Tuesday, March 13, 2007

I'm Totally Pulling a Justin Timberlake

You remember when Justin Timberlake took the liberty of flashing Janet Jackson’s boob at all of us during the Super Bowl Half Time Show a few years ago? And then, when the television network required him to publicly apologize for his actions, his exact words were, “I’m sorry if that offended you” --- Do you remember that? I made a big stink to Blaine, and anyone else who would listen, about how THAT was not an apology, THAT was a cop out. A *conditional* apology. A **real** apology is when you take responsibility for your actions, admit they were wrong, and say you are sorry. Hugh Grant, going on Jay Leno, after getting caught with that prostitute while he was still dating Elizabeth Hurley, and saying “Yeah, I screwed up” --- THAT is taking responsibility for your mistakes. Not making some lame-ass statement like Justin Timberlake that is the verbal equivalent to “I’m sorry YOU are so uptight that seeing her scary nipple ring made you uncomfortable.” (Although, it *was* scary … did you SEE it???) He didn’t say he was sorry he did it, he didn’t take responsibility for his actions, or even pretend it happened by accident. He basically said, “I’m sorry if YOU didn’t like it.” And he said it with a smirk on his face. What a weenie.

Now, guess what. Regarding my previous journal entry, I have something to say: “I’m sorry if that offended you.”

What, exactly? Well, my comment, that for every healthy white baby placed for adoption, there were {statistically} one hundred couples approved and waiting to adopt. I did actually pause while typing, and hesitated putting it out there, due to those two words … Healthy. And White. And sure enough, I got called on it. Privately, and with tact and kindness, but called on it nonetheless. So I feel compelled to explain myself just a little, in case there are other people I offended with that comment as well.

When Blaine and I applied with the adoption agency, we were asked what kinds of babies and/or children we would consider adopting. White, black, Hispanic, mixed, older, special-needs, medically-challenged, sibling groups, foster kids, etc. And he and I talked about it for a long time, and honestly examined our feelings and expectations, and came to the decision that we wanted to adopt the same kind of child we would have given birth to, if we’d been able to become pregnant. I am white; he is white. Therefore, we wanted to try and adopt a white baby.

The bottom line is that there aren’t as many white newborns placed for adoption as there are people waiting to adopt. That’s why I made the comment about one hundred couples --- just to point out that we were so blessed to be chosen by M, when she could have gone to other agencies and had her pick of dozens and dozens of other couples, all of them equally deserving, and equally hopeful, just like us.

Had we been willing to consider a child of a different race, or an older child, or a special needs child, I’m sure we could have adopted much more quickly. And we considered it. Very seriously considered it. Even then, I felt sure I could love any baby, whether it was black or purple or plaid. Now, of course, with the wisdom and experience of being a parent, I know that to be true.

But adopting a baby, or an older child, or a child of a different race, is something you should do because you WANT to do, and you feel LED to do; because you are one of those amazing people who have a special calling to do such a thing. It should NOT be seen as a shortcut, just so you can adopt more quickly. At least we didn’t think so.

Some people didn’t understand why we made that decision. They didn’t agree, and thought we were being too picky. I had one person say to me, “Beggars can’t be choosers.” And for a brief moment, I wondered if they were right; were my expectations unreasonable, or too high? Was I some kind of closet-racist, and didn’t even realize it, that I wanted a white baby? But I kept coming back to the same argument -- I wanted to adopt the same kind of baby I would have had myself. And that baby would be white, unless my fantasy involving Denzel Washington ever came true, but that discussion is probably not appropriate for right now.

So we waited, and waited, and finally gave up. And as you know, after that, eventually, M picked us.

