Proof That I'm Insane. Or a School Volunteer.

Feb 6th, Tuesday, at the school -- I’m so excited! The teachers have asked me to take the pictures for this Saturday night’s Valentines Dance at school! It’s going to be so much fun! I can’t wait!!! Lots of exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!

Feb 7th, Wednesday, school -- Hmmm. I’m not so sure I like the photo prop ideas they’re suggesting. I’d really like these pictures to be nice. Quasi-fancy. Almost like a prom picture. The kids *are* supposed to dress up, after all. Maybe I’ll just run out and pick up a few things myself.

Feb 8th, Thursday afternoon, shopping -- Wow. It didn’t look like that much in the cart. Cream sheets to use as a back drop and floor drop, pedestal, flowers and vase for the pedestal, rose petals to scatter on the floor. How did that possibly add up to sixty dollars? SIXTY dollars??? You know, that’s ok, though. It’s still going to be fun, so it's worth it.

Feb 8th, Thursday night, home -- Yes, Blaine, I said sixty dollars. But we can use that stuff, for ourselves, um, later. Sometime. In more pictures. And stuff. Just think of it as an investment in my photography future. And remember how much fun this is going to be! I'm still using exclamation points!!

Feb 8th, later Thursday night, home -- I think I’ll go to Best Buy tomorrow and "invest" a little more, just to be on the safe side. I’m worried the lights on the stage won’t be bright enough and I want to buy an external flash. I think I can get one for around a hundred dollars.

Feb 9th, Friday morning, Best Buy -- $300??!??! Are you kidding me???? Is it an external flash made of solid gold?? That will illuminate all the way to Africa??? Well, I’ll just spend a few minutes tweaking the pictures in Photoshop afterwards and brightening them up, if I need. I’m not spending that kind of money. Probably the stage lights will be enough, anyway.

Feb 10th, Saturday morning, home -- I wonder if I should have splurged for that external flash …. I really want these to turn out nice. Oh well, I’ll just toss these new sheets in dryer with a load of kids’ clothes and fluff them for the photos, to get rid of that crease the packaging always causes, so they'll hang nice as a backdrop drape.

Feb 10th, twenty minutes later on Saturday morning -- Who the SAM FREAKING HILL left a tube of Chapstick in their damn pants pocket???? My BRAND NEW CREAM SHEETS have grease stains all over them!!! ALL OVER THEM THEY ARE RUINED!!! Who did it? Who? Did? IT?!?!?!? No, no, I don’t even want to know !!! It’s too late to do anything about it now, and we’re running late. Has anybody seen my #(*$&#(* tripod?!?!? Somebody carry the vase and for God’s sake be careful, it’s glass! No, we’re not going to have time to come back here after Kellen’s basketball game; we have to go straight to the school so I can set up the photography area for the dance!!! I don’t care that you don’t want to go; you’re going! It’s going to be fun, damnit!

Feb 10th, Saturday afternoon, the school cafeteria -- Oh, for fuck’s sake, no matter which way I hang the damn sheet you can see the damn grease stains on it !!! Damn, damn damn!

Feb 10th, early Saturday evening, home -- OK. I feel much calmer now. All is right with the world again. Brayden looks beautiful; her hair and make up have been done and we’re excited for her date to get here.** The photo shoot area at the school looks really nice, now that Blaine helped me point and turn the stage lights and get the sheet to stick to the wall and arrange everything.



Who cares that it took an entire roll of duct tape? That parts not going to be in the pictures, anyway. Deep breath. I think it’s all going to be just fine.

Feb 10th, 6 pm, Saturday evening, back at the school -- Yes. See? Look at this, I'm pleased with the way it turned out, considering I'm not even close to being a real photographer.



This is going to be fun, after all. The teacher said anywhere from twenty to thirty photos, half an hour tops, then my friend Ilene and I will go to dinner. It’s all turning out OK.

6:30 pm, Saturday evening -- I’m pretty sure I’ve taken more than twenty photos, and there is still a line waiting. What’s up with this?

7:00 pm, Saturday evening --- Geez, it’s getting hot up here under these lights. I'm totally starting to sweat. I thought we were supposed to be done in half an hour … the dance is half over and there’s still no end in sight. I've got to be up over seventy or eighty photos already. Is every single kid here tonight getting their picture taken by me?

7:20 pm, Saturday evening -- What is up with this cheap piece of shit tripod, anyway? It keeps leaning to the left and all the photos are lopsided. Is someone dimming the lights? Who keeps dimming my lights?!?!? And for goodness sake, someone turn the air on, I'm dying! These pictures look underexposed ….. Just how long is that line??? This isn’t going quite like I thought it would …..

