Christmas Letters, 2004

Greetings and Happy Holidays to our friends and family! I’m happy to report that after last year’s Christmas letter, which resembled a Greek tragedy and most likely made those of you who read it want to hit yourselves in the head with a hard object, 2004 was a MUCH better year for our family! Thank goodness, because depressing Christmas letters two years in a row would have been too much for any of us to handle.

Busy; challenging; sometimes stressful but most often enjoyable --- the Escoe household is probably a lot like yours. Let’s just address the cancer thing head-on: It still really stinks, but there has been way more silver lining than we ever imagined. Kendrie has a year of treatment left and will hopefully remain leukemia free for the next hundred years or so. She handles the chemotherapy like a champ -- except for the steroids. And mood swings. And fatigue. And nausea. But hey, she’s got hair this year! We realize how great she’s doing, and how blessed we are, but don’t let anyone tell you this is a walk in the park because it isn’t. Most of all, she is our inspiration. In other news, she started public Pre-K this fall and loves, loves, loves school. She wants to play t-ball in the spring and still idolizes her brother (and sometimes her sister, too) more than anything. If you could permit me a brief moment of parental pride, let me tell you that she is the only Pre-K student in her entire school to earn a “dog-tag” necklace in the school’s accelerated reading (AR) program, which made her so proud of herself I thought she would burst. To be honest, we are pretty proud of her, too. You can continue to follow her progress at www.caringbridge.org/ga/kendrie. Thanks to all of you who continue to offer your support and encouragement to Kendrie and our family.

Cancer continues to throw challenges Blaine’s way also, with the ongoing reconstructive work. Red tape aside, we are hopeful his reconstructive surgery will take place this spring, although we’re not sure where or by whom … and would appreciate your good thoughts for him. This will be major surgery and given the scope of rehabilitation required, and the many months of work he will miss, he recently requested to stand down as the commander of the 78th Contracting Squadron, the very squadron he “stood up” as its first-ever commander this summer. A difficult decision, yes, given how strongly Blaine feels about the Air Force “mission” and how much he loves the job and his squadron. But a decision we support him in, nonetheless. In other news for him, he celebrated his 40th birthday in February by getting bifocals, having hernia surgery and starting on high blood pressure medication. Hmmm. Maybe not such a great year for him, ha! Thank goodness there’s always hunting and fishing to pull him back to the edge of sanity.

Brayden continues to delight and amaze us with her newfound independence and social skills, when she’s not making us crazy with her newfound independence and social skills. She also loves school (2nd grade) and stays busy with Girl Scouts and soccer, both of which are mainly about the snack. She has started “practicing” her fake giggle which can be quite annoying, and is usually either the Mediator between her brother and sister, or the Instigator, depending on her mood. About the time I think we’ll never survive the upcoming teen years, she turns on a dime and is the sweetest, most loving, most helpful little girl on the planet. She brings us joy, but we definitely see the hormones on the horizon!

Kellen, well, what can I say? What I love most is that he is still willing to hold my hand in public and wants to be tucked in at night. But, he also thinks it is hysterical to run around the house giving himself a wedgie and can belch on demand. He is showing *some* signs of maturity, as he has graduated beyond the sophomoric activity of making farting noises with his armpit and can now make farting noises behind both knees, but only if he uses his “lucky” right hand. Something tells me a refund is due from Bubba’s Charm School For Boys. He played t-ball and soccer this year and loves the 1st grade …. The best part is playing with friends at recess and gym. Speaking of school (another obnoxious parental pride moment) he and Brayden both are on the AR Wall of Fame at school, and I’m so happy we have three eager readers in the house.

As for me, I am like a hamster on the “School Volunteer Wheel of Life” but that’s ok. It sure beats getting up and putting on pantyhose and going to a real job everyday, right? I love being available for the kids this way and realize how fortunate I am. When I’m not at the school volunteering, or scrapbooking with friends (three weekend getaways this year!), I am busy trying to whip our family’s social life into shape. I figure the more time we spend away from home, the less time I have to spend cooking and cleaning. In that regard, we did as much traveling this year as we could in between chemotherapy appointments --- Easter in Washington DC, a spring and fall weekend at Family Cancer Camp in north Georgia, two weeks in OKC this summer (for my 20th high school reunion, yikes!) a late-summer week at the beach for a cancer retreat in Florida, a few fall weekends in Atlanta for cancer walks and activities, Thanksgiving in California (Los Angeles and San Diego) and Christmas back in OKC. Like I mentioned earlier, cancer has opened many windows for opportunities and relationships that have definitely enriched our lives. While I’m certainly not happy that this is the path we were forced to take, I can’t help but be grateful for the new friends and experiences.

And our dog Lager is still around; old, deaf and arthritic, but sweet irregardless.

As always at this time of year, we give thanks for the many blessings afforded our family and offer our warmest thoughts to those less fortunate. I hope 2004 was a year of happiness and hope for your family, also.

Kindest regards,

The Escoe Family

WE INTERRUPT YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING ---

(or) I’M ON MY WAY!

365 Days to Go!

Well, hard to believe that just two months ago I was marking the one-year anniversary of Kendrie’s leukemia diagnosis ….. today is another anniversary of sorts, a backwards one …. She has exactly one year of treatment left! If everything goes according to plan (which is a polite way of avoiding the word “relapse”) Kendrie will be off-treatment in just twelve months; Dec 15, 2005 ---- yippee!!! From this point on I will begin every journal entry with a countdown of how many days to go, and I’m sure none of you will be more happy to see that number get smaller and smaller than we will.

So, I’m interrupting the TSO broadcast to put a song by the Proclaimers on her site today. It’s from the Shrek soundtrack, and while I don’t think it’s particularly profound (and to be honest, I have no idea what the song is really about) I just think it’s catchy. And I love the phrase about going from misery (which is pretty much what the beginning of this stink-fest was) to happiness, which is where I like to think we are now. Lyrics below:

I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
I'm on my way to what I want from this world
And years from now you'll make it to the next world
And everything that you receive up yonder
Is what you gave to me the day I wandered

I took a right, I took a right turning yesterday
Yeah I took a right, I took a right turning yesterday
I took the road that brought me to your home town
I took the bus to streets that I could walk down
I walked the streets to find the one I'd looked for
I climbed the stair that led me to your front door

And now that I don't want for anything
I'd have Al Jolson sing "I'm sitting on top of the world"

I'll do my best, I'll do my best to do the best I can
I'll do my best, I'll do my best to do the best I can
To keep my feet from jumping from the ground dear
To keep my heart from jumping through my mouth dear
To keep the past, the past and not the present
To try and learn when you teach me a lesson

And now that I don't want for anything
I'd have Al Jolson sing "I'm sitting on top of the world".

I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
Yeah I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
I'm on my way to what I want from this world
And years from now you'll make it to the next world
And everything that you receive up yonder
Is what you gave to me the day I wandered
I'm on my way to what I want from this world
And years from now you'll make it to the next world
And everything that you receive up yonder
Is what you gave to me the day I wandered

I'm on my way
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
I'm on my way

So, in other news, Kendrie had another run-in with the little boys at her school who were making fun of her hair. She came to me in the cafeteria again, after school yesterday, crying … again … this time saying they had laughed at her hair and stuck their tongues out. Being the mature, grown-up, wise, calm woman that I am, my first thought was to open up a can of first-grade whup-ass and march down there and give them both swirlies in the boys’ bathroom. But cool-headedness prevailed and I decided to wait until the next day to say something to the teacher.

Hugs given, tears dried, the kids and I headed to the local skating rink for a school fundraiser. Now, not to toot my own horn or anything, but back in the day (that would be one of the days during the 70’s decade, in case you were wondering) when roller blades hadn’t even been invented yet, and no self-respecting roller rink was without a disco ball, well, I don’t mean to brag, but I was quite the roller-skating goddess. I admit, I admit, I never got the hang of skating backwards and I was always too chubby to shoot the duck, but you put a big comb in my back pocket, Bonnie Bell lip gloss in my other pocket, get some S.A.TUR. DAY. NIGHT! blaring over the loudspeakers, and I could free-skate and hokey-pokey with the best of them.

Apparently, sometime between my 12th birthday, and yesterday, I lost my roller-skating groove.


Kristie and Kendrie, in a rare UPRIGHT moment .... photo taken 12-14-04.

But we had a great time. Kellen and Brayden did a really good job skating, and Kendrie, well, she gave it a good try. The more she fell, the more she laughed, and the harder it was for me to pull her back up again, so the more she would laugh. At one point, flat on her back, giggling hysterically, she looked up at me and said, “But I’m getting good at the falling down part!” It was really a fun couple of hours.

Then, this morning before school I asked her if she wanted me to say something to her teacher about those boys. Kendrie is normally pretty shy and non-confrontational, so it surprised me when she didn’t even hesitate but said YES. So, ok, if my 5-yr old can stand up to teasing, then I suppose I can, too. I asked her teacher (she has a teacher and an assistant teacher) for a minute of her time and briefly explained what Kendrie told me had happened (bearing in mind that I witnessed none of this for myself.) I was a little embarrassed when the teacher’s reaction was more horrified than my own had been. And when I told the assistant, who is actually the one walking Kendrie down the hall at the end of the day when this has happened, I thought *SHE* was going to be the administrator of the swirlies! They asked Kendrie if she would point the boys out and again, no hesitation, she said yes. Seeing that she was in capable hands, I left.

The teacher told me later that Kendrie knew exactly who it was and the boys’ teacher did discipline them. I have no idea what was said or how she disciplined them …. Although I’m nosy as hell, I suppose it’s really none of my business. And in a way, I don’t want to know who it was because it doesn’t matter that they’re only six, I would never be able to forgive them or like them or be civil to them again. So it’s probably better that I don’t know. (Really, have you ever seen anyone LESS mature than me?)

Then ---- here’s the interesting part. After school, I had to take the kids to the local mall to get a luggage rack installed on the top of my van at Sears. (OK, slightly off-topic, but is there *anything* that screams ‘midlife crisis just waiting to happen’ more than a mini-van with a luggage carrier on top???? Is there not one single cool bone left in my body??? What’s next? Socks and sandals in public? Will I look down one day and suddenly be wearing a fanny pack and a big straw hat????) Anyway, to pass the time, I took the kids to the bookstore and read them the entire volume “J” of the Encyclopedia Britannica while they snacked on organic trail mix, then we went to the music store to listen to a collection of inspirational hymns by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Wait, who am I kidding?? We went straight to the food court and bought cookies and slushies, fought over which table we were going to sit at and then promptly spilled one of the slushies.

