Saturday, September 22, 2007

Fan Obnoxiousness

Well, it has begun.

Hello, gravity??

Despite appearances to the contrary, her middle name is NOT Grace.

The hours and hours of practice, the driving to and from the fields, the night after night after night of English muffin pizzas for dinner because that’s all I have time to make. And the loads and loads of dirty, stinky, smelly, sweaty, shin-guard-socks in my laundry basket. And as you might have guessed, I love it. Its fun and we enjoy it and it makes me happy and it sure beats sitting at home watching Disney channel or worse yet, thanks to our "No-TV-on-school-nights" rule, reading them {roll-y eyes} educational material. Although seriously, one daughter came home from the Scholastic book fair this week with “Candy Apple” books and the boy came home with Pokemon books and the other daughter bought a Suite Life book, so really, how educational is ANY of that?

But I digress -- soccer.

Games started last week for Kendrie. They were beat so soundly in their first game that I turned to the parent of the he’s-gotta-be-a-native-Brazilian boy who single-handedly scored all ten of the opposite team’s goals, smiled cheerfully and said, “Wow, you really spanked us, didn’t you?” The shocked look on his face led me to believe he perhaps didn’t speak English very well and might have thought I just propositioned him with something naughty.

Kellen’s game last night was rained out (thanks for telling us that after all the parents on both teams schlepped themselves and their children to the field in our waterproof jackets and set up chairs and umbrellas …. THEN the officials decided to cancel? Would a decision beforehand and a few phone calls have killed you?)

Kendrie had her second game today. Once again, they lost, although if you ask any of the kids on the team they will tell you it was a tie. Delusion is the best medicine. It was definitely a much better game this week, compared to the rout we suffered last Saturday, and the teams were pretty evenly matched. And again, let me repeat, I’m not a competitive person and it truly doesn’t bother me if my kids lose a game. Or two or three or eight. What bothers me is when they lose to a team that’s not any better than they are, and part of the reason for the loss is a lazy referee. Or maybe he’s not even part of the reason, maybe *I'm* the one who's delusional, but it’s certainly no fun to lose AND have to watch that, at the same time.

He got hit with the ball three times, for goodness sake, because he didn’t move quick enough -- didn’t move AT ALL -- to get out of the way. He didn't help or try to correct any of their mistakes at all; this is an instructional league, after all, and some of the refs are fantastic about helping the kids understand what is happening and why. This one? Not so much. He didn’t call many fouls, and it wasn’t that the other team was blatantly fouling --- they weren’t malicious little kids, at all --- it just annoys me when kids are getting away with going out of bounds, or sloppy play, because the ref either can’t or won't see it. He was about three months BEYOND the cute-longish-hanging haircuts that teenage boys are wearing these days, so perhaps that shit flopping in his eyes meant he really COULDN’T see the ball, who knows? I just find it hard to believe that the ten dollars a game he’s earning is worth it, seeing as how he sure didn’t appear to be enjoying himself. At all. Not for one single second.

As I stood on either end of the field, taking photos of our players, I saw several fouls, particularly hand slaps on the ball by the other team, that he didn’t call. Just didn’t seem to care. Until finally on the third one, right in front of me, I yelled at the top of my lungs in an exasperated voice: “HANDBALL!!!” like I was an officially trained and sanctioned Soccer Association Important Person And By Golly Young Man, YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME AND CALLS THESE FOULS CORRECTLY!!!!

Immediately, immediately, I realized that from my position at the end of the field, I was NOT the anonymous crabby parent who is yelling, but instead had suddenly morphed into “That Obnoxious Mom Who Yells At The Ref Whenever Her Kid Is Losing”. I broke out with the dreaded “confrontation-rash” on my chest and wanted to curl up and become invisible. The ref looked at me with this hurt look on his face, and I remembered that “You moron, that kid is like 13 years old and you are a grown woman and YOU JUST YELLED AT HIM OVER A MISSED CALL IN AN EIGHT YEAR OLD SOCCER GAME!” Seriously, could I be any more embarrassed of myself?

But at least the soccer ball didn’t hit me in the head, so all told, except for the yelling, a successful day.

Until after the game, when I was passing out snacks to the kids on our team, and one of the boys, in an attempt to be funny (I think?) held his hand out to me and grunted. Not once, but twice. And I thought, “Oh, hell to the no if he thinks he can GRUNT at me and get a snack.” So I looked him right in the eye and said, “Little boys who grunt don’t get anything. Try again. With manners this time.” Only to realize his MOTHER was standing behind me the entire time I corrected her son. She then made him apologize for the grunting, which made me feel worse because honestly, who am *I* to correct her kid????

Geez, are there many more ways I can make friends and influence people today? I've yelled at a teenage referee and scolded a 2nd grader whose only sin was wanting his fair share of the cookies. I’m going out tonight with my girlfriends. There will be liquor involved. I’ll bet with enough, I can find LOTS more interesting and creative ways to insult and belittle people!! That's me, always the over-achiever!!

Stay tuned to find out.


Madelyn said...

boy after reading barely even a fraction of all yur posts I can tell you rant and complain an awful lot. but whatever. its your blog. I just won't be reading it!

Jenny said...


Whoever you are, you don NOT even KNOW what this woman goes through and has gone through. Her daughter had cancer and so did her husband...she tried for years to have children. Have you ever gone through something like that? Probably not! so for you to say something like that is COMPLETELY unnacceptable. I am so sorry Kristie for what this incredibly inconciderate person who obviously doesn't have a life said to you!!!

Anonymous said...

Ignore madelyn, she is a *bitch*!!! Have a great time tonight and drink up! You are the best, and idiots don't know how stupid they sound!

