CAMP SUNSHINE, TAKE FOUR

Kendrie -- Day 137 OT

Blaine -- Quick! Look up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane!! It’s, it’s ….. well, shoot, it IS a plane, with Blaine on it. He’s probably over your head right now on his way to Seattle! (Radiation starts tomorrow -- if you have a spare good thought you could direct to the northwest part of the country, I know he’d appreciate it.)

Yep, that’s right, we headed to our FOURTH Family Camp Weekend on Friday, courtesy of Camp Sunshine, at Camp Twin Lakes in Georgia. I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what a great support organization this is, and how much our family has benefited from the outings and support groups run by them …. and how fabulous the workers and volunteers are …. and how much we cherish the friendships we have made with other pediatric cancer patients and their families …. and how we always have such a great time at camp ….. and how we hope they never kick us out even though Kendrie is off-treatment at this point …. As I know you all must expect me to …. Considering I never shut up for anything …. But I won’t this time.

Instead, just like our Florida trip, I’ll give you the highlights instead, in pictures. So that those of you on dial-up can permanently remove me from your favorites list since Lord knows all these photos will never show up for you.

OUR FAVORITE THINGS TO DO AT CAMP SUNSHINE:




Family Group Activity: painting birdhouses. Ours started out a very cheerful yellow and green. But then the kids wanted to “add details” and they got too impatient to rinse out their paintbrushes between colors, so we wound up with an interesting greenish-brownish-dingy-colored birdhouse that no bird in the tri-state region would nest in unless there was a hurricane coming and they had no other option for survival. I’m sure the Martha Stewarts of the bird world would choose death, rather than hunker down in something so ugly. But the kids had fun, and that’s all that matters.




Playing Frisbee on the lawn with all the other kids: Kellen had a great time, but unfortunately never figured out that the probability for actually *catching* the Frisbee would have been much higher had he kept his eyes open. Oh, well, at least (unlike Kendrie) he keeps his tongue in his mouth.




Hanging out with friends: Brayden and our friend Mary Grace spent all weekend in one another’s company. I’m not sure which one of them enjoyed it more …. Mary Grace, for having a “big kid” to carry her around, or Brayden, for having a “little kid” she could be the boss of for two solid days. Unlike Kellen and Kendrie, Mary Grace actually listened to what Brayden had to say. Quite a difference from the treatment Brayden gets at home from her unappreciative siblings.





Ahhhhh, the bloom of eternally happy siblings ………NOT! I think Blaine was standing behind me with ice cream bars and we told them they couldn’t have any unless they posed for a photo together …. Smiling ….. arms around one another. I am SO not above bribery.





Kendrie and her “new best friend” Keegan. They were inseparable this weekend, with both of them pushing hard for a “sleepover” at the other one’s cabin. Keegan, as many of you know from following his CB site, is currently undergoing some pretty harsh relapse chemo, and I was impressed with what a good job he did keeping up with the other kids this weekend. I don’t know if it was because of Kendrie, or in spite of her, but they both ran pretty hard the entire time. Which, or course, is better for us parents come bedtime, when they’re exhausted and fall immediately off to sleep, which is all that really matters in life.




This was one of the kids’ favorite activities this weekend: paddleboating. One which, by all rights, should have brought me a great deal of shame, since I refused to go in one (after Blaine’s rude weight comment the last time I went in HIS boat, I wasn’t about to risk having a camp lifeguard tell me I’m too fat! Plus, have you ever tried working those pedals? It's hard!!) and so my kids blatantly begged other adults, some who were total strangers, to take them. And people did. Wondering all the while, I’m sure, why my fat-ass was on the dock taking photos as they huffed and puffed by.




Another perennial favorite; gold panning. I keep hoping each time that the kids will find a nice diamond ring, or perhaps an emerald pendant or a pair of sapphire cufflinks, but no such luck yet. In the meantime, we’ve got a nice collection of shiny pieces of glass, plastic, and ornamental rocks, which they guard with their lives and think is truly valuable.




Not to leave all the fun up to Brayden and Kendrie, Kellen snagged another member of Mary Grace’s family for the weekend: Grant. The two boys had a great time playing sports together, and were surprisingly well behaved, considering the mischief they *could* have gotten into, if they had been so inclined. Luckily for us, they weren’t.




A new adventure for our family this weekend: tennis. Well, "adventure" in the sense that Blaine did nothing but throw thousands of balls for the kids to hit, and I sat on a bench and took photos. Considering none of them had ever so much as picked up a racket before, they enjoyed the quick bit of playing we did.





Kellen enjoyed it especially, once he figured out that a tennis racket is NOT the same thing as a baseball bat.





Kendrie never really got the hang of it, and decided pouting on her side of the court was a better outlay of energy than actually chasing the balls around.


Judging by the cheerfulness, cooperation, and gratitude our children showed us for taking them to Family Camp this weekend (I guess they think those suitcases just pack themselves? And unpack themselves at the cabin? And the van loads itself? And all the luggage and bags of crap schlep themselves to and from the cabin? And the dog walks himself to the kennel before hand? And the snacks and drinks just magically appear? You get the picture…….) Blaine and I have decided that our next few vacations will take place at Couples, or Sandals, or some other type of resort that doesn’t allow anyone under the age of 25 to step foot on the property. Not that we don’t love our kids, we do. We just have no desire to travel with them again until they are old enough to vote, pay their own way, sleep in their OWN hotel rooms, and NOT argue with us 24/7/365.

A few of the photos from this weekend that I didn’t take, but that would back up my version of the events:

1. The photo of our kids fighting over whose turn it was to select the movie for the DVD. For Pete's sake, it's not like they haven't seen ALL those movies a dozen time apiece!!!

2. The photo of our kids arguing vehemently with their father and me that Fruit Gushers and Gatorade are a HEALTHY and perfectly rational breakfast choice.

3. A photo of our kids fighting over who got which bed in the cabin (never mind that there are TEN beds to choose from!)

4. A photo of our kids protesting that to walk eight feet to the suitcase to get their own pajamas was simply too exhausting.

5. A photo of the kids fighting over whose turn it was to ride in the wagon, and whose turn it was to pull.

6. A photo of the kids repeatedly, REPEATEDLY, smacking their gum in the van, despite my frequent requests for them to chew with their mouths closed.

6 1/2. A photo of my face turning red as I scream at them politely and lovingly ask them one last time to quit smacking their gum!!!!

7. A photo of me (I am so not making this up) throwing a cup at my children and yelling at them to spit the damn gum out. In my defense, it was a plastic cup so there was no real chance of bodily harm. And I didn’t technically throw it AT the children, I just threw it over my shoulder in the van, towards the general direction of the smacking children. The fact that it hit Kellen in the arm was really more bad luck and unfortunate aim than harmful intent on my part.

8. A photo of Blaine rolling his eyes at the entire lot of us.


Thank goodness the weekend ended on a high note, as finally, in a scene eerily similar to last weekend, we stalked another Canadian family who were visiting the United States on vacation, and showed up on their holiday doorstep. This time, it was Katie and her family, staying with relatives in Atlanta.

Also an ALL patient, Katie was diagnosed a few months before Kendrie and went off-treatment a few months after. Her protocol was slightly longer than ours, but now Katie is reveling in her life post-chemo, and we were so happy, after “meeting” online over two and a half years ago, to get a chance to meet their family in person.