One thing I find truly ironic: Just a month or two after being approved, the agency contacted us not once, but twice, about a baby that was being placed for adoption that was born with severe birth defects. Years and years of medical challenges and complications lay ahead for this baby, and it was imperative they get it placed in a good home that could handle this sort of medical situation. We talked about it, and considered it, and said no. We felt it wouldn’t be fair, to us or the baby, to take on that sort of responsibility as a military family that bounced around so much. How could we provide continuous medical care, at the level this child would need, when we move every few years? We came to the decision that if any child of ours ever became unhealthy, we would deal with it then. But to knowingly take on that challenge wouldn’t be the responsible thing to do. And as you know, a few years later, our youngest daughter Kendrie was diagnosed with leukemia. And we discovered that the decision we made not to adopt that baby all those years ago was without merit after all, because our family could indeed handle a medical challenge.

Of course, had we adopted that baby, we wouldn’t have Brayden. And God knew she belonged in our family, which is why we were led not to adopt the first baby, or any other baby. Which is why (I know this in hindsight now) I never got pregnant, no matter how long or how hard we tried. Had I been able to get pregnant, we wouldn’t have tried to adopt. We had to get Brayden into our life first. Then God “cleared" me to become pregnant. I believe that with all of my heart.

But back to my comment. I’m sorry if I offended anyone with the words “white” or “healthy”. I’m sorry if it seemed insensitive to anyone’s family or anyone’s children. I’m sorry if I made it sound like any other kind of child wasn’t just as special and wonderful and deserving. All children are beautiful and deserve to be be raised in loving, good homes. Every single child. And if my earlier comment made it sound like I feel any other way, then I’m sorry. And if that comment was insulting or insensitive to you personally, then I’m sorry I offended you.

40 comments:

Anonymous said...

You could never, ever, ever offend me. I think the world of you and your family. I think at times words can be taken out of context, that must have happened this time!

Postcard Cindy

Anonymous said...

I really don't think you need to apologize at all. Adoption is a personal decision. What kind of family you chose to build is YOUR business, not anyone elses. I say this as a parent who has interracially adopted. It was our choice, it had to be.

Just as you choose your spouse and no one else should have a say in it, chosing to adopt and deciding if interracial adoption is for your family, is such a personal decision and I'm sorry you got any flak over it at all.

When you build your family interracially, you become a conspicious adoption family. You open yourself up to questions and as you well know (from having a cancer kid) people feel free to ask questions and make comments, even in front of your children, that are better off not spoken.

When Marielle was about 7 months old, a stranger in line at the supermarket behind me said, "I think that's the most beautiful baby I've ever seen". When I said, "Thank you", she said, 'But she's not YOUR baby". I said the first thing that came into my mind, which was, "You know, some days I find it hard to believe myself but it's true, she's mine!"

The lady stuttered and said, "But, but, where did she get her color from....oh, her dad." I didn't correct her, I didn't feel the need. But it just goes to show you that people can blurt out the most insensitive comments without taking even a minute to think.

Marie
www.caringbridge.org/visit/marielle

California Friend said...

Oh, I agree with all you said & really don't think you need to apologize. When adopting, everyone knows exactly what they want, and that's okay; a baby is a lifetime commitment no matter how they come into your life.... & that's just what you did. I also agree with Cindy that it may have been taken out of context.

Pat in CA

Stephanie from Portland said...

Kristi,
no one who has followed your sites could ever accuse you of not believing every child is special. You have been the epitomy of a caring, loving, decent human being and you should not feel sorry for your words. You are sharing a very personal story of your family and your honesty is refreshing. Your story of courage and hope has been inspiring.

Kristin Simmons said...

Kristi,

God love you! You are so honest, sincere and KIND! As for apologizing for how you FEEL and what you WRITE in your own blog/diary, I don't agree that you should even be called on it! Even though I've never been through adopting a child on my own, I am adopted. As a child that was adopted (I'm now 39), I know how I "feel" because I look "different" from my family. It is hard to look different and you so want to "fit in" because no matter how much you know you are loved by your adopted family, you want to be like them, look like them and truly BE a part of their family! This is really prevalent in the preteen and teenage years, (Those years suck anyway- then throw in the "adopted" part and "whoa baby!" It's tough!
I just hope that you understand that WE are voyeurs in your life through this blog and if we don't "like" something that is said- in or out of context- remember people, print is hard to know the TONE of the word! We don't have to read it, either! I for one LOVE that you are open an honest with us- total strangers- that shows how you were truly FEELING at this difficult time in your lives. I know that many people that ARE going through infertility, adoption, cancer, etc. can learn so much from this! Thank you Kristi, for sharing your innermost thoughts, feelings and your precious family! YOU ROCK! I'm an AVID reader- multiple times a day! :O)

Kristin
Plano, TX

Patricia said...