The point I want to make is that there was an older lady sitting at the table next to us who asked me “if they were all mine” (there’s only three of them, come on, lady!) and then proceeded to tell us how “that little boy (smiling at Kendrie) reminds me so much of my grandson!” I just smiled politely, nodded my head and didn’t think much about it. Kendrie gave me a funny look, but I thought it was the “Wow, aren’t people goofy that they can’t even tell the difference” look that we have exchanged countless times over the past fourteen months. After the lady left, telling me again how cute my daughter and two sons were, it suddenly occurred to me that at the young age of 5, Kendrie might not have mastered the social concept of “It’s a total stranger; what difference does it make anyway?” So I asked her if it happened again, even if it was a stranger, would she want me to correct them? Her reply …. verbatim …. “Yes, but I don’t want you to be rude.”

There’s your proof. My 5-year old daughter is more mature than I am.

So back to the point I’m trying to make. I’ve been going along the past year, mostly ignoring the people who mistakenly think she’s a boy. A few reasons:

a) Who cares, anyway? They’re strangers and we’re never going to see them again.

b) Well, given her propensity for blue jeans and hiking boots, she *looks* like a boy! And she always asks for the boy toy in the Happy Meals, and loves superheroes more than barbies.

c) She’s only five, what difference does it make?

d) I’m just too lazy to correct them. *I* know she’s a girl, *she* knows she’s a girl, why exert the energy to explain to people that she’s not a boy, she’s a girl with cancer?

But now I get it. It does make a difference. To her. So if she needs me to correct strangers who tell me how cute my little boy is, or who call her “buddy” or “young man”, or stick their tongues out at her at school …………… Then I will proudly be her self-appointed swirly supervisor.

And who knows, maybe she’ll even teach me a thing or two about maturity in the meantime.

I hope you are all enjoying the holiday season and managing to find some down time. We sat down as a family tonight, turned off the lights except for the tree, and drank hot chocolate in the living room together. Well, Blaine didn’t because he doesn’t like hot chocolate and Brayden just ate the marshmallows, but my point is that the tv was off and we were together as a family for half an hour of peace and quiet, enjoying each other’s company. In my opinion, *that* is the true spirit of the holidays, and I hope you are finding it for yourselves, as well.

Love,
Kristie
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KENDRIE’S PERSPECTIVE:

WORST THING ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:

Those boys, that lady, the man at the Sears counter ….. good heavens, do I have to break down and start wearing dresses to spell it out for you people?!?!?!?!

BEST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:

Mom and Dad remembered to give me zofran tonight with my nine pills I had to take, so hopefully I won’t get sick like I’ve done the past two weeks.

Worry Appropriately

Week #18 of LTM

I hope you all had a good weekend; ours was calm and peaceful. I took the kids to see Polar Express today, which was fun, until we were leaving the theater and Kellen suddenly realized he didn’t get any popcorn. Never mind the Coke, M&M’s and Milk Duds he had. Life wouldn’t be any good unless he had popcorn …. and since he didn’t get any, things did get ugly for a few brief moments. But overall, it was a nice afternoon together.

I wanted to share with you a photo of Kendrie from Friday. I have no idea if the timing of that boy making fun of her hair was coincidental, or if it just so happens that her hair is finally getting long enough to style in some way, but she came to me Friday morning and told me she wanted to wear her hair “spiky” to school. So, we experimented with gel and hair spray and I though the final result was cute as a button. Boy-ish, yes, but maybe that was her intent after all.




Lastly, I’d like to share an excerpt from a book I am reading titled “Protecting the Gift” by Gavin De Becker. It’s about keeping children safe and protecting them from violence, and it’s a really good book with regard to safety precautions and good ole’ common sense. I’ve had it for years and re-read it about once a year as a refresher. This is the first time I’ve read it since Kendrie got sick --- and although the point of the book is violence and safety, the following paragraph struck a chord with me as something that could possibly pertain to parents of children with illness as well:

“Children raised by chronic worriers may or may not become victims of violence, but it is absolutely certain they will become victims of worry. In "The Heart of Man", Dr. Erich Fromm tells of a mother who is always interested in dark prognoses for her child’s future, but unimpressed with anything favorable that occurs: “She does not harm the child in any obvious way, yet she may slowly strangle his joy in life.” This is an interesting way of putting it given that the literal meaning of the word worry is to strangle and choke. People who grew up smothered by unwarranted fears that haunted them into adulthood will see the wisdom in this saying: Everybody dies, but not everybody lives.”


The obvious difference here, in my simple opinion, is how can the parents of a chronically ill child NOT worry? Our worry is most definitely NOT unwarranted. Worry about medications, side effects, and the symptoms and disease itself? Worry about recovery rates, relapses, statistics and cures? But it really resonated with me that my worry (or my husband’s worry) could become my child’s worry. Above all, I would hate to dampen any of Kendrie’s happiness with life, (or happiness with her spiky hair!) because I was too busy pondering the “what if’s” to simply enjoy the moment.

So, it is decided. My New Years Resolution #2, right under “Skip More” is going to be “Worry Less”. Or maybe it would be more correct to say, “Worry Appropriately”. Much like the adage “Don’t work hard, work smart” I think I’ll be more aware of my worrying and what good, or what lack of good, it is actually doing me. And try to convince my husband to enjoy himself a little more in the New Year as well. (Let’s be honest …. He’s a much bigger worrier than me!)

Hope your week gets off to a good start,

Kristie
####################################################
KENDRIE'S PERSPECTIVE:

WORST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:
Um, today was actually a pretty good day. Yeah for me!


BEST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:
When my mom took me and Brayden and Kellen to the movie and at the beginning they had a commercial for some hospital place and can you believe every kid in that commercial had cancer? I saw kids with no hair, kids with ports, kids with iv poles ..... when it was over I looked at my mom and whispered, "just like me"

The TSO Countdown Continues

OK, I admit, I came thiiiiiis close (imagine me with my eyes squinched up and my fingers pinched close together) to putting an "Alvin and the Chimpmunks" rendition of Jingle Bells on the site today just to see if you guys were paying attention. But then I realized my list of “want to play TSO songs” is longer than the days I have left before Christmas, so I couldn’t waste a day and a song on the ‘munks!

Thanks to all of you for your suggestions regarding Kendrie and the boy who made fun of her appearance at school yesterday ….. except for those of you who suggested perhaps the boy has a crush on her, or the reason it upset her was because she has a crush on him. Those entries found Blaine out in the garage, making sure his shotgun was loaded --- about ten years too early in my opinion. Either she bounced back or has already forgotten about it because today’s wardrobe choice was a long-sleeved t- shirt, sweatpants and a base ball cap. (And that was dressing *up* to go out to dinner!) For the record, I completely don’t care how she dresses. Whether she wears Kellen’s hand-me-downs or Brayden’s makes no difference to me! But thanks, also, to those of you who wrote in the guestbook and e-mailed privately to let me know you were/are the same way, and that it wouldn't be such a bad thing if tomboys ruled the world!

Hope you all have a great weekend -- I probably won’t update the journal this weekend (I’ve got an important date with my scrapbooking girlfriends on Saturday, that involves lots of chocolate and late-into-the-night bonding) but I will change the song every day if you’d like to check back in. Enjoy the holiday spirit in the meantime and whatever you do, avoid the malls!

Take care,
Kristie
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KENDRIE’S PERSPECTIVE:

WORST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY: It appears my weekly seven and half tablets of methotrexate is indeed the nausea culprit, as I took the medicine last night and then felt crummy at school today, just like last week when I took the medicine and then got sick the next day on the way to the clinic. Hmmmm. I have 53 weeks of this medicine to go, good thing somebody invented zofran.

BEST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY: That my mom had the good sense to take a stash of zofran up to the school at the beginning of the year and the nice nurse who let me have one today. Have I mentioned that zofran is a wonderful thing?

"WELL, THAT’S JUST BIZARRE!"

Week #17 of Long-Term Maintenance

OK, after the head-banging song from yesterday on the site, I figured it might be a good idea to calm things down a bit. This song is calm. Way calm. As in, an hour of yoga and meditation and lavender candles---type of calm. It’s the Boys’ Choir version of "Christmas Canon"; I played the Amazing Female Singer Version (I doubt it is actually called that, but that’s how *I* think of it!) the other day ….. this version makes me want to sit with my legs crossed and eyes closed and breathe deeply. I’m not exaggerating -- I can physically feel my blood pressure go down while I’m listening to it!

Someone asked in the guestbook, so let me clarify a bit: TSO (Trans-Siberian Orchestra) is the name of the group performing all of these songs. The three albums I am pulling the music off of are: The Lost Christmas Eve, The Christmas Attic, and Christmas Eve and Other Stories. They have another CD called Beethoven’s Last Night that has the most amazing rendition of "Flight of the Bumblebee" on it, but that’s for another journal entry, I suppose. I have to admit that I have been opening up Kendrie’s site during the day and just letting the music play …. I hope you guys are enjoying the music as well.

Anyway, on to other things .....

Something sort of bizarre happened today and I’m wondering if any of you built-in-child-psychologists (ie, parents) out there can shed some light on it. In case you haven’t been paying attention, or have perhaps been dwelling under a hard stone-like substance, let me share a little secret with you: “Kendrie is not really very much of a girly-girl”

What?!?!? Am I kidding??!? I know, I know, some of you are shocked. From day one, she has preferred blue jeans and t-shirts and ball-caps and hiking boots. And that’s how she dresses most days. The kids got new school sweatshirts yesterday with the mascot on them and off she went this morning; sweatshirt, blue jeans, and hiking boots.

I was sitting in the cafeteria at the end of the day, where the car-rider kids (kids whose parents are too anal to let them ride the bus, like me!) show up. Kendrie came in like she does every day, walked right over to me like she does every day, and promptly started crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said, in between tears, “One of the boys in the other room thought I was a boy!” and crawled up in my lap, crying all the while.

