Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Too bad you can't really SHOOT someone with your camera

So, last night's photography class was over lighting, both natural and artificial. The teacher wanted to demonstrate how a fill flash could help with photos taken outside in harsh daylight, and help soften the glare of shadows. So we all grabbed our cameras and schlepped outside the school, ready to buddy-up and practice taking pictures of one another in both shade and backlit conditions.

My partner was a girl in the class that I don't know ... of course, I don't know *any* of the people in the class, so that's not really saying anything. As we headed to a sunny patch of the parking lot to take pictures of one another, she pointed to my stomach and asked when I was due.

Now, I know I've alluded to the fact I've been dieting this summer, and while no one is confusing me for an anorexic or anything, I *have* managed to lose fifteen pounds since school let out. In fact, I was wearing a pair of jeans last night that I haven't been able to squeeze into in quite a while, and at the risk of sounding vain, thought I was looking better than I had in a long time. So for her to not only insinuate that I'm fat enough to be pregnant, but actually ask me out loud "when was I due" was a bit of a blow to my self-esteem, to be sure.

I tilted my head to the side and simply said, "Pardon?" .... at which point she realized her error and began backtracking ... "Um, are you .... I mean, you're not .... are you pregnant?" I simply replied, "No, just fat." And we took our photos without speaking much to one another after that .... the awkward silence punctuated by the clicking of our lenses.

The teacher, upon returning to the classroom, remarked what trouble I seem to have had properly using the fill flash, or was my external flash low on batteries??? as the shadows on my partner's face were very harsh, and not softened at all, and made her look much older than she really is.

Hmmmm. Coincidence? I think not.


Grandma J said...

I think you have mastered capturing the essence of your subjects! I'd give you an A

Dianna Lavidalie said...

You crack me up Kristie!!!!! Congrats on the weight loss. I've learned never to ask about pregnancy.....not if someone is pregnant, not when someone will be having their next kid, nada! I swear next time someone asks me when my husband and I will be giving our daughter a brother or sister (we've been trying for YEARS), I'll punch them out.

me too! said...

No kidding, someone did this to me just 2 days ago. I was rushing into my daughter's daycare to pick her up, and another mother that I "sort of" know, got all excited and said "oh, are you..?" while pointing at my stomach. I wasn't even nice to her. I gave her a sharp "NO!" and then she started the backtracking..."Well, its a really cute shirt, but... I mean.."

The shirt had an empire waist, but it was fitted, not flowy or long, and it was a size 6 darnit! I mean, I know I've gained a few pounds lately and that the 6 isn't exactly loose but I don't look preggars!

If I only I could have taken pictures making her look old and, preferably, fatter than she is!

Anyway, I feel your pain sister! They can both stick it!

Jacqueline said...

LOL...rock on, Kristie!

Stacie from MN said...

OMG - some poeple!!! You never ask someone about that unless they bring it up. If a woman is pregnant, and showing,she would let you know how many days, probaly how many seconds she has left.

I really have a hard time believing you really look pregnant, anyway. You've had several pictures o yourself on this blog & I never thought you looked pregnant.

Stacia said...

I love how you just say it like it is Kristie!
You have an awesome blog and I enjoy the way you write.

Lane said...

I'm one of those ghost readers, but I have emailed you once before professing my undying love for you.
Oh yeah - and don't worry...a few days ago, this guy I didn't know was looking at a picture of me on my camera and he goes "Is that your mom?" No dude, I'm freaking 24 ... NOT 54! Asshole! Does this instant message convo freak you out?

Laney says:
I was really far behind. I had to catch up on Kristie and Matt

Danette says: kristie's post today

Laney says:
ohhhh, i haven't read that yet. what was it?

Danette says:
her photography class

Laney says:
she just posted it then

Laney says:
oh that is hysterical!

