and we were late to the meeting. Ahhhh, nothing like making a good first impression. So we were hurrying, rushing from the parking lot, and dashed up the flight of stairs to the office (this was back about thirty pounds ago, when I could still dash up a flight of stairs.) I made Blaine stop for just a second before we stepped into the conference room because I wanted to take a deep breath and calm myself down. There were some glass blocks between where I was standing and the room, and I glanced through them and saw a girl on the other side, also standing, also taking a deep breath. Funny, through the glass, it almost looked like she was nervous.

We stepped in, all smiles, and shook hands while the social worker made the introductions. I looked closely at them, scrutinizing their faces for any signs of anti-military-ness, and all I saw were open, warm, friendly faces. As I reached out to shake the Intended Mom’s hand, she sort of laughed, and said, “I’m so nervous.” And I had to laugh, because I felt the exact same way.

Then the Intended Father turned to Blaine and rolled his eyes, in that guy-to-guy-women-can’t-live-with-em-can’t-live-without-em way, and said, “She packed two suitcases trying to decide what to wear today.”

CLICK.

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yay! Back to the story. And a CLICK! :)

--Patti in NJ

Grandma J said...

I don't know I was "ok" until CLICK...then the tears came.

I'm so unpredictable that way.

So glad you are feeling better.

Anonymous said...

Glad you are back on track! All I got to say is... tell it your way or the highway.....!!!

And so far I love this couple already!

Anonymous said...

I love them already! Sounds like a match to me. Glad you are writing the story again; our thoughts are with the couple you are now trying to help.
trish

Eloise said...

Awww! I like this couple already too!

Jennifer said...

Glad you're keeping us posted on the old stories and the current one. Somehow, it does seem appropriate not to ignore one or the other. I love the way you ended that entry: "CLICK."!

Stephanie D. said...

WOO HOO - I'm so glad to see more of "the story"..... and I'm laughing out loud! ONLY TWO suitcases..... *grin*

Thanks Kristie and glad you are feeling "more" back to normal... whatever normal really is huh?

:)

Trisha in Leesburg, VA said...

Glad to hear you are feeling better- keeping those prayers going that all turns out well this time! Oh, and so glad to see the story continue... CLICK!

Trisha in Leesburg, VA said...

Glad to hear you are feeling better- keeping those prayers going that all turns out well this time! Oh, and so glad to see the story continue... CLICK!

Anonymous said...

Keeping you all in my thoughts, dear Kristie, and glad to hear you are feeling better.

So happy too to read about the beautiful "Click".

Eva in Brussels, Belgium

Dianna in Louisiana said...

Kristie---- glad to read that you are getting over the hormonal hell that comes with a miscarriage. I can't wait to read the rest of your surrogacy story. Geez, just imagining how awesome it must have been for that future mom to feel the "click" with you gives me goosebumps.

lizinsumner said...

Kristie - so glad you're feeling better. You're in my prayers....

Becca said...

Did you read Newsweek? A cover story about surrogacy and the military! Thought of you...I may be inspired to do this after I'm finished having my own children.

ENNA said...

So glad you're feeling better, and SOO glad you're continuing the story!! Thanks Kristie!

Beth said...

And I ask the question that all your readers wonder -- how could someone *not* click with you? I've never met you and if I wanted more kids (which, no, no, I don't :)), I'd want you to carry him/her/them in a heartbeat!

Here's hoping and praying for both your IPs and you in the coming months.

Anonymous said...

Am I the only idiot that tried to actually click on the CLICK, before I realized what the heck you meant? I'm so stupid.

Jessie in WA

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing. I am so glad you are back on the mend.
Wendy in Winder, GA

Alice said...

I'm so glad you are continuing the story.

Anonymous said...

Glad things are looking up! And also glad you're continuing the story...and that there was that "click"

Lenaya

Anonymous said...

Yeah!!! Thanks for continuing with your story. I can't wait for the next chapter.

I will be continuing to keep you in my prayers for the current issues.

Lisa C.

threehandprints said...

YEAH!! I am teary eyed...

Anonymous said...

Kristie ~ Still thinking positive thoughts for you and your current IPs. I hope you get conclusive answers that will allow you to progress successfully.

I'm so glad that first instinct with this couple was right. It was meant to be. Loving your story. Thanks so much for sharing.

Sheri in CA

Marisa said...

Glad you are feeling better. Prayers for you, your family and the couple you are with now.

Anonymous said...

Duh what a moron I was so wrapped in your story I clicked on "CLICK" I'd love to ask you heaps of questions but I'm sure you will tell all you feel comfortable sharing in your own sweet time Love and prayers to you all, Jim