Postcard Cindy

Jamie said... I bet that other mom was more embarrassed than you were when you corrected her son.

And for the record...I love your blog, ranting, complaining and all. ;)

kim-d said...

Oh yeah! I can't wait for the report on what goes on tonight! I'm just jealous that I can't be there because it sounds like you are going to have a doozy of a time. Ya know what I just thought of? I bet Madelyn is The Grunter's mother! BWAHAHAHAHA! What I can't believe is how tall and grown-up-looking Kendrie is--WOW, what a cutie. I have been following you guys a LONG time!

Have a great time tonight...

Anonymous said...

I must be on the other end of whatever spectrum Madelyn is on. I sat here by myself laughing outloud all the way through.

Have a Margarita!

Dixie in CA

Lorianne said...

Wow...nice photos! I have the same canon rebel camera as you and my action shots never come out that clear..what am I doing wrong??
Good luck with the school sports..gotta love it hey? At least you know when you are super busy that everyone is in good health!!

Anonymous said...

OMG!! I love your ranting and complaining!!!
Your "grunter" story reminds me of a similar one I experienced a few years back. I work in my Church nursery on Sundays. All of the workers are paid, but one week a woman asked the director if she could volunteer that week to see if she would like to work there. We were on the playground and I was passing out cookies. This one little girl(about 4 years old) kept coming up and asking for more. Finally after giving her numerous cookies, I finally asked her had she not had breakfast. She told me no. I turned to the "volunteer" mom, and said "what kind of "Mother" would bring her child to the nursery without feeding her breakfast"? "I would never do that; I bet her mom ate before she came!" BLAH BLAH BLAH... Well you guessed it.....she was the little girls MOTHER!!! Sooooooo, I can truly feel for you, but for some reason it was funnier happening to you than me! sorry :) Love your BLOG! Keep on keeping on!!
Debbie in Alabama

Tracy'sspace said...

Your post made me think of something that happened at my daughters school the other day, and cring a bit. One of my daughters friends (age 9) was so rude to her mother that her mother then left. I mean blatatantly, downright rude, obnoxious and bratty. She then turned around to me and said: "My mother is so irritating, dont you just hate it when she behaves like that!" I told her she should appreciate her mother more. She then shaid she hates her mother, only her father does anything for her, and her mother may as well not be there. At which point I lost it and told her that if her mother wasnt there she would feel terrible. And how would she feel if her mom had an accident on the way home, and she had to live with that on her conscience for the rest of her life! Afterwards I thought I was really mean (although my mom was cheering from the sidelines lol). I havent seen her mom since then to find out what she said and what the mother thought! A lot of children these days need to learn some manners and respect.

Tracy'sspace said...

Oops, just realised I had a spelling mistake on cringe!

Anonymous said...

Kristie I like numerous other thought it was hilarious! It only shows that you are human and not afraid to let others know. The beauty of these blogs are that it is an individual choice. She can chose not to read and you can chose to continue to write. I think I speak for a lot of others that you could write for the rest of your life and we would be reading. It could never be boring. I wish I had that gift. Your children are so lucky to have this history of their childhood. Can you update us on Blaines recovery? Hope things are going great for him.
Bubbles in NC

Jeanette said...

You just needed some R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Anonymous said...

Being a non sport person myself, I married a sport obsessed person, and we seen to have produced at least one sport obsessed child. (The other one is just trying it out. Up until now she's liked games because of the snacks.) Anyway, this post made me LAUGH!! The feelings that come out of you during YOUTH sports are just unbelievable. At least your kids can never say thier Mom didn't pay attention!

And, keep on requiring manners! If it had been my child (and some days it could be, ugh!), I'd have appreciated someone else supporting the need for manners.

I hope you had a fabulous time with your friends!

Rene in NC

Anonymous said...

I'm a big (verbal only!) corrector of kids - mine, friends', strangers, whose-ever! I had no problem with people correcting mine when they were younger, either. (They're now 18, 20 & 22.) Frankly it has more impact on the kid when it comes from someeone who's NOT their parent. You go, girl!

Anonymous said...

Your humor reminds me so much of Erma Bombeck's writing. You and I are about the same age, but my kids are a little older. Your description of yelling "handball" - I could relate to PERFECTLY as I have done the exact same thing WHILE taking pictures WHILE standing by myself. PLEASE continue to blog, I enjoy your humor so much

Dianna from Louisiana said...

OMIGOD Kristie--- I almost peed my pants reading your latest entry--- seriously.....

Katie said...

Kristie, don't feel bad. I'm coaching right now and it takes every single ounce of self-control for me not to scream at the officials because they're letting kids from our opposing team be our line judges (not soccer obviously). Oddly enough we're not always getting fair calls (who'da thunk?). If I didn't have 15 impressionable girls staring at me I'd let them have it.

Instead, I sit on the bench and yell "relax" as much as to myself as to my players. And as a coach, I really really appreciate parents who call out the bad calls. Maybe that's just me though...

lynne said...

I've just rediscovered your blog and I'm overjoyed at how happy and strong Kendrie looks. Keep on being your marvellous self, your an amazing lady.

Tracey in Calgary said...

Kristie, you were SO RIGHT to correct that boy, remember, it takes a village :-) I would bet money that his Mom was MUCH more embarrassed than you and if it were me, I would be grateful that you were helping to teach my kid some manners...oh yeah, I've BEEN there, LOL!
ps just catching up on all your blogs since September. Two boys in hockey = the end of my computer time, boo hoo!Thanks for making me howl, like you always do, I wish you could know how much you brighten my day and buoy my spirits some days!!