Danette says:
she is so freakin funny

Laney says:
i know, i love her

Laney says:
i want to meet her sooo bad. maybe have sonic. let's make a roadtrip

Danette says:

Laney says:
it could be a day trip

Danette says:
drive to OK for lunch at sonic!!!
maybe she will buy with her gift cards

Laney says:
a pic op and drive home...and i want to see kellen's closet room

Danette says:
don't even know where she is in OK???

Laney says:
near OKC. what's their last name again?

Laney says:

Danette says:

Laney says:
no, not escrow idiot

KRISTIE - We just really really want to be your friend. Can you PLEASE move to Texas?

Melissa said...

This, my dear, is what we call a karma rebate! Rock on with your bad self!


What a bitch! Obviously you were able to completely capture the "real her" on film! I see Grandma J's A and raise you to an A+!

hydrogeek said...

Sometimes karma is not only a bitch, she is a swift bitch, huh?

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on your weight loss. I hope you told the teacher that you captured exactly as you see her, OLD! To bad you can't capture stupid on camera.

DivaDunn said... i just happened to be talking to this plastic surgeon...who just happened to mention the effects of pregnancy on abdominal muscles...and apparently that abdonimal wall separates like cracking open a turkey at the breasts and without surgical intervention will never be the same...alas. Your uterus may return to normal but those muscles are now several inches apart and stretched out like too small shoes.'s the catcher...the thinner you get - the more pregnant you may look because there's no fat to fill in around the separated muscles. (I have a friend who wears a size TWO and gets asked when she's due at least once a week.)

Not that YOU looked know what I mean!

ANYWAY...what kind of a**hole doesn't know NOT to bring up pregnancy unless the lady in question says it first...

Probably someone who might be pricing botox today!

Cindi said...

Oh man...I'm laughing hysterically here. NO ONE thinks that it was coincidence that your pictures of the young thing weren't fabulous, hahaha. I probably would have chopped her head off of all the pictures and just dealt with the wrath of the instructor.

And, most importantly, congratulations on the weight loss! That's fantastic!

Anonymous said...

I recently attended the funeral of my friends dad. I saw a classmate and her sisiter there that I had not run into in a very long time. I poked the belly of the sister and asked "when is this for". She shot a dirty look and said I am not pregnant. I felt awful and she was very angry. In my defense she was wearing one of those shirts that buttons and the chest and then flares out!! I still felt awful.

Anonymous said...

Pay back is Hell!!! Go Kristie!!!

Meg from Ga

Amy said...

I had a meeting w/someone today who said, "I thought I'd tell you that I'm 4 months pregnant so you weren't sitting there trying to figure out if I'm pregnant or just fat." To which I replied, "So I might as well save you some time too and let you know that I'm just fat!" Better to own it than be accused of it :)

Mama Bear said...

Maybe you should photoshop some wrinkles and age spots on her as well!

Anonymous said...

Never ask a woman when she is due, does she know what she's having or anything remotely to do with being pregnant, unless:

1) You know her well and have been informed that she is indeed pregnant, or

2) You can see the baby's head crowning.

You know, just to be safe.

Cathy in MI said...

The recent styles in tops make us look pregnant when we are not also. I am just waiting for someone to ask me, I look more pregnant now than when I was 5 months pg with 3rd child in 1999. sigh.

Keep up the good work!

Jacquie said...

Only the young and childless can be that stupid.

Crhis M. said... just made me spit out my drink! :)

Natalie said...

hahahahahahahaha! Laughing out loud at that one! Not, of course, that she asked if you were pregnant, but that you made her look old. Most excellent!

If it makes you feel any better, every time I try to wear any of the "fashion" tops these days, Eamonn informs me I look pregnant. Oh well. I guess I'll just be forever frumpy and chubby.

Pam Doughty said...

