Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Reason #4192 that I’m going straight to Hell in a hand-basket. And what is a hand-basket, anyway?

I love my children more than the grains of sand on the beach, and more than the droplets of water in the ocean. They are my sun, and my moon. I can’t imagine my life without them, and I am thankful every day that they’ve come into my life and fulfilled me as both a parent, and as a person.

They are driving me crazy. School starts tomorrow --- it won’t come quickly enough.

But that’s not why I’m going to Hell. I don’t think I’m that out of the ordinary for admitting that I’m glad school is starting up again. I imagine many of the parents … specifically moms … specifically, STAY AT HOME moms will be doing the Happy Dance in the school parking lot tomorrow morning right along with me.

I feel bad for families with dual-working parents in the summer, especially when the kids are too old for day care, but not old enough to stay by themselves. Lots of families we know have the hassle of trying to figure out what to do to keep their kids happy and busy and safe and entertained in the summer when neither parent is home during the day.

I also feel sorry for stay-at-home moms during the summer --- oh, wait, that would be **ME**. We love our kids, we really do. Personally, my kids and I have had a great summer --- lots of playing and swimming and hanging out and relaxing and getting to stay up extra late. Lots of spending quality time together --- laughing and going to Sonic and having sleepovers and spending time at the lake and making wonderful memories together.

And lots of arguing and bickering and whining and demanding. Lots of them insisting they are bored, then turning up their noses when I suggest activities. Lots of fighting over the computer. The biggest change for me is having them with me 24/7, when I’m used to them being in school. And I’ll admit that I’m more than ready for them to go back to school so I can have just a few hours a day to myself. Not that I’m going to be lying around eating bon-bons, or spending all day at the mall, or doing nothing but reading blogs ….. but simply to get the laundry done without having to make anyone lunch, or pay bills without being asked to referee an argument, or spend an hour of uninterrupted time on the computer, or even two minutes uninterrupted time in the bathroom. And to know it’s no longer my job to keep them happy and busy and safe and entertained every single minute of every single day.

So there. I said it out loud. “I am excited for my kids to start school tomorrow so I can go to Target by myself. So I can spend the day without the television turned to the Disney channel. So I can go out to eat in a grown-up restaurant for lunch. So I can spend a few hours with only myself for company … no tattling, no fussing, no fighting. SO I CAN POTTY IN PEACE.”
There. I admitted it, so sue me. But that’s not why I’m going to Hell.

I’m going to Hell because Blaine woke up yesterday morning with a head cold. Which mutated down his throat and turned into a stomach virus. Which caused him to wake up this morning puking his guts out, and to spend the entire day today lying on the bathroom floor with a pillow and blanket. When we left to go to the Meet and Greet your teacher this afternoon he had made it to the sofa. When we returned, he was back on the bathroom floor.

And when he called his doctor to try and get something for nausea, they told him they couldn’t get him in until tomorrow afternoon. And he said he understood, and would stay home until then.

So, the reason I’m going to Hell is because instead of rushing to his aid, with damp cloths and tepid Sprite and warm blankets and saltine crackers and lots and lots of sympathy, all I could think was, “You mean I’ve been waiting twelve damn weeks for a few measly hours of peace and quiet and you’re telling me you’re planning on staying HOME tomorrow????? Are you kidding me? You need to get better! Go to work! I want the house to myself tomorrow!!”


It’s what’s for dinner.

In Hell.


Anonymous said...

I'll be right there next to you! My daughter left right after graduation to spend the summer in Sweden. She came home last Sunday and I can't wait until she leaves for college in 4 days! Well, she'll be leaving unless I kill her first which may very well happen. I was very excited for her to come home, by the next day, I was ready for her to leave again. Save me a place in hell.
Sheila in MN

Stefunkc said...

So what parking lot are we meeting in tomorrow morning for that dance? I'll be there with bells on.
Thanks for writing about what so many of are feeling. And writing it SO WELL!

Anonymous said...

I helped my son move back to college a few weeks ago, and I must admit that every year that they go to college it gets easier and easier to return them to campus! It's just nice to have some alone time. Now if I could find a school that would take my 5 dogs I'd be one happy camper! Enjoy the day, even if Blaine is home sick. At least there won't be any bickering and fighting. :)

Gayle in AL

Krisha said...

