Thursday, March 22, 2007

I'm Not Only Important, But I'm Very Very Busy As Well.

I have a good friend named Lisa who I have known for almost twenty years. She and her husband are a military couple, like us, and they have three kids, also like us. Their kids are a few years older than ours, and I remember when her youngest started school full-time … the same year my *oldest* started school full time. I remember asking Lisa if she was excited to have her days to herself, if she planned to go back to work, and what she hoped to do with all that free time on her hands.

Now, five years later, I would like to make my formal, public apology to Lisa for being such an asshat. Free time? WHAT free time? I’m amazed she didn’t reach through the phone line and smack me. I don’t know where I got the idea that being a stay at home mom meant I would actually stay at home, but that’s just crazy talk. In between the errands and running around I try to accomplish during the day so my evenings are free to spend with my family, the volunteering at the school, the chauffeuring the kids to and from all their activities, and the projects and hobbies I like to do, things are busier than when I worked. Of course, back when I worked full-time I didn’t have kids, so obviously that’s a slanted statement. And don’t get me wrong -- I’m not complaining. I LOVE my life and I choose, every single day, to fill up each 24 hour period with things that are important to me. Sure, some of them I enjoy more than others (like meeting a friend for lunch, or hanging out with the other moms at soccer practice) and some are not as enjoyable, but this is my way of life and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I take full responsibility for the choices I’ve made and for the way Blaine and I have worked out our priorities, and overall, am extremely happy with the way I spend my time.

Now, all that is to say, the only thing more obnoxious than people who don’t update their blogs, are people who whine about not having time to update their blogs. While I’m certainly not above whining, there’s no doubt I do it far too much. So, no whining today. Just the facts: since arriving home Monday night from my scrapbooking weekend, things have been hectic. “Dog at the vets van in the shop unpacking volunteering at school bunco with friends help with homework lunch with friends dry cleaners library do ebay lunch with the kids doctors appointment with Blaine soccer practice soccer pictures orthodontist appointment getting the passport photos done fundraiser night at the pizza parlor” kind of busy. It’s all fun; it’s all happy; it’s all good.

Except for the fact, my point is, that these fun activities have kept me from the computer the past three days and I’m going through blog withdrawals. Who am I to complain about not having a laptop when I can’t even sit my fat ass down at my regular computer this week unless its to tweak the 426 photos I took of my girlfriend, or download and copy all the photos I took at the Valentines Dance and give to the librarian for the end of year slide show, or obsessively search the web for a center console for our van that can be delivered in time for our vacation next month so Kendrie can quit whining about not having any place to set her drink, or for the perfect black ear muffs for our vacation this summer who cares if it’s still three months away I need ear muffs damnit and I *WILL* find them!

And that doesn’t even encompass the 82 loads of laundry awaiting my return, which I find especially appalling considering I left three loads of clean laundry that Blaine and the kids folded and put away for me while I was gone. What’s the deal with the stinking laundry??? There are only five of us --- how do we generate so much laundry? How the heck do moms with six for seven kids keep up? Or Ma Walton, who not only had eight or nine kids (I’m not sure exactly how many kids because I didn’t really watch that show a lot, I was more of a Little House on the Prairie kind of gal) but she also had to beat the clothes against a rock in a stream or something. I mean good grief, I have a big shiny machine that swishes the clothes around in soapy warm water, and then wrings them out, and another big shiny machine that tosses and tumbles them amidst hot air and good-smelling fabric softener sheets until they are dried. It’s not like laundry is THAT labor-intensive, yet it still seems to suck all the free time out of my day ---- CAN ANYONE EXPLAIN THIS MYSTERY TO ME????

OK, now I’m exhausted just thinking about all that laundry.

Now, my point is (I know, I said that several paragraphs ago but got off on that laundry tangent) I have every intention of continuing with the infertility/adoption/surrogacy tale, just not tonight. Tomorrow night, for sure. Well, shit, tomorrow night Kendrie has a soccer game and I’m totally dying to see the premier episode of Dancing with the Stars that Blaine taped for me while I was gone …. *hopefully* tomorrow night, for sure. Or maybe Saturday. But probably tomorrow night. Definitely. Maybe.

