Monday, February 19, 2007

Any Way I Can Get Them.

In the span of the last twenty years, I have been:

**A newly married person who freaked out the first time she missed her period --FREAKED OUT -- because I just knew we were having a baby and I wasn’t ready to have a baby!!

**A no-longer newly married person who was excited and ready to start her family and assumed that the first time I had sex after going off the pill would be the time that we conceived our baby. I even got a little misty-eyed after “The Act”, thinking about what a sacred moment it was …. The actual moment of con-cep-shu-on, and how different our lives would be nine months from now.

**Um, yeah. What a dork. An extremely naive dork. Suffice it to say, shortly after that, I was a beginner infertility patient.

**An experienced infertility patient.

**An extremely experienced infertility patient.

**A prospective adoptive parent.

**A foster parent.

**An adoptive parent.

**A pregnant, and very very very surprised person.

**A miserable cynic.

**A biological parent.

**Again.

**A surrogate parent.

**Again again.

Several years ago, I decided I was going to write a book about my experiences and call it “Any Way I Can Get Them” … as in, any way your children come to you, and any way your family comes together, is a good way; the right way. No one way is better, or easier, or all-inclusive. I can speak from experience --- lots and lots of experience --- when I tell you that it doesn’t matter *how* you become a parent. Your kids, are your kids. Whether they came into your family through adoption, surrogacy, or the old-fashioned way. (You know, the storks and cabbage patches and all those scientific methods.)

Reproductive medicine and its related fields consumed my life for almost ten years. It was the most maddening, frustrating, joyful, infuriating, fantastic, blissful journey I could ever have imagined. The lows were the lowest I had ever experienced, the highs were the highest. We spent every penny we had, for years, either on fertility treatments, or legal and adoption expenses. They say people come through infertility either with a stronger marriage, or divorced. Thank goodness we fell in the former camp.

I can’t tell you about our adoption experience without telling you about our infertility experience, because one wouldn’t have happened without the other. But I’m not sure any of you want to hear about temperature charts and cervical mucous tests and Blaine and me stopping on I-35 at 10pm so he could give me a shot because it had to be done at that exact time in order for the latest egg retrieval to go off as planned. I’m pretty sure the employees at Braums that night saw the two of us going into the ladies’ room together with a needle and syringe and assumed we were drug addicts. I’m not sure you want to hear about those things, or a million other personal, messy details.

Brayden’s birth was the highlight of my first thirty years of life. But the path leading to it was long and difficult and frustrating.

For me to sit here and type “We adopted Brayden; it was great; the end” would be disrespectful to both her, and to us. To the hard-won battle we fought to get to that point. To the overwhelming elation we felt when she was placed in our arms. There are SO many things I want to say about it, I don’t think it’s possible to shrink it down to a single journal entry (even a journal entry from someone as long winded as I am!)

I want to pay my proper respects to all the parties involved, and am not sure this is the right forum. Then again, it’s my blog, what other forum could be better?

I’ll think about the best way to put the feelings into words, without boring you to tears. It’ll probably take a while, if you guys are up for it. And you might be bored to tears anyway. But we can give it a go, if you want.

44 comments:

Amy said...

Oh geez, I'm ALREADY feeling weepy! I'm an adoptive parent too, but ours is sort of in the reverse...had three of my own, became a foster parent, became an adoptive parent, and now have to consider relinquishment to protect all of us involved. I so wish my adoption experience could have been like yours! Can't wait to hear the story! Brayden sure is a lucky girl to have you guys for parents and you are so lucky to have such a beautiful young daughter!

Amy
www.caringbridge.org/visit/gerryheidt

Anonymous said...

I couldn't have said it better about how it doesn't matter how your children come to you. We have an adopted daughter and 4 bio sons. They were ALL meant to be OURS from the beginning of time!

Can't to read your story!

~Autumn

Kathy in Alaska said...

Ohhhh GOD Kristie... Please don't leave us hanging here !!!

Of course WE ALL want to hear every little detail of your life.

Hmmm... or maybe it's just me because I don't have one of my own!!!

Leeann said...

I definitely want to hear it when you feel ready to share it all with us. I have three kids that are biologically mine. I've worked as a CASA and have always planned to be a foster parent and/or adopt as well. Children are a blessing (and depending on the day, can come damn close to being a curse! lol) no matter how they come to you.
Love your blog.
Dedicated reader for years (caringbridge)

Kristin Simmons said...