I feel ya sista! I work full time plus volunteer for everything under the sun relating to my kids football/choir/school etc. I am embarassed to admit to calling in "sick" sniff, sniff, cough, cough once in awhile just for a much needed me time. 9 times out of 10 if my husband catches whiff of my idea, he will get this great idea to do the same so we can spend "quality time" together. I don't have the heart to tell him that it defeats the whole purpose of me staying home. Sometimes us girls just need a moment. So don't feel guilty, you are not alone!

Brenda said...

Kristie,I can say for certain that if you really believe you are going to hell, we will meet there and be in good company.I can't count the number of times I've told people that of all the loving empathetic, loving, kind sweet women in the world who are wives and mothers, my husband and my children got stuck with me.  Un-empathetic, un-sympathetic, and sometimes highly intolerant ME.Fortunately, school here started on Monday.  And I'm NOT a stay at home Mom and I already don't entertain my kids 24/7 and I still did the happy dance and played the halleluiah song!

Jeri from Hawaii said...

Don't feel guilty...you're human. In my house I have the 72 hour rule, my husband has exactly 72 hours to either get better or die. By the end of three days I am so sick of his whinning and sniveling that I really don't care which option he chooses as long as I don't have to hear his deep sighs that translate to "there is nothing you can do for me, I just want you to know that I am miserable and I want you to be miserable to." Yep, I'm a cold hearted bitch who will burn in hell for all eternity. But by the end of 3 days with him I don't even care!

Anonymous said...

I think anyone in your shoes feels the same way..I guess I am going to hell too because when my husband stays home sick--and I keep kids from home--remember---it throws a WRENCH in my entire day...I do enough diaper changing I dont need him home whining, griping, wanting attention too...LOL...
Have some bon bons and SONIC tomorrow and you will forget he is home..
Love, Marci

mom25in5 said...


You are cracking me up! I am sooo joining you in hell so you'll have good company. Imagine my dismay (and oh so bad mood) as a stay-at-home mom of 13 years and after my last 2 started full day school, my husband decides he wants to telecommute. Full time.

Yeah, I'm never alone in my house. So I spend lots of time having lunch with friends (aka sleeping in my car in the parking lot of Wal-Mart)!

Hugs, and you're buying the first round.


Alone-again-naturally Mom to;

Bryan-almost 10

Sally said...

You will have lots of company in Hell!!! This is the first year all 3 of our kids are in school and my husband is a stay at home dad....this is his 3rd week of doing the happy dance!!! He felt the same way yesterday when my 11 year old was sick and stayed home...it really cramped his newfound style!!!
For me (the working mom), school means A LOT more work for me....I get the kids up and to the bus or pre-k!! I do secretly enjoy those couple of minutes in the morning that I have some alone time with them!!
Tell the kids good luck tomorrow!!

Renee said...

Hope the kids have a good first day. And I'll see you in hell!

Rene S said...

All I can say is, roflol! I feel your pain. I'm not even all that happy with my kids' school, but boy am I excited about next Tuesday when the kids go back to school! I do hope Blaine feels better very soon and keeps his germs to himself -- no spreading to children who need to be in school.

Anonymous said...

Hope the kids have a great first day. And also hope Blaine keeps the germs to himself. Wished us girls lived closer, we could do breakfast like old times in GA.

Mom on the Run said...

I am with yu 100 percent. We have had a great summer...but the bickering and tattling are at an all-time high. My 5-year-old is super-frustrated with his 9- and 12-year-old sisters. The first part of the summer we had swim team each, so we had a busy schedule each day. August has been awful. The girls are content to stay home and play the wii or read...we do have activities planned each week, as well. My son is going stir crazy with the inactivity. I should take him outside to play, but I am trying to rearrange bedrooms and declutter after a marathon session of painting. I think he will be relieved to start K next week.

As for me I will be alone in my home for the first time in 12.5 years...can you say hooray! I am looking forward to the uninterrupted time to myself. My evenings are taken up with driving to soccer, swimming, and volleyball, so the days will be for ME!

Donna said...

Got a basket big enough for me too? Poor Blaine! Poor you! I totally feel your pain (don't really wanna feel his).