The kids had a great time playing together for the afternoon (or at least *my* kids did … perhaps I shouldn’t speak for Katie and her brother Alex!) Just like right after we met Finn’s family, and Julianna’s family, my kids want to know how much longer until they can get together and play again with their new friends. Obviously, they haven’t quite yet grasped the concept of borders, passports, and ve-e-e-e-e-e-e-errrrry long car rides. And after this past weekend, we’re taking no car ride farther than their elementary school or the local grocery store. But maybe after we win the lottery, we’ll buy ourselves an RV (with a soundproof cabin for Blaine and me) and tour North America, re-visiting these great families, and so many others. We can be the dysfunctional cancer family version of MTV’s Road Rules.

Until then, Blaine and I figure at the rate of one family a weekend, we will be able to party-crash all the families on our All-Kids list in a short five years or so.

So, who’s next??? Any volunteers??? :)

PS. All kidding aside, I am looking for a little bit of help here. Blaine starts his radiation tomorrow, and as WONDERFUL as the support and information I found online for pediatric leukemia has been, the pendulum has swung in the opposite direction for head and neck cancers. I’m not sure if it’s because people are more inclined to step up when their children are involved, or perhaps adults are more private ….. I just don’t know why there isn’t a support network to be found (and believe me, we have looked!)

Specifically, we would love to talk to someone who has undergone radiation for salivary gland/sinus cancer …. Even more specifically, neutron beam radiation. But we’re not choosy, we’ll take anything in the ballpark. We would just like to hear from someone who has “been there, done that” and would be willing to give us their know-how with regard to treatment difficulties, severity and length of potential side effects, long-term experience, etc.

It’s too bad there’s no way to “search” these Caringbridge sites by diagnosis. Privacy issues aside, it sure would be helpful! So if you know of anyone, or know of anyone who knows of anyone … etc …. And wouldn’t mind passing our names along, we would certainly appreciate it. Thanks!

BUT, YOU WOULD BE WRONG

Kendrie -- Day 131 OT
Blaine -- Radiation starts one week from today

Well, I tried. Tried hard. Tried hard and failed. (Sounds like me and my history with dieting) No matter how much I wanted to wait and update, and not blurt out the fun news from last weekend, I just can’t stand not updating the site and letting everyone know what we got to do. A few of you guessed (correctly) in the guestbook, but in case you’re not sure, let me fill you in:

IF YOU THOUGHT OUR HIGHLIGHT FROM LAST WEEKEND WAS:




Having ice cream for lunch -- not as dessert *after* lunch, but as lunch itself -- at 10:30 in the morning --- YOU WOULD BE WRONG.




Getting to play dinosaur putt-putt --- YOU WOULD BE WRONG.




Getting to interact with the dinosaur putt-putt because the balls kept disappearing down in this one particular dinosaur --- YOU WOULD BE WRONG.





Getting to play with Daddy in the swimming pool (although it was awfully fun) --- YOU WOULD BE WRONG.





Getting to go on a mighty lizard hunt --- YOU WOULD BE WRONG.




Realizing that the UV protection we were giving our eyes was at the expense of our soon-to-be-cauliflower-ears --- YOU WOULD BE WRONG.





Getting to treat Dad like the pack-mule he is --- YOU WOULD BE WRONG.





Getting to stand around in our new sunglasses and look cool --- YOU WOULD BE WRONG.






Getting our faces painted (althoug this was the end of the evening and the faces underneath the paint were pretty tired) --- YOU WOULD BE WRONG.






Have you guessed? Huh? Huh? Have you???? Any ideas at all????







How about: Getting to hang out with the entire Clan Banana for the day at Give Kids the World Resort Village in Kissimmee, Florida!!!





You guys, seriously. I know they think we’re stalkers. They flew down from Manitoba on their Canadian-U.S. peace envoy, and we totally showed up and crashed Julianna’s Wish Trip!! Not only did we follow them around like puppies, sitting with them for dinner, attending Mayor Clayton’s birthday party, and inviting ourselves to go swimming with them, but we even invited ourselves to their villa where my kids drank all their juice and ate all their Pringles! No wonder people think Americans are greedy and selfish and insensitive --- we totally are!

But they were gracious and hospitable, and had the decency to at least pretend they didn’t mind. And their family is just as funny, just as nice, and just as friendly in real life as they are on Caringbridge. Julianna and Nicholas are great kids, sweet, even-tempered, and much better behaved than those Escoe hooligans, I can tell you that. I don’t know what the hell kind of excuse I’m going to have to use to wrangle our way up to Canada so we can visit with them again, but I’m sure going to do my best to make it happen.

We were even lucky enough to witness Julianna’s inaugural swim after getting her lines removed. I got some great photos, but out of respect for her First Bikini in Years Event, will send them directly to her parents. I was a little worried that Proclaiming Myself as the Great American Nuisance was bad enough and didn’t want to repeatedly point my camera in their faces as well. So I waited until the very end of the evening to ask someone to take a group shot --- and wouldn’t you know? My camera wouldn’t take in the dark. I have NO idea why that happened, but I was extremely disappointed and hope their camera worked better than mine.

Well, I’ve probably gushed enough. Terry, Mary, Julianna and Nicholas, thank you so much for allowing us to suck the life out of your first full day in Florida. I hope the rest of Julianna’s trip is awesome ---- and much easier for you to enjoy without us five obnoxious leeches hanging on.

Your bestest, best new friends from Georgia (are you terrified yet?)

The Escoe family.

DISNEY VS. GREASE

Ok, I think this journal has gone on long enough with talk about depressing stuff like cancer. And more cancer. And cancer again. It’s time to take an insightful moment and truly reflect on situations that require a deeper plane of thought. Life-altering things. On states of current affairs that require us to search our inner core for our value and significance as human beings; our emotions, our morals, our true principles. Am I talking about world peace? Or world hunger? Or world anything?

No, I’m talking about the recent claim made by the media that Disney’s High School Musical is to this generation what Grease was to mine.

I know! The audacity!! Can you even believe it? The exaggeration is so absurd it almost doesn’t warrant consideration. But since I’ve complained alluded in the past to how much my kids are obsessed by enjoyed High School Musical, I thought it deserved a comment or two.

I came home from {what seems to be my daily run to} Target last week and made the comment to Blaine, “You know what’s funny? I was in the music department, buying my {completely inappropriate for children and totally deserving of the explicit language parental warning advisory} cd by Pink, {which I love, by the way,} and noticed that the soundtrack to High School Musical was in the Top 20 section. Not Top 20 Kids, or Top 20 Musicals, but Top 20. Regular music. Like on the charts with Bubba Sparxxx and Ne-Yo and Busta Groove and other performers I’ve never heard of.”

And since we not only own the soundtrack, but I enjoy it so much myself that I’ve listened to it even without kids in the car (gasp!) I thought it was kind of sweet that Disney was keeping up with Mary J. Bilge and MC Smash Your Angry Face and whoever else currently comprises the Top 20 Billboard.

To which Blaine responded: “I know. I saw on the Today show, or Good Morning America, or whatever, something like that, how it’s this surprise blockbuster hit, and taking over as this generation’s Grease.”

What? Taking over as this generation’s Grease? No, no, no. That is just WRONG.

Now, I’m willing to admit the storyline for High School Musical is ok, and there are some humorous moments, and the music is actually pretty good. But there is no way a silly little fluff Disney musical (with absolutely no sex or violence, I might point out) can come even close to touching an institution like Grease. Grease is an ICON of pop culture for anyone between the ages of 35 and 45. Admit it, who amongst you out there didn’t want to BE Sandy? (Or even Rizzo, in your more rebellious moments?) Who didn’t want to race for pinks? Or attend Rydell High? Or kick Cha Cha’s ass after that dance competition?