What the ??????

First of all, like that hasn’t happened a bazillion times since this whole bald-thing-then-pixie-style-hairdo started? And doesn’t she realize that she *dresses* like a boy? And *plays* like a boy? Why on earth did it matter to her today???

I mean, that’s just bizarre.

Ideas, anyone?

Kristie
*******************************************************
KENDRIE’S PERSPECTIVE:

WORST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:
That boy hurting my feelings although my mom sure has no idea what made this kid thinking I am a boy any different than any of the other dozens of people who have thought I was a boy all along.

BEST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:
It took seven days and a dozen games of phone-tag with the scheduling people, but my mom was finally able to re-schedule my next clinic appointment so I don’t have to miss our local support group meeting. I know, that’s really more a good thing for my mom, but I know it made her happy.

Cancer sucks, in case you didn't know

Week #17, LTM

Cancer sucks, in case you didn’t know. But I’ll get to that in a minute. First I want to touch briefly on the TSO Christmas song that is playing tonight. Let’s be honest. If ever a song made me want to put on my leather Mrs. Claus outfit, knock back a few tequila chasers with Santa himself, bang my head until my stocking cap fell off and dance around the Christmas tree for hours on end, well, this is it. Maybe that’s an unseemly vision to conjure up, considering I’m a 38 year old mother of three. And possibly not the most appropriate way to celebrate the birth of little baby Jesus. But damn, this song rocks!!!

Now, back to the cancer sucking part. Please take a moment to visit these web sites: One is a family we have never met Hayley. Hayley is home on hospice and from the sounds of her journal, this holiday season will be the hardest thing her parents have ever had to endure. And the other site I would like to ask you to visit is that of Baby Jay. We met Jay’s family at our middle-Georgia support group meeting last month and he relapsed shortly after. They’ve been busy getting Jay started back on treatment and we are all sending our prayers for his healing . Our second meeting was last night and we really missed them ….. I’m sure some notes of encouragement in Jay’s guestbook would be greatly appreciated by his family.

Until next time,
Kristie

“DON’T MIND ME, I’M ONLY ON STEROIDS”

Week # 17 of LTM

We had a really nice day today; lots of fun things to do on this Sunday afternoon. Blaine, still basking in the sweetness of the OU victory last night, agreed to take us out to breakfast this morning before heading to Atlanta to spend the day. It was the first time in a long time we have been to IHOP. After eating there once a week (or more!) during Kendrie’s more intensive-phases of treatment, we hadn’t been back for several months. I had forgotten just how darn good those chocolate-chip pancakes really are! Except for a brief ugly stint when Kendrie’s hot-chocolate arrived with whipped cream, chocolate chips and a cherry on top -- which she refused to touch, what kind of freak is she??? -- it was a nice breakfast out for all of us. (Especially Kellen, who was the lucky recipient of the afore-mentioned hot-chocolate paraphernalia.)

Then, our first stop for the day was the Festival of Trees in Atlanta. This annual event raises funds for Children’s Hospital of Atlanta, so not only did we get to enjoy the numerous, amazing, beautiful tree and wreath displays, and ride the small carnival rides, and stare enviously at the kids making crafts because their parents were smart enough to buy enough tickets for those lucky kids to get to do everything they wanted unlike some other unlucky kids whose parents only bought enough tickets for two measly rides which everyone knows isn’t enough ……. Oh, sorry, I digress. Anyway, it is also a fundraiser for the hospital which has treated Kendrie for her leukemia, so it was easy to spend our money there and feel good about it. If you’re local to Atlanta, you really should check it out! Here’s a family picture of us today:


And yes, if you look closely enough, my children have blue teeth, thanks to the blueberry slushies they drank right before this photo. Classy, huh?


And in case you read my journal entry from last night, *here* is what a REAL gingerbread house is supposed to look like!



Then, it was off to the Lighthouse Annual Christmas Party, also held in Atlanta. (Hey, you might as well make the most of a drive up, right?) It was a nice set up, and so good to see friends we have met along the way ... we were talking, playing, laughing …… and then I glanced over at Kendrie:



So, what is she …. Auditioning for the part of Grumpy in the new Snow White movie? I mean, overall today she was ok, but for a brief period, I started to think I should have dressed her in a sandwich board that read “Please excuse my rudeness …. I’m taking Decadron.” At least that way I wouldn’t have had to apologize in advance for her refusing to talk to anyone at the party!

Oh well, I suppose hiding your head in your mom’s leg and averting your eyes whenever an adult (especially the hosts of the party!) tries to speak to you (and crying when that person is Santa) is better than a full-blown tantrum, so I won’t spend too much time complaining.

We really enjoyed ourselves, though. Brayden and Kellen, on the other hand, were willing to spend a few moments talking with Santa. What I really love about this photo below is that even at the ripe old ages of six and seven …. THEY …. STILL …. BELIEVE! I always think every year will be the last, and some kid at school will spill the beans, but for now, they are total believers. I just love it.



Besides Santa, and the candy and cookies on the tables that Kendrie hoarded, there was a reading of The Christmas Story with the kids in costume. Kellen was drafted to be a Wise Man. That, or it’s the world’s worst Princess Leah imitation. Ever.



And best of all we got to see several of our Lighthouse Friends. It’s been said on lots of these CB sites …. This club is one that none of us ever thought we would join. Or wanted to. But now that we’re here, one of the benefits, and things that make this cancer experience more bearable, are the wonderful families we meet and are lucky enough to consider friends. It’s a little bit like the Martha Stewart experience; she’s probably NEVER going to be happy she went to jail. But if she and that chick she’s sharing a cell with get to be friends, and maybe even win the Christmas-cell-decorating contest, then that makes it a bit more endurable!

And then to cap off the evening, we got to have dinner with our friends Catie, her mom Jenny and her Aunt Nikki. The party was fun, but lots of people, lots of noise …. lots of hoodlum kids running around on sugar highs (well, there were at least **THREE** I can think of … can you guess who???) so sitting down to dinner afterwards and actually getting to carry on a conversation was a really nice way to end the day.


Jenny, Kendrie, Catie and Brayden enjoy some after-dinner bonding.


I'd like to think these two have a special connection ... at the very least, I know Kendrie adores Catie!


Thanks to those of you who gave me the reassurance in the guestbook that I’m actually NOT big enough to play in the NFL, ha! Hunter's mom Katie, telling me Hunter's comments about her pregnant tummy, actually reminded me of a joke I like:

Young daughter: “Mom, why is your tummy so fat?”

Mom: “Well, you know Jesus is giving you a baby brother and I’m growing him in my stomach”

Young daughter: “Oh. Well, what are you growing in your butt?”

Ha! That joke has always cracked me up. And for Debbie, who asked in the guestbook what TSO stands for, it’s short for Trans-Siberian Orchestra. And don’t even think you’re un-hip … who else was hip enough to give Kendrie a baseball bracelet?? As far as she was concerned, that pushed you to the pinnacle of hip-ness. (Hip-dom?)

Speaking of TSO, hope you all enjoy today’s song. The female singer in it just blows me away. One of my all-time favorite fantasies would be to have a voice this amazing, and go into a local karoke bar. Listen for a while, to all the drunkards singing their renditions of “Summer Nights” from Grease (well, that’s what *I* usually sing whenever I’m in a karoke bar!) and then get up, all casual like, and just blow everyone away with my unbelievable talent. Instead, the last time I was in a karoke bar, I sang “What’s Going On” by Four Non-Blondes and my girlfriend Kim laughed so hard she had to get up and leave the room. Not that I have a complex about it or anything.

Hope you all had a great weekend! Thanks for all the nice notes in the guestbook; we really enjoy hearing from all of you!

Love, Kristie
###################################################

KENDRIE’S PERSPECTIVE:

WORST THING ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:
Hands down, when my mom tried to push me onstage to sit on Santa’s lap with Kellen and Brayden. Oh, no, buddy, I wasn’t having ANY of that! There is no gift on earth I need *that* bad!

BEST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:
Seeing my friends Madie and Ryan and Brandon and Will and Jake and Catie and Mitch and Justin and Jack and all the other kids. We might all have had the bad luck to get cancer, but you get this group in a room and you’d never know it! Talk about a good time, woo hoo! (Well, when my head wasn’t buried in anyone’s leg, that is.)

“RANDOM THOUGHTS, COMMENTS AND PHOTOS”

PHOTOS --- As promised, here is a photo from last night’s Gingerbread-House Making Extravaganza. I’ve also included a copy of last year’s photo of the same activity for comparison. First of all, compare the quality of the houses and the shameful decline in this years’ gingerbread home candy decor. Last year, it was just the five of us in the kitchen for an hour. This year, we invited friends over to make houses with us, and my kids just wanted to hurry up and finish so they could go play. Well, except for Kendrie, who stuck with it the longest of all three of them. But she’s mad in this picture (hello, Steroid Girl) because she put her “snowman” in the “back yard” and I couldn’t get both the snowman and the “front door” in the photo.


GINGERBREAD HOUSES DECEMBER 2004



GINGERBREAD HOUSES DECEMBER 2003

The other thing that is interesting to compare is Kendrie herself. This time last year we were approx two months into treatment; she had just finished up induction and consolidation. She was off her 32-day steroid binge but still had the extra weight and bloating. And her hair was well on it’s way to falling out. What a difference a year makes, huh?

RANDOM THOUGHTS --- I wanted to share something that happened to me yesterday, a small thing that made an impact. I had gone to the elementary school to have lunch with Brayden, Kellen and Kendrie and was sitting in the lobby area waiting for their lunch time. My chair was to the side of the library door and while I was waiting, a boy, probably 9 or 10 years old, came out of the door and starting skipping (and I mean skipping; knees high and arms swinging!) across the commons area towards his classroom hallway. My first thought was --how cute and innocent it was to see a kid actually skipping in school. My second thought, being the pessimist that I am, was that if he noticed me sitting there, watching him, he would sure be embarrassed that I caught him, a mature and decorous third-grade student, skipping like a little kid in a daisy field. And sure enough, he turned his head, mid-skip, and made total eye contact with me. But instead of being embarrassed, he smiled the most cheerful smile I have ever seen, and kept right on skipping.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could all so UN-self-conscious that we could skip when we indeed feel like skipping? And not be embarrassed if people see us? When was the last time I skipped? Will I throw my back out if I try it????? I think I’m going to make that one of my New Years Resolutions …. Skip when I feel like it, and if I don’t feel like it very often, then do something skip-worthy. And smile cheerfully at the people who see me. Maybe I’ll inspire some others to skip as well.

