Friday, August 28, 2009
Lt. Colonel Blaine E. Escoe
(very much still alive, in case the title gave you the wrong idea ....)
I'm not really sure how to write this post without sounding bitter and resentful and angry and hurt --- because those are all adjectives that describe me right now -- and have for a while. (I suppose this is the part where I confess I have been keeping a secret.)
Today is Blaine's last day as an Air Force officer. Last day in the military --- last day active-duty anything.
Not by choice.
He is being forced out -- a non-voluntary medical retirement.
Cancer has fucked us yet again.
And while I'm trying very hard not to bear ill will towards the military, which gave us almost twenty-two wonderful years ............... well, I am, just a bit.
I don't want to type the details today, because in my current emotional state, I would probably spew forth all kinds of ugly talk, and that's really not necessary. Suffice it to say Blaine is devastated, and it is hard for me not to feel ugly about it, on his behalf. There will be no retirement ceremony ... no one from his office has offered to throw a party .... this is not a celebration.
We've known for quite a while, and kept it a secret from almost everyone. Not sure if that was good or not because it gave me more time to stew. More time to focus on how unjust and unnecessary I feel this is ... more time to watch the events unfold, and see him hurt.
I'm hoping when the dust settles and we have our ducks in a row I will have a better attitude about the entire situation.
But for now, I'm going to put on my bitter pants and wallow. At least for a while.
I'm proud of you, honey. Twenty-one years and seven months of military service, without so much as a hiccup on your record, is something to be proud of. You be proud, too, and hold your head up.