I remember seeing Grease in the theater for the first time when I was 12. It was Brenda Strahan’s 13th birthday, and her dad (brave soul that he was) took ten or eleven of us pre-teen girls to the movie theater to watch Grease. I fell in LOVE with the movie, and made my mom and dad take me again the next night. Being products of the 1950’s themselves, they also enjoyed the movie, although I think my mom was a little worried I would see the characters and situations in Grease as a true representation of life in the ‘50’s. Which of course, I totally did. And became convinced I had been born in the wrong generation.

My obsession continued, after I bought the record (yes, kids, before cds, before cassettes, before 8-tracks, we listened to round black things called RECORDS. On something called a RECORD PLAYER.) I clearly remember hanging out at my friend Jani Bales’ house, listening to Greased Lightning and Beauty School Dropout and making up really cheesy dance routines in her living room, which we subjected her poor mom to watch us perform, over and over. In fact, the only time in my life I’ve been drunk brave enough to perform karaoke without a group of girlfriends surrounding me, was to Summer Lovin’. So that should tell you how deep my affection for Grease actually runs. Or my affection for Amaretto ..... I'm a little confused by the whole hazy memory.

But my point is, for “them” to claim Grease is being replaced by High School Musical for the pre-teens of today ….. well, that’s one claim I’m going to have to refute. There’s just no way to compare the two!

Sure, Disney and Grease both tackled class consciousness and social order, but Grease had leather pants! Condom talk! Tacky dream sequences! Frankie Avalon! A drive-in scene! Who doesn’t love the drive in scene???

I’m telling you, take my word for it, no movie will ever surpass Grease as the coming-of-age teen-angst (which is ironic, considering how old those actors were when they made that movie …. What was Kenickie, like, 40?) rite of passage. And in case you don’t believe me, or don’t have the rose-colored view of Grease that I do, here are a few quotes, some of which have gone down in history, that you KNOW Disney doesn’t have the cahones to use:

1. “A hickey from Kenickie is like a Hallmark Card: When you care enough to send the very best.”

2. “I feel like a defective typewriter.”
“Huh?”
“I skipped a period.” (yeah, like THAT one’s going to be in a Disney show?!?!)

3. “Oh, bite the weenie, Riz”
“With relish”

4. “And remember, if you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.”

5. “We have pictures of you so-called mooners. And just because the pictures aren’t of your faces, don’t think we can’t identify you.”

6. “Do you think these glasses make me look smarter?”
“No, you can still see your face.”

And the classic:

7. “Tell me about it (pause for dramatic effect and to stub out a cigarette with the toe of her insanely high heeled shoe) S-T-U-D.” (My gosh, I would have killed to be Sandy at that point in the movie! Until they drove off in the magical-flying car, which was the one part of the movie that I admit was totally stupid. Well, if we're being honest, the second part. The dream sequence with Frankie was pretty dumb, too. That's when I would get up and go to the bathroom on subsequent movie showings.)

The most risqué line I could find in High School Musical is “Shake your booty”. See? No comparison. Grease is the clear-cut winner, when it comes to shaping minds and morals of the youth in this country. Don’t you agree? Leave me a note in the guestbook with your favorite quote from Grease (you know you have one!) or if, for some inane reason, you liked High School Musical better. Although I can tell you in advance that you are totally wrong and nothing you can say will change my mind.

In the meantime, I am packing our bags for an event, taking place this weekend, of such magnitude, I can’t even breathe a word of it, for fear I will jinx it happening. I can’t let out a peep and blow the surprise -- I can’t even tell you until after the fact. (Yet notice I am still talking?!?!?) *******************************************
PS. I guess I should point out that I appear to have done a really lousy job conveying information --- I'm not having this baby until the 19th of MAY. While I appreciate the notes of encouragement and support that I got yesterday, the 19th of April, it's still a little early for me to be serving up any kind of eviction notice for the little guy or girl. So, four more weeks. :)
*****************************************

REAL, LIVE, CONVERSATIONS I HAVE ACTUALLY HAD THIS WEEK:

Kristie, driving through a McDonalds drive-through: “OK, Kendrie, what do you want?”

Kendrie: “A cheeseburger, with ketchup only and pickles”

Kristie, “You don’t like pickles”

Kendrie, “No, I don’t like pickles. But I like pickle crumbs. So order pickles and I will take them off and have just the pickle crumbs.”

Kristie, “ I have no idea what pickle crumbs are, but OK, so you want just ketchup and pickles?”

Kendrie, “Yes. But no mustard. Or Onions. Or Caviar.”

Kristie, "OK, pretty sure they don't serve caviar at McDonalds."

CONVERSATION NUMBER TWO:

I returned home one afternoon this week to find Blaine laying on the sofa, atop a heating pad.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

Blaine, “I pulled a muscle in my back”

Kristie, “What exhausting, strenuous activity were you doing that made you pull a muscle in your back, you big hunk of man-candy, you?”

Blaine, “Brushing my teeth.”

I swear, I’m not making this up. How could I make this stuff up? He pulled a muscle in his back, brushing the few teeth he has left. I don’t even know what to say, so I’ll just end this now. Where the hell is the Ben-gay?

FIELD DAY, 2006

Spanning the globe to bring you the constant variety of sport! The thrill of victory...and the agony of defeat! The human drama of athletic competition! This is Byron, Georgia’s: Wide World of Sports!


The always-tricky balancing a ball on a spoon race. I think it's supposed to be eggs on a spoon, but thank goodness it wasn't. As many times as those kids dropped the balls, that field would have reeked like Sulpher City by the end of the day.



I guess this is good practice for when they start stealing street cones in their teen age years????



Kendrie told me the night before she hated this event, the "Kangaroo Hop". Now I understand why. With all those short little kindergarten legs, it took almost fifteen minutes for all those kids to hop down the lanes!



The hurdle relay. One of the trickier events for kids who (unfortunately) get their Athletic Gene from their uncoordinated mom.



Ah, yes. A true test of athletic prowess --- the Beanbag on the Head relay.



And of course, the scene that took place repeatedly throughout the day, Kendrie doing whatever event was taking place, always, with her tongue hanging out of her mouth.



BLAINE UPDATE:

OK, believe it or not….. (wait, I have to throw some salt over my left shoulder with my right hand) …. Believe it or not, I think I have some good ……. (hang on, I need to find my lucky four-leaf clover before I say anything out loud and jinx myself) ….. some good news ….. (hold it, where is my unicorn horn? My leprechaun broach? My Aladdin’s lamp?) I really want to tell you what has happened, but I’m afraid if I don’t rub my rabbit’s foot, nail a horseshoe over my door, step over the cracks in the sidewalk, find a heads-up penny, break the long half of the wishbone, drop an eyelash onto my cheek, sight a shooting star, blow out an entire dandelion, coerce a ladybug to land on me, cross my fingers, and knock on my wooden computer desk in juuuuuuuuuuuuuust the right way, then it will all blow up in my face.

Yesterday was NOT Friday the 13th. It was Friday the 14th. And apparently the planets aligned, the prayers and good wishes of all of you were heard, and the Gods of Diving Timing smiled down upon us, because believe it or not, I think Blaine’s unexpected tooth extraction will wind up being a blessing in disguise! (OK, so maybe *he’s* not feeling that way, eating mashed potatoes for the last six meals in a row, but I sure am!)

We got a call from the radiation department at the University of Washington last night, and taking a “better safe than sorry” approach, they want to delay Blaine’s radiation by an entire two weeks. So instead of starting this Tuesday, he won’t go until the beginning of May. Which means, if you drag out your pocket calendar and count out the days, like I immediately did, his final two weeks of radiation, when they predict he will start to need help, are the two weeks AFTER the baby is due to be born! So I can pop out this kid, then hop a flight to Washington and help him myself, instead of sending my (completely willing but slightly overwhelmed) mother to do it. Instead, she will come here to be with me for the delivery, then stay with the kids while I go to Washington. I mean really, had I scheduled it myself, the timing couldn’t have worked out more perfectly.