COMMENTS #1 --- Thanks to all of you who entered your favorite Christmas movies in the guestbook (if you haven’t already done so, please do!) It’s appears the winners are the sentimental favorites “A Christmas Story” (You’ll shoot your eye out!) “It’s a Wonderful Life” and “Miracle on 34th Street” with several newer releases, “Santa Clause” “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” and “Elf” thrown in for good measure. Glad to see lots of other people have also discovered the wonderful “love, actually” which made my personal top three list. And winning the award for most unusual choice is “Die Hard” (her husband made her put it on the list since it takes place on Christmas Eve, ha!)

COMMENTS #2 --- So, our entire family was gathered around the tv tonight for the Big 12 Championship Game, watching the undefeated Oklahoma Sooners SPANK Colorado (not that I’m gloating or anything!) Brayden turns to me and asks, “Mom, why don’t any girls play football?” OK … here’s my thing … gender inequities aside, I *HATE* when people tell children they can be anything they want to be. Let’s be honest … they can’t. No matter how much someone might desire to be the next Clay Aiken, if they sing like a drowning cat in a water bucket, then I’m pretty sure there’s no Grammy in their future. My vertically-challenged daughter is not going to be a runway model, no matter how much she practices her catwalk stride and pouty, "don't hate me because I am so much more beautiful than you"-look. Just because you *want* to be President of the United States, doesn't mean you *can*. You can try, but there is no guarantee. Even the Constitution only grants you the right to *pursue* happiness. There is no sovereign right to claim anything you desire, despite the sense of entitlement so many people ………….. wait, sorry, got off on a tangent there.

So my point, and what I said to Brayden, in an attempt to be perfectly honest, was this, “Well, there are some girls who play in high school, and probably even college. But really, football is a very physical, tough game. Even these big, strong guys can get hurt because it’s so rough. So it’s not practical for girls, who are normally smaller, to play. The huge guys out there would squash them flat.” Reiterating, Brayden said, “So girls would have to be really, really big to play?” “Well, yeah” I said, “they’d have to be really strong and really, really big” And Kendrie, who was sitting next to me on the sofa, leaned over, patted my leg and said, “Mom, you could play.”

You know what? The steroid tantrum she threw at 8:30 when we wouldn’t let her have a slice of American Cheese before bed (no dairy due to chemo) didn’t bother me near as much tonight! Why should I care if she’s upset, anyway???? (rude little thing, ha!)

Hope your weekend is going well. We’ll check back in tomorrow and update the music again. Take care,

Kristie
**********************************************
KENDRIE’S PERSPECTIVE:

WORST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY: I am feeling a little run-down. I asked for Zofran again and laid around on the sofa for a while. And then tonight after my bath I laid down with my head in mom’s lap and my hair dried sticking straight up in the air! I thought it made me look like Elvis but my mom kept calling me Alfalfa (whoever the heck that is) and laughing at me! Stupid mom. First she couldn’t work the camera right last night to get my adorable snowman in the picture, and tonight she’s making fun of me.

BEST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY: Well, there are only two more days of steroids this cycle, does that count???

“THE 25 SONGS OF CHRISTMAS”

and/or “Kristie thinking she can get away with using Caringbridge as her own personal music forum”

OK, I had this really great idea to call the entire month of December (up until Christmas, anyway) “The 25 Songs of Christmas” and play a different, personal, favorite Christmas carol on Kendrie’s site every day. Now, look, I’ve already messed it up …. what a bonehead. First of all, if you look at the time of this entry, it’s already the 2nd of December (obviously, I had way too much caffeine tonight after dinner.) Secondly, I’ll most likely forget or get busy for a day or two, and then we’re leaving on the 20th to go home for Christmas and I can’t change the music from my mom’s house …. So maybe it would be more correct to call it “The 16-and-a-half-Songs of Christmas” or something like that. On second thought, maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all. Don't most ideas seem better before you actually give them much thought? Or is that just me???

Anyway, I’m going to take the opportunity to share with you some of the Christmas music performed by one of my favorite groups, TSO. (Ironically, another of my favorite groups is REO. And ELO. But not so much the J.Lo.)

I’d have to say my love for *BIG* music was cultivated early, when I received my Meatloaf/Bat out of Hell RECORD (yes, I really am that old) from my friend Shorty for a 9th grade birthday present. Those of you who enjoy Meatloaf (the singer, not the meal) know what I mean by “BIG” music, don’t you? And my love for rock opera was cemented the first time I saw TSO in concert. Six years later, attending their annual holiday tour is one of my favorite traditions. Blaine and I just saw them again last week (thanks for babysitting, Erin!) and as always, they blew us away. If you ever get the chance to see them, GO, you won’t regret it. But since they only tour a few weeks out of each year and the majority of people won’t get to see them (or might not have even heard of them) let me spread the joy with my “16-and-a-half TSO Songs Of Christmas” list.

I’ll keep a running list on the site throughout the month. Check the site every day to hear the new music (that’s a request, not a command!) and sign into the guestbook each day to tell me what you think of that day’s song. It’s sort of like a radio contest, only with no prizes or incentives or give-aways!

Dec 2: “Wizards In Winter” (instrumental) -- The Lost Christmas Eve



Thanks to all of you for checking in on us when we returned from vacation -- it was great to hear from so many of you in the guestbook who were keeping us safe in your thoughts. I think we’ve fully recovered from our trip, although Blaine is still pitching a big one (or, as Kellen said tonight about Kendrie “Help her before she has a condition fit”) about paying that ticket… but being the law-abiding citizen that he is (well, except for breaking the law in the first place, of course) he’s going to pay it and be done with it.

The kids have settled back into school and Kendrie had her monthly chemo appointment today. She woke up in a good mood and ate a good breakfast, but half way to Atlanta she told me she didn’t feel well and wound up getting sick before we made it to the clinic. Yes, I know she’s on chemo … but I was still a little bit surprised since it was the first time in a long time that has happened to her. She did have her weekly oral methotrexate last night, so I’m chalking it up to that and will remember to pre-medicate her with Zofran (the anti-nausea medication that cost more for one pill than John Kerry’s entire campaign budget) next time.

When we got to clinic, we discovered our friends Madie and her mom Regina were there, and we also go to hang out with Catie and her mom and dad, Jenny and Tre’. Needless to say, it took Kendrie all of about three seconds to perk right up once she saw her friends. And Madie was a great distraction in the exam room, since Kendrie was pretty determined not to cry in front of her when she got her port accessed. Thanks, Madie!

I do feel compelled, however, to point out the obvious difference between the two girls. Both female, both five years old, but take a look at this picture and tell me what you see.



Madie, with the adorable floral peasant blouse with the billowing sleeves, leopard-print pants and zip-up, knee high black boots. Hair in a ponytail, and fingernail polish applied to her hands. Now look at Kendrie (who, by the way, dressed herself this morning. I take NO BLAME for this outfit!) Hiking boots, sweat pants, old Lion King sweatshirt and a ball cap. She is SO not a Miss America waiting to happen.

And here’s a photo of all three girls having their picnic in the infusion room at the clinic. Catie is having her inpatient chemo this week and we were so happy that our schedules overlapped.



l-r, Madie, Kendrie and Catie

Even better, this coming Sunday is the Lighthouse Family Retreat Annual Christmas Party, so we’ll get to see them again in just a few days!

Kendrie’s counts AGAIN are on the high side….. ANC of 2780. And that is at 125 percent of the oral methotrexate for the past month. The nurse practitioner said we would not tweak the meds up (again) until her counts have been high for three consecutive months. If they are high the next two months, they will bump up her 6MP. I know I should be happy that her ANC is staying strong, as that means her immune system isn’t too suppressed. She feels good, looks good, and is more than holding her own at school. But the neurotic, paranoid part of me worries that if the chemo isn’t that hard on her good cells, is it being as hard as it should on her cancer cells? Are we giving her *enough* chemo to kill all the leukemia cells??? Oh well, I’ll just focus on the fact she isn’t having any complications. Blessings right?

Speaking of blessings, if you are looking around this holiday season, thinking, “Wow, I’d really like to know what I can do to help my fellow man” (and you know you were thinking that, weren’t you?) then let me make a suggestion. Or TWO or THREE. First, make time between now and the New Year to donate blood. Blood banks traditionally run short during the holiday season and it’s not just the accident victims who need it --- it’s the kids and adults with illness, cancer, and bone marrow problems who need platelets and red blood cells on a regular basis.

Suggestion Number TWO is to contact The National Bone Marrow Registery and find out how you can register as a bone marrow donor. Not only do people die while waiting on an organ donor list, but people --- CHILDREN -- are waiting on the bone marrow list, desperately needing a transplant for survival, with no matches to be found. One such child is Taylor Krueger. Please let Taylor be the inspiration you need to sign up to be a bone marrow donor. I have been signed up as a donor for almost ten years and am starting to wonder if they will ever call me! But at least I know that if there is even the remote possibility that I could help save someone’s life …. Someone like Kendrie …. I’ve ready and waiting.

And finally, suggestion number three, if you are pregnant or someone you know is pregnant, consider donating your baby’s cord blood. Cord blood transplants are becoming more and more successful as treatment options and it’s easier for a relapsed cancer patient to find a cord blood match than a bone marrow match, so the potential for medical miracles with cord blood is huge. Check out Spencer Rocket’s web site if you don’t believe me. Huge, baby, HUGE!!! He is a walkin’, talkin’ success story!

Don’t forget, tune in tomorrow for the next new song in the countdown and let me know what you think in the guestbook! (I guess if you hate it then you can let me know once and I might not see you so much the rest of the month, ha!)

Take care,
Kristie
############################################
KENDRIE’S PERSPECTIVE:

WORST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY: The indignity of mom dumping out the cooler in the van this morning when I told her I was going to be sick …. And her actually expecting me to use it. I looked like a college frat boy after an all-night kegger with my head in the ice chest. (Mom speaking --- “Hey, in my defense, we were doing 70 mph on the interstate. What did she expect me to do? Swivel around in the drivers seat and cup my hands under her mouth? It was the ice chest or my purse, so the ice chest was the obvious choice!” And she started steroids today. Ugh.)