Wow! You just continue to amaze me! I was so totally "envious" of you being a surrogate and giving others the gift of children, plus being "Super Mom" with your own kids, that I totally had no idea that you ALSO were blessed with a beautiful daughter (that by the way, looks JUST like you guys anyway.)! I love the title- it is so true- "Any Way you can get them." Thanks for being such a wonderful model of humankind. There are families out there that are grateful for THEIR families- and it doesn't matter how they got them- "Any way they can!" You ROCK!

Anonymous said...

I can't wait to hear more! Anything you write is so well done! And now you have made me even more curious.

Postcard Cindy

Sarah said...

Give it a Go!!

We WANT!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Yes Kristie, we want to hear the whole long winded story!
Claire

Jackietex said...

Let's go, let's go!

Sarah said...

Please share your story! I'm hooked.

Kimsue said...

Of course we want to hear this story. Write on!

Cari said...

I would LOVE to hear the whole story!

California Friend said...

I vote "yes" too!!

Pat in CA

Amanda J said...

Echoing everyone else. Give it a go! If you feel like sharing, we'd love to hear it.

Karen said...

I for one would LOVE to hear the whole story... I have fallen in love with your family since stumbling across Kendrie's caringbridge page but never had the courage to sign there. Please tell us the story.
Love Karen
www.carepages.com
Page name is Karenmelissa

Lisa said...

Oh yes please with the details - your kids are soooo lucky to have you and Blaine as parents. I'll be waiting with the coffee and tissues - might have to upgrade to Mocha for this. Love and prayers for you all - any firm news on Blaine?

Anonymous said...

Please, please, please tell us all about your adoption experience. You have a beautiful family, and I don't think anyone could tell a story better than you!

kim said...

First of all--THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. You're the first parent of biological children that I have ever heard say that our kids are our kids, regardless of how we get them, and that means the world to me. I "married" my kids and here is the deal. I love them with everything that I have; for them, I would stand in front of bullets or any kind of danger. I have always known, deep in my heart, that they are the children that were meant for me--and I was also meant for them. In my case and circumstances, it always has been and always will be so beyond being their "step" parent. Even if I HAD given birth to children--which I did not--I know I would not love them any more than I love the two that I have. And the grandkids? Well, now--THAT'S A WHOLE OTHER STORY. In a nutshell--HEAVEN. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for acknowledging ALL parents. Not all people do.

Bring it on, and quickly--please. As many details as you care to give. I think I speak for most, if not all of us, when I say--WAITING, EDGE OF THE SEAT!! I would be honored to read any and everything you want to share.

YOU ROCK.

Anonymous said...

we want more
we want more
we want more
we want more
we want more
we want more

Marcia said...

Kristie, I'm so glad you've decided to share your story. I couldn't agree more about having the kids you were mean to have. In fact, I've written a couple of articles that are on an adoption site, and would love to share them with you...
http://www.familyhelper.net/heart/mlt
Looking forward to following the rest of your story!

Missy in Wesley Chapel, FL said...

Give it a go, yes please! As a parent (biological, of three) who is now considering fostering & adoption, I am extremely interested in your experiences. Please share!

Anonymous said...

I LOVE your stories! Bring 'em on!!!!!

Shelly O'Reilly
Minnesota
richelleoreilly@yahoo.com

Kristin Hicks said...

I would love to hear your story, if you want to share. I have infertility issues of my own, but was able to conceive my two precious children. It's amazing to me that through all that you were later able to become a surrogate to help others. Amazing!

Kristin in NC

Jeri from Hawaii (currently stuck in snowy Ohio) said...

I am traveling and have been without a computer for over a week (can you say WITHDRAWL?!) I am on a borowed computer and the first thing I did was to check into your blog to see how things are going.

Yes, I want to hear the entire, long winded story. As a matter of fact, please spare no detail. We want more, we want it all and we want it now! :-)

Briana said...

Brayden is so lucky that you are her parents. The love you have for her is evident and I, for one, would love to hear the story. A lady in my office recently adopted a baby girl from Russia, and watching her go through the process and finally bring her daughter home was so heart warming.

Anonymous said...

Please tell us about it, Kristie, if you feel comfortable doing so. I'm actually considering adoption myself about 2 years from now (when I'm "ready," ha ha), and I've watched my sister experience the pain of infertility, also. I'd be very interested to hear of your experiences. You guys are blessed.

Cheryl
WR, GA

Anonymous said...

PLEASE do share as much as you want to......as you can see, we'd all love to hear about it!!! I echo everyone's comments about how lucky your children are. God bless you! :)

-Mary

Anonymous said...