STILL laughing today after reading this yesterday! (has anyone ever ridden by those "for expecting moms" parking spots at Kroger and thought "I could pull that off.."? just wonderin'...cause I have but have never done it. Maybe because I'm almost 50 and would probably get mobbed by folks who thought I was one of those famous surrogate grandmas or something.)
I did have a crazy thought... what if that sweet young lady went home and had a friend ask her about her session.. .and when she started telling the story, the friend asked the name of the not-pregnant and very talented photographer... and she replied, "Um, Kristie... I don't know... Escrow? something like that." And the friend shrieked and said "I know who she is... she writes the funniest blog.. here, LOOK!" And she pulls out her laptop, and clicks on your link (because, of course, you're one of her favorites), and lo and behold, this post comes up. Gulp...
Hey, young and loose-lipped girl, IF you're reading this... Kristie told me she was so upset by your remarks that she actually went to a plastic surgeon to price tummy tucks. He told her she didn't need one, but she noticed a sign that said face lifts are half off this week! I bet Kristie will give you his number....

ClarkFamily said...

OMG Kristy ... I keep reading your local newspapers police blotter to see if you've been arrested for assaultor murder because goodness knows that's where I would be and I AM pregnant ... in fact I recently bought a T-shirt that says 'Pregnant NOT Fat' ... maybe I should buy the other version too 'Fat NOT Pregnant' - or better yet ... 'Fat AND Pregnant' ... I can not believe the balls of someone to ask that ... well I hope you recovered and congrats on the 15 pounds! ANd as always thanks for your blog - I can relate to so much!

Rebekah Clark

Danielle said...

She totally deserved to be shot. Sure hope you don't have to partner up with her again!

Anonymous said...

So sorry. I'd be mad at the lady if she intentionally tried to insult you, but I'm sure she felt completely awkward. Here's a good comeback, though: "No, I'm not pregnant. At least not right now. I've just given up having a flat belly in order to carry babies for others who can't."

And by the way, I'm so jealous of your weight loss. Keep it up. Fifteen pounds is great!

Claire in Indiana

Sandie in MN said...

Thinking someone is pregnant and they are not is one of my serious fears.. I have no basis for it, but honestly, I think about it way too much!

As for asking someone about being pregnant (and their not!), I am so horrified of making that mistake with someone, that seriously, I will not acknowledge it even if the baby is about to drop out. No. She must mention it first. Very obviously! Like saying "I am due to give birth to this baby inside me in 5 days". Then I will exclaim "Oh! I hardly noticed! Congratulations!"

And only then!

Eloise said...

Congrats on the weight loss!

I hope you get a new photography partner - one with some manners and tact.

You rock!

Anonymous said...

I can really relate to you on this one! I teach 4 year-olds ond one day one of my "SWEET LITTLE ANGELS" poked me in my tummy and said "Ms. Debbie, you know what you look like?" And me thinking, 'I know where he's going with this' I am gonna "one up a four year old", said "What, do I look like I'm gonna have a baby?" Sweet little Angel said "No, you look like you REALLY like to eat!, plus you're tooooo old to have a baby!!!!"
This from a FOUR YEAR OLD!!!!
By the way, I still think you and I were twins, switched at birth!

Anonymous said...

** should have been: Separated at birth

Anonymous said...

Aw, man. Just three hours after I posted a reply our son's friend insisted that I must be pregnant because I keep talking about needing to lose weight, because I just went to the doctor, because I'm craving fruit, and because I have a pimple on my chin. Don't *I* feel pretty!!!!!!!!

Claire in Indiana

Twenty Four At Heart said...

Wow! I am not w/blogger and I've never had anyone have a problem getting to my site (no privacy settings!). My apologies for whatever happened??

I'm giving away a $50 American Express gift card that the winner can use on anything they want. If you don't come by for the contest, I hope you'll try stopping by sometime again! That is the weirdest thing? I wonder what happened?

The site is:

Patty House, Jasonville, IN said...

ouch. I had a guy at work ask me that. Grace (my youngest) was at least 3 and I have not even been close to being pregnant since. Turns out, someone else had told him that I was...he felt bad and I felt like crawling under a rock...not without my food of course!

Hey, my boss's son is doing his last round of inhouse chemo! Yeah! He will miss the first 3 weeks of school, but will be SO Glad to be done with this phase!