Tuesday, August 26, 2008

I am even more out of touch than I realized

One of the many, many, many cool things about middle school, of course, is getting a locker. It's almost as cool as the fact they have vending machines in the school, except for the fact students aren't allowed to use them without teachers permission. The vending machines ... not the lockers. Getting a locker is even cooler this year, because last year at the middle school, sixth graders didn't get lockers. The fact that they get them this year is surprising, and awesome, unless you are my seventh grade nephew, who swears it's the most unfair thing on the planet and *he* had to lug all his crap around last year and why shouldn't this years' sixth graders have to as well???? See, the "I had to walk six miles uphill in both directions to school in the snow with no shoes on" type mentality starts early around here.

Anyway, enough of that.

Brayden was very excited about getting a locker, until she found out they were only half-lockers. And she would have to share with another student. And her locker is located on the bottom, so she practically has to sit on the floor to open it. And when she actually *did* sit on the floor to open it, a dust bunny the size of Kansas flew out at her head, along with some scrap paper and last year's locker recipient's school photo. Did nobody clean these lockers the entire summer? Or since the school was originally built???

Anyway, enough of that.

The promise of wet wipes and some locker accessories made up for the crummy location and dusty condition, and so far, she hasn't been assigned anyone to share it with ... so it's actually big enough to hold her solitary binder. So I thought she would still be happy, until the first day she stormed up to me after school and informed me that "Her locker is JANKED!"

And I said, "You mean dirty?"

And she said, "No, I mean it's JANKED! The lock doesn't work!"

So the first thing I did was walk her back to her locker and show her the correct way to open a lock. Spinnnnnnnn to the right, then back around once to the left, then just a liiiiiiitle back around to the right. Ta-da!!! Lock opens!! (Seriously, hello, bosses of the school? Maybe next year on the first day of school you should consider a remedial class in "locker opening" because I was one of three parents standing there having to teach our kids how to open their "Janked" lockers after school today. Obviously this is not a skill these kids are just born with.)

The next thing I did was inform Brayden that there is no such word as "Janked". To which she promptly replied, "Oh yes there is" and I came back with the snappy retort, "Oh no there's not!"

When I got home I googled the word. Although Brayden is in fact correct, and "Jank" is a word with many meanings, one of which is "messed up" or "not right", do you know what the very first definition listed on Urban Dictionary is?

"To be brutally raped by a 400 lb wild gorilla"

What the heck does that even MEAN??????

Clearly, Brayden is getting a first-rate education in middle school --- specifically, language arts, don't you think?

************************************
Remind me to tell you the story sometime about how my senior year of high school I was completely obsessed with the Soloflex guy, and had dozens of bumper stickers and ads and photos of him and his amazing upper body slapped all over the inside of my locker, so that every day when I opened my locker between classes I pretty much just stood there and drooled over the pecs on that guy. And how on the last day of school, as all the seniors were getting excited for graduation that night, I got called to the office and told I wouldn't receive a diploma until all those stickers were removed. And so on the afternoon of the last day of school, while everyone else was doing whatever it is semi-nostalgic seniors DO, I spent my quality time with a straight-edge razor, cleaning out my locker. Man, that sucked.

In fact, had I had the stellar vocabulary at that time that Brayden has now, I'm pretty sure I would have said the whole thing was "Janked."

28 comments:

Melissa said...

You know I had to google this for myself, right?

Daisy Duke said...

The only people I knew (from college) who used the word "janked" were from Oklahoma...so maybe it is a location kind of thing??

Bonita Hall Az said...

Wow the kids there still get lockers? No lockers here in middle school or high school as they have been deemed a danger that can house weapons, pipe bombs, etc. They are also a maintanence problem so the kids here get a set of books for home and they have a set in their classroom. Other than that they have backpacks. This is in a very good school district with middle to upper middle class neighborhoods.

Melissa said...

I'm totally going to start using the word 'janked' every opportunity I get.

Anonymous said...

I am hoping that Brayden doesn't have to share a locker. My son had to when he was in 6th grade, and his locker-mate, was kind enough to bring headlice to school and share them. (He put his hat on top of my sons coat.) It still makes my head itch just to think about it!!!

Sue said...

We went to 6th grade orientation last night for my daughter. We practiced remedial locker opening 10+ times. Riiiiiiiight, now leeeeeft, now a little to the right, careful, don't pass the line! Then we walked her entire class schedule with all of its variations (chorus day, orchestra day, life skills day, applied tech day). I imagine she'll forget how to work the locker before tomorrow morning, when school starts. Of course, I'll be doing the happy dance!

Connie C said...

Oh Kristie,
Thank you, thank you for the good belly laugh! It's been a rough ride here in the Copley house and I am so thankful that I can come here and feel better! Sara (7th grade) in unfortunate enough this year to also have a bottom locker that was 'janked' too for a week or so! Tell Brayden to watch her little punkin' head because her buddies with top lockers will frequently drop books down upon her. Tell her to always carefully look up before she stands too so she doesn't whack her head on an open door.

Janked-ha- that's a funny word. I hope the people I say it in front of don't read the urban dictionary!!

Mama Bear said...