Kristi,
You didn't offend me but thank you for your apology. You are right that when you examine all the pieces, God's hand was at work in your lives preparing you (and Brayden) for each other and clearing the way for that to happen. Looking forward to the next installment of your life!!

Anonymous said...

Please don't apologize for stating your feelings. Whether people agree or disagree, your feelings should be respected because that is HOW YOU FEEL. And, the brutal honest truth is what you wrote. AND, this is YOUR forum to say what you want. Which you do so eloquently.
Finally, I am mostly perturbed that you spent all that time on an apology and could have been continuing the next chapter!!!
My "refresh" button is getting tired! Just teasing. Enjoy each and every day with your children and husband. Thanks for brightening my days.
Mary Cron Schulman
San Diego CA/Crosslake MN

Anonymous said...

Offend me, no, never, but I must admit, you are lucky you said Denzel, because if you had said Will Smith I might have had to get feisty and tell you to back off my man. Wait, did I come here to comment about celebrities or adoption...hmmmmmmm...can’t remember. Oh well. Thank you so much for sharing your incredible story with us, Brayden, Kellen, and Kendrie are very lucky children to have a mother who loves them so unconditionally. This journal will be an exceptional addition to all the scrapbooks you have made for them.
~Shannon
www.caringbridge.org/tx/ethantf

Anonymous said...

Offend me, no, never, but I must admit, you are lucky you said Denzel, because if you had said Will Smith I might have had to get feisty and tell you to back off my man. Wait, did I come here to comment about celebrities or adoption...hmmmmmmm...can’t remember. Oh well. Thank you so much for sharing your incredible story with us, Brayden, Kellen, and Kendrie are very lucky children to have a mother who loves them so unconditionally. This journal will be an exceptional addition to all the scrapbooks you have made for them.
~Shannon
www.caringbridge.org/tx/ethantf

I guess I can no longer go by "M" so I will be "A's Mom!" said...

LOL...my good friend who is a short, stout, blonde haired, blue-eyed woman has three beautiful Asian children...yes, their dad is a handsome, tall Chinese man...well one day a woman commented to her, "Your children are so beautiful...how did you get them?" With her kids in earshot she said, "THE USUAL WAY!" Duh!

Anonymous said...

Kristie, I used to work at our county "children's home" (nice word for "orphanage")....many people felt strongly that children should only be adopted by "same race" families....so, you cant please everyone, no matter which side of the coin you are on....but you'll always win with the baby - they just want love, and Brayden has so much of that in your family...

As for whether or not you would "want" or could "handle" a "special needs" child....seeing as you didnt give Kendrie back to the stork :) and have done such a great job of forging ahead whatever comes your way, it's pretty clear that you are a mom that loves all of her children, no matter what. As a fellow cancer-mom, I can attest that you dont always know how well you can handle something until it is put on your plate.

Keep up the good work, and looking forward to hearing about how things got better and your family came together.

Natalie said...

You're just quoting statistics and there's no way anyone can be offended by that! Facts are facts!

Anonymous said...

if people can't handle what you have to say, then they don't need to be here!

i'm finding your story amazing, your family amazing and YOU amazing. keep writing what you feel, kristie; you are an inspiration to us all.

kim said...