I blew my mommy free time by foolishly grabbing a job with the school district that was thrown at me one month before my younger son started all-day kindergarten. When he was three and his brother was in K, I had dreams of a year of peace when they were both in school. No job for me, just reclaiming some me-time after 6 years as a SAHM. But one of the cars was shooting craps. And the job was at the high school. Two minutes from the grade school. Five minutes from the house. With the same schedule as the grade school. And 12 sick days. And two "personal" days (translation, more sick days when you have a stomach virus and your children have already used YOUR 12 sick days...). All the mommy teachers were bemoaning the fact that we never get to send our kids to school without going ourselves. Is a week before work too much to ask???

Overflowing Brain said...

As a teacher, I cannot blame you for looking forward to these first few weeks. Because the way you look forward to this week? Is the way I look forward to Christmas vacation, Spring Break and Summer vacation.

Enjoy your day. We'll get ours again soon enough.

Marcia said...

First of all, I'm sorry that Blaine feels like crap, and hope that he feels better quickly!! (for his sake and yours!)
I am a WAHM, and I do love having my kids home for the summer. I love the whole lack of routine, the fact that everyone stays up late and sleeps in, the help they give me with the puppy and the almost 3 year old, etc. Still, at this point in our summer, which will be over in 2 weeks, I'm ready for them to go back. I have 5 girls between 12 and 15, and their moods can be a little insane at times!! While I love them dearly and truly do love having them at home with me, I am really looking forward to some time with just the little guy I have for daycare.
That being said, in 3 weeks I'm going to be doing some mega bitching about the school rush and homework!!!

Dto3 said...

Interesting. My wife and I had the same discussion at dinner. We are both working parents and I am so tired of my eldest telling me how bored he is every day. Just for the record, he has spent the sum of 5 total days at home this summer. That may even be stretching it, since at least 4 of those 5 days, he's had friends with him. I can't WAIT for school to start and he realizes what boredom truly is!

Anonymous said...

I could Fedex you the leftover Zofran I have from three weeks ago when I had what Blaine probably has.

Or I could send you my two adorable newborns that I know won't be nearly as cute in the middle of the night.

Or I could just laugh and be immensely thankful that I don't teach anymore. I think I'll do that!

Hang in there....your day is coming soon!


lynne said...

I'm really sorry to hear your husband is so sick. Not much fun when your so ill you have to camp out on the bathroom floor. Done that myself a few times. I hope it's a 24 hour virus that passes though his system quickly.

My mother had me and my sisters well spaced out. 8 years between the first two an 6 and a half between me my middle sister. I think it may have been her way of getting around the bickering. My nephews are more closely spaced and we went through bicker city for years. They grow out of it eventually. Well lets cross fingers for you :)

Sue said...

Lucky! We have to wait another whole week before school starts! Of course, then I have to decide whether to try to clean the whole house, or just have a demolitions expert take care of it for me...

I, too, hate when my husband is home sick. I enjoy my time alone, which is not nearly enough anyway. There's something to be said for being able to do what needs to be done in your own space and in your own time without interruptions.

Missy in FL said...

I'm with you, I'll hold you a spot in line for hell - my husband started working from home this week - on MONDAY, the FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. I had the SAME feeling you have, just wanting to be A.l.o.n.e. for a few hours.

Then, tropical storm Fay caused a cancellation of school yesterday (grrrrr), so I had no sooner gotten them OUT the door, they were right back home again.

But, now, they're all gone. ALLLLLLL GONNNNNE. And I am alone. And it is good.

Anonymous said...

I am singing "Oh Happy Day" as I type - the kids have been at school for 45 minutes and I couldn't be happier!! Now, rest asure, I love them but like you said - 24/7 has its downfall! My youngest doesn't start preschool for 2 weeks so then I will really celebrate! Also, you have my "sympathies" - not only is Blaine home, but sick too!! Nothing is worse then a sick husband!


Mamasita said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who sometimes just needs a few minutes. I work at the girls school so that I can pay for tuition. Then, at night, I coach at their gym - again, to pay for their tuition. So, I am with my kids ALL. THE. TIME. It's not that I don't love them, I do. If I didn't, would I work the hours that I do? Then, poor hubby, wants some alone time in the evenings or weekends and all I want to do is run away for a few hours.

