Friday, May 08, 2009


Welcome to the first (official) Not Quite edition of "WWBC?" --- or, more affectionately known as, "What Would Barley Chew?" Or, "What Would Brew Chew?" --- the terms are basically synonymous, because as much as these two dogs adore one another and play, play, play all day long, they've also taught each other the bad habit of chewing anything that's not nailed down. Or, as we learned this week, even chewing a few things that ARE nailed down.

Evidence for the week of May 4th:

Scrubber brush for outdoor grill. I can only assume there were some meat drippings or fat particles or *something* on this brush because why else would one of them ingest four inches of wood? I seriously doubt dogs care that much about their fiber intake.

Noteworthy because: The brush was safely placed on top of grill, out of reach. How they got it? Who knows.

American Express card. Duly noted that this is a promotional American Express card, delivered in the junk mail. Not sure if the dogs are trying to make a statement about my spending habits, or just liked it because it was shiny.

Noteworthy because: I open all the mail, and don't recall ever seeing this arrive. Beginning to suspect dogs are going outside, opening mailbox with their little paws, and taking items for themselves.

Various pens and pencils located God only knows around the house. Pens and pencils left ANYWHERE in the house are automatically fair game. Primary culprit: Barley. I can only assume she is stealing pens in an attempt to write her own ransom note, hoping to find a new family, preferably one that can afford a *real* American Express card.

Noteworthy because: Despite losing at least a dozen writing instruments, the human people in this house are still surprised every time it happens.

Shoe. Again. This is like, the fifth pair. Yet do my children think it might be wise to actually put their shoes AWAY when they take them off their feet? No, they do not. So prepare to see lots more shoe photos in future editions of "WWBC?" And prepare also to see the Escoe kids going around town barefoot because if they can't be bothered to put their shoes away at night, then I can't be bothered to buy more.

Noteworthy because: it's not noteworthy at all. They're shoes. They smell like leather and feet -- of course dogs love them.

Scarf. A gift to Brayden, and the one chewed item she is most annoyed about. Especially considering it was hanging from a hook in her locker, exactly where it should be, and apparently the dogs grabbed hold and dragged it out before chewing a hole in it.

Noteworthy because: It's such a fluffy, poofy scarf that I suspect she can still wear it and the hole won't even be noticeable. Also noteworthy because if these dogs are smart enough to grab a scarf, hanging from a hook, then they're smart enough to grab a dishtowel hanging from the refrigerator door, and bring me a Diet Dr. Pepper, right? Let the training begin!

Water jug. First, we took a plastic bowl outside to fill with drinking water for them, and they dragged it out into the yard and chewed it up (photo unavailable). So we bought a stainless steel water bowl, which they also dragged into the yard and dumped out all the water. Worried that they would go the entire day without water if that behavior continued, I bought this one-gallon water jug that you fill, and place upside down in its own bowl, and the water-pressure keeps the bowl full. Or some other scientific-y explanation like that. I filled it, placed it outside, and when I returned half an hour later, this is what I found.

Noteworthy because: I paid $15.99 for this water jug and bowl. They tore it up in less than half an hour. According to my calculations, that provided entertainment to our dogs at the impressive rate of $32.00 per hour, or $768.00 per day. I think next time I'll just by another nyla-bone for ten bucks and be done with it.

And thus ends this week's edition of "WWBC?" Tune in next time to see what other various and sundry household items the dogs have claimed for themselves and chewed into pieces .... we can only hope they chew up the vet bill from the exploratory surgery I have no doubt is in their future.


Anonymous said...

Ha Ha
Dog stories. Jack Daniels got a $5.00 Home Depot bucket that had to be bungee corded to something. Good Luck, Carol
Also mom to Bud and Weiser

Ann from St. Peter MN said...

Oh - I know your pain! We had a cat that liked to pee in shoes. Why? I have no idea, but I DO know that it only happened once to each of my children and thus ended the shoes laying around the house.

Our black lab could not have a water dish outside - she either picked it up and ran around with it or chewed it up. I ended up getting a huge ceramic coffee cup and saucer that was meant to be a planter. Problem solved - it must weigh ten pounds. She can't tip it and it looks kind of cool sitting outside.

RSMDianne said...

We're lucky our dog is not a chew-er, except for the Guitar Hero drumstick he ate. He does, however, know how to open the pull-out drawer that the kitchen trash and recycling bins are in. If we forget to take out the garbage at night, we are greeted with leftovers in the family room.

lizinsumner said...

Now THAT has to be one of the most original, entertaining, and FUNNY blog posts that I've read in a very long time - including Dooce's ramblings! For someone who was recently complaining of boredom and not having anything to blog about, you seem to be doing more than okay!!!!! I don't have a dog and therefore cannot relate 100% - but I certainly have a cat that likes to use the carpet as a scratching post a bit too much, so I do have some sense of understanding. You're on a roll, girl - thanks for the grins! On a totally different note, our very first Sonic in the great pacific northwest still has a several hour waiting line - at this rate, I'll never get to eat there......

Marie said...

A suggestion....try a wash tub....too heavy to lift when full of water. Only problem....wet dogs when you want to let them into the house.

Not saying use this site, but here is an example:

Oh and note the if destroyed, it's a lot less per hour.

Anonymous said...