Good Morning, Kristie--I could not believe there was a NEED for you to pull a Justin Timberlake, or ANY kind of apology, non-apology and/or explanation. I agree whole-heartedly with anonymous above and with Mary from San Diego. Now, I'm gonna get REAL honest; I sometimes get really, really, really fed-up with some of this over-sensitivity. There are times in this world, especially when you are reading someone's BLOG, that you just have to give in to the notion that anything said is about the writer, NOT ABOUT YOU. Get over yourself, people. Out of the many, many words that you have written while sharing your story with us--which WE have hounded you to do--I find it interesting that anyone would choose to zero in on those particular words, stating statistics. Which, yeah, are FACTS. The last time I checked, this was still America and this is where we still have choices about these types of things. I cannot imagine a world in which we all would have to be the same, think the same, have the same opinions and have NO CHOICES. Oh wait, there ARE places like that in the world! Just not in America (yet), thankfully. Bottom line is, there are times when it's better to remember that one does not always have to treat other people to their opinion.

Well, now--guess I got a little opinionated myself, huh? Maybe now I'll get the nastygram (which is what I call that type of thing, even if it's not particularly nasty) instead of you! HAHA! YOU ROCK, and I guess you need to put the "It's All About Me" song back up...

Anonymous said...

People are so bizarre.

Anonymous said...

I am very surprised by this post!! Why can't a white person express their desire to adopt a white child?! I know for a fact that there are blacks, whites, indians, asians, russians, argentinians, or whatever color or race that adoptive couple happens to be that would only want to adopt a child within their race. Sure, we all know there are alot of children out there that need to be adopted, some children living in not so good arrangements, but what is wrong with wanting a child of your own race? And what is the big deal about expressing that desire, especially in your own blog?! Good grief - I've heard it all. What is this world coming to? I don't think you needed to apologize for this Kristie. I think whoever made those comments to you should apologize for being so rediculous.

Anonymous said...

Hey Kristie,
Can't offend me; we chose international adoption because it was quicker and less expensive. I, of course, was expecting a lovely, quiet baby girl. I clung to that scenario for the 2 years we pursued the adoption. When we recieved our referral, it was for a toddler with a birth defect. (and to this day she is anything but quiet!) We gladly accepted her, and I still laugh that God just ignores me and really does what is best. We do still get comments since she is a different race, but we just shrug them off. When I was pregnant with my son, people always came up to me and said "I bet you're hoping for a girl" due to the fact that I already had 4 stepsons. I got so sick of those comments that I stopped telling people that I was pregnant. Now we get the comments that we adopted to get a girl, and that's not true. We adopted so that we could have another child, and yes I am glad she's a girl, but we were prepared for either gender. OK, off my soapbox :)
warmly,
Debbie E.
PTC

Laurie said...

I am enjoying reading this journey so much!

I am so glad that the offended person(s?) didn't attack you on your blog. To let you know, in private, that they were offended is a much better way to handle that situation!

That said, I understand what you meant, and what you felt.

Hurry up with the next installment already! :)

Anonymous said...

You have a gift for writing, Kristie. I hope you do write a book one day. I think it would be a bestseller. As for the person or people offended by your comments: 1) this is YOUR blog and you have a right to say whatever the heck you want to. 2) if this country doesn't stop worrying so much about being politically correct and not offending everyone, we're going to "not offend" ourselves right out of our "morals-less," "principles-less" existence! Personally, I read it and didn't give it a second thought. Facts are facts, even if they aren't pretty. Anyway, sorry, little soapbox there. Thank you for sharing yours and Brayden's story with us. God bless you for giving a child a home. If more people adopted children, regardless of race, color or creed, perhaps this country would be a little kinder and gentler.

Cheryl
WR, GA

Pamela Earley said...

My respect for you has just increased greatly. (As if it wasn't sky high already!) I also have a lot of respect for the party that was offended. Both of you handled the situation so maturely. Although I agree with many previous posters that the majority of us knew what you were saying/stating had nothing to do with your racial issues.

I also agree with Marie and Kristin in that children have a tough enough time as it is without the added stress of being visibly different from the rest of their family. It is a shame that that is still an issue in today's world, but it is. These kids have to take on an extra load of stress at a much younger age than other kids their age.