BEST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY: OK, lets’ be honest, cancer really stinks. But I have made some pretty good friends out of this whole sick-blood thing, and I was so happy to get to have lunch with Madie and Catie today!!! Madie, hope you are home resting ok, and Catie, hope your hospital stay is going well! See you both on Sunday!

***MISSING PERSON ALERT *** MISSING PERSON ALERT ***

Ok, everyone, be on your toes. It appears our sweet, loving, easygoing daughter Kendrie is missing. Well, hang on. Don’t call 911 just yet. To be exact, it’s only her personality that’s missing. A crying, whining, fussy brat has been left behind in the human shell that resembles her. Invasion of the Body Snatchers … er, Personality Snatchers? No, just a typical monthly steroid pulse. Rumor has it the side effects of steroids *can* be cumulative each month during long-term maintenance. In that case, let’s celebrate the fact we only have twelve steroid pulses left! (That sounds so much more optimistic than a whole ‘nuther year of steroids!)

Hey, I was pleasantly surprised by the number of people who signed in our guestbook today to tell me they actually like both TSO and Meatloaf, from yesterday's journal entry! I’m telling you, there is a whole fraternity of women out there; who, if we just had a few hours to meet in person, with a boatload of chocolate, a karoke machine and the Paradise by the Dashboard Lights song ….. I’m betting we could establish a bond like no other. :)

And speaking of guestbooks, thanks to those of you who let me know it was taking a while to open. I had Caringbridge archive everything prior to December 1st, so it should load a whole lot faster now and you can start signing again if you’d like. Thanks for being patient.

So here’s the next song for today (tomorrow); Boughs of Holly. If possible, I like this song better than the last one. But of course, I like all of the TSO songs “better than the last one”. And the more I hear them, the more I like them. I’m starting to worry I’m really simple-minded. Or just easily amused.

Finally, here are a few photos from our Christmas Decorating Frenzy tonight. We have company coming over tomorrow night and of course I waited until last night to “surprise” Blaine with new garlands that needed to be hung, new lights and lawn decorations for the outside of the house, a new table (some assembly required) … etc, etc. I definitely heard some grumbling underneath the Jingle Bells tune he was whistling. But we got the tree up and decorated tonight with no lives or limbs lost. (People limbs are what I worry about while my kids are falling all over the tree, not tree limbs!) My kids were pretty good sports about posing for photos (except for Ms. Grump-Butt aka Steroid Girl who only cooperated if I dangled cheese in front of her.) It’ll be a rude awakening when they have to pose all over again in this year’s New Christmas Pajamas.








In keeping with the Christmas theme, I want to do a survey in this journal update and ask all of you to give me your answers in the guestbook:

What are your three all-time favorite Christmas movies?
(Ok, maybe it’s not very pc … but I can’t think of any Kwaanza blockbusters off the top of my head … enlighten me if you can!) I’m asking partly because I’m nosy and partly to get ideas for movies to watch this year. And did I mention partly because I’m nosy???

Here are mine: (not necessarily in order; depends on my mood)

1. A Christmas Story (aka, the Red Rider BB Gun Movie, or The Ralphie Show, as it is known around here.)

2. Scrooged (with Bill Murray …. If nothing else, for the scene when Carol Kane belts him up side the head with that toaster… I thought Blaine was going to wet his pants when we saw that in the Minot Movie Theater!

3. love, actually (Oh, my gosh, this is the best movie!)

So, how about you guys?

I’ll be back with a new song tomorrow night!
Kristie
******************************************************
KENDRIE’S PERSPECTIVE:

WORST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:
Really, truly, I don’t understand why I’m so grumpy. Things that normally wouldn’t set me off are just making me a weeping mess today. Like Brittney, my neighbor down the street, playing with Kellen’s matchbox cars today without asking. I had a complete meltdown, and they’re NOT EVEN MY CARS!!!

BEST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:
Wow, you should see my mom jump. I forgot my back pack this morning and rather than risk the wrath of Steroid-Girl, my mom went home and brought it back to the school for me. Normally she’s a “tough break, kid” kind of mom, but these five days each month …. She’s like butter, I’m telling you, butter!

Better with friends

Thanks to all of you for checking in on us when we returned from vacation -- it was great to hear from so many of you in the guestbook who were keeping us safe in your thoughts. I think we’ve fully recovered from our trip, although Blaine is still pitching a big one (or, as Kellen said tonight about Kendrie “Help her before she has a condition fit”) about paying that ticket… but being the law-abiding citizen that he is (well, except for breaking the law in the first place, of course) he’s going to pay it and be done with it.

The kids have settled back into school and Kendrie had her monthly chemo appointment today. She woke up in a good mood and ate a good breakfast, but half way to Atlanta she told me she didn’t feel well and wound up getting sick before we made it to the clinic. Yes, I know she’s on chemo … but I was still a little bit surprised since it was the first time in a long time that has happened to her. She did have her weekly oral methotrexate last night, so I’m chalking it up to that and will remember to pre-medicate her with Zofran (the anti-nausea medication that cost more for one pill than John Kerry’s entire campaign budget) next time.

When we got to clinic, we discovered our friends Madie and her mom Regina were there, and we also go to hang out with Catie and her mom and dad, Jenny and Tre’. Needless to say, it took Kendrie all of about three seconds to perk right up once she saw her friends. And Madie was a great distraction in the exam room, since Kendrie was pretty determined not to cry in front of her when she got her port accessed. Thanks, Madie!

I do feel compelled, however, to point out the obvious difference between the two girls. Both female, both five years old, but take a look at this picture and tell me what you see.



Madie, with the adorable floral peasant blouse with the billowing sleeves, leopard-print pants and zip-up, knee high black boots. Hair in a ponytail, and fingernail polish applied to her hands. Now look at Kendrie (who, by the way, dressed herself this morning. I take NO BLAME for this outfit!) Hiking boots, sweat pants, old Lion King sweatshirt and a ball cap. She is SO not a Miss America waiting to happen.

And here’s a photo of all three girls having their picnic in the infusion room at the clinic. Catie is having her inpatient chemo this week and we were so happy that our schedules overlapped.



l-r, Madie, Kendrie and Catie

Even better, this coming Sunday is the Lighthouse Family Retreat Annual Christmas Party, so we’ll get to see them again in just a few days!

Kendrie’s counts AGAIN are on the high side….. ANC of 2780. And that is at 125 percent of the oral methotrexate for the past month. The nurse practitioner said we would not tweak the meds up (again) until her counts have been high for three consecutive months. If they are high the next two months, they will bump up her 6MP. I know I should be happy that her ANC is staying strong, as that means her immune system isn’t too suppressed. She feels good, looks good, and is more than holding her own at school. But the neurotic, paranoid part of me worries that if the chemo isn’t that hard on her good cells, is it being as hard as it should on her cancer cells? Are we giving her *enough* chemo to kill all the leukemia cells??? Oh well, I’ll just focus on the fact she isn’t having any complications. Blessings right?

Speaking of blessings, if you are looking around this holiday season, thinking, “Wow, I’d really like to know what I can do to help my fellow man” (and you know you were thinking that, weren’t you?) then let me make a suggestion. Or TWO or THREE. First, make time between now and the New Year to donate blood. Blood banks traditionally run short during the holiday season and it’s not just the accident victims who need it --- it’s the kids and adults with illness, cancer, and bone marrow problems who need platelets and red blood cells on a regular basis.

Suggestion Number TWO is to contact The National Bone Marrow Registery and find out how you can register as a bone marrow donor. Not only do people die while waiting on an organ donor list, but people --- CHILDREN -- are waiting on the bone marrow list, desperately needing a transplant for survival, with no matches to be found. One such child is Taylor Krueger. Please let Taylor be the inspiration you need to sign up to be a bone marrow donor. I have been signed up as a donor for almost ten years and am starting to wonder if they will ever call me! But at least I know that if there is even the remote possibility that I could help save someone’s life …. Someone like Kendrie …. I’ve ready and waiting.

And finally, suggestion number three, if you are pregnant or someone you know is pregnant, consider donating your baby’s cord blood. Cord blood transplants are becoming more and more successful as treatment options and it’s easier for a relapsed cancer patient to find a cord blood match than a bone marrow match, so the potential for medical miracles with cord blood is huge. Check out Spencer Rocket’s web site if you don’t believe me. Huge, baby, HUGE!!! He is a walkin’, talkin’ success story!


Take care,
Kristie
############################################
KENDRIE’S PERSPECTIVE:

WORST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY: The indignity of mom dumping out the cooler in the van this morning when I told her I was going to be sick …. And her actually expecting me to use it. I looked like a college frat boy after an all-night kegger with my head in the ice chest. (Mom speaking --- “Hey, in my defense, we were doing 70 mph on the interstate. What did she expect me to do? Swivel around in the drivers seat and cup my hands under her mouth? It was the ice chest or my purse, so the ice chest was the obvious choice!” And she started steroids today. Ugh.)

BEST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY: OK, lets’ be honest, cancer really stinks. But I have made some pretty good friends out of this whole sick-blood thing, and I was so happy to get to have lunch with Madie and Catie today!!! Madie, hope you are home resting ok, and Catie, hope your hospital stay is going well! See you both on Sunday!

“CALIFORNIA DREAMING”

(or) “How I spent my Thanksgiving Vacation”

Week 16 of LTM

Wow, what a wonderful week we had in sunny, southern California! So many thank-you’s to send to friends, and friends of friends, who were willing to host us during our stay. I have to say, we took the tourist world by storm and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves every single day. Normally, it’s not a vacation until someone gets the stomach flu or we lose our luggage --- this time, pretty much everything went according to plan. What follows is a photo timeline of our eight days, with captions. If you have dial-up, you might want to go get a sandwich right about now …. This could take a while.

“THE GOOD (AND HARDLY ANY BAD) OF OUR THANKSGIVING VACATION TO CALIFORNIA”

Day 1: Leaving Georgia in 60 degree weather and arriving in Los Angeles in 60 degree weather, yet getting to see snow during our layover in Denver. Pretty cool, huh? Unless you live in Montana, and you’re probably thinking, “big stinkin’ deal.”

