Thursday, August 21, 2008

Why I'm not smart enough to be a housewife

So, when we bought this house, the oven/stove came with it. It's this ginormous monstrosity, with six gas burners, a griddle, and double-oven, with a range hood as big as a Buick attached to the wall above. While I certainly have images of me being all Paula-Deen-ish, and whipping up nine-course gourmet meals for my family .... the truth is .... well, I *do* use it. I actually use it a lot, because I like to cook, but I'm no Paula Deen. Or Rachel Ray. Or whoever else from HGTV floats your boat.

Another difference I noticed on this oven, from my last oven, is that because it is gas, there is no digital display or timer letting me know when the oven has finished pre-heating. Not that it's a big deal, really. I just sort of assume it takes about ten minutes to pre-heat an oven. Or I could use my brother-in-laws rule of thumb, which is to turn on the oven, immediately stick in whatever you're cooking, and just add five minute to the total bake time. No-one in his family had died from food poisoning yet, so it must work. But I was a little surprised that a jumbo-mongo-cooking-machine like we inherited didn't even have a display to tell me when it was ready to go.

We moved into this house last November --- last week I noticed there is a light on the front of the oven next to the word "Heating" ... and apparently, the light is on when the oven is pre-heating, and when the light goes off, that means the oven has reached the temperature you need.

Huh. Well, what do you know?

I started to do a post about how I'm not smart enough to work my oven, but figured really, do I want to brag to the Internet about what a moron I am?? (Well, more than I've bragged already?) So I just let it go.

But this week, with Blaine home sick, that means I've been doing his share of the household chores as well. Again, not a big deal, except for our agreement that I cook, he cleans up. I cannot STAND doing dishes or cleaning the kitchen after dinner each night. I'm happy to plan the meals, buy the food, and cook the meals .... but I despise cleaning up afterwards. Thankfully, Blaine doesn't mind cleaning the kitchen, so that's been our arrangement our entire marriage.

The first night he was sick I loaded the dishwasher and ran it. The next evening, Kendrie unloaded the dishwasher (thank goodness school has started up again and so have our chore charts!) and I noticed as she was putting away the glasses that several of them didn't look clean. Then I noticed the pan I had used to brown hamburger meat was DEFINITELY not clean. I *knew* I had run the dishwasher, and filled the soap dispenser up to the brim. What on earth???

I started hollering at Blaine from the kitchen, "What is wrong with this stupid dishwasher??? None of our dishes are clean!" And Blaine, who was lying on the bathroom floor in his "just shoot me and put me out of my misery" fetal position, wondered what terrible thing he must have done in a former life to wind up with a wife so unsympathetic that not only did she not bring him Sprite, not only was she resentful that he was staying home the next day and ruining her first-day-of-school-peace and quiet, but a wife who manages to rant and rave about having to clean the kitchen because he was too sick to do so himself.

This morning, I got ready to re-load the dishwasher. I noticed the soap dispenser was stuck closed, and once again the a-ha lightbulb went on over my head. "Blaine ...." I yelled, still not appreciating his nauseous position on the sofa, "Hey, I figured out what was wrong with the dishwasher and why none of the dishes were clean. Apparently the soap dispenser jammed or something and it didn't open."

And there was a pause from the living room, and then I heard his weak, sick little voice reply .... "The soap dispenser in that dishwasher isn't supposed to open. You're supposed to leave it open every cycle."



Now it makes sense.

So, do you think before long he will realize that sick or no, he needs to get up off the sofa and help out around here before I bring the house down around our heads with my ineptitude???


Anonymous said...

I just have one question: If it is supposed to be left OPEN, then why the hell does it CLOSE at all??? Stupid dishwasher..... I blame the dishwasher.

Dto3 said...

Too darned funny. Glad to know my wife isn't the only one who makes me clean up after she cooks no matter how big of a mess she makes.

Stacia said...

That is so funny!
With the dishwasher. Hmmm. That doesn't sound right to me either that if the soap dispenser closes that it isn't supposed to. Wouldn't all the soap just ooze out during the rinse cycle and such?
For future reference you can just google the type of appliance you are trying to figure out and you can usually find the owner's manual online. See, I'm not really that smart at my home. I just fake it. ;-)

cakeburnette said...

we're just the opposite...Mark LOVES to cook and says it helps him unwind after work, but I hate to cook and frankly, am pretty awful at it. But I love to be left alone in my kitchen while he does the bath/bed routines with the kids.

Stacie from MN said...

I think I'm with you on this one...why would it even have a door to close on the soap if it was supposed to be left open??
I also hate cleaning the kitchen. The arrangement my husband & I have is that I do the laundry, he does the dishes. I do all of the grocery & other supply shopping, he takes care of the outside crap. I works pretty well for us.

I have one question, though, was Kendrie about to put the dirty dishes away in the cupboard, or did she notice, too? That has always been a huge pet peave of mine that when our boys empty the dishwasher, the put everything away, even if it is still dirty. UGH!

Sally said...

I despise doing the dishes as well, but we have the same rule as cooks, the other cleans!! It takes me WAY too long to do the dishes and my husband will usually take over!! He is the one that always blames the dishwasher for the lack of clean dishes (no way it could be user error). He will bitch and moan each time he pulls a glass from the cabinet that is dirty, put it on the counter and eventually RELOAD it in the dishwasher that didn't clean it the first time!!!

Amy said...

This is meant with the most kindness but wow you guys are spoiled! Just kidding, I love my job and chose to do it BUT I do the cooking, cleaning (no dishwasher) and home school my children so there is no 'break' in the day! Hey, I am not saying it is bad, I love it and would not trade it for the world and my hubby helps when he is not working but in general this is my job! It just makes me giggle when you talk about not knowing how to use the dishwasher and chore charts, etc...

I really hope that no one takes offense because this is meant to be fun-loving with friends! We all have the things we do and don't do!

Melissa in Mn said...

That's ok. One year my husband hid my Christmas present in the one spot he knew I wouldn't find it. It was on the dryer. Now, you need to realize that I WAS pregnant with twins and the dryer IS in the basement that has really long, scary, steep stairs. He still thinks it is funny though.

Elizabeth said...

All of my friends think I'm so lucky to have the husband I do. He also does the clean-up (although without so much of the love) while I do the cooking. I'm a SAHM who loves to do the shopping (especially now that the kiddies are back in school) and taking care of the house. It's the scraping of plates and the loading of the dishwasher that I don't do. It's nice to know that there are other Luckies out there!

momto2boys said...

Once, again, another funny post. I agree with the first post... bad bad dishwasher.

Anonymous said...

just need to let you know that I am 36 years old and only one year ago (approx.) did my younger sister ask me what on earth i was doing with the fold top baggie. I'm tucking in the top part that is longer. umm, no. you take the folded part and bring it up and over the single long piece. i swear they never taught us that in home ec. 35 years of this. and I homeschool my kids. what will it be like for them? Tammy in Ohio

Patty, Jasonville, IN said...

Hm. I don't leave my soap dispenser opens during the cycle.

I keep telling my husband that I like to cook but I HATE to clean up. You would think after almost 10years that he would take a hint. ;)