"The Unsinkable Molly Brown" comes to mind when I read the latest about Brayden being adopted. Knew of the surrogates, etc. You've handled it all from adoption to birth to cancer x 3(including you). Nothing brings you down, thus why "The Unsinkable Molly Brown" Please note I have never seen "The Unsinkable Molly Brown" so if there are bad connotations associated with that, I'll beg forgiveness now!

I went down the infertility road as well for 8 long, hellish years and lost quintuplets in the process. God blessed me with a child before the infertility happened and then two more(18 months and 18 days apart-God is so good-and funny!)

All this to say I'm a Kristie-aholic and hang on to every word so when the mood hits you, WRITE ON about your wonderful Brayden.

Dachsielvr aka Ness

Anonymous said...

Oh, Kristie! You had me going... I thought this was it, the big blog we've all been waiting for, then- just like an episode of 24- you left me hanging! lol! YES! If you will share it, we will read it!!!

Kellie said...

I came across this in my inbox today and instantly thought you you and I wanted to share! I love your blog!

""Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture had a different hair color than the other members. One of her students suggested that he was adopted.

A little girl said, "I know all about adoption, I was adopted.

"What does it mean to be adopted?", asked another child.

"It means", said the girl, "that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy!"""

Anonymous said...

Yea, yea, we want to hear all the details!

Sam Gleason said...

We went through infertily for 5 long years! Even with my mother-in-law being obgyn. The best part was when she gave the "recipe" to get pregnant!! At least that is what she called it. You do lose all modesty when dealing with infertility. I told my doctor when we did the mucus test, that was worse than going to dentist without brushing your teeth!!

My husband is a big weenie, I had to give the shots to myself. He turned a pale white just looking at the needles.

But the best part of the story is now we have a beautiful 2 year old daughter! Beautiful when she is not in the floor kicking and screaming whe I put milk in the wrong color sippy cup!! We adopted her from birth. The most amazing feeling when they put her in my arms.


Sam Gleason

Rebecca B. said...

You go girl!

Kammi (Marina & Grant's Mom) said...

You may (or may not) remember me. I'm from the land of 6 pregnancies, 1 live birth, 5 miscarriages, and 1 international adoption. I asked you a surrogacy question about a year ago--and you kindly responded (and kindly admired my kids' pictures on our own CB site). In your response you said, "Like you, I am a parent to both adopted and biological children, so I know first hand that *how* you become a parent isn't what matters." I wondered then about the rest of your story. The nosey part of me wondered which one of your child(ren) was adopted? And the adoption mama part of me thought about how annoyed I would be if someone asked me which of my children was adopted. It doesn’t matter which of my children was adopted. One was; one wasn’t. But they are both mine. So--I never asked you. For us, adoption wasn't second best or a second choice---it was a second chance.

~Kammi
(I'm not including our CB website since I use real names/places)

Amy said...

Dear Kristie,

Couldn't you just spend your days blogging?? The suspense is killin' me! I seriously have checked your blog about 10 times already today! LOL! C'mon woman, out with it!

Amy
www.caringbridge.org/visit/gerryheidt

Jennifer Hines said...

Don't leave us hanging... You never bore us!!! I would love to hear more of your journey

Anonymous said...

Count me in too. I can't wait to read your story.Brayden looks so much like you, who would have known diffrent? :))) Your Awesome!!

Kristina said...

Yes - I am waiting to hear your story! I too thought that the "first time" after going off the pill I would get pregnant. However, it took me 7 more months. Then baby number 2 - only took a few months - With baby #3 - I was STILL on the pill...and learned that when you take antibiotics while on the pill - you need to use backup protection! (children 2 and 3 are 21 months apart). I don't even know what happened with baby #4 - I loss track! But he was only 10 days old when my husband had a vasectomy!!

new mom in law said...

Hurry!

Erin said...

Kristie,

Your journey has often brought me to tears...this one included - the miracle of parenthood is so special and I can't wait to learn more about your adoption journey. My sister just gave birth to a premature IVF baby and it's just wonderful to watch her every move.

Can't wait to read about Brayden's adoption story!

Anonymous said...

I totally want to hear it ! It is a road not many get to take as you seem to have done it all in the fertility world

Anonymous said...

Come on! Let's hear it!! I have no life so I have to read yours! haha

Amy

Alicia said...

Come on, keep on posting. Your life is much more interesting than Anna Nicole's. I live for your posts. See, my life is even more boring than yours. At least our dog kindly poops behind the recliner so I don't step in it. Well trained dog!

Anonymous said...

I'm with these guys...let's hear it! I'm a sucker for a good baby story. I'm an OB/Gyn nurse that has tested cervical mucus and performed "post-coital" testing... nothing could gross me out-I promise!!

Meg from Americus