7:40 pm, Saturday evening -- Thank heavens I brought my extra battery and extra flash card …. Where the hell are all these kids coming from??? There’s not enough light …. There’s not enough light ….. I JUST KNOW THERE’S NOT ENOUGH LIGHT! THESE PICTURES ARE GOING TO TURN OUT TERRIBLE!!! THE KIDS ARE PAYING FOR THESE PICTURES AND I FEEL RESPONSIBLE AND THEY’RE ALL GOING TO SUCK BECAUSE I SUCK!!!!!

AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8:15 pm, Saturday evening, STILL at the school -- I can’t believe I had to stay here the entire time and take pictures and there was STILL a line waiting when the dance was over! They only planned for forty photos, tops …. I took over two hundred pictures, which I have to narrow down to just over a hundred portraits, and they only have forty of those cheesy construction paper frames pre-made! Who the hell else is going to make the other sixty frames????? Not me, I can tell you that!

1 am, Sunday morning, home -- {yawn} I’m exhausted. I’ve spent the last three hours sorting through these pictures; downloading, uploading, deleting, burning, etc. I probably shouldn’t have had that drink when I went out with Ilene because it’s making me reaaaalllllyyyyy sleeeeepppppyyyy. {bigger yawn}

8 am, Sunday morning, home -- OK, I feel refreshed! Ready to go, and face the day! The dance was fun! And exciting! And the kids looked beautiful! Sure, I got a little tired and grumpy there at the end, but that’s all right …. I’m still so glad I agreed to be the photographer. Now, I’m just going to sit here for an hour or so and tweak some of last night’s photos so they’re good for the kids … they paid for them, after all, I’d like them to look as professional as possible.

5 pm, Sunday afternoon, home, ass formed into shape of computer chair, totally bleary eyed --- Oh dear heavens. I can’t believe I had to clone and retouch that (#&$#(*&$ grease stain out of every single picture. AND lighten the photos because naturally, the stage lights weren't bright enough …. AND add a soft edged vignette and text to each picture because it just won’t do to settle for ordinary, now will it? OH, no, I’ve got to sit here in this computer chair until I can’t see straight and my eyes are falling out of my head but by golly, each and every one of these photos has had the contrast and balance leveled out and been sharpened or softened or whatever looks best with the kids clothes and I’ve printed “Valentines Dance 2007” or something or another on every one, too. PLUS crop out the stupid duct tape that is in half of the damn pictures .. I swear, I am in the bowels of photo-editing Hell. Because I’ve got nothing better to do with my time … like ….. like ….. oh, crap, we’re supposed to be celebrating Brayden’s birthday tonight and I haven’t made the cake OR wrapped the gifts … I’m never going to get these pictures finished and they want to pass them out to the kids tomorrow at school! Why on earth did I agree to this??? What was I thinking?? I should have just spent the three hundred dollars on the flash and saved myself eight hours in front of this #(*$&#(*& computer!

8:30 am, today -- Thank the stars above for one hour photo labs, is all I have to say.

9 am, today -- Are you kidding me? I really have to cut and decorate over sixty of these stinking construction paper frames??? Well, who else did I think was going to do it? Back to Michaels I go, to buy the #($*#(*& cardstock to make the #(*$&#*& frames --- oh yeah, uh-huh, this is turning out to be SUCH a fun project and I’m SO HAPPY I agreed to do it. (If you can’t “hear” the sarcasm in my voice, go back and re-read that sentence. Insert sarcasm. Sarcasm with lots and lots of #(*$&#)*$&).




Noon, today -- I’m not going to make it … not going to make it .... I’m not going to make it by the end of the school day. There are too many pictures …. Too many …… too many ……




1:30 pm, today-- Oh gosh, the clock is ticking ..... I'm running out of time .... my desk is a disaster; paper and photos and stamping supplies everywhere, but at last, the stack of completed pictures is almost done. I think, it just might be possible, maybe …………….

2:30 pm, today -- Triumphantly, pictures delivered to the teachers! I. AM. VICTORIOUS!!!!

And I’m pooped.

2:40 pm, today --- Oh, she did NOT just say there would be a 5th grade dance in May and they want me to do this all over again, did she???








No, I didn’t think so. And if she did, I'm going to need something stronger than that Sonic cup of Diet Dr. Pepper in the background.

**This warrants its own journal entry, is all I can say, but I warn you ahead of time that I will be using the phrase “how stinking adorable” about a million times.



Brayden's were the pictures I practiced on. You can tell in this one I still don't have the grease stain completely smoothed out, and there's a reflection on the photo and I was getting lazy with the text so I only put the year ... but I'll show you more good ones of Brayden and her DATE tomorrow. :)