In the meantime, I leave you with a funny story involving me and the laundry that never dies. One of my pet peeves is when my kids (no specific names mentioned :cough: Brayden :cough: Kendrie :cough: ) pull their socks off and put them in the laundry basket twisted inside out. Now that Brayden is doing her own laundry it’s not such a big deal because her inside out socks are her problem. But Kendrie still does it to almost every pair and it makes me crazy. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised to find out she does it on purpose, just to annoy me. Depending on my mood, I either charge her a quarter out of her allowance for each pair I have to fix, or make her turn them herself, or give a long-suffering sigh and just do it myself. Today, she was at school and not nearby to appreciate my sighing, so I just fixed them. I was sitting in my office chair, and I bent over and picked the socks up off the floor, turned them right side out, put them back in the laundry basket, picked up the laundry basket, and tried to stand up. Unfortunately, I have gained so much weight, and my ass is so officially huge, that the arms of my office chair stuck to my butt and I lifted the chair off the ground. At first I started laughing, then I realized, “How is this funny???? My ass is so ginormous I can carry a CHAIR around on it." That’s not funny; that’s depressing.

So. to show my ass who's boss, after soccer pictures tonight I took the kids to Sonic and bought myself a large Sonic Blast with Resee’s Peanut Butter Cups and extra chocolate syrup. And like I wasn’t ashamed enough of myself and my total lack of willpower, you know what happened next? A lady walked up to my van, and said, “Hey, you’re Kristie, aren’t you? I read your blog … I bet you’re here to buy a Diet Dr. Pepper!” And the only thing more embarrassing than having to admit the ice cream dessert the size of Montana was MINE, was the fact she walked up just in time to hear me yelling at my kids about how bratty they were being. Because nothing advertises your fabulous parenting skills like a good, loud “I don’t care if you slam your entire HEAD in it, I said leave your sister alone and SHUT THE DAMN DOOR NOW!!!”

So Dell, it was nice meeting you again. But the next time you see me at Sonic, please snatch the Blast from my fat little hand and force me to order a diet drink. Or better yet, a water. (gasp!) My giant ass will thank you.

PS. Do you realize that as long as this journal entry is, about NOTHING, except for how I’m too darn busy to type, I could have just typed what I intended to type all along??? God, I’m a moron.

37 comments:

Ginny Deegan said...

Well, thanks a lot. After reading about my favorite Sonic dessert, now I'm going to have to go have some ice cream! And, it's all your fault! LOL :-)

Sherrill said...

You do just crack me up... I hope that you enjoyed the most wonderful of desserts... Fat Ass be damned!

As for a long blog about nothing... I think you may of hit on something worth MILLIONS... isn't that what my most favorite TV show - Seinfeld was about -- NOTHING! Imagine having the $$ they got for a 30 minute show about NOTHING!

God I love this country!

Amy said...

Ahhh, Kristie! You kill me! I love, love, LOVE that someone else talks to their kids the way I talk to my kids!

Just to make you feel better, I live in Montana and I'm pretty sure your Sonic Blast isn't REALLY as big as Montana, because you know, we really are a large state!

I think I'm going to make my almost 13 year old and my 10.5 year old start doing their own laundry. I just need to get over feeling like I'm abusing them by not doing their laundry for them.

Amy
www.caringbridge.org/visit/gerryheidt

katy said...

That is why my computer chair has no arms!
I have a 16 year old daughter whom I love more than life itself. She is pretty, smart and OCD. She just figured out she can not stand laundry to lay in the washer or dryer. If I start a load she will dry it and put it away. I love that in a child!

Natalie said...

As I sit here reading your blog and eating a bowl of ice cream and brownie bites from Costco instead of doing our taxes, I felt I had to tell you a story. About 12 years ago a friend of mine was working as a consultant at a company where the individuals in the billing department were, um, quite large. In fact, one woman was so large that when she got to work in the morning, she wedged herself into her chair. . .and stayed there all day. If she had to go anywhere, she rolled there in her chair. She rolled to the elevator, down the hall, etc. I'm totally serious. I do wonder what she did about going to the bathroom, because to my knowledge, no matter how great an office chair is, they don't make any that are potty compatible at this point. Depends, maybe? So until you're rolling around the house, I think you're OK.

PS--Will it make you feel any better if I tell you about how I gave one of the boys the hillbilly jerk in WalMart a few weeks ago and dropped the f bomb on him? I said it in a low threatening voice though so no one could hear. It's just my word against theirs. . .

