Sunday, January 07, 2007

Seven Days of Gluttony

Many of you recently celebrated the Twelve Days of Christmas; I celebrated the Seven Days of Gluttony. Seven days at the first of the year, in addition to the two weeks of gluttony (and sloth) while we were in Seattle in November, and the two weeks of gluttony (and total laziness) while we were in Oklahoma for the holidays.

How many of you started the New Year with the resolutions to eat healthier and exercise? Come on, admit it, those two resolutions are as much a tradition for most of us as rum balls and egg nog. For the first time in a long time, I did NOT start my New Year making those promises to myself. I knew I had several days left of vacation, so I gave myself the holiday gift of Seven Additional Days, ending tonight.

Two weeks in Seattle? Five pounds.

Two weeks in Oklahoma? Five more pounds.

In case math isn’t your strong suite, that’s ten pounds I’ve put on since school started in August. Not to mention I was overweight then, too. So I guess (deep, pathetic sigh) that I’ll start tomorrow (even more pathetic sigh.)

The song from yesterday’s journal entry, “Baby Got Back”, seems fitting for this journal entry as well. Although, to be truthful, this baby has no back. I ain’t got no buns, hun. Indeed, I have a very flat butt. Pancake flat. With a huge, stretched-out, stomach. If only I could figure out a way to spin my head around and walk backwards, I’d be set, with the fa├žade of rock-hard abs and a J-Lo booty. If only.

I haven’t been to the gym in a month. They’ve called twice, asking if I’m ok. I didn’t answer the phone. To be fair, I wasn’t home and so they left messages on my machine, but still, how embarrassing. I wonder if they’ll believe me when I tell them I couldn’t come exercise because I was trapped under my mother’s four hundred pounds of turtle candies?

Seven. Glorious. Days.

Which end at midnight.

Which is still three hours away.

Excuse me. There’s a pint of Ben & Jerry’s in the freezer with my name all over it and three hours to go. I must be going now.

PS. I answered some of the comments in yesterday's comments section .... how co-dependent is that?!? :)


Kathy said...

Hopefully it's Cherry Garcia and Chocolate. I too have caved in and ate 1/2 of a pie since last night!
Then my husband called from out of town tonight to ask me how I was doing on losing the 10 pounds that I told him I would lose while he was away. Clearly I was either very medicated or talking in my sleep when I may or may not have said that !!! Now...any idea on how I can lose 10 pounds in 3 days?

Anonymous said...

OMG...I couldn't help but laugh when I opened your blog today and heard that song. My children know every word and I had to listen to it in the car today three times for my 5 year old because "I never let him hear the butt song"....

I think your plan is just right...maybe I will start my 7 days tonight....does wine have a point value?

Sally Yost (

van b's said...

Oh how I love you. I feel like the sister in Notting Hill who says to Julia Roberts that you're my best friend, I can just feel it! I know, you're scared now aren't you? Or a little flattered that you have your own personal stalker? Well, not really but I have followed Kendrie's journey and always loved your perspective. I love it more now with a few f bombs thrown in and a shot of amaretto. Thanks for writing. You seriously have a gift. I love that you share it with all us internet friends (or stalkers if that makes you feel more important :)~ )

Jeri from Hawaii said...


I love the idea of giving yourself an extra seven days before giving in to the reality of trying to do the right thing with food and exercise. Sadly, I've got you beat...on our trip to Seattle (which lasted just a little over a week) I somehow managed to gain 7 pounds! Add that to the 5 I gained when we got Wes' cancer diagnosis and I'm 12 pounds up. It's not the number on the scale that I mind nearly as much as the fact I had to buy a bigger size jeans just to be able to zip them.

I got a card from a friend that pretty much sums it up for me...
"The holidays are a time of magic and wonder. I magically gain ten pounds and I wonder what the hell happened!"

Enjoy the Ben & Jerry's

kim said...

I, too, hope it's Cherry Garcia...or New York Super Fudge Chunk...or Phish Food...or Chubby Hubby...or Heath Bar Crunch. Since I have NONE of the above, I'll have to make due with a Strawberry Cheesecake Ice Cream Klondike Bar--next best thing to chocolate-covered strawberries! It's almost, sort of, like eating fruit. Um, yeah. I have made it my new year's goals to elevate sloth and gluttony to an art form. Finally, something I might just follow through on! And, as one of the commenters that you commented back to, I LOVED it--so just keep right on being co-dependent, or whatever else you are. Cause it's funny, and it's unique, and it's you. And did you know people try to copy you? Without succeeding, I might add :)!

Lynne said...

...Where to begin??? Kristie, I have followed Kendrie's website for a long time and now your blog. Seriously, I continue to pray for Kendrie's remission (woohoo!) and healing for Blaine. I also think about Kellen and Brayden - what great kids! May you all be blessed with a year full of fun and good health!!!!!!
...Where to continue??? Your stories on the Caringbridge site and now your blogger comments are to be treasured. I thank you for being a very real person. Oh my goodness, you actually admit to yelling at your kids, playing "inappropriate music", and actually allowing them to eat whatever they want during a non-censured time!!! Go, Kristie!
My 13-year-old daughter walked in while I was listening to/reading your current entry. She thought it was funny but agreed that my almost 10-year-old son didn't need to hear it - "can we say NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT" Baby Get Back!

Sue said...

I love your blog! You have a great gift for making all the frustrating little life events seem funny! As for the weight, well, I threw my scale out before the holidays - I've got too much to lose for a pound or two more to matter. I have threatened to buy a treadmill a dozen times, and my husband always tells me to just get a sweater-drying rack - it's cheaper and would be used the same way as the treadmill. Keep writing! I love reading your posts!

Sue from all-kids

Marci Connell said...

Kriste. How fricking funny are you??? I made the resolution but I am gonna make it happen, yeah right like the big bowl of golden grahams I ate at 10pm lastnight..LOL....but I will let you know how it all goes! When it is ESCOE traveling starting and knocking on others doors...Love, Marci

Anonymous said...

Kristy...I, TOO, have decided enough is enough! I gave myself one week into the new year to glutton myself silly, and when I went to bed last night, I decided I'd had ENOUGH! So...I signed up for Quick Weight Loss today, and took my fat butt back to the gym! Here's to a skinniER future!

Connie F-G said...

Hi Kristie,

I laughed about the butt comment. Danny and I always said we were smart to adopt because a biological child would have had a concave butt because we are both flat butts!

School started today and so my walking partners and I skated around our route. Normally it's 45 minutes but today it took well over an hour. Lots of slippery spots and we had to climb through snowbanks! We've used all our snow days and a storm is headed this way Thursday. At this rate, our kids will be going to school until July 4th instead of being out the week before Memorial weekend!


Cheryl said...

I exercise every Jan 1st, whether I need to or not :)
I may not do it one more day the whole year, but I keep deluding myself, thinking THIS is the year...

I hope all is well, I think of you all often.

Love, Cheryl

jadine said...

Commenting to your commentors? (commenters??)

What a kiss-ass.


Amy from St. Pete said...

You crack me up!! The way you talk I would think your like 500 lbs. I'm sure you will take it back off in no time at all. I'm still waiting for XXX-large to be sexy!?
I started a new weight loss program on Jan. 1st and I've lost 9 lbs. already!! I'm doing it as a fundraiser so I have someone to be accountable too. I usually hate any kind of diet but not this time, I'm losing weight with a purpose. I'm using the book "You On A Diet, The Owners Manual for Waist Management" by Dr. Oz & Dr. Roizen.
Have a great day!!