I can so feel your pain. The worst thing that my dog ate was 18 quarters... I didn't mind losing the $4.50 (I actually got them back), but I did mind the $800 vet bill to remove them from his stomach. I still have the x-ray and the quarters to prove it. I like to tell the story to guests and then I whip out the x-ray and the ziploc bag of quarters.

Jessie in B-Town

karen said...

I am glad I am not alone with chewers...Meg chews everything. Shoes, pens and pencils, balls, baseball bats, any and everything. She takes her food and water bowls. We bought a metal one thinking she won't pick it up.. nope she still does. Lately she picks up her water bowl still with water in it. So you are not alone.

Jennmeeker said...

We had to put our labs metal dog dish in concrete.

Sandra said...

My dog ate a Christmas ball off of the tree one year. I only knew because I saw little green shards stuck in her teeth!

She also ate 1/2 of a pewter rattle. The vet wanted to do an x-ray and I said "Hell, no!" Plan B involved Milk of Magnesia...and many trips outside with her that night.

Anonymous said...

Wow! While this is a huge source of entertainment for us, I can only imagine that it is a very large and ever deepening money pit for you. Ouch!

Have you considered crating them when you are not home or unable to supervise them (night time)? We have 2 dogs (german shepard/lab/rottie mix-Bailey and lab/rottie mix-Dixie) including a puppy and I would lose my sanity if I left them out when we are not home or asleep. Thankfully I work from home so I am available often but being able to sleep and run errands without worrying would could be destroyed next saves my sanity!

Note of aunt has 3 dogs (newfie, husky and pit mix) who have managed to escape, either by chewing their way out of or helping each other, and destroy at least 2 crates...hopefully that wouldn't be the problem. Good luck! In the meantime...I look forward to more additions of WWBC?!

Hennifer said...

I think this post idea is so clever! Especially because of your "noteworthy"s

Love it!

Sorry your dogs are chewers

Amanda said...

Loved this. We recently had to put our puppy (ok she was 14 yrs old) down and miss her terribly. Brings up good memories.

Pam D said...

Wow. It looks as if nothing is safe at your house! You might want to go ahead and take out pet insurance NOW, so that when (not if) the surgeries come up, they aren't quite so expensive. I still remember the time, when I was working for a vet, that a dog was brought in with stomach upset. After the surgery, the owner was presnted with an entire tube sock that the dog had somehow swallowed. ugh.

Rebecca said...

Awesome. I found the following items chewed TODAY: cardboard drink caddy from BK, box for cable modem, box for wireless router, two shoes, two empty plastic bottles, and a pair of shorts. The rawhide bones I spend a fortune on? Right where I left them this morning.

Dogs rock.

Tina S said...

Sorry, but so funny and I feel your pain...Bluebell chewed the back off of a skateboard, destroyed and umbrella in about 30 seconds, and has eaten more rocks than you can imagine.She even ate through her leash at Vance's baseball game while I thought she was just laying there. Socks are like candy if she sees one. Her new thing, well actually she just picked back up from the end of last summer, is grabbing the kids flip-flops off of their feet while they are walking. Her nickname is "chewy-cha-pooey". If you find a miracle cure, please let me know! Maybe we should get our dogs together for some chewing 101! :) The bitter apple spray works pretty well, but who wants to walk around with an industrial size bottle all the time?

Melissa said...

The dog we had as a kid growing up would eat the tinsel off the Christmas tree every year. It was kind of neat to see all these sparkling silver piles she would leave in the yard afterwards.

Donna said...

We had to build a wooden cage for our water bucket and switch to metal dishes WIRED to the fence. Labs! Ours actually consumed an entire top of a large Dogloo.

M said...

My dog only ate one thing of importance....we didn't have a fenced backyard so the kids had to put the dog on his chain out front every morning on their way to school. One particular morning they "forgot." When I got home from work and didn't see the dog I was worried...then he barked from inside and then worried that he had eaten the entire house...but all he had eaten was know Barbie and Skipper's little brother...well his head was in the hall, his arms in the kitchen, his legs in the living room and his torso in the bathroom. 10 years later we still have Todd's head on a pencil!

~*~Snappz~*~ said...

Loved this post.
My housemate has two dogs. One is purebred trouble (!yes, seriously!) has chewed two watches (both mine), a container of Body Butter, her cell phone, her home phone, dvd cases and discs, my MP3 player, a mini broom and shovel, her washing machine hose (resulting in a flooded laundry), numerous magnets off the fridge (just grabs them as he wanders past), a photo frame, several cushion zips, a candle, the wooden board underneath the rabbits cage, a washing basket and too many socks to count ... Just to name a few things.
The other one is just a puppy, but destroyed the pet brush the other day in his first act of chew-struction. We think he might be teething ... Looks like we're in for more fun :-)

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

My dog checked the ribbons off some heels I had but I thought it was unnoticeable so I kept wearing them. A week later my coworkers told me I was completely mistaken.

Sue said...

Our pup likes pencils. I think the girls leave them out on purpose, thinking that no pencils = no homework. In between buying tons of pencils, I spend my time picking up shredded pencil pieces.

Jordyn said...

All I can say is I feel your pain and frustration.

My list of things chewed in my house is very similar to yours.

Glad to know I'm not alone :)

Anonymous said...

hahahaha - great post! My dog chews the throw pillows from the couch as well as her own bed. Dumb dog!

Diane in Cincinnati