Blaine is not happy about the delay, just because he had his mind wrapped around the treatments and was in his “mental happy place” and prepared. Now, he’s got to wait; unpack his suitcase (and his worries and concerns) only to re-pack in a few weeks. Plus, like he keeps telling me, “I’m walking around with cancer in my head. Excuuuuuuse ME if I want to get it out of there as soon as possible!” Yeah, ok, whatever. It’s all about ME, and this works out perfectly!!!!

Things we specifically need to go right (so those of you in the kneeling position, please keep right on slinging the happy thoughts upstairs):

1. That my body cooperate so the baby can show up on the 19th. Due to a previous c-section, I can’t be induced if I’m not physically “ready”.

2. That the delivery be uncomplicated. I need to be out of the hospital in time to catch a flight three days later.

3. That the baby be born healthy, beautiful, and happy. Wait, this should be moved up to the number one spot. It’s the most important.

4. That I immediately drop fifty pounds after the delivery. (Ok, so technically this is more of a vanity request than a legitimate prayer request …. But if I’m asking, I might as well ask for everything I want, right?!)

I realize the timing of everything leaves us with a very small window for error, and the way things seem to go for us, plans will change two or three times between now and then. But for TODAY, I feel huge relief. Seriously. Like someone has taken Stonehenge off my shoulders.

I wanted my mom here for the delivery; looks like I’m getting it. *I* wanted to be the one in Seattle helping Blaine, looks like I’m getting it. I’m like the spoiled rotten Paris Hilton of the cancer world, getting everything she wanted! The only thing I’ll miss is the kids' last week of school, but since Grandma will be here to cater to their every whim help out, they won’t miss me one bit.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for all your good thoughts and concern. It worked!

Well, I better go fix some more mashed potatoes for Mr. Crabby McHole in the Mouth. I guess I should feel sorrier for him. I mean, I like mashed potatoes, also, but I suppose after two solid days it **would** get a little old. He started our grocery list this week with the following items: oatmeal, ice cream, yogurt. That’s just sad, isn’t it?

I SWEAR MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE.

OF COURSE, BLAINE’S PRETTY MUCH HAS ALREADY.

AND THAT’S THE BASIS OF OUR PROBLEM.

BUT EVERYTHING IS FINE.

Kendrie -- Day 119 OT and covered from ankle to knee in bruises, front and back, but I can’t even worry about it because I’m too busy feeling like my head is going to explode.

Blaine -- who freakin’ knows? Does anybody know? Really? ‘Cause I would love for you to tell me if you know.

Once again, I find myself having to apologize for the delay in updating this site. I confess that I’m struggling lately with whether or not to keep it going, and if so, in what fashion. I thought after Kendrie finished her treatment, I would continue to journal in more of a blogger form; detailing our experiences with the Disney channel, sports travails, humorous anecdotes, travel plans, homework sagas, and life off-treatment. With any luck, providing hope and optimism for those families still in the thick of their cancer journey, and maybe even giving the rest of you a laugh or two at our expense in the meantime. I figured I would utilize Caringbridge for six months or so, then make my way over to Typepad or Blogger and carry on there, in true mommyblogger fashion.

Now, given Blaine’s situation, I’m not quite sure where to go or what to do with this site. We still have chaos and insanity and fun stuff in our normal lives, but to blab about that without mentioning him seems rude. And fake. Because really, we’re completely distracted by what is happening with him. But to blather on about his trials is depressing. And I struggle with finding a balance. Plastic and entertaining? Gloomy and truthful? In the meantime, apathy strikes and I write nothing.

Here’s where we are now, with regard to Blaine. Let’s get the exploding head stuff out of the way first. Although, I must warn you. Only *MY* head is exploding. Yours will only explode out of dullness if you read the following, because even I am tired of listening to myself whine and complain. So if you have something better to do …. ANYTHING … like re-grouting the bathroom tile or cleaning out the bottom mildew-y vegetable bin in the refrigerator, I would go do it now. Otherwise, read on at the risk of boring your brain cells. To a mind-numbing, painful death. And really, if that's the end result, shouldn't there be alcohol involved????

He returned from his consultation in Seattle last week, sobered by the reality of what five weeks of radiation will entail, but almost excited, in a sick and twisted way, to just get things started so it would be over. The good news is the success rate he was quoted in using neutron beam radiation against this type of cancer: 80 percent. “Success” is defined as total remission. That’s a pretty respectable quote. Same statistic Kendrie was given in her ALL treatment. (Conveniently, he didn’t ask about the other 20 percent.) Not as good news are the side effects he can expect from the treatment: extreme fatigue, a permanent 10 percent hearing loss, greater risk of secondary cancers later (where have we heard that one before?) a permanent loss of the ability to produce saliva, therefore, chronic dry mouth both during the treatments and for life, severe mouth sores, possibly necessitating a feeding tube, possibly a permanent ban on solid foods, and life-long dental problems on the teeth he has left (yeah, because he hasn’t had THAT already for the past three years?) So, in a perfect world, he’ll be a tired, deaf, dry-mouthed, toothless cranky man existing on chicken soup and food in a blender. But hey, he won’t have cancer anymore. It’ll be like being married to my dad. (Those of you who know Calvin can laugh, right?)

But that’s ok, right? Because a guy’s gotta do what a guy’s gotta do. So it’s fine. Timing has become tricky, since radiation was scheduled to begin next week, last five weeks, and he will need a support person there, at a minimum, for the last two weeks. Obviously, at 38 weeks pregnant, it won’t be me. So my mom was elected, which is fine, except she has always been our “helper” person during my deliveries, watching the kids while I am in labor …. So if she’s in Seattle with Blaine, I’ll be here by myself. Which is fine … I can give birth by myself, and pass the kids off to babysitters for a few days while I’m in the hospital, although that’s not an ideal situation. So, although it took an extreme amount of childcare coordination on her part, my sister offered to come here for the delivery, just so I wouldn’t have to go it alone --- problem solved, right?

Wrong.

First, Blaine has had an inordinate amount of problems getting the legwork for his Seattle trip taken care of this week. The military is great about our coverage, and what they provide for us, but Blaine has to do every bit of the groundwork and gophering himself. Travel forms, finance, hotel arrangements, hospital arrangements, medical records, etc. First, he went to the travel office to get orders so he could actually make the trip, and realized they put the wrong dates down for air travel. But they can fix that, so it’s fine. Then we found out the Air Force will pay for my mom to travel to Seattle, and to help Blaine back to Atlanta at the end of treatment, as his "official chaperone" but getting her back home is our problem. There was no working that one out. So we’ll either drive her home, or fly her home, which is no problem and fine. Just something we’ll worry about later. Because of course we don’t know exactly *when* they’ll be coming home, so we’re not able to make plans for that now. Then, he needed a few prescriptions refilled, but there was an exercise going on this week in the medical clinic on base, so his doctor didn’t return his calls for four solid days. This is the same doctor who has literally made house calls for us, so I know he wasn’t avoiding Blaine, he just wasn’t available. But in the meantime Blaine was getting panicky that he was leaving on Monday with no pain meds and no-one seemed able to help.

Then, on to today’s drama.

