So, since I have vast retail experience (hey, I really *DID* work in retail in high school and college .... how did you think Blaine and I met? A Victoria Secret autograph signing???) I think it only fitting that I share a few basic rules with the cashiers and customer service agents and clerks out there:
1. I don't give a shit when your break is.
2. I don't give a shit how early you came in today.
3. I don't give a shit when you're getting off.
4. I don't give a shit how many hours you've already worked today.
5. I don't give a shit about how this was supposed to be your day off and so-and-so from Housewares called in sick and now you're stuck here working when you're supposed to be going to the movies with your friends.
6. I don't give a shit that Stewie from Automotive ate the Lunchable you left in the community fridge in the breakroom.
7. I don't give a shit that you've had to skip lunch because your store is so short-handed.
8. I don't give a shit how tired you are, or how hard you're working, or how excited you are for when you get off this evening.
THIS is what I give a shit about:
I give a shit that there be enough of you working that I don't stand in line for thirty damn minutes waiting for a register. I give a shit that you greet me (eye contact and smiling politely is a plus, but not required) and ask if I found everything ok. (PS. If I'm already unloading my crap on the conveyor belt, chances are the answer is "yes" ... otherwise I will go to the Customer Service Desk and ask, I'm not a moron, after all.) I give a shit that you ring me up in an efficient manner, and that if we do by some chance run into a problem, I give a shit that your manager be close at hand to answer any issues that arise. While I won't blame you personally if your register runs out of tape, you need to be able to put in a fresh roll of tape quickly and without needing assistance. I give a shit that I be able to read the receipt, in case a return is necessary. I do NOT give a shit about your ten percent off credit card .... if I wanted one, I need to take the time to fill the freaking application out in advance, and NOT tie up the one single god-forsaken lane for ten minutes and make everyone in line behind stand there while I contemplate my application (Why, yes, this did happen to me today, how did you guess?) I give a shit that you help me put the bags back in my cart, just for nicety sake, and then I give a shit that you say something pleasant as I'm leaving. Nothing deep or profound, just a simple "have a nice day" will do. When I say "have a nice day" to YOU, I give a shit that you don't reply with, "Heh, heh, I will when I get off work in about an hour!"
Your schedule is not my problem or my concern. Your social, business, or personal life is not of any interest to me and quite frankly is not something I want to hear about while contemplating how I came into Target for socks and a curtain rod yet managed to spend $150. I'm sure you're a lovely person, but this is not the time nor the place. If you have a boss or manager who didn't give you the day off you wanted, or forgot to schedule your lunch, or is making you work late ..... then ..... it sucks to be you. And I?? Do not give a shit. Please remember that and the Christmas shopping season will be much easier for both of us.
And this concludes my effort to spread just a little holiday cheer.