Anyway - I've learned that you cannot please everyone no matter what you do. One of my best friends and her husband (who are white) have adopted 4 non-white children, 3 who are half-siblings with each other. They decided after adopting the first 2, that they would at least adopt the rest of their kids from the same family and the same race, so that at least they would have each other to resemble and relate to. They still get flak - especially from people of the same race as the children! They get told they are doing a 'dis-service' to these children by raising them in a white home. Nevermind the fact that they were rescued from very dangerous and unhealthy situations.

Anywho - sorry for the tangent. Just wanted to point out that you can never make everyone happy no matter what because everything you (meaning you as in the global 'you' - not the individual 'you.) say or do is viewed and heard through everyone else's filter - and everyone's filter is clogged with different issues - us being human and all. Our own filters color our perceptions.

Geez - another tangent - sorry!!!

Bottom line - you're doing great! There should be more of your type in the world!

Stacey said...

Kristie,

I'll weigh in here and give our perspective. As we were waiting, and wading, through the adoption process with you and Blaine, we too had the same decisions to make.

Jerry and I both worked in special education at the time and prayerfully considered whether or not we could work in special ed and live in special ed. We, like you, made the decision not to intentionally adopt a baby with special needs. We also preferred a baby that was white, as we are both white.

Well, as we ALL know, God's plans and our plans are not always the same. We adopted our wonderful Alex, who, by the way, is half Native American. He was born nine weeks prematurely and has had eight surgeries to correct a host of issues as a result of his early birth.

You get the child, by birth, by adoption, whatever, that God intends for you to raise and be in your family. How wonderful for us that His plan is perfect.

We love you guys and hope to see you this summer!

Stacey

Amy from St.Pete said...

Are you kidding me? If someone is offended then they need to get over it. The last time I checked this was YOUR blog. I'm so over all the PC crap and people really need to get a life.
You keep on keepin' it real sister!!

Becca Parra said...

Kristy,
I read a blog recently of a couple struggling with miscarriages who are applying to adopt. They are getting the same comments it seems like you did--why not give a child a home who otherwise wouldn't have one? A healthy white baby will get adopted. Their reasoning is almost the same as your own--couples who have their biological children don't get asked why they didn't adopt a child with special needs, or a baby of a race different than their own. Because this couple is building their family through adoption rather than biological birth, why should that be any different? Deciding to adopt a baby with a skin color different from your own, or with health issues or any number of other things has to be a choice and one that the family wants. There are challenges to all sorts of families, and adopting a baby with a different skin color brings challenges that the family has to be ready for and has to accept and welcome with open arms. People can be offended or say all the comments they want. When it comes down to it, they need to think seriously if they were the family who was adopting. Would their decisions be different? If so, that is their decision and they'll be getting the family they are meant to have, just as you did.
I'm glad you apologized for offending but not for the way things happened. No family should ever have to apologize for the way they came together. Kudos for you for addressing all of these serious and often closeted issues, feelings, emotions. They need to be talked about, and people need to realize these are FAMILIES and people's lives here.
Someday we hope to adopt. We're currently pregnant with our first and we're hoping to add a second biological child. Then, we plan to adopt. I hope our families and friends respect our decisions and intentions to adopt--probably an adoption of a baby who looks different from us, maybe an older baby. I had better not get second-guessed about our decisions and our family, just as you shouldn't about yours and your family.

You are an incredible mom and wife and person and I thank you for being so candid and allowing strangers like me into a piece of your world.
Wow, long comment just to say, GOOD FOR YOU!

Paraengine said...

First of all, I think you are awesome! You have been through so much and you still have a great sense of humor. I gave up my daughter when I was 16 years old. The couple could not have children either. I am now 28 and have 2 small children. I know what you mean when you said "healthy and white". I was told my baby that I was giving up was like gold. I didn't drink, smoke, do drugs and I had blond hair and blue eyes. I was skinny and pretty. The adoption agency told me how much my baby would be wanted because it was a "healthy, "white" baby. You are so right, don't apologize for being right. I was in the opposite position and told the same thing. I love your blogs! I read everyday.