Kathy (in Alaska) said...

Thanks for the wonderful "Kristie Fix." Now, I am just wondering... do you think you are going to need those ear muffs for when you come up here to Alaska? Because if you do, well, you'll be the only one wearing ear muffs in 90 degree weather in June !

Talk about standing out like a tourist !!!

JoAnn said...

I love it!!! You're blog about nothing is quite entertaining!! And even more funny/comforting because all of us mom's can totally relate! On another front- any news yet on Blaine?

Chris Myrah said...

You may feel it is about nothing, but let me tell you, it made me laugh out loud and I needed that tonight.

Anonymous said...

Falling off my chair laughing!

I took my kids to Barnes and Noble the other day and they have a train table that my son loves to play with when he's there. Right next to the train table, they have these adorable, dainty, little chairs........presumably for the parents to sit? Are you kidding me?! I eyed those puppies up and thought to myself..."how embarrassing would it be if my fat ass got caught in one of those and I had to WALK OUT with it stuck to my can???" Um. yeah. um. Mr. Security officer. You see, I wasn't REALLY trying to steal this adorable chair.........oh man.....I'm laughing so hard, I can hardly see to type!

I love, love, love your blog and sooooo look forward to reading it!!

Julie H.
Bucks County, PA

Melissa said...

You made me feel not quite so bad! Today I had to change clothes five times before finding something that would button around my ass, even stuff that fit me as recently as a month ago. Got on the scale to discover I'd gained 15 lbs since February. YIKES! And the ass in the chair thing...happened to me at work not so long ago too, much to the amusement of my co-workers. Thanks for the laugh!

Anonymous said...

Regarding laundry, a friend of mine with 3 kids once told me that based on the amount of laundry she did, they were either the dirtiest or the cleanest family in town. Take your pick!

And, I am so stinking jealous of your Sonics. We don't have them. That's just wrong!

Dixie

kim said...

Ah, it's a classic Kristie post! I laughed so hard that it's a good thing my ass does have me wedged in the chair. Otherwise, I'd be doing one of those ROTFLMAO things. Before I forget--the menopausal mind, you know--I was just wondering where you're going for "summer" vacation that you're going to need ear muffs? Alaska, of course, comes to mind but Kathy in Alaska cleared that up, so...?? I am SO freakin' glad you're back. And because I haven't said it lately--YOU ROCK, even if you insist on wearing ear muffs in the middle of summer.

Kate said...

Great post, as always. I feel the same way regarding laundry. My rule is, however, that if it comes to me inside out then it gets folded inside out. They've all learned just to flip it before they put it on. You wouldn't believe how much time it saves, and no one gets stressed about it. My fat ass thought I could do a handstand--after 20 years and 200+ pounds--and almost broke my wrists. I took a nice face plant into the carpet, too. Like you, I might have rewarded my efforts with chocolate. Totally worth it.

Renee' said...

Since your ass can carry a chair around, I'm thinking you should invest in an extra airline ticket this summer. I'm right there with you, sister.

Jen in WI said...

Thanks for the laugh today. I needed it!

Michelle Adams, Selma said...

What about when they put their pants in the laundry with their belt still in the loops? Maybe one leg turned inside out? My girls do that ALL the time.. my husband in the "ball of sock" culprit.. Here's a quick story. I told my 16 year old daughter to go fold up the load of white clothes in the dryer. She got in there and looked and said, "Hey, I don't have to fold up ALL of this do I?" Yes you do, how do you think I feel :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the laughs.......please keep it coming, Kristie!!

I loved Little House, too. :)

Mary in Illinois

Anonymous said...

ROFLMAO!!!!!! Girl, you're the BEST!!!!

Cathy, DC

liz from sumner said...

Ah, but you're OUR moron!

Cheryl said...

Sometimes parenting is not pretty, but my kids are 22 and 20 and a part of me misses those days.

Tabitha said...

Oh the @&#^$%*!^ LAUNDRY!!! If I ever get rich, I am employing a full-time laundress! I am trying so hard to teach my kids so they can eventually be useful, but the training is slow and tedious. They are good folders, but jeez, are they ever slow! Anna asked me the other day, if when she has kids, will they get to be HER servants?? I told her, of course! I'm teaching you how to do things, so you will know how to teach your own children, and that we each get a turn to have servants :)

Anonymous said...