In an effort to protect his remaining teeth during this radiation, Blaine had to get fitted today for what is called a hidden bite block (I envision some sort of mouth guard like football players wear, but really, I have no idea what it is. For all I know, it’s like the dental equipment my sister wore all through junior high ….. wouldn’t that be unfortunate? A Jason radiation mask AND head gear???) His initial appointment with the dentist was this morning, then he planned on joining the kids and I for the annual Field Day Extravaganza at their school. He called me mid-morning to tell me the dentist found a cavity and they absolutely had to fill it before he could have radiation, so he’d be running late. Fine. Then, they got in there and discovered the cavity was so large there was no way to salvage the tooth, so it would have to be extracted. Today. Ok, well, he’ll miss Field Day, but that’s fine. But (there’s always a but, isn’t there?) radiation can’t take place if there is an “open” wound in the mouth …. So unless Blaine wants to risk some kind of radiation-poisoning-infection-scenario, and spend time in a hyper baric chamber, (I swear to you, they actually mentioned a hyper baric oxygen chamber!) radiation will have to be postponed by a week to ten days. Ix-nay and ancel-Cay on all the planning and reserving and coordinating Blaine had done this week in order to leave on Monday. All down the crapper.

Which would be fine …. But my mom and my sister have already gone to great lengths to clear their schedules and make travel arrangements for the days we told them we would need them. I arranged my delivery, and let the baby’s parents know exactly when to come, based on the supposed radiation schedule. And now, we have no idea when Blaine will be rescheduled. Naturally, the radiation-oncologist wasn’t available today to talk this situation over with us. Naturally. Why would he be? Why should one freaking thing go smoothly, or as planned. Why should we have any stinkin’ clue when he’ll be getting his treatments? Ten days later? Two weeks later? How does that affect my sister’s travel? My mom’s travel? This delivery? Seriously, I would throw my hands up in the air at this point, but the carpal tunnel is so bad I’m afraid I would never get the feeling back in my fingers.

You know the teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoons, whose face you never see, and whose voice is just a monotonous “Wah Wah Wah--Wah- Wah”? That’s how I feel, listening to myself. Every plan we have has a flaw. Every contingency plan has a flaw. If we do plan A, then **this** is our dilemma. If we move to plan B, then detail #3245 bites us in the ass. Plan C doesn’t work because *that* would be too logical.

OK, so, a couple of things I have to apologize for:

1. That this is so boring. Don’t deny it. I see some of your eyeballs rolled back in your head. I’ll get back on the site this weekend and post some photos from the kids’ Field Day …. Much cuter and more entertaining than the details of Blaine’s ongoing medical saga.

2. If it sounds for one micro-second like I am complaining about Blaine’s treatment. We are blessed and hopeful for full recovery. Thank goodness for this type of treatment, the people who can do it, and the opportunity it gives him for remission, even if it’s in Seattle. I just wish things were a little less complicated.

3. If it sounds for one micro-second like I am complaining about this surrogacy. I am blessed. This pregnancy has been uneventful and special. All that matters is that the parents get to welcome a beautiful, healthy child into the world. I’m lucky to be a part of it. I just wish things were a little less complicated.

4. My comment about the hardship of single parenting in my last post. First of all, I was only “single” for four days ….. I think even Mommy Dearest could’ve handled four measly days. And I sincerely want to apologize to how insensitive it must have sounded to my friends D.G. and K.E. (You know who you are, and why I need to apologize.) I am blessed. I love my kids beyond measure, even when I want to staple their little mouths shut. We will manage our five weeks alone just fine.

5. If it sounds for one second like I am complaining about the military. I am very proud and grateful for what the military has done for us. It’s just difficult to make arrangements, for major life events like this, when our family is so far away. As a "dependent spouse", I love being a peripheral part of the Air Force ---- but, have found myself gazing longingly at my “There’s no place like home” Dorothy-slippers more in the past three years then I did the previous fifteen military years combined.

6. If it sounds like I’m complaining because my crystal ball isn’t working. We’ve been dealing with this shit for three years. I just want to know the end is in sight. Right now, the end is so far away we couldn’t find it with both hands, a blow torch and a periscope. I know there are no guarantees in life ………….. but I would sure appreciate a “Get out of jail free” card right about now.

Well, there’s a 2000 word limit on Kvetching Posts, and I’ve exceeded it tonight. So I’ll sign off for now. I’m going to go bury my disgruntlement in a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie, sleep off the sugar low, and hopefully awaken tomorrow feeling refreshed and cheerful. Of course, my kids are out of school for Easter Break, so my cheerfulness most likely won’t last past 9am, the estimated TTBFWOA (Time To Begin Fighting With One Another.)

But a girl can dream, right?

PS. One happy parenting moment today, proving I am a child of the 80’s: I taught my kids the words:

"Alfalfa, will you swing me before we have lunch?

Sure, Darla.

Say Romeo, what about your promise to the he-man woman hater’s club?

I’m sorry Spanky, I have to live my own life."

To my delight, they love the song as much as I do.

THE BLESSING THAT IS CARINGBRIDGE

Kendrie -- Day 112 OT
Blaine -- countdown to radiation

Sorry for the delay in updating --- I just have to say, in my defense, doing this single parenting thing stinks. Not so much the manual labor; the feeding and bathing and chauffeuring them to and fro …. that's the easy part. It’s the being all things (mediator, cheerleader, band aid-applier, guidance counselor, homework helper, social coordinator, father figure, referee, sympathetic shoulder, etc) to all different people, 24/7, and trying to do it with a cheerful attitude and a smile on my face that I find tiring. Tiring? Shoot, I’m exhausted, and I’ve only been at it 48 hours! What happens when Blaine returns to Seattle for those five weeks of radiation??? I’ll never make it! So anyway, the first thing to go this week has been my late-night computer time, because heaven knows how crabby I get when I’m sleep-deprived, so I’m on self-imposed early bedtime, hence holdup #1 in updating this site.

Ironic that because of cancer, Blaine has not been deployed with the military, and now, because of cancer, he will be gone from us for five or six weeks, which I’m totally complaining about (and it hasn’t even started yet …. what does that say about my positive attitude?) Yet, given the hindsight of 20/20 vision, I would give back the cancer and take a six-month deployment for him --- in a second. Obviously, I am way too fickle (something Blaine has claimed for years, and might actually be right about!)

Anyway, on to my topic of the day -- Caringbridge blessings.

I hope that those of you who take the time to surf Caringbridge pages, whether it’s two or three favorite sites, or two or three dozen, and sign notes of encouragement in the guestbooks …. I would hope that you know how wonderful that support is to the families going through whatever comprises their personal trials. I would also hope that as a Caringbridge supporter, you get something in return; whether it’s a smile at a funny story, the joy of seeing a child you care about finish treatment and re-start their “normal” life, or the good feeling that comes with knowing you’ve helped make someone’s day a little brighter, just by stopping by and saying hello.

As for me, it’s a win-win situation. Actually, win-win-win-WIN! I receive happiness in following along on the sites of families I’ve come to care about, the satisfaction of knowing I can make someone’s day brighter by signing a guestbook and saying hi, the cheap therapy of using Kendrie’s site as my own, personal “Lie down on the Internet couch and vent about my feelings” remedy, and also, one of the biggest perks of all, the friendships we have made, both online and in person, through this service.

Georgia … specifically, the Atlanta area, has lots of really great social support organizations. Since we only live a few hours away, we’ve been able to take advantage and meet other families, who we’ve come to care about in a way I would never have understood prior to our induction into this crazy world of pediatric cancer.

Local (or psuedo-local) Caringbridge blessings:


Kendrie and our sweet friend Catie.



Our weekend Atlanta visit with Brandon's family.



Camp Sunshine circus with Madie, Camp Jack, and Jacob.



An Atlanta Braves game, courtesy of CureSearch, with Brady, Keegan, and lots of other kids.