Anonymous said...

Never apologize for stating facts!

Trish, Leesburg, VA

Simply Jenn said...

I have to agree with everyone else. And I apologize if I'm becoming annoying with this daily posting of mine. You did what you felt was right and what you were led to do. It was meant for you to have Brayden so God made it possible. That's all it is. If a child of any other race had been meant to be yours then you would have been led down that road. There is absolutely no need to apologize. And if you can't speak honestly in your own blog, where else would you be able to?

leeanne said...

No offense taken here! What you write and how to express it are so very personal,and you shouldn't have to justify your choice of words. Brayden is so very lucky to have been placed with you, as you and Blaine are also very lucky to have her. Divine intervention for sure. No apologies necessary. Thanks for sharing...I read faithfully and really enjoy what I see.

Amy said...

Our adopted child is white, looks almost identical to my late husband and couldn't be any different than our family. He is mentally and developmentally disabled and Lord knows if he had 3 heads we'd still love him just as much! I can't believe people are so dang sensitive!

Amy
www.caringbridge.org/visit/gerryheidt

Anonymous said...

Kristie:
You are any amazing person who has shared with us the incredible story of how your family came to be. You are sharing YOUR thoughts and YOUR feelings. No apologies are necessary


"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."
Wayne Dyer

Darcie
(P.S. I forgot my blogger password.!)

Tracy Stanley said...

Yeah, I kind of cringed when I read your last posting -- NOT because it bothered me, but because I was concerned about what kind of nasty comments you might get. When I was young and naive, I thought love would make everyone in a family colorblind. Now I know several families who have adopted internationally and have children who don't look like the parents. Of course, these children are loved beyond belief and the joy they bring to their families is wonderful, but these parents do have to answer questions and face issues that I will never have to.
Personally, I think the people who caused the REAL story to be interrupted for your apology ought to apologize to those of us anxiously waiting for the next installment! :)

Anonymous said...

Kristie-

I totally agree with you on JT's "non-apology" apology, by the way. It WAS very lame. :)

I admire this latest piece you've written. You're wise, witty and kind....good combo!

Anxiously awaiting the rest of the story.......

Mary

Anonymous said...

Well! Darn! I read your post and was already to be very eloquent in my support...only to find that 30 other people had already said it all! As an adoptee, an adoptive parent, and a fosterparent, I know that families come in many forms. In the end, isn't it all about loving a child? The child you were meant to have, no matter how they came to you?

Dixie

Anonymous said...

Here is my 2 cents - for whatever it is worth.....Once again Kristie you took the high road. You are the most sensitive person with a heart of gold and a sense of humor to match. You also are reality based - and you and Blaine did not make your life decisions easily. What's more - you take full responsibility for those decisions and own them. That's to your credit, for sure.

I believe that we all come with baggage regardless - we tease child #1 that we practiced with him and then had the "perfect child" with his brother - who by the way we tease that he is "sloppy seconds". What about children's birth order and the oldest versus youngest and the dreaded middle child syndrome, and the rights of the birth parents to make the same type of decisions you and Blaine did?? Birth parents are entitled to input about religion, race etc. too and can stop an acceptable placement on their "wants".

I often wonder about the "baggage" of children who are of an obvious different race and who are raised as one AND the same in their family i.e. black children being raised Jewish - Bar Mitzvah etc...There are so many examples including children being born into strict religious families - cults of sorts stating the extremem who don't want to perpetuate the values and beliefs of which their lives focused.

In my case I had amnio's with my pregnancy. We had made a conscience decision that life is tough enough when things come "easy" but if at all possible thanks to medical science we wanted as healthy a baby as possible with a medical warranty if you will. That does not mean to say that we would not love our child unconditionally and that we could get that lifelong guarantee, but if we could remove or prevent obstacles that was to be our child's first gift from us. We did not test for any other reason but genetics and further donated extra fluids for additional medical research.

