Thursday, January 08, 2009

Clearly Stressed

"Barley here. I just have to say, this is a very hard time for me. First I receive the unfair (and completely UNTRUE, might I remind you) accusation on Christmas morning that I ate my human boss's fishing card --- again, NOT TRUE. Then yesterday were the hurtful accusations that I ate my human littlie's pencil. Ok, maybe *that* one was true, but if they're going to just leave these perfectly good snacks lying around where I can reach them, I hardly think I'm to blame.

There was yelling when I ate the cheese pizza, then lots of sighing and eye rolling when I threw up under the dining room table last night, and yesterday the boy-child in the house was out in the backyard with me, playing keepaway with my plastic chew-donut, while his older sister picked up the poop. (Hey, don't blame me, a dog's gotta go somewhere.) Suddenly I heard shrieking and laughing and the boy was rolling around on the ground clutching his stomach ... the source of their amusement? The giant rubberband they found in my poop!

Clearly, I cannot take the stressful and unhealthy atmosphere in this house. I don't feel I get any respect. The girl-human-boss even spelled my name wrong in yesterday's blog --- although, in her defense, spell-check didn't catch it because it *was* a word. Whatever.

My point is I am clearly stressed. I am nervous, and constantly looking over my shoulder. Obviously, I am getting no rest, as I am always recuperating from .....




........ok, well, maybe I look a teensy bit relaxed in this picture. Maybe things aren't quite as bad as I made them out to be. Maybe I was busy digesting another pencil ......."

19 comments:

Amanda Cohen said...

That was too cute! I just love the stories about the dog eating stuff. Good thing she hasn't (or hopefully not anyway) started eating any clothing! We have a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel that has a serious problem! He has had 2 surgeries to remove um...undergarments from his stomach! Poor guy...he will eat just about anything!

Mamasita said...

Great post Barley! I wish I could relax as well as you appear to be in the picture.

We had a dog once named Hershey. She was a black lab. She, too, had an eating disorder. She ate a jacket, 5 phone books, part of a kiddie pool, and part of a bag of cement. We were a little worried about the cement, but it seemed to "pass" okay. I must warn you, though, Barley, NOT to try to stick your head into a plastic dog food container unless it is much, much larger than your head. The trip to the vet with a dog food dispenser on your head is quite humiliating. Funny for your "humans," not so much for you. Don't ask me how I know, just trust me on this.

Tell your grown up human that now that she has famous people visiting her blog, that we all hope that she doesn't forget all of us "little people." ;-)

Jordyn said...

Hi Barley,

My name is Piper and I'm a 9 month old Brittany Spaniel. I, too, love to eat my human's belongings. I figure if it is on the floor then it's mine, mine, mine!!!
But here is a little tip for you....don't eat your humans' sugar free gum. That will put in in the hospital, they'll give you yucky medicine to puke and then shove this gross stuff called charcoal down your throat. And on top of all that, your humans will not be pleased with the huge vet bill!!!
Too bad I live way up here in Canada, I could use a friend to run around with!!!

LeeAnne said...

Oh Barley....I loved your post!!You must have a cast iron stomach!!! Try and take it a bit easier on your humans and stop eating their stuff. A mechanical pencil?!? Really?!?!?!?

lizinsumner said...

If you were a professional comedy writer in Hollywood, I would still be watching commercial TV (instead of almost 100% cable programming)........thanks for the laughs - needed it, we're pretty water-logged and washed-out up here today....

Stefunkc said...

Barley has incredible typing skills!

Monica H said...

She and my dog could be twins! Except mine doesn't eat stuff like that anymore. She did chew through our baseboards though when she was a puppy.

http://hopefulmomma.blogspot.com/2009/01/bloggers-block.html

Lanny said...

Hi Barley! I'm 2 1/2, and my humans still don't get it. They say silly things like, "Why do you keep doing this? You should have outgrown this by now!" But you know what? We're so dang cute (we look just a like, btw) that I get forgiven each time. Work the cuteness girl, work it!

Coachblogger said...

I am actually depressed after reading this... Barley is a better writer than I am.

Marie said...

That is exactly how our Lab relaxes!

Anonymous said...

Our 1-year-old beagle just ate a blue plastic bucket from our deck yesterday. Surprise...today there was blue speckled poop!

Anne in GA

Sally said...

Too Funny!!

Our "new" rescue dog, Hunter, LOVES crayons. His poo is often quite pretty with all different kinds of specks in it!!!

Life is rough as a dog!!! Good luck "Barely"!!!

Lisa L said...

Good dog Barley. Good dog :)

Anonymous said...

My Grand-dog, Tony Sapranno, (yes, that is his REAL name)just turned one on Christmas. In his short life he has been "accused" of eating/chewing up 2 cell-phone chargers, 1 cell-phone, 4 doggie beds, the arm of a computer chair, numerous DVD's,(including a WHOLE SEASON of Scrubs), and a basketball!!! On top of that he "marked" all of the Christmas gifts under the tree!! He is a beautiful Blue tick hound with the saddest eyes, that when he looks at you, you can just see the remorse in his eyes. I think he just has a vitamin deficency! :)
~Debbie~

jodie said...

Dear Barley,

I understand. Everyone indulges once in a while.

Natalie said...

I just went back and saw "Barely"--tee hee!

Army Wife and Mom said...

too cute... my goldens sleep like that all the time our cat does too heehee

katy said...

I saw an ad on ebay once that was supposedly put on there by a dog who had eaten his owners expensive ink pen. He was selling the "remains" of the pen to try to raise enough money to buy his owner a new pen. The seller had written a great little story (as told by the dog) and the winning bid was something stupid like 2500.00.....worth a try.

Marci said...

Geez Kristie, I think Barley has a better life than you!!! Laid out on the floor legs spread wide open....LOL....relaxing or showing off....

She is so cute though!!
Barley--you better start behaving and stop eating everything...

Love, Marci