North, south, east and west Caringbridge blessings:


Tyler from Oklahoma.



Jacob in New Mexico. (although he was still in Georgia when we met his family!)



The entire group of All-Kids who attended the Easter Egg Hunt and Egg Roll at the White House in DC, 2004.



Andrew from California.



Alexis from Minnesota, who we met at Give Kids the World in Florida.


And there are other blessings as well, that I didn’t get photos with, but whose families I’ve met, such as Molly from New York and Jill from Missouri.

Our latest CB blessing came on Saturday, in the form of Finn’s family, returning to Ohio from their vacation in Florida -- I just KNEW living right off I-75 would pay off some day! When I found out they would be traveling only a few miles from our house, I begged, pleaded and groveled until they agreed to visit. Good thing, too, because I **totally** am not above putting a magneto-tron-ometer force field around their car and setting up a giant magnet in our driveway, if I had to.

I have followed Finn’s CB site for quite some time, partly because he’s cute as a button, and partly because his mom Natalie cracks me up. She reminds me of ….. ME! and a little narcissism never hurt anyone, right? Sure enough, their family is just as great in person as I thought they would be. Although I don’t think Finn thought too highly of us, seeing as how we didn’t have a SINGLE Thomas the Tank Engine train in the entire house --- what is wrong with us? But we had a great visit and I completely want to move to Ohio to hang out with them some more. Shoot, I’d move to Ohio just to listen to Finn’s dad Eamonn talk, since he’s British and has that really cool accent. (You know us Americans are suckers for a cool accent.)


Declan and Kendrie, the only two kids we could get to willingly sit on the sofa and pose for a photo.



The kids actually had a great time playing together, not that you can really tell in this photo. Kellen, aka Mr. Cheerful McSunshine, had just been awakened and wasn't real cooperative. And Finn, well, what can I say? He was NOT feeling the love on the couch! But I still think he's adorable.



Yes, this is how we treat our children when we think no-one is looking. Sometimes we get lucky and spare change falls out of their pockets.


Thank you Rooney family, for extending your vacation (or more accurately, your I-75 Endurance Marathon) long enough to spend time with us!!!


Then sometimes, the blessing that is Caringbridge is bittersweet, as it was for me on Monday when I attended the Celebration of Life Service for Baby Jay. I had never attended a memorial service for a child before and quite frankly, I was a wreck. It was too easy to watch the wonderful slide show presentation they had of Jay’s life … and see those pictures of him in the early days of treatment, swollen from steroids, laying in a hospital bed … or later, photos of him bald …. and realize I have many similar photos of Kendrie while she was on treatment. You hear about a parent who loses a child, and the first thing to come to mind is “I just can’t imagine” when the truth of it is, any parent whose child has been diagnosed with cancer, CAN imagine.

Of course, cancer parents don’t have a monopoly on caring, as evidenced by the many, many wet eyes around me during the service. And the pain I felt sitting there was only a drop in the bucket compared to the ocean of sadness that I’m sure Jay’s parents are feeling. It was a really shitty reminder that while Kendrie has finished her treatment and we’ve moved on, pushing the fear of relapse to the back of our minds and living our lives in as normal, hectic, and chaotic a fashion as possible, cancer has marched on as well and is still claiming innocent children.

And that’s the other reason I haven’t felt like updating this site with rainbows and bunnies and funny stories this week, despite our great visit with Finn and his family. It seems almost insulting to the memory of Jay. Hmmm. Maybe we should substitute “fickle” for “dazed and confused”; might be more fitting, no?

SHAMU THE WHALE (that would be ME) SAYS CARPE DIEM

Kendrie -- Day 106 OT
Blaine -- gearing up for radiation

OK, confession number 1: Yes, yes, I admit it! I made my kids dress in matching green outfits so I could take pictures of their little coordinating selves at the strawberry fields for my scrapbook. All you scrapbookers out there caught me. (But I’d bet ten bucks that “it takes one to know one”! Ha!) Actually, when I woke up that morning the kids were already dressed in play clothes, so I made them change into their green clothes. Then it started raining and we decided not to go, so I made them change out of their green clothes. Then the sun came out and we decided to go and I made them change back IN to their green clothes. They were *really* not very happy with me and my anal photography tendencies. It’s amazing I got smiles out of them at all.

Confession #2: Fourteen POUNDS of berries. Need I say more? I feel like Violet in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. If I eat one more strawberry, I’m going to swell up and turn red, and they’ll have to roll me down to the de-juicing room.

Clarification #1: Blaine, although he is going to Seattle next week, won’t actually start radiation for a few weeks. Next week is his orientation/consultation/get-fitted-for-your-ever-so-pretty-Jason-from-Halloween-radiation-mask session. But we’ll still take all the prayers we can get for a safe trip, and that all our questions are answered. My close friends are sick of hearing about this, so I won’t yammer on, but I’m not allowed to travel with Blaine due to the pregnancy. So if you could spare a few warm thoughts for me …. that my head doesn’t explode from being kept out of the loop ….. that probably wouldn’t hurt, either.

*****************************************************

We woke up this morning, the sun was shining, it was the last day of Spring Break, the kids were all in good moods (pretty much the miracle of the century) and Blaine felt good (hit or miss most days lately) so we decided to take advantage by doing something so wonderful, so extraordinary ….. so “making the MOST” of our life …………. So totally normal. Like take the kids fishing.



Sound silly? Well, since we only had about six weeks from when Kendrie finished treatment until Blaine was re-diagnosed, I don’t feel like we had much of a break from our preoccupation with cancer. First finding out his had returned, then his surgery, then finding out the tumors couldn’t be removed surgically, then recovering from the surgery, then the surgery complication, and since then, researching his treatment options, conferring with all his doctors, and doing the leg-work for the trip to Washington ….. well, we hadn’t taken the time lately to “do normal”.



And I hadn’t even realized it, until I got an e-mail from a friend of mine --- Haley’s mom Cheryl. Haley was a bright, beautiful, sweet, much-loved, musically talented young lady who passed away last fall awaiting a liver transplant. Through the blessing that is Caringbridge, I met Haley and Cheryl both online and in person. Cheryl reminded me recently that despite the small, medium, or extremely HUGE challenges we might face in our lives, taking pleasure in the little, daily stuff is what matters and what helps us get through life. In fact, it’s the best part OF life.



So Blaine and I decided that today, we were going to take advantage of the perfect temperature, the sunshine, the {moderately} cooperative moods of our children, and enjoy a simple day of spending time together as a family, NOT obsessed with cancer for a little while, getting out on the water and catching some fish.



I could tell it’s been a year since the kids have gone out and it made a big difference in their patience. We actually spent two hours on the water, with very little complaining or whining about how bored they were, or how hot they were, or how their life jackets were choking them, or that we must be at a bad spot on the lake because there are no fish, or how the lines keep getting tangled, etc. At one point, Blaine asked if they were ready to go home, and they all three exclaimed “NO!” I was so surprised, I about fell out of the boat. Usually, once we run out of Teddy Grahams to feed the ducks, and the soda gets warm, they’re done. But this time, they hung in there for the long haul. (Hey, when you’re six years old, two hours of fishing IS a long haul!)



The funny part of the day (if you’re the kind of person who thinks it’s hysterical when one family member is hugely insulting to another family member, especially one who is a little stressed out to begin with and extremely hormonal) is when we were putting the boat in the water. Now, it’s not a yacht. Or a speedboat. Or the kind with sleeping quarters. Or even anything you could inter-tube behind, much to the chagrin of the children. In fact, it’s about one step up from a canoe. Although at least we **DO** have an engine, and a trolling motor, thank the heavens because really, can you see me paddling?? Ha!

