Saturday, April 05, 2008

Not that. But probably this.

I took a random survey today, sampling a highly scientific demographic of the general population (in other words, I asked my sister) if my hiding the remote control to the fart machine last night at Kellen’s birthday party makes me the worst parent on the planet. Considering she is the one who HANDED me the remote control and told me to hide it, it should come as no surprise that she said no, it did not actually make me the worst parent on the planet.

But you know what does?

The fact that my son invited a friend over for a playdate today, and in the course of their playing, his friend slipped while climbing a fence and wound up with a pretty impressive cut down the side of his torso. I’d say a good six inches long, at least.

And like it’s not bad enough that we borrow a kid and then return them as damaged goods, but can you believe it wasn’t until he was standing in my bathroom, bleeding and wincing, that I realized we had no gauze? No adhesive pads? And that the only tube of Neosporin in the entire house expired in April of 2006?

Thankfully, this boy was a pretty tough egg and didn’t complain. And was willing to make do with hydrogen peroxide, a q-tip, and about eleven mini-bandaids, lined up and down his rib cage.

The poor boy is going to be scarred for life. Figuratively, AND literally. All thanks to me and my sub-par first-aid skills.

When Parenting magazine calls with my Mother of the Year award, I’ll remember all the little people in my acceptance speech, I promise.


Anonymous said...

Aw, Kristie, it's okay. No one ever has what they need at the right time, do they? My daughter has been known to invite people over to dinner on Friday night when I have NO food in the house since I go to the grocery store on Saturdays. Way to make an impression, huh?

Becky, in N. TX said...


Worst parent?? NO WAY. Thanks for proving that a little thought goes a long way.

I work in an ER and you'd be shocked at how many people would have RUSHED that kid in to us.(I've seen ambulances called for less!!!)

But, WORST parent awards go to the ones that bring the kids in with 101+ fevers. And, then when I ask about the kids' last dose of Tylenol or Motrin, they say they didn't give any because they can't afford it. I look down and find they have manicured, sculpted nails and a pack of cigarettes and cell phone. REALLY you can't afford Tylenol/Motrin!!! It's a buck and the dollar store.

THOSE people get WORST parent'll have to win in another category. :)


Anonymous said...

I think I'd better go check my medical supplies. Papa went home with a spiderman band-aid.....

Anonymous said...

I'd better go check my medical supplies!

Unknown said...

That boy is very lucky. He now has a scare to show the girls...and the older he gets the more dramatic the story will get. He should thank you.

Anonymous said...

You can't take my "Worst Parent of the Year" award from me!!My nephew cut his foot one day while in my care. I cleaned it with "BOO-BOO" water (peroxide), applied neosporine, and then realized I had NO band-aids or Gauze!! But I DID have mini-pads and scotch tape!!!To this day he is still called "Lady-pad" by his 14 cousins (and he is 31)!!!!
So, there is no way you are in the running for "WPOTY"!

Unknown said...

SCAR...I meant scar.

Anonymous said...

I think I can beat that one and Debbie's "lady-pad", lol. We took our nephew with us to the beach a few years ago. The boys were jumping waves and he fell. He was complaining that his arm hurt, but didn't want ice put on it. He tends to be dramatic, so I left it at that (after threatening to take him to the ER if he didn't stop whining). Ok, if it didn't need ice, it didn't warrant ER, right? So, we brough him home the next day, still favoring his arm and I told my sister what happened. The next day, she decided to take him to the dr and sure enough, it was fractured. He spend 6 weeks in a cast. Nice souvenir, huh? Bad Auntie!

Sheri in CA

Anonymous said...

Chicks dig scars!

Haley said...

I one time went home from a friend's house with a broken wrist, a severely bruised knee cap, and a cut on the same knee that required 5 stitches. I was definitely damaged goods, but my mom understood my daredevil/clutzy side and didn't fault anyone but gravity. The boy will be showing off his scar for years to come.

You will always be a good parent.

Anonymous said...

Years ago when we were kids my brother fell out of a golf cart while playing a round of golf with my dad. He was crying about his leg hurting, but my dad told him to quit whining and made him finish the round of golf! When they were done, they took him to the hospital and he was in a body cast for the broken leg for a while afterwards! We tease my dad to this day for his wonderful, caring parenting on that occasion! But the 'lady pad' thing kills me, funny as hell!



When the kids were little I always discovered I had no "first aid Kit" when the crisis hit and usually with someone else's little darling being the patient.

It wasn't because I never bought the stuff but usually because my kids thought bandaids were toys. To be stuck on couches, floors, walls, bedsheets anywhere but sores.

Anonymous said...

I should own some stock in band aid since my 4 yr old grand-daughter LOVES them!!!