Later in Day 1: Arriving at the home of our dear friends Kim and Kenny and their boys Jacob, Nathan, Austin and Dylan. Our kids hadn’t seen each other in almost a year and a half …. that’s like a billion dog years to kids at this age! Luckily, they picked up right where they left off and were best buds again within minutes. The boys have been friends since they were five months old, and my girls would have been happy doing nothing but sitting and holding the twins the entire visit. Too bad the twins, at twelve months of age, had different ideas.


“No, they’re not gay. They’re six, and they’re best friends. On second thought, at least we hope they aren’t gay.”

Day 2: Going to the tidal pools to play, and getting a chance to meet Alex and his family. My only disappointment is that I was so busy taking pictures of the kids “enjoying” nature, I forgot to take a picture of Alex and his family! It was great to meet them, though, and hopefully next time we are in Los Angeles we can visit again. (Next time, without coming home with creepy crawly things in Brayden's pocket!)











Day 3: Hanging out on the pier at Redondo Beach.

When Blaine and I lived in Los Angeles from 1996-1998, this was one of our favorite places to spend an afternoon, feeding the pigeons, watching the sea lions, and feeding ourselves. Mainly, feeding ourselves.



As you can see, not a lot has changed! I realize this photo isn’t one of my own children, but I thought it turned out great ….. and no, I’m not stalking total strangers’ children; this is our family friend Nathan, getting up close and personal with his cotton candy. After getting all the kids loaded on a sugar-high, we hit the beach for some shell-collecting, aka ... more creepy crawly things in Brayden's pockets.

Evening of Day 3: We spent the evening having a nice dinner (no kids!) and watching the stand-up comedy routines of Jay Leno and Kevin Nealon. Unfortunately, the Comedy Club of Hermosa Beach doesn’t allow cameras during the show ---- because this is where, if I had it, the photo of Blaine laughing so hard he spit beer out of his nose would be.

Later in the evening of Day 3: This is where, if I had it, the photo of me in a total state of nirvana would be. Cheesecake Factory; chocolate chip cookie dough cheesecake. Need I say more?

Day 4: First official “Tourist” day in Los Angeles --- Knottsberry Farm. We spent pretty much the entire day in Camp Snoopy, letting the children ride rides to their hearts content. My only regret of the entire day is not getting a photo of Kendrie on the Pirate Ship ride. You’ve heard the term “squealing with glee”? She took sheer joy to a new level, and wants to know why we can’t have one in our backyard.



"Not as much fun as the Dragon Ship, but still a pretty good time! Blaine and Kendrie enjoy a roller coaster."



"l-r, Jacob, Kellen, and Brayden. Not sure if this was the first, second, or fifteenth time they rode this. It was one of those, "Again, again!" run-around and hop on again rides."


Day 5: Second official “Tourist” day in San Diego --- Sea World. Now, I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I’m 38 years old and I had never been to a Sea World in my entire life. Maybe I just didn’t realize how cool Shamu really was. But we had a great time.



“So, just whose mouth is bigger, a giant whale, or mom’s?”

The extra-cool thing about our California vacation, and Sea World in particular, is that it gave us a chance to spend the day with another of our online friends in person, Andrew and his mom, Kim. Having corresponded via e-mail for over a year, it didn’t take long to make that “in person” connection to them both (and rumor has it that Andrew has a little crush on Brayden, so all told, I’d say it was a successful afternoon!)



"Enjoying the Shamu show. Enjoying spending time with Andrew. Mainly, enjoying the popcorn."

We stumbled upon the dolphin tank at just the right time for public feeding. Brayden was a bit miffed when a pelican, or some other sort of aggressive, flapping sea-bird creature, flew right at her and stole a sardine out of her hand (and at a dollar apiece for each sardine, I was a little miffed, too!) but otherwise the dolphin feeding was a huge hit.




And by now we had figured out the fall weather in California --- shorts and t-shirts during the day, and jackets and mittens at night. You’d think, after our Easter-weather fiasco in Washington DC, that I would have learned my lesson and packed a better variety of clothing options. Nope, I’m still just as ill-prepared, so we wound up borrowing t-shirts from our hosts and buying stocking caps from Target. (I’m just glad they *sold* stocking caps in Southern California!)

Day 6: Thanksgiving spent in San Diego with Kim & Kenny’s family. We slept in their beds, ate their food, drank all their soda, used up probably more than our fair share of the toilet paper (but definitely not their soap, since my kids didn’t bathe the entire time they were there!) and were made to feel right at home. Thank you so much!


“Our combined gang, working on Year Six of a life-long friendship”

Day 7: Squeezing one last tourist attraction into our week, LegoLand! I don’t know who was more impressed with the statues and mini-cities and creatures built all out of Legos at this park (30 MILLION Legos used in all!); the kids or me. Mainly, the kids wanted to know where the rides were. I was a little hesitant, until I discovered they used actual steel and metal, and NOT Legos, to build the roller coaster. Because for my kids, it was aaaaaaalllll about the roller coasters! But I still made them pose in front of the cool Lego-statues.



Evening of Day 7: Being invited back to Andrew’s house for dinner (thank you so much, Doug and Kim!) and s’mores. My kids would have been willing to skip dinner and go right to the s’mores …. They obviously get their lack of will power from me.



Fortunately, Andrew's mom Kim had the forethought to pack three baggies full of marshmallows for the plane ride home the next day, so we were able to leave without full-blown tantrums.


"Have you ever seen such happiness from a graham cracker and chocolate? Wait. Who am I kidding? That's what I look like when I eat graham crackers and chocolate, too"

Day 8: And here’s the only place where the vacation didn’t go as planned. Thanks to inclement weather in Chicago, our flight out of LAX was delayed by two hours. I would have paid a kagillion dollars to have our portable dvd player with us, but we had to entertain ourselves with coloring and endless games of “Mercy” (until the guy next to us gave us several dirty looks and an indignant "hurrumph!" for having such unruly children ….. come on, man, they’d been in the waiting area for over two hours!)

Then, at 1 am, after traveling for over twelve hours, a mere half - mile from our house, Blaine was stopped and given a speeding ticket. I have to take the blame, since he had just asked me what the speed limit was and I told him wrong. I’d offer to pay the ticket, but what with me being a stay-at-home mom and all, I’d have to borrow the money from him and that just seems silly now, doesn’t it?

So there it is in a nutshell. A week of fun and friendship; good times, good food, good friends and great memory-making. Blaine spent today putting up our Christmas lights, the kids “supervised” and I actually got all the laundry done. Tomorrow it’s back to our school routine, with a chemo appointment (and the start of a five-day steroid pulse …. Ick!) thrown in on Wednesday for good measure. Kendrie’s got some serious looking red circles under her eyes; whether it’s being tired from our whirlwind week of activity, or from playing outside all day today, or from crying for thirty minutes when she found out she was given the position of LAST in the bathtub tonight, I’m not sure.

I hope everyone else had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday, as well.

Take care,
Kristie
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KENDRIE’S PERSPECTIVE:

WORST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:
It’s the weekend. Which means more Bactrim. Sigh.

BEST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:
Remembering how much fun I had making s’mores at Andrew’s house! And holding the twins ... when they weren't frantically crawling away from me. And wrecking Nathan and Jacob's playroom. And going to all those cool places ..... wow, I guess I had a pretty fantastic week!

"GIVING THANKS"

(and/or) ONE YEAR LATER, THE CRAP SANDWICH DOESN’T SEEM AS BIG ....... (see last year's Thanksgiving entry if you have no idea what I'm talking about!)

Week #14 of Long-Term Maintenance Therapy

Q. Which is the most elusive, most sought-after, most hard-to-find thing in the entire universe?

a. The Fountain of Youth
b. The Meaning of Life
c. A single ounce of talent or humility or modesty in the life of Paris Hilton
d. A 2004 Flu shot

Can you guess which one we discovered today? Here’s a hint: We’re old …. We’re not very profound …. We don’t watch the Simple Life …….. but hopefully we’re protected from the flu this year!

That’s right, the Escoe clan managed to get flu shots today. And we didn’t even have to threaten, bribe, steal, or beg. The immunization clinic on base accepted the letter from Kendrie’s oncologist, stating that her immediate family members should be considered “priority” since she herself is “high-risk” and the clinic took us as priority patients once their shipment of shots arrived. Isn’t it nice when something actually works out the way you hope it will?

Sore arms aside, things on the medical front have been pretty normal. For you chemo-junkies out there, I don’t think I mentioned that at Kendrie’s clinic visit last month, her counts, for the 3rd month in a row since starting long-term maintenance, were higher than normal.

Quick cancer lesson: “ANC” actually has two meanings in the land of childhood cancer--"A"bsolute “N”eutrophil “C”ount, which is some sort of medical math equation that doctors use to figure some measure of infection fighting ability times the square root of zero carry the one and multiply by the white count and eventually you will figure out the strength of chemo … blah blah, it’s something medical. The other definition, used more commonly by cancer-parents everywhere, is “A”ny “N”umber below 1000 or above 2000 makes us “C”razy. We are always shooting for that window between 1000 and 2000. We’re not really sure why, again with the medical stuff about if it’s too high the chemo might not be strong enough and if it’s too low than the chemo is too strong plus the child’s infection fighting ability is in the toilet …..

Anyway, Kendrie’s had been high for three months in a row despite her being on 100 percent of the recommended dosages of chemo. So after her last visit they increased one of her oral chemo drugs (methotrexate) by twenty-five percent. We had her blood counts checked today, and the ANC level is at 1183 -- perfect. Hopefully when we check again at the next visit in two weeks it will still be perfect, otherwise we’ll increase or decrease one or the other meds by however much is necessary, and stand on one foot and howl at the moon and spin around three times or whatever we have to do to shoot for that magic number again. (I’m sure it’s a very scientific process if you’re a doctor and know just what the heck these drugs do. For us, it’s more about how much applesauce will we need to get the drugs smooshed up and into Kendrie each night!) So that’s that.