In any case, I admire your sensitivity and the tact for which you received a comment and responded, however, as always you proceeded in what your heart said was in the best interest of the child! That is a parents primary responsibility in my hearts opinion.

Know the expression - damned if you do - damned if you don't....well if the shoe fits.....

Anonymous said...

Kristie,

I've been reading your blog and absolutely love it! The story of how you and Blaine created your family is fascinating, frustrating and filled with so much love - what lucky kids you guys are raising! I know they have blessed the two of you as well.

That having been said - this country has gone WAY TOO FAR with the "pc" thing. No one is "allowed" to state THEIR OWN OPINION anymore without fear of hurting someone's feelings, or offending them. For heaven's sake, this is YOUR blog, YOUR life, YOUR opinions, and besides that - FACTS. (yes, I love caps when I am ticked off!). You are allowed to state facts and what happened to you and how you felt, and if someone doesn't like it, then heck, they just can go read someone else's blog and miss out on the best one on the internet (if I may state MY opinion!)

Girl, you rock! You are honest and funny and have an amazing gift of narration that keeps all of us checking back (more than once) daily for updates. Keep up the good work and tell it like it is - just as you always have.

Big hugs to all of you - how is Kendrie doing? How about Blaine?

Hugs,
Lorie (Justin's mom)

~*~Snappz~*~ said...

Damn. I think you just earned yourself a truck-load of respect with that entry!
I don't know about others, but seeing the way you handle everything that life throws at you, well, I gotta say that I already respected you (and your 'tude!).
But to sit down and write that entry, being so open and honest, is pretty damn gutsy.
Keep rockin' on, Kristi!

jadine said...

To me, this isn't at all about race, medical needs, or age. You stated a statistical fact. A fact is not 'offensive;' it's empirical information. It's nonsensical to request an apology for having heard/read a fact. Sort of a 'shoot the messenger' type of thing. JMHO.

cakeburnette said...

Hah, I have no idea what on earth could have possibly offended anyone. During my childhood, I thought it was neat that I looked *special*; during my teen years, I would have given just about anything to have been white, blond, and blue-eyed; today, I don't give how I look much thought (as is evidenced by the way I run around with no makeup most of the time and often forget to brush my hair). But being an Asian child adopted by a white couple always seemed to me like I was so very wanted and special. And honestly, I truly don't understand why any adoptee wouldn't feel that way...most adoptive parents jump through a zillion hoops to get their babies.

Anonymous said...

GOOD GRIEF! I can't believe some whiny-ass crybaby interrupted our story time saying you offended them. Hey pal, it's a BLOG...maybe someone needs to school you on what exactly that means. I tell ya what, if you don't like it, don't read it! GAH!

ROCK ON, KRISTIE!!

Avid Reader in Nashvegas

absolutegray said...

I enjoyed reading your entry. I too had to make a tough decision tonight about what kind of baby to adopt. I was starting to feel guity wondering if I should compromise what I know I really want, but now I know not to be ashamed to persue the child I want that will fit into our family! Joanne

Staci said...

Like i said before, i spent 3 months working in adoption. You forgot to throw in "newborn". "most" couples are requestion white healthy NEWBORNS. It is a fact. I am glad that whoever brought this up did it privately, and i am glad that you gave them your apology.

I must also add, that when i worked for this agency a mom came in with her 5 week old daughter ready to place her. Her daughter was not 72 hours old. Would you believe that because of this they had to call 4 families before they found her a home. THAT was unbelievable to me. BUT these adoptive parents have every right to choose what they expect in their child.. BUT what amazed me most is that in a matter of 1 hour this little girl had 4 different life paths. i will never forget this sweet little baby.. and i always think about her and just like you said, God meant for her to go to that family. Oh.. another family didnt want the child because the mom had ADD.....