DISNEY VS. GREASE

Ok, I think this journal has gone on long enough with talk about depressing stuff like cancer. And more cancer. And cancer again. It’s time to take an insightful moment and truly reflect on situations that require a deeper plane of thought. Life-altering things. On states of current affairs that require us to search our inner core for our value and significance as human beings; our emotions, our morals, our true principles. Am I talking about world peace? Or world hunger? Or world anything?

No, I’m talking about the recent claim made by the media that Disney’s High School Musical is to this generation what Grease was to mine.

I know! The audacity!! Can you even believe it? The exaggeration is so absurd it almost doesn’t warrant consideration. But since I’ve complained alluded in the past to how much my kids are obsessed by enjoyed High School Musical, I thought it deserved a comment or two.

I came home from {what seems to be my daily run to} Target last week and made the comment to Blaine, “You know what’s funny? I was in the music department, buying my {completely inappropriate for children and totally deserving of the explicit language parental warning advisory} cd by Pink, {which I love, by the way,} and noticed that the soundtrack to High School Musical was in the Top 20 section. Not Top 20 Kids, or Top 20 Musicals, but Top 20. Regular music. Like on the charts with Bubba Sparxxx and Ne-Yo and Busta Groove and other performers I’ve never heard of.”

And since we not only own the soundtrack, but I enjoy it so much myself that I’ve listened to it even without kids in the car (gasp!) I thought it was kind of sweet that Disney was keeping up with Mary J. Bilge and MC Smash Your Angry Face and whoever else currently comprises the Top 20 Billboard.

To which Blaine responded: “I know. I saw on the Today show, or Good Morning America, or whatever, something like that, how it’s this surprise blockbuster hit, and taking over as this generation’s Grease.”

What? Taking over as this generation’s Grease? No, no, no. That is just WRONG.

Now, I’m willing to admit the storyline for High School Musical is ok, and there are some humorous moments, and the music is actually pretty good. But there is no way a silly little fluff Disney musical (with absolutely no sex or violence, I might point out) can come even close to touching an institution like Grease. Grease is an ICON of pop culture for anyone between the ages of 35 and 45. Admit it, who amongst you out there didn’t want to BE Sandy? (Or even Rizzo, in your more rebellious moments?) Who didn’t want to race for pinks? Or attend Rydell High? Or kick Cha Cha’s ass after that dance competition?

I remember seeing Grease in the theater for the first time when I was 12. It was Brenda Strahan’s 13th birthday, and her dad (brave soul that he was) took ten or eleven of us pre-teen girls to the movie theater to watch Grease. I fell in LOVE with the movie, and made my mom and dad take me again the next night. Being products of the 1950’s themselves, they also enjoyed the movie, although I think my mom was a little worried I would see the characters and situations in Grease as a true representation of life in the ‘50’s. Which of course, I totally did. And became convinced I had been born in the wrong generation.

My obsession continued, after I bought the record (yes, kids, before cds, before cassettes, before 8-tracks, we listened to round black things called RECORDS. On something called a RECORD PLAYER.) I clearly remember hanging out at my friend Jani Bales’ house, listening to Greased Lightning and Beauty School Dropout and making up really cheesy dance routines in her living room, which we subjected her poor mom to watch us perform, over and over. In fact, the only time in my life I’ve been drunk brave enough to perform karaoke without a group of girlfriends surrounding me, was to Summer Lovin’. So that should tell you how deep my affection for Grease actually runs. Or my affection for Amaretto ..... I'm a little confused by the whole hazy memory.

But my point is, for “them” to claim Grease is being replaced by High School Musical for the pre-teens of today ….. well, that’s one claim I’m going to have to refute. There’s just no way to compare the two!

Sure, Disney and Grease both tackled class consciousness and social order, but Grease had leather pants! Condom talk! Tacky dream sequences! Frankie Avalon! A drive-in scene! Who doesn’t love the drive in scene???

I’m telling you, take my word for it, no movie will ever surpass Grease as the coming-of-age teen-angst (which is ironic, considering how old those actors were when they made that movie …. What was Kenickie, like, 40?) rite of passage. And in case you don’t believe me, or don’t have the rose-colored view of Grease that I do, here are a few quotes, some of which have gone down in history, that you KNOW Disney doesn’t have the cahones to use:

1. “A hickey from Kenickie is like a Hallmark Card: When you care enough to send the very best.”

2. “I feel like a defective typewriter.”
“Huh?”
“I skipped a period.” (yeah, like THAT one’s going to be in a Disney show?!?!)

3. “Oh, bite the weenie, Riz”
“With relish”

4. “And remember, if you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.”

5. “We have pictures of you so-called mooners. And just because the pictures aren’t of your faces, don’t think we can’t identify you.”

6. “Do you think these glasses make me look smarter?”
“No, you can still see your face.”

And the classic:

7. “Tell me about it (pause for dramatic effect and to stub out a cigarette with the toe of her insanely high heeled shoe) S-T-U-D.” (My gosh, I would have killed to be Sandy at that point in the movie! Until they drove off in the magical-flying car, which was the one part of the movie that I admit was totally stupid. Well, if we're being honest, the second part. The dream sequence with Frankie was pretty dumb, too. That's when I would get up and go to the bathroom on subsequent movie showings.)

The most risqué line I could find in High School Musical is “Shake your booty”. See? No comparison. Grease is the clear-cut winner, when it comes to shaping minds and morals of the youth in this country. Don’t you agree? Leave me a note in the guestbook with your favorite quote from Grease (you know you have one!) or if, for some inane reason, you liked High School Musical better. Although I can tell you in advance that you are totally wrong and nothing you can say will change my mind.

In the meantime, I am packing our bags for an event, taking place this weekend, of such magnitude, I can’t even breathe a word of it, for fear I will jinx it happening. I can’t let out a peep and blow the surprise -- I can’t even tell you until after the fact. (Yet notice I am still talking?!?!?) *******************************************
PS. I guess I should point out that I appear to have done a really lousy job conveying information --- I'm not having this baby until the 19th of MAY. While I appreciate the notes of encouragement and support that I got yesterday, the 19th of April, it's still a little early for me to be serving up any kind of eviction notice for the little guy or girl. So, four more weeks. :)
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REAL, LIVE, CONVERSATIONS I HAVE ACTUALLY HAD THIS WEEK:

Kristie, driving through a McDonalds drive-through: “OK, Kendrie, what do you want?”

Kendrie: “A cheeseburger, with ketchup only and pickles”

Kristie, “You don’t like pickles”

Kendrie, “No, I don’t like pickles. But I like pickle crumbs. So order pickles and I will take them off and have just the pickle crumbs.”

Kristie, “ I have no idea what pickle crumbs are, but OK, so you want just ketchup and pickles?”

Kendrie, “Yes. But no mustard. Or Onions. Or Caviar.”

Kristie, "OK, pretty sure they don't serve caviar at McDonalds."

CONVERSATION NUMBER TWO:

I returned home one afternoon this week to find Blaine laying on the sofa, atop a heating pad.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

Blaine, “I pulled a muscle in my back”

Kristie, “What exhausting, strenuous activity were you doing that made you pull a muscle in your back, you big hunk of man-candy, you?”

Blaine, “Brushing my teeth.”

I swear, I’m not making this up. How could I make this stuff up? He pulled a muscle in his back, brushing the few teeth he has left. I don’t even know what to say, so I’ll just end this now. Where the hell is the Ben-gay?