In the non-cancer portion of our simple little lives, we are getting BEYOND EXTREMELY EXCITED to leave on our Thanksgiving Vacation! Not only will we be staying with some of our dearest friends in the world (they’d have to be pretty dear to put up with our thundering herd for seven days!) in California, but we are also getting a chance to meet two of our online friends in person. Andrew and Alex, there's a Georgia whirlwind headed your way that just might measure off the chart of one of your fancy-California richter scales! Hang on to your hats ... we're on our way!

Speaking of friends, a few entries back I told you about two local families we are getting to know through our middle-Georgia area support group. Well, (warning, profanity ahead) one of the shittiest things you will ever hear in your life is the pronouncement your child has cancer. (This, I can tell you from experience) Probably the one thing that is shittier, because your bubble of naiveté and ignorance is gone after awhile, is the pronouncement that your child has relapsed and the cancer has returned. This is the case for our new friend Baby Jay, who finished his treatment for medulloblastoma last April. He’s cruising along, not a pre-school care in the world, when WHAM, a check-up scan shows the tumor is back. Jay’s treatment plan is still being decided at this point and I’m sure his parents would appreciate all the words of support and encouragement they can get. Please stop by Jay’s website and let them know you are thinking of them. T.H.I.S.S.T.I.N.K.S.

………………………………………..



In keeping with the holiday spirit, here’s a photo from Kendrie’s Thanksgiving Feast at school this week. I have to tell you that I think “feast” is a generous term, considering the kids ate popcorn, raisins and candy corn. But they sang a song, churned butter, read stories, and made lollipop turkeys. Not sure how authentic it was, as I doubt the original Pilgrims and Indians had glass baby food jars for liquefying the butter ….. but we still had fun.


And lastly, I wanted to share some words of Thanksgiving insight with all of you. As you may or may not know, I scrapbook (obsessively) and try to write down a few nuggets of wisdom from my kids about the holidays each year. So, I asked each of my family members what Thanksgiving means to them, and will leave you with the following conversations:

…………………………….

Kristie: “What is Thanksgiving all about?”

Kendrie: “Turkey”

Kristie: “Anything else?”

Kendrie: “Steak”

Kristie: “Well, what about being thankful?”

Kendrie: “I think being thankful means helping people when they get hurt.”

Kristie: “What are you thankful for?”

Kendrie: “I’m thankful for Kellen and Brayden and Mommy and Daddy and Lager (our dog) and me.”

Kristie: “Anything else?”

Kendrie: “I’m thankful when Nurse Mary accesses my port because I want to get better. {I swear I am not making this up. I almost cried when she said this ….} Two more things. Four, actually. What else should I say? I was thankful when Fosters (our old dog) was alive. And I’m happy because you let me be born. I’m thankful for when my Dad worked on the airport. (what????) And I’m thankful because Jesus died on the cross so we didn’t have to do it.”
………………………………………………………..

Kristie: “What holiday is coming up?”

Kellen: “Thanksgiving”

Kristie: “What does Thanksgiving mean?”

Kellen: “You have a feast.”

Kristie: “Are we having a feast this year?”

Kellen: “Uh-huh”

Kristie: “What are you thankful for?”

Kellen: “Food. Toys. Pets. Money. That’s it.”

………………………………

Kristie: “What can you tell me about the history of Thanksgiving?”

Brayden: “It’s about when you celebrate the people in your family and your friends. It’s when you have a turkey. And you give thanks to other people. And you have a feast with your family.”

Kristie: “What are you thankful for?”

Brayden: “My home. My family. Friends. My dog. My whole family. That’s it.”

…………………………….

Kristie: “What are you thankful for?”

Blaine: “God. Family. Beer. Fishing. In no particular order.”

…………………………………

So that about sums it up, although for the record, Blaine has never worked at an airport. I hope you all enjoy your Thanksgiving holiday as well. Eat a little turkey, watch a little football, and hug your family a little closer for the day.

Take care,
Kristie
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KENDRIE’S PERSPECTIVE:

WORST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:

Having to get my arm stuck with a needle to get blood drawn. Plus, they were slow in the lab and it made me late for school today!

BEST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:

Well, it might not be nice to admit it, but it was nice to go to the immunization clinic after I got my blood drawn and see Mom and Dad and Brayden and Kellen all get flu shots. For once, *I* was not the pincushion!!! I also want to thank Debbie E. for the ultra-cool baseball bracelet, and thank Jennifer C. for sending us cards with our OWN names on the envelopes!

HAPPY FALL YA’LL!

(or, let’s discuss some other inane regional colloquialisms)

Week #13 of LTM

I appear to be having an identity crisis.

Wait, let me say that in a way that will be more clear to my friends back home: “Ya’ll, I’m fixin’ to have an identity crisis!”

This is a problem that plagues military families fairly often, I believe. Blaine and I are on our 8th military assignment (11 moves total) in 17 years of marriage. In the military, when people ask “Where are you from?” the question they usually get in return is “Do you mean where is my *home*? Or where were we stationed before here?” -- Because everyone knows those are two totally separate things.

We’re from Oklahoma --- where *is* that, exactly? To the people we met when we were stationed in California, it’s in the east. To the people we met when we were stationed in Alabama, it’s in the west. To the people here in Georgia, Oklahoma is definitely NOT the South, and to the friends we made in Ohio, it’s definitely NOT the North. I say “ya’ll” and “fixin’ to” …. and then I get funny looks in local restaurants here when I ask for “pop”.

When my kids are “ill”, that means they are sick. When Georgia kids are “ill”, that means they are acting like brats. Did you know that when people from the South “carry” someone, that means they are driving them somewhere? And in North Dakota, it’s common to get an invitation to “go with” …. as in, “I’m going to the mall, do you want to go with?” (I never *did* get used to that one … proper grammar, in my opinion, is “I’m fixin’ to go to the mall, do you want to go with me?” Ha!)

For military folk, this is the time of year when NEXT year’s pcs’s (permanent change of stations, for you non-government types) are being announced. In the past few weeks, three of my friends have found out they are moving. All the moves were expected, no big surprise there; it’s the anticipation of *where* that makes it such an exciting and stressful time. Where are you moving, and how different will it be?

But not us. We’re going big fat nowhere. After two years in Georgia, we were slated to move last summer. It’s rare to stay anywhere more than two years, and Blaine had been chosen for a job in Copenhagen, of all places. Up to that point, our personal motto could have been: "Join the Air Force, See the Midwest". Can you imagine Copenhagen??? My geography is pretty terrible, but I’m almost sure that’s not even in the United States!!!

Instead, we got a 26-month pass to Leukemia-Land. The first thing we did, after getting Kendrie started on her treatment and reclaiming our sanity, was to request a one-year extension here in Georgia. We wanted Kendrie to finish as much of her treatment as possible in one location. Luckily for us, a proverbial good-luck break landed right in Blaine’s camo-clad lap and thanks to a new job, he was extended here for TWO additional years. So she’ll get to finish ALL of her treatment with the same doctor -- who we love -- which thrills us to no end. Also, my kids will get FOUR years in the same school system -- military parents everywhere are shaking their heads in awe and disbelief!

It does make me wonder about my kids, though. Brayden, born in Oklahoma, is a Sooner born and a Sooner bred. And when she dies she’ll be Sooner dead. (Hey, I didn’t make that up, it’s the words to the actual song.) Kellen, born in California, the quintessential Beach-Boy surfer dude? Nope, he prefers pools to the ocean. And Kendrie, born in Ohio -- a Buckeye, of all things? After four years in Georgia, aren’t they all a little bit peach-ish?

The down side to staying in Georgia for four years is watching the friends we have made here move on … and move away. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful beyond belief that we are staying here. Even when the summer ants are invading my home and the gnats from the nearby peach orchards are driving me crazy and the humidity is three thousand percent in July, I am grateful to be here, and to stay at Scottish Rite. But who will be left to invite, when the time comes to plan Kendrie’s off-treatment party? Many of the people who rallied ‘round us in the beginning are no longer here, which makes me a little sad. I'ts a bizarre, unusual feeling to be "left behind" in the military. Of course, it's also a bizarre, unusual feeling to be told your 4-yr old has cancer, so you'd think I'd be getting used to it, wouldn't you? :)

And I wonder if I’m losing my identity as a cancer patient’s mom, now that Kendrie no longer looks sick. She’s gone from the hideous “chemo-falling out hair” to “little bald kid” to “what a cute pixie cut” to “dear Lord lady, can’t you do something with that kid’s hair?”

She woke up this morning with her first official case of bed head!!! (Trust me, it was a cause for celebration as far as I’m concerned!) But people see her, looking good and doing well, and they forget she has cancer. I get asked fairly often, “You mean she’s still on chemotherapy?” Trust me, if a bald head was the only indicator of illness, then both her grandpa’s have WAY more to worry about than she does!

Despite the oddness of four years in one location, we are still a military family. Despite the pink cheeks and healthy appetite and boundless (freakin’ boundless!) energy level, she is still a child with cancer. I still panic when she complains of back pain, like she has done every day this week. She still had to take her eight and a half pills before bed tonight, two hours after dinner and one hour before bed and no milk or dairy for two hours in either direction despite the steroid craving for grilled cheese sandwich that the parent has to deny.

I know the day will come again when our biggest stress factor will be an upcoming move, and the anxiety and excitement of how will we like our new home, and how different things might be. Until then, my message to the state of Georgia is “Thanks, ya’ll, for being a decent place to get stuck for four years!” Even if I am having an identity crisis from being in one place so long.

Hope you all have a great night,

Kristie, who isn’t quite sure where she belongs, but she’s fixin’ to go to bed and quit worrying about it!
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KENDRIE’S PERSPECTIVE:

WORST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:

My back is hurting me. I can’t imagine it’s from my back poke -- that was seven days ago! It’s most likely simple growing pains, and I’m tired of the look of worry on my mom’s face every time I ask for the purple medicine. Can’t she just give me the medicine and leave me alone? She doesn’t have to worry about her place as a military wife; she’s got a full-time job as a worry-wart!

BEST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:

I got an envelope from my cousin Paxton who lives in Texas, with her Pennies for Patients money! It is a donation for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, and I think it’s great that she did the work and collected the money and sent it to me. Thanks, Paxton!

"PUT ME IN, COACH …. I’M READY TO PLAY!"