Anyway, Blaine had the truck backed down the boat ramp in the water and the kids were jumping around on the dock, all excited to get in. Blaine looked at the boat, looked at me. Looked at the boat, looked at the kids. Looked at the boat, looked around the lake, looked at me again. Looked back at the kids. Looked back at the boat. Seemed to be thinking hard, doing some kind of mental calculation.

“What?!?!?” I finally asked, “What is it?”

“Um, you don’t weigh over 200 pounds, do you?”

Oh, gee honey, let’s think about it. I’m seven months PREGNANT --- my thighs and butt ALONE must weigh close to one hundred!

Affronted, I replied, “Well, yes, at this point I’m pretty sure I *do* weigh over 200 pounds, you want to make something of it?” to which he responded, “Well, my boat limit is only 550. Me and the kids combined weigh about 350, so you’re going to put us over the limit. Let’s just hope we don’t get stopped by a warden.”

OK. That's good for my self-esteem.

Then, the only thing that could make me feel any worse, happened. Kendrie got in, Kellen got in, Brayden got in, Blaine got in. I stepped off the dock into the boat and sat down in my seat, only to have Kellen heave a BIG sigh of relief and announce, LOUDLY, to the public in general, “Good news, everyone! Mom got in and we’re NOT SINKING!!!”



The skinny members of our family. Blaine offered to take my picture with the kids, but since I didn’t bring my WIDE ANGLE LENS, I turned him down.

Today’s total fish intake: Zero. Not one. Not one-that-got-away. Not even a nibble. Good thing, since that extra pound and a half would have sunk us right to the bottom!

********************************************************

Now, I already had this update written when I received extremely sad news this evening. Baby Jay from Macon lost his battle with cancer today. Jay and his family attended the same Middle Georgia Support Group, sponsored by Camp Sunshine, that we attended. Although we didn’t know them well, their family made a great impact on Blaine and I, as I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed two people whose faith, during difficult times, has been stronger. Our hearts are breaking for Cindy, Jason, and Jay’s siblings, Kaitlyn and Tanner.

After Blaine pulled the boat and trailer out of the water today, and we began to head home from the lake, I asked him what time it was. He replied 2pm … the only reason I remember that specific time is because I made the comment we had been out on the water for two hours, the kids had acted nicely, and it was a fun way to spend an afternoon. According to Jay’s website update, he passed away at 1:59 this afternoon. So while our family was taking pleasure in the beauty of “normal”, Jay’s family had just started down a road I can’t even imagine.

It makes me even more grateful that I took Cheryl’s advice to enjoy the small, daily things and find happiness in normal. Sometimes normal seems boring. Sometimes normal doesn’t seem worth updating this journal about. Sometimes I worry normal is trivial, or even insulting to those people whose challenges are greater than my own. Lots of times, I forget to appreciate normal while I have it.

This evening, especially, I appreciate it. I hope no matter your own situation, you can find a minute or two of normal and get pleasure from it for yourselves.

SHAMU THE WHALE (that would be ME) SAYS CARPE DIEM

Kendrie -- Day 106 OT
Blaine -- gearing up for radiation

OK, confession number 1: Yes, yes, I admit it! I made my kids dress in matching green outfits so I could take pictures of their little coordinating selves at the strawberry fields for my scrapbook. All you scrapbookers out there caught me. (But I’d bet ten bucks that “it takes one to know one”! Ha!) Actually, when I woke up that morning the kids were already dressed in play clothes, so I made them change into their green clothes. Then it started raining and we decided not to go, so I made them change out of their green clothes. Then the sun came out and we decided to go and I made them change back IN to their green clothes. They were *really* not very happy with me and my anal photography tendencies. It’s amazing I got smiles out of them at all.

Confession #2: Fourteen POUNDS of berries. Need I say more? I feel like Violet in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. If I eat one more strawberry, I’m going to swell up and turn red, and they’ll have to roll me down to the de-juicing room.

Clarification #1: Blaine, although he is going to Seattle next week, won’t actually start radiation for a few weeks. Next week is his orientation/consultation/get-fitted-for-your-ever-so-pretty-Jason-from-Halloween-radiation-mask session. But we’ll still take all the prayers we can get for a safe trip, and that all our questions are answered. My close friends are sick of hearing about this, so I won’t yammer on, but I’m not allowed to travel with Blaine due to the pregnancy. So if you could spare a few warm thoughts for me …. that my head doesn’t explode from being kept out of the loop ….. that probably wouldn’t hurt, either.

*****************************************************

We woke up this morning, the sun was shining, it was the last day of Spring Break, the kids were all in good moods (pretty much the miracle of the century) and Blaine felt good (hit or miss most days lately) so we decided to take advantage by doing something so wonderful, so extraordinary ….. so “making the MOST” of our life …………. So totally normal. Like take the kids fishing.



Sound silly? Well, since we only had about six weeks from when Kendrie finished treatment until Blaine was re-diagnosed, I don’t feel like we had much of a break from our preoccupation with cancer. First finding out his had returned, then his surgery, then finding out the tumors couldn’t be removed surgically, then recovering from the surgery, then the surgery complication, and since then, researching his treatment options, conferring with all his doctors, and doing the leg-work for the trip to Washington ….. well, we hadn’t taken the time lately to “do normal”.



And I hadn’t even realized it, until I got an e-mail from a friend of mine --- Haley’s mom Cheryl. Haley was a bright, beautiful, sweet, much-loved, musically talented young lady who passed away last fall awaiting a liver transplant. Through the blessing that is Caringbridge, I met Haley and Cheryl both online and in person. Cheryl reminded me recently that despite the small, medium, or extremely HUGE challenges we might face in our lives, taking pleasure in the little, daily stuff is what matters and what helps us get through life. In fact, it’s the best part OF life.



So Blaine and I decided that today, we were going to take advantage of the perfect temperature, the sunshine, the {moderately} cooperative moods of our children, and enjoy a simple day of spending time together as a family, NOT obsessed with cancer for a little while, getting out on the water and catching some fish.



I could tell it’s been a year since the kids have gone out and it made a big difference in their patience. We actually spent two hours on the water, with very little complaining or whining about how bored they were, or how hot they were, or how their life jackets were choking them, or that we must be at a bad spot on the lake because there are no fish, or how the lines keep getting tangled, etc. At one point, Blaine asked if they were ready to go home, and they all three exclaimed “NO!” I was so surprised, I about fell out of the boat. Usually, once we run out of Teddy Grahams to feed the ducks, and the soda gets warm, they’re done. But this time, they hung in there for the long haul. (Hey, when you’re six years old, two hours of fishing IS a long haul!)



The funny part of the day (if you’re the kind of person who thinks it’s hysterical when one family member is hugely insulting to another family member, especially one who is a little stressed out to begin with and extremely hormonal) is when we were putting the boat in the water. Now, it’s not a yacht. Or a speedboat. Or the kind with sleeping quarters. Or even anything you could inter-tube behind, much to the chagrin of the children. In fact, it’s about one step up from a canoe. Although at least we **DO** have an engine, and a trolling motor, thank the heavens because really, can you see me paddling?? Ha!

Anyway, Blaine had the truck backed down the boat ramp in the water and the kids were jumping around on the dock, all excited to get in. Blaine looked at the boat, looked at me. Looked at the boat, looked at the kids. Looked at the boat, looked around the lake, looked at me again. Looked back at the kids. Looked back at the boat. Seemed to be thinking hard, doing some kind of mental calculation.

“What?!?!?” I finally asked, “What is it?”

“Um, you don’t weigh over 200 pounds, do you?”