Wow - in our school we have a bunch of locks that get handed out to the 4th graders - to teach them how to open a lock. Then they are slowly introduced through gym class. By the time they get to 6th grade and hallway lockers, they've got the skill down pat.

Ali said...

Locker vocabulary is new to me this year, too. If Brayden is having trouble opening her janked locker, perhaps she needs an upper classman to rig it for her. That is my 7th grade daughter's plan.

Apparently a rigged locker is one that doesn't actually need to be opened with the combination.
Ali

URBAN BLONDE said...

When my daughter was in junior high (here that's grades 7,8, 9) she was part of the largest grade 7 group they ever had. This required them to triple up on lockers which she absolutely hated. Parents protested etc, nothing changed, school board said there was no room for more lockers.

Flash forward 10 years later the school is now becoming a middle school/jr high combined (grades 5-9). Just yesterday as I drove by I saw a semi full of lockers being delivered. Amazing how they found some room.

Donna said...

While I do believe our 6th graders had lockers, that apparently does not ensure a smooth transition for 7th graders! My room is on the junior high hallway (we have a combined jr/sr high), and the first week two of the jh teachers were on patrol with the locks that go in the middle of their combo lock to let frustrated students get to class on time. Followed I am sure, but a lesson in proper spin technique.

Hadn't heard janked yet, thanks for saving me from sure embarassment! :0)

Pam Doughty said...

Poor Brayden... I have some awful memories of lockers from junior high and high school. I STILL have nightmares sometimes of having to change classes, and I can't find my locker, or can't get it open. Meanwhile, thanks for the heads-up on "janked". It's one of those words that rolls off the tongue, but now that I know what it REALLY means, I think the mental image will keep me from using it. TMI.... !

Cindi said...

I can see it now...Brayden is going to be a writer. She's already laying the groundwork. I bet all of your readers find a way to work "janked" into a conversation tomorrow!

renee said...

Never heard of janked either. I guess they didn't have goop off back in the day, did they? I remember my mom having to teach me how to use the "master lock" -- we had to provide our own locks.

katy said...

If you had a straight edge razor in school now you would graduate from High school straight to prison..
My daughters first locker in Jr. high was infested with ants from the boy who kept an open can of mountain dew in his locker above hers.

(fairy) Godmother said...

I heart(ed) the Soloflex guy too!!!!

Trish said...

shared lockers sound awful! we were lucky enough to actually have some left over so no one had to share unless you wanted to (friends sometimes did). I had a top locker, but the reader who mentioned falling books is right- I know I dropped a few myself!

The Running Girl said...

Welcome to middle school. Madison got a locker last year, but they could only go to it before school or after school, so I didn't see a point. I guess the school didn't either, because this year they didn't get lockers. They do, however, get an extra set of books to bring home and one set gets left in their class, so they don't have to haul books around all day.

Haley said...

Wahoo, Lockers! I get to assign 27 of those before 8:00 tomorrow morning! But we do have extended homeroom to practice and repractice our opening skills. Should be good times.

I had to test each locker myself earlier this week to make sure none were janked. I am totally adding that word to my vocab.

Good luck with the rest of Brayden's middle school experiences!

Gin said...

I totally agree about the locker issue! My son started middle school and we went rounds about his stupid lock and his inability to work it. They had to buy their own, so I eventually just bought him a different, easier kind! Geez.

Also, my friends and I were so in love with that soloflex guy too! We would sit in bed and watch the hour long infomercial...or was it longer? All I know is we were glued to that TV while he was on.

Anonymous said...

So glad to read that someone else has 'locker nightmares' like I do! And I don't even remember having locker problems, but I will occassionally have a nightmare where I have just absolutely forgotten my combination! That is too funny! That's how many years later??? 22? Geez...our minds are weird!
Patricia, Garden City, GA

lynne said...

Sigh, oh the coolness of American High School's. One other thing I didn't have while inching my way through the UK's comprehensive school system school was a locker. We had to lug books, folders, gym kit, cookery suppplies, coats all over the school with us.

Now I am a teacher at a college I have the key to my very own double wide tin locker.Heh heh, mine all mine.

Trish said...

There isn't a comment link for your newer post, so I am putting it here- Have a nice mini-blogging vacation! :)

Anonymous said...

I know you're not accepting comments on your AWOL post, so I wanted to leave one here and say do what you need to do to have some time for YOU and know that we'll miss you while you're having a hiatus. Looking forward (and checking your blog daily) to when you're back.

Claire in Indiana

Anonymous said...

Pretty sneaky...no link on the most recent post....:( Enjoy your compucation.

lizinsumner said...

Oh great, I get back from the Oregon coast and you "leave" the building! Phooey! Also, have never, EVER heard the word JANKED before.....and, I read a lot, too. Don't think Jane Austin ever used the word JANKED.......

leeanne said...

Enjoy your time away. We'll miss you. Oh, and I've never heard of "janked" and we're from Nebraska where that type of word is more common than you think. I guess I'll have to ask my kids if they ever heard of it when they were in school.

Lindsay said...

De-lurking to say that we're missing your stories!! You bring sunshine into our lives. Hope all is well with you and your family :)