Don't you wish you could clone yourself? It sure would make life easier.

Hope Blaine gets to feeling better!

lizinsumner said...

You're giving Dave Barry a run for his money today in the humor department, girl - maybe you'll get a Pulitzer too! Empathy for dinner in hell....love it. Poor Blaine - I hope he's feeling better. And when he is, could you have him do a guestblog spot on how he feels about Air Force procurement of aerial refueling tankers???!!!! Sore spot up here. At any rate, I'm right there with you on school starting - only, ours doesn't start until Sept. 2, so that gives me another week and a half to argue with the new freshman over getting a hair cut. And answer me this one: HOW THE HELL CAN ANYONE BE BORED when they have a Super Nintendo (that still works!), a PS2, a PS3, a Game Cube (also still works), a Wii, a PSP, a Gameboy, a Nintendo DS, an Ipod Nano, a computer with high-speed internet (well, that's actually mine but he's allowed to use it), a cell phone with unlimited texting, and a 42" plasma TV in the living room with cable with a bazillion channels, including HBO/Starz/Showtime???!!!! We had one TV - B&W, no cable - nine channels. We had land lines and party lines. We had no microwaves, no computers, no video games. We had bicycles and the outdoors, and somehow we managed to entertain ourselves. So, I don't get it - it's like we've genetically "dropped" or lost the ability to produce children that can self-entertain. And now, having read over this post for typing errors, and listening to how I sound, I now feel so OLD and ANCIENT that I'm going into a profound depression...because, on top of being old, I spend too much money on my kid - I wonder how many times I could've vacationed in the Bahamas if I hadn't bought out Best Buy? Oh well - happy FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!!

Lena said...

I think that this is one of your funniest posts! I love the ending. This is the 2nd blog in a row that I have read that talks about people puking their guts out. Hmm, maybe I should wait until later to read any more blogs.

J said...

Hey I'll get there first and will save you a seat.

Don't you just love when men get sick? It's always at the most inconvenient time and always a drama. A co-worker's husband had a colonoscopy yesterday and the drama leading up to his "BIG PROCEDURE" was never-ending. The day of, as she was driving him to his 9 AM appointment, he was whining about how thirsty he was because he had gone ALL DAY without water. She said "you realize that between the miscarriage and all the related fertility tests that this year I've had THREE hospital procedures where I couldn't drink the day of, don't you? Oh that's right, you wouldn't know because I DON'T WHINE." He was kinda like "huh...I don't know how to respond to that..." which was probably the smartest thing he has said in a long time...

Yay for school! We don't start for two more weeks...

Mon said...

I feel your pain!

Julie said...

Be careful what you wish for. I did the dance on Monday when I dropped my little angels off at school on Monday (Kindie and third grade), and proclaimed that it was the hap-happiest day of the year. And then they canceled the next TWO DAYS of school for a *#$@ing tropical storm.
I hear it's headed your way. Welcome to hell.

Lesley said...

I just wanted to say that every year I ask the docs for a script of phenergen suppositories to keep on hand for anyone's nausea/vomiting. It is a godsend! Next time you go to the pediatrician or your doc, make the request:)

heartshapedhedges said...

I feel most sorry for the home-schooling parents. Because in these last few week of summer, when Im barely hanging onto the tiny sliver that is left of my sanity....looking forward to the peace that will happen in 2 weeks....those moms are stuck with the whining and fighting and chaos, ALL YEAR ROUND.

But I imagine they have near-perfect children who all get along, or they are near-perfect moms and dont mind it at all.

Hyzymom said...

I already beat you there - to Hell I mean. Nothing can ruin my day faster than my husband saying, "I'm going to tele-commute tomorrow." Which really means, I'm going to stay home and monopolize the computer and then when I'm taking a "break" I'm going to expect you to entertain me. A-r-r-g-h! Julie

P.S. I really do love my husband... mostly. :o)

Aimee said...

Shall we reserve a block of rooms down there? My younger son came down with strep the second week of school. Yes, I felt horrible for him, and yes, I don't want him to suffer, but I was just as disappointed for myself. I had just been slipping into my routine.

Then, this week, my husband was home sick for two days. Thank goodness for Playstation 2.

Andee said...

I love the ending of this post. Thanks for making me laugh!