Vacation Conversations

The plan: Blaine wanted to bring his boat home, and try to get a little Oklahoma duck hunting in while on vacation. Him driving his pickup seemed like a good idea, since it also meant we would have ample space in the bed of the truck for luggage and Christmas presents, in both directions, and, we wouldn’t have to kennel the dog since he could ride with Blaine. But the truck isn’t comfortable for long-term travel for our family of five. So the decision was made that he would drive home, bringing both his boat and what seemed like half the contents of our house, and I would fly each way with the kids.

Day before leaving on vacation to OKC:

Kristie: “I feel bad for you, having to drive fifteen hours by yourself in the truck.”
Blaine: “I feel bad for YOU, having to manage three kids and five bags on two different flights, including a layover, before arriving in OKC nine hours later.”

Day after arriving in OKC on vacation:

Kristie: “You are so lucky that you got to be by yourself those whole fifteen hours and weren’t responsible for anyone but you, and could stop when and where you wanted and didn’t have to take three kids into the bathroom stall with you every time you needed to pee.”
Blaine: “YOU are so lucky that you didn’t have to ride fifteen never-ending, butt-numbing hours in the truck with no-one but a gassy, stinky dog for company.”

Day before leaving OKC to return home:

Kristie: “I’m so jealous of you that you get another fifteen hours of peace and quiet on your drive home tomorrow.”
Blaine: “I’m so jealous of YOU that by the time you arrive home, I will be lucky to be in Birmingham and will most likely have suffocated from the stench of our malodorous farting dog by then.”

In the OKC airport this morning:

Kristie, on cell phone: “Woo-hoo! We got bumped up to first class, all four of us! Who’s the lucky one now?????”
Blaine: “God, you suck”

In the plane on the way from Memphis to Atlanta:

Kristie, in her head: “What are the odds that after being on the FIRST row of first class on the previous plane, we’re now on the BACK row of this plane, which means our seats don’t recline because we are sitting directly in front of the bathrooms, good grief, even Lager doesn’t smell this bad, and the kids are pitching an absolute fit because they want to see out the windows and naturally the windows don’t open in this row because we are sitting next to the engines, which are louder than stampeding cattle, yet still somehow don’t manage to mask the deafening snoring of the man sitting next to me ……….. Blaine so sucks.”