Week #12 of Long-Term Maintenance Therapy

When Kendrie was three years old, she was obsessed with baseball. Ob. Sessed. She carried around a ball and glove at all times and would practice “catch” with anyone she could trick into standing still for more than two minutes. And she had a rotating supply of baseball movies that were watched on a very regular basis: Angels in the Outfield, The Sandlot, and Rookie of the Year.

Then, when Kendrie turned four, she was diagnosed with leukemia. Before long, ball caps came to signify something not quite as fun as a baseball obsession. And spending all her time at home with mom, or in the van driving back and forth to Atlanta with the portable DVD player, meant those three baseball movies were watched even more. She still asks on a regular basis “How much longer until it’s my turn to play t-ball?”

So on Tuesday of this week, as we left for Atlanta at 6am, the DVD player behind me was playing “The Sandlot” for the 7,824th time. It’s really a cute movie, if you haven’t ever seen it …. and I have every single solitary line memorized at this point. So, I was able to tune it out a little while I was driving and reflect on Kendrie’s obsession with the sport and how, in a few small ways, baseball is like childhood cancer. (Yeah, you saw that one coming a mile away, didn’t you?)

WAYS THAT BASEBALL IS LIKE CHILDHOOD CANCER:

1. There are nine very important members of the team: Kendrie, her parents, her siblings, her oncologist, her nurse, her nurse practitioner, her pharmacist, her child-life specialist, and the guy who makes the breadsticks at Pizza Hut.

2. The support we receive from thousands and thousands (ok, well, maybe it’s only hundreds and hundreds) of people who fill our stadium -- extended family, close-up friends, long-distance friends, and online friends -- cheers us on in an unbelievable way.

3. Some things, like a bald 4-yr old, grown men spitting, and paying $8 bucks for a beer, are just inexplicable and wrong.

4. The treatment for leukemia is like Roseanne Barr’s crotch-grabbing rendition of the Star Spangled Banner --- it was completely obnoxious and went on for way too long, but you just grit your teeth and get through it.

5. Living a life with childhood cancer is a little like playing on a prison baseball team --- the circumstances suck, but at the end of the day, you’re happy to still be out on the field.

6. Some days are pure bliss --- sunshine-on-your-face-eating-a-foot-long-and-peanuts-and-cheering-and-waving-a-big-foam-finger kind of happiness. Other days, like the days we had this past week when we lost three amazing kids: Shelby Prescott, Cheyenne Fiveash, and Connor Hunley .... you just feel like huddling in the dugout, hiding under your umbrella until the rain stops and the sun comes out again. I mean, it *has* to come out again, doesn’t it? Even for their heartbroken families?

7. Finally, you take advantage of friendships with team-mates you never expected to have. For us this past week, that meant meeting for the first time in clinic, Camp Jack, a cutie who is beating neuroblastoma. Jack has had two stem cell transplants and we’ve been following him online, so meeting him in person, completely by coincidence, was fun. Of course, his teen-age girlfriend Cali Ali is probably going to be a little jealous of the time we got to spend with him. She and Jack have a special relationship --- not in an icky, Mary Kay Letourneau kind of way, but a really fun bi-coastal friendship.

After our clinic appointment on Tuesday, we headed next door to the AFLAC Cancer Center at Scottish Rite hospital to stop in, say hi and deliver cookies to Mary Grace and her mom D.D. Mary Grace is undergoing additional chemo for a germ cell tumor on her spine that her doctors are deciding how to treat this week. Chemo; radiation; surgery; there are many options and we are praying for wisdom for her oncologists as they decide which one(s) will give Mary Grace the best opportunity for a complete cure.

And finally, two remaining team-mates we met that evening as we attended the first-ever Camp Sunshine support group meeting for cancer families in the middle-Georgia area. We got to spend more time with Jacob and his family, which was great, and also to meet for the first time another online friend, Jay and his family. We’re very hopeful this meeting was the beginning of long and helpful friendships.

My final baseball analogy involves two of our friends from Illinois who drove down to Georgia to walk with us in The Light the Night Walk last month; 14-yr old Evan and his dad, Gary. Even and Gary are both sports buffs, especially baseball, and a few years back had gone to a game in Cincinnati (I think --- we’ve been stationed at so many military bases with them, maybe I’m mixing up my cities!) Anyway, the two of them had gone to a professional baseball game and had pretty good seats. Good enough that Evan got SMACKED right in the chest by a foul ball. Not to be overly dramatic, but a foul ball hitting you in the heart at 100 mph .. well, that can kill you. It **has** killed people before. So no surprise that they brought in paramedics and stadium representatives, and made Gary sign a release of liability waiver before he was allowed to remove Evan from the stadium. (Gotta love America!)

Luckily, Evan suffered no permanent damage. And I know he still likes baseball. But I wonder if he enjoys the games as much anymore. Is he as relaxed, as happy, rooting for his team and waving his pennant around and wondering nothing more serious than why on earth his shoes are sticking to the floor of the stadium? Or is he a little bit watchful, slightly apprehensive about the next foul ball and where it might be headed and what damage it might cause?

That’s how I feel with Kendrie. Don’t get me wrong --- I’m thrilled to be at the game. But I can’t keep that constant, constant worry out of the back of my head at all times. I guess that's what makes it "constant", right?

Please let the foul balls go straight up in the air and not smack any of us in the chest again.

Take care, and have a great weekend,
Kristie

Ps. For a really great journal entry, that most likely represents how a lot of parents of kids with leukemia feel, check out the Nov 1st journal entry at Katarina's site. At least I know her mom hit the nail on the head for how *I* feel some days.
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KENDRIE’S PERSPECTIVE:

WORST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:

I’m still not quite over the worst part of having cancer on Tuesday. Let’s see, would it be the part where the nurse held me still and jabbed a needle in my chest? Or held me still and jabbed a needle in my spine? Or the five hours in the van? Or maybe, yes, I know, I know, it’s the stinkin’ steroids that are turning me into a raving, crabby, starving, crying lunatic!!!!! (Wait, that last sentence was high-jacked by my Mom!)

BEST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:

Only six more months until my mom signs me up for t-ball! (Hey, I heard somebody around here talking about it!)

A COMPLETE 180 IN 365 ......

Week #12 of LTM





Our three little goblins this Halloween: Brayden, a witch either practicing her come-hither pose, or needing a hip replacement ... Kendrie, the lone Muskateer ... I have no idea WHY people thought she was a boy, do you? And Kellen, who chose to be Zorro because he had the "best sword".
Photo taken 10-30-04


Well, we made it through the Halloween holiday here in Georgia, safe and sound and only a few sugar-induced arguments to show for it. Last night the kids were happy, enjoyable, and loving life. This morning, thanks to the rapid drop in blood sugar, the late night spent socializing with neighbors, and Daylight Savings Time …. My gosh, we’ve got three unpleasant campers on our hands. You’d almost think we had THREE kids on steroids, the way the mood swings and grumpy attitudes have come out in full force. Thank goodness it’s only one night a year, right?

I wanted to show you guys a picture from last year which should help explain why this year was so much more fun.



Last Halloween, Kendrie had been diagnosed only two weeks before and had just gotten out of the hospital. She hadn’t even started losing any hair yet, but all I have to do is look at her face in this picture to remember how confused and distrustful she had become. No smiling for photos, and no interest in anything that was going on around her. What a difference year makes!

Also wanted to share with all of you (who might not have heard of her) that the Book Fairy came to our house last night. Who is the Book Fairy, you ask? (Or, you didn’t ask because you don’t really care, but I’m going to tell you anyway.) She’s the chick who dates Santa Claus on the sly (sorry, Mrs. Claus) and shares an apartment with the Tooth Fairy. Every Halloween, when our kids come in from trick-or-treating, we let them eat candy to their heart’s content. You know the saying …. "Halloween is like a frat party; it’s not a success until somebody pukes." And when they are done eating enough candy to keep Mars Corporation in business, they can choose five pieces to keep for the next day. Then, all the candy and suckers and gum and everything that is left goes back in their buckets to be left on the porch for the Book Fairy. On Halloween night, she flies to everyone’s house and every child who has left their candy for her to eat receives books in their pumpkin!! (I KNOW! Can you believe my kids fell for it again this year????) So Brayden is now the proud owner of a set of Amelia Bedelia books, Kellen is learning about the wonderful friendship of Frog and Toad, and Kendrie received a Brand-New Reader set of Monkey Books. It’s actually a terrific idea that I got from a friend a few years back, as long as your kids believe (or prefer books to candy). Plus, it makes it harder for me to dip into the buckets and snack myself into oblivion, since I make Blaine take the evidence to work with him. I guess the kids still believe ….. first thing they did this morning (at 6am …. Darn daylight savings time!) was run to the porch to see if she came. I know they’re getting smarter, though, because Kendrie’s comment was, “Mom, if the Book Fairy ate all that candy, it must be hard for her to fly!”

Hope your Halloween was wonderful!!!
Kristie
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KENDRIE’S PERSPECTIVE:

WORST THING ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:

Well, probably just that on the weekends I have to take my icky Bactrim medicine. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Do you realize that I’ve had leukemia for a little over a year, about 55 weeks, and I take four doses of Bactrim a week. Now, we haven’t covered too much math in Pre-Kindergarten yet, so I can’t be sure ….. hmmm, times four …. Carry the one ….. drop the decimal …. I think that’s around 200 doses! In fact, it’s exactly 220 doses! (Mom said I could cheat with her calculator.) I take one teaspoon at a time, times 220 times (oh, geez, more math) Let’s see, that’s almost three cups of Bactrim, one squirt, squirt, squirt at a time! Y.U.C.K!!!

BEST THING ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:

My mom told me when she went to fill the Bactrim prescription this week, Jerry (that’s our pharmacist. He and my mom are on a first-name basis because she has to go there so much for my medication) told her one suggestion was to let me melt a Hersheys Kiss on my tongue, then squirt in the icky-tasting medicine real quick while my tongue was still coated with chocolate. Hmmmm. I just have a few questions. First of all, where on earth am I going to find a coat to fit my tongue??? That’s just silly. I suppose he’ll want little mittens for my teeth, too? And secondly, why did Jerry wait a whole year to make this suggestion? I am my mother’s daughter, baby, bring on the chocolate!