Hey Kristie!
It sounds like you had a rough week and I hope Blaine's appointments were all good.
Bunches of hugs and love to everybody!........Ice Girls

D said...

ROFLMAO!!!! My four-year old is going to school next year, and I will begin my life of being sahm of a school-aged child. It's so nice to get a glimpse at what I can expect. About the extra weight, who cares!!!! Well, that's what I'm telling myself anyway.

D

Federica from Italy said...

Well, I can tell you're so important because... you are a great Diet Dr. Pepper's promoter!!!
My sister is going to Canada on holiday next week and... can you guess what I've asked her to take as a souvenir for me??? Maple syrup and...
...
...
Diet Dr. Pepper, OBVIOUSLY!!!
Well, to be honest I don't know how she will take it on the plane, but I hope to be able to taste it next week!
A big kiss to you and your family :-)

Denise Tidwell said...

I was thinking of you the other night and wondering how much longer until Alaska!? I have been missing it lately more than ever and actually put the picture of Mt. Denali as my background on the computer. I even checked Denali on weather.com the other day and it was only -26 degrees!!! We figured school was out since they cancel at -20. I'm so jealous yall are going...and yes, you need earmuffs!

Anonymous said...

Know the expression - quantity or quality......Well, we all keep coming back for your heart, passion, sense of humor, reality checks etc....And as for as the quantity - apparentaly all your faithful readers only care about your ongoing updates. There is no one judging (except you) the poundage...which brings me to another expression - misery loves (has) lots of company...including big butts!!!
Have a great weekend and take notes. You probably have more accountability as a blogger than you did as a teenager....we all demand every little detail!!

Anonymous said...

And we just sit at your feet and wait for more! Jane

Amy said...

Kriiiiistie, oh Kriiiistie I'm patiently (cough, cough, AHEM!) waiting for the latest installation....................

M said...

ok kristie, it is almost midnight here and you did not update! What else am I suspossed to do on a Saturday night? Ok not really. I just got finished visiting with my dads psycho side of the family and needed to have a laugh and chill out, so I was really hoping that there was a new post. Tomorrow then?????
M

Anonymous said...

speaking of a moron..what does ROTFLMAO mean? I have tried to figure this out and I think then ending is Laughing My Ass Off but I can't get the rest!!

Consider me...ignornant on blogging terms.

Too embarrassed to sign my name!

LIBSMOM said...

Kristie!! You're famous!! Someone who reads your blog recognized you and called you out. Thank God it was just a Sonic Blast you were caught with and you weren't pulling a Britney with no panties on!! LOL
And I bet, my ass could out chair your ass anyday. I completely hate when the damn chair just won't let go.
Sometimes the rambling blogs are the best!!

Anonymous said...

I would just really like to know what kind of summer vacation you are going on??? One that needs ear muffs??? That does not sound like a great summer vacation!
Lorianne

Anonymous said...

Ahh - the price of fame, Looks like you better think twice before going out in public without make-up and your best skinny clothes. And that is not even mentioning that you had better learn to grit your teeth and quietly learn to pinch the little lovelies where you don't leave marks or risk the famous Kristie getting publicly busted - even if you are the one openly confessing before getting carted away!!! Now that could be an interesting Saga - Kristie means the inmates...Can't imagine your sins can compare - just would love the spin you'd put on those jail house family bonding moments. Enjoy your weekend - don't buckle to fan/peer pressure -remember we all waited an entire season to see who shot JR!!!

Anonymous said...

Hello Kristie, ha ha ha ha ha!! Fancy the chair sticking to your ass, ho ho ho!!! That really made me laugh!!!

Socks, my husband sometimes put them in the wash folded together as if they are clean, it is ssoooo annoying!!!! He often leaves things in his pockets too! I don't check them anymore, I told him long ago to empty his pockets so sometimes his canteen card gets washed, think it still works afterwards though! Once I found a 10 Euro note which had been washed, it was fine when it dried!
I hate washing!!

Hope Blaine is ok, any news on his health exams recently?

Take care,
Love Angela

m said...

rotflmao =

roll on the floor laughing my ass off

Anonymous said...

For anonymous----- Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off. That's what ROTFLMAO means. Just so you know!! Kristie--- that is definitely me, ROTFLMAO. YOU CRACK ME UP GIRL!! Can't wait for another episode.
Wendy in Winder

Staci said...

You are too funny..