I Have Nothing .... To DO

I know I have mentioned to all of you in the past about my quirk for to-do lists. I actually carry a small notebook with me at all times, and keep a running list of things I need to get done, and cross out items after I accomplish them. I’m one of those people who will even write things down on the list after I do them, if they’re not already written, just for the pleasure of crossing them out.

The notebook contains not only things I need to do, but appointments I have, phone numbers I need, web sites I want to check out, items I need to buy, prescriptions to fill, grocery items we’re out of at the house, songs I want to download, blog ideas, scrapbook layout ideas, etc. This notebook, needless to say, is vital to my existence. Like Diet Dr. Pepper. Like air. Pretty much EVERYTHING is in it. It’s basically a poor man’s version of a Palm Pilot or Blackberry; phone book, address list, appointment schedule, to-do list, all rolled in to one. Usually it is in my purse, so I can grab it whenever inspiration strikes, or to make a reminder note, or to jot down a web address or billboard phone number, or whatever. Occasionally it is loose in my car, and fairly often I bring it inside to my computer. Regardless, it is always within arms’ reach, because it is like OXYGEN for me. Without it, I am but a lost soul, wandering the earth, with no idea what time I should be at the dentist, or what I need to purchase from Target, or what classroom donations the teachers want, or which phone calls need to be made the most urgently.

Without It? Lost. Soul.

Speaking of "lost", I lost my notebook this weekend.

Let me repeat that, in case the gravity of the situation isn’t quite clear:

I LOST MY NOTEBOOK, THE ONE WITH EVERYTHING IN IT. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

I am 99% certain I lost it at Kroger, because I had it when I went grocery shopping on Friday morning. I don’t use it as much on the weekends, so I didn’t notice it was missing until Monday afternoon. I remembered having it on the dog food aisle, and setting it down so I could pick up a case of Alpo with both hands. *squinching up my face, thinking really hard* That is my last memory of it.

I went back to Kroger first thing yesterday morning, and asked at customer service if anyone had turned it in. Naturally, that would have been too easy. No simple lost and found for me! So I went back to the dog food aisle and got down on my hands and knees and moved every single case of Alpo off the shelf and searched for it. I’m not even kidding. That’s my level of desperation -- germ phobe that I am, crawling around on the floor of a public supermarket. (Why couldn’t I have lost it in the Purell aisle???) I think I might have left it in my cart without realizing it. I would have gladly hand-searched every cart in that store, but I was afraid I would be arrested by management for harassment of the other shoppers.

We have turned the house upside down. I offered five bucks to whichever kid found it first. None of them found it, but Brayden found an old diary of hers, Kendrie found two matchbox cars under the sofa, Kellen found nothing because the lazy little shit said he didn’t need any money and he wasn’t looking, and Blaine found a disgusting, congealed, rancid sippy cup of milk behind Kendrie’s dresser. Blech. But no notebook.

Ya’ll, I’m not kidding. What am I supposed to do? I have no idea what I should be doing when, or where. Blaine, Mr. Always Practical, suggested I just get a new notebook from my stash (yes, I have a stash because I go through them every month or two), close my eyes, and try to mentally and visually recall what was on the old list. So I squinted my eyes shut, and tried to remember what was printed. *squinting, squinting*

Something about a book that I wanted to buy. And oranges. I think I needed to buy oranges.

That’s all I could come up with.

I’m pathetic.

Instead of hyperventilating every time I think about it, which is what I did much of the day yesterday, I’m trying to see this as a positive thing. It’s quite freeing, actually. All the restraints and pesky, obligatory to-do items are now gone. Vanished. I should feel liberated, right? Like those kids who burned things in the 1970's, only instead of draft cards and bras, I'm suddenly without order and function.

So what if one of my kids misses an orthodontist appointment, and I can’t rsvp to that birthday party because I’ve lost the number, and I’ve misplaced the list of every single song title I got from my girlfriends last weekend to download off iTunes. None of that really matters, right? Who needs the promotion code for my photo order? Who needs to remember that I'm a month behind on thank-you notes? Or that I promised to proctor tests at the school next month ... on what days .... ???

Blaine asked me if I wanted to go to lunch on Friday and I said, no, I had too much to do before we leave on our Spring Break Vacation on Saturday morning.** He asked, “Yeah? What all do you have to get done?” and it suddenly occurred to me. Nothing. I have nothing to DO. I’ll probably miss getting my hair cut and forget to go to the bank and not remember who I should paypal money to and never remember to make hotel reservations, but I am FREE and CLEAR for lunch on Friday! Whoo! I’m free!!

Egads, no I’m not. I’m all butt-clenched just thinking about it.

PS. If any of you find a black and white floral notebook, I swear I will pay you five dollars.

Comments on the comments:

Jadine, no it is not too late, and yes you should watch it. I used to be a fan of reality tv, until the mean-spirited, cold-hearted, backstabbing manipulating psychos of Survivor ruined it for me. What I love about DWTS is that there is no ruthless maneuvering to get oneself ahead of one’s opponent. The dancing is lovely to watch, and I SO enjoy the behind-the scenes footage of the stars trying to learn the dances. The recap show is WAY too long, but those television stations are doing their best to suck all the almighty advertising dollar into their wallets, I suppose. It is a family-friendly show, and you truly should watch it.

Although, was I the only person who lost their flipping cable signal RIGHT AT THE VERY MOMENT THEY WERE ANNOUNCING WHO WAS VOTED OFF????? I was all, “Oh, hell no, this isn’t happening!” but it WAS, and we wound up having to mute the television so we could read the verdict on the closed captioning, with no picture!! So I didn’t get to see the reactions and was totally bummed. (I take this way too seriously, don’t I?)

Kati, can I just say how much I adore you? Because you are a fabulous role model, and Kendrie loves you, and mostly because you don’t beat me about the head with your crutches when I continuously spell your name wrong.

Anonymous at the Gym -- ha! Listen to what happened to me this weekend (well, besides the fact I lost my bleeping NOTEBOOK but I think that topic has been covered) I took Kellen to a birthday party (one I was able to rsvp for back when I still had my notebook … oh, sorry, I just can’t let it go) and it was a group of ten or so rowdy boys, playing outside, being rambunctious, doing what boys do. They were tossing a football, sort of near my chair, and the grandmother hollered, loudly, in front of all the adults at the party, “You boys be careful and don’t bump into Kellen’s mother --- there’s two of them sitting there, and you need to watch out!” and at first I was like, “Two of them? Two what?” and then I realized she meant two people, as in she thought I was pregnant. (sigh) But at least it got the boys out of my way.

**Yes, we’re leaving on another vacation, but I have good news this time! Blaine is coming with me, which means I will have his laptop, so should have internet access the entire time. Not that you’ll want to hear every detail of our trip, but at least now it’s a possibility. Although, really, I can give you the summary now, and just save us both the trouble:

Vacation begins.
Kids fighting.
Mom pulling her hair out.
More fighting.
Even more fighting. Over every stupid thing under the sun you would think my children left their brains back at home.
Mom threatening to never take them on another vacation I SWEAR ON ALL THAT IS HOLY IF YOU DON'T STOP THAT ARGUING BACK THERE I WILL PULL THIS VAN OVER AND LEAVE YOU ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD WE ARE NEVER LEAVING THE HOUSE AGAIN!!!!!
Vacation ends.