Oh, gee honey, let’s think about it. I’m seven months PREGNANT --- my thighs and butt ALONE must weigh close to one hundred!

Affronted, I replied, “Well, yes, at this point I’m pretty sure I *do* weigh over 200 pounds, you want to make something of it?” to which he responded, “Well, my boat limit is only 550. Me and the kids combined weigh about 350, so you’re going to put us over the limit. Let’s just hope we don’t get stopped by a warden.”

OK. That's good for my self-esteem.

Then, the only thing that could make me feel any worse, happened. Kendrie got in, Kellen got in, Brayden got in, Blaine got in. I stepped off the dock into the boat and sat down in my seat, only to have Kellen heave a BIG sigh of relief and announce, LOUDLY, to the public in general, “Good news, everyone! Mom got in and we’re NOT SINKING!!!”



The skinny members of our family. Blaine offered to take my picture with the kids, but since I didn’t bring my WIDE ANGLE LENS, I turned him down.

Today’s total fish intake: Zero. Not one. Not one-that-got-away. Not even a nibble. Good thing, since that extra pound and a half would have sunk us right to the bottom!

********************************************************

Now, I already had this update written when I received extremely sad news this evening. Baby Jay from Macon lost his battle with cancer today. Jay and his family attended the same Middle Georgia Support Group, sponsored by Camp Sunshine, that we attended. Although we didn’t know them well, their family made a great impact on Blaine and I, as I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed two people whose faith, during difficult times, has been stronger. Our hearts are breaking for Cindy, Jason, and Jay’s siblings, Kaitlyn and Tanner.

After Blaine pulled the boat and trailer out of the water today, and we began to head home from the lake, I asked him what time it was. He replied 2pm … the only reason I remember that specific time is because I made the comment we had been out on the water for two hours, the kids had acted nicely, and it was a fun way to spend an afternoon. According to Jay’s website update, he passed away at 1:59 this afternoon. So while our family was taking pleasure in the beauty of “normal”, Jay’s family had just started down a road I can’t even imagine.

It makes me even more grateful that I took Cheryl’s advice to enjoy the small, daily things and find happiness in normal. Sometimes normal seems boring. Sometimes normal doesn’t seem worth updating this journal about. Sometimes I worry normal is trivial, or even insulting to those people whose challenges are greater than my own. Lots of times, I forget to appreciate normal while I have it.

This evening, especially, I appreciate it. I hope no matter your own situation, you can find a minute or two of normal and get pleasure from it for yourselves.

STRAWBERRIES, ANYONE?

Kendrie -- Day 105 OT
Blaine -- headed to Seattle next week; preparing for radiation

Well, here are a few photos from our annual strawberry-picking outing that took place on Tuesday. No grumpy old people, no wild or crazy adventures to recap (unless you count the northern tundra wind that almost blew us away) and no amazing anecdotes, except for the fact my kids picked fourteen POUNDS of strawberries between them. Strawberry pie, strawberry shortcake, strawberry ice cream, strawberry preserves, strawberry jam, whew! I’ve been busy! ….. naw, I’m just kidding. I’m too lazy to do any of that stuff; we’re just eating LOTS of strawberries around the house these past few days.


See? What did I tell you about the wind? And her hair is long enough to blow straight up now!

"I HATE KIDS AND DOGS"

Kendrie -- Day 103 OT
Blaine -- still waiting………………….

Confusing comment #1, spoken by retired, elderly door-greeter volunteer at the Air Force Museum yesterday, as me and my friends Renee and Amy walked in the door with our six kids: “Are all those kids yours?” (he spoke directly to Amy, despite Renee and me standing only a few feet away.)

Joking, Renee replied, “No, but if you want to borrow one or two of them, we’re happy to leave them and come back and pick them up in a few hours” …. Said with a smile …..

Confusing comment #2, spoken by old man volunteer, with a completely straight face: “No. I hate kids and dogs.”

Um. Okaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy. This is who you want greeting the general public at a museum dependent upon voluntary donations to make its budget? Because he really gave ME a warm fuzzy talking about my kids like that!

My only regret was that my incredibly witty reply, “Really? Because what *I* hate are crotchety old people” didn’t come to me until ten minutes later. Story of my life. Sharp, stinging retorts, in a timely manner, are not my forte. Dang it. Because that was a good one.

Wish us better luck with the crotchety old people at the strawberry field today.

MORE TALES FROM THE CLOSET

Kendrie -- day 101 Off-Treatment
Blaine -- we’re hoping to hear something this week

Two things I noticed this weekend with regard to my kids’ closets; proof positive that I’m going insane. Or that I’ve already been there for a long time, courtesy of my children.

Yesterday, hanging some of Kellen’s clothes up, a shirt of his kept falling off the hanger. I still use those kid’s sized hangers that you can buy ten for a dollar …. but the neck of some of his shirts are too big. After bending over for the second time to pick the shirt up off the floor, it struck me:

“UUUGH! I’m going to have to start hanging his clothes on ADULT size hangers!” (said in a grumpy voice)

Then it struck me:

“Waaaaahhhhh! This means he’s big enough for adult-size hangers!” (said in a sad, pathetic, how-can-they-be-growing-up-so-fast voice!)

Also, when I woke up yesterday morning, the kids were already outside playing in the backyard. More specifically, digging up roly-polys, their latest obsession. I peered out the dining room window, looking closer, and realized that although it was Saturday, Brayden was completely dressed in a school shirt, khaki pants, and favorite school shoes. On her hands and knees. Digging in the dirt. Looking for bugs. My mantra, I swear, should be “Do you think I do laundry for the fun of it?” because honestly, I must say it a thousand times a day.

So I called her inside and told her to change into some play clothes. Which of course meant she had to STOP digging for roly-polys, a fact which upset her greatly, causing her to argue with me, “But we’re going out for dinner tonight for Kellen’s birthday and I’m already dressed.” Yes, I know we’re going out for Kellen’s birthday dinner tonight, but that’s not for ANOTHER TWELVE HOURS and in the meantime you are not going to dig in the dirt in your school clothes on a Saturday morning.

Stomp, stomp, grumble, grumble, in she came to change into sweats. That she wore outside for half an hour, before deciding she was done playing outside, coming inside, changing BACK into her school clothes, and putting her sweats in the dirty laundry basket. Half an hour later, she decided there was nothing good on TV, so she wanted to go back outside. I told her to put her play clothes back on, a suggestion which upset her GREATLY. I look up ten minutes later, and she was outside, wearing a completely different set of clean play clothes!

Am I the ***only*** person who understands that when the laundry baskets in their rooms get full, that is a signal the clothes must be washed? Am since **I** am the one doing the washing, perhaps NOT wearing seven different outfits a day, some for only half an hour, and then putting them ALL in the basket, would conceivably be helpful??? Is nine too young to be taught to do her own laundry? Or maybe I should just charge her a quarter for every load I have to do for her, taking it out of her allowance, until she figures it out for herself, or goes broke, whichever happens first.

Maybe I should just focus on the positive …. the fact they actually put their clothes IN the basket, instead of leaving them laying all over the house. {{ Stay grateful … deep breaths …. silver lining… at least they use the baskets }}

I guess the flip side is Kellen, who would wear the same underwear and socks all week if I didn’t remind him to change every morning when he gets dressed. And I’d assume that’s a boy thing, but Kendrie is the same way, so who knows?

Oh well, if that’s my biggest problem this week, then I’d say our Spring Break is lining up to be a good one. Full of laundry, yes, but good nonetheless.



PS. Happy birthday, Kellen, my 8-yr old boy, with big-fat neck shirts!