WE INTERRUPT YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING ---

(or) I’M ON MY WAY!

365 Days to Go!

Well, hard to believe that just two months ago I was marking the one-year anniversary of Kendrie’s leukemia diagnosis ….. today is another anniversary of sorts, a backwards one …. She has exactly one year of treatment left! If everything goes according to plan (which is a polite way of avoiding the word “relapse”) Kendrie will be off-treatment in just twelve months; Dec 15, 2005 ---- yippee!!! From this point on I will begin every journal entry with a countdown of how many days to go, and I’m sure none of you will be more happy to see that number get smaller and smaller than we will.

So, I’m interrupting the TSO broadcast to put a song by the Proclaimers on her site today. It’s from the Shrek soundtrack, and while I don’t think it’s particularly profound (and to be honest, I have no idea what the song is really about) I just think it’s catchy. And I love the phrase about going from misery (which is pretty much what the beginning of this stink-fest was) to happiness, which is where I like to think we are now. Lyrics below:

I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
I'm on my way to what I want from this world
And years from now you'll make it to the next world
And everything that you receive up yonder
Is what you gave to me the day I wandered

I took a right, I took a right turning yesterday
Yeah I took a right, I took a right turning yesterday
I took the road that brought me to your home town
I took the bus to streets that I could walk down
I walked the streets to find the one I'd looked for
I climbed the stair that led me to your front door

And now that I don't want for anything
I'd have Al Jolson sing "I'm sitting on top of the world"

I'll do my best, I'll do my best to do the best I can
I'll do my best, I'll do my best to do the best I can
To keep my feet from jumping from the ground dear
To keep my heart from jumping through my mouth dear
To keep the past, the past and not the present
To try and learn when you teach me a lesson

And now that I don't want for anything
I'd have Al Jolson sing "I'm sitting on top of the world".

I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
Yeah I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
I'm on my way to what I want from this world
And years from now you'll make it to the next world
And everything that you receive up yonder
Is what you gave to me the day I wandered
I'm on my way to what I want from this world
And years from now you'll make it to the next world
And everything that you receive up yonder
Is what you gave to me the day I wandered

I'm on my way
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
I'm on my way

So, in other news, Kendrie had another run-in with the little boys at her school who were making fun of her hair. She came to me in the cafeteria again, after school yesterday, crying … again … this time saying they had laughed at her hair and stuck their tongues out. Being the mature, grown-up, wise, calm woman that I am, my first thought was to open up a can of first-grade whup-ass and march down there and give them both swirlies in the boys’ bathroom. But cool-headedness prevailed and I decided to wait until the next day to say something to the teacher.

Hugs given, tears dried, the kids and I headed to the local skating rink for a school fundraiser. Now, not to toot my own horn or anything, but back in the day (that would be one of the days during the 70’s decade, in case you were wondering) when roller blades hadn’t even been invented yet, and no self-respecting roller rink was without a disco ball, well, I don’t mean to brag, but I was quite the roller-skating goddess. I admit, I admit, I never got the hang of skating backwards and I was always too chubby to shoot the duck, but you put a big comb in my back pocket, Bonnie Bell lip gloss in my other pocket, get some S.A.TUR. DAY. NIGHT! blaring over the loudspeakers, and I could free-skate and hokey-pokey with the best of them.

Apparently, sometime between my 12th birthday, and yesterday, I lost my roller-skating groove.


Kristie and Kendrie, in a rare UPRIGHT moment .... photo taken 12-14-04.

But we had a great time. Kellen and Brayden did a really good job skating, and Kendrie, well, she gave it a good try. The more she fell, the more she laughed, and the harder it was for me to pull her back up again, so the more she would laugh. At one point, flat on her back, giggling hysterically, she looked up at me and said, “But I’m getting good at the falling down part!” It was really a fun couple of hours.

Then, this morning before school I asked her if she wanted me to say something to her teacher about those boys. Kendrie is normally pretty shy and non-confrontational, so it surprised me when she didn’t even hesitate but said YES. So, ok, if my 5-yr old can stand up to teasing, then I suppose I can, too. I asked her teacher (she has a teacher and an assistant teacher) for a minute of her time and briefly explained what Kendrie told me had happened (bearing in mind that I witnessed none of this for myself.) I was a little embarrassed when the teacher’s reaction was more horrified than my own had been. And when I told the assistant, who is actually the one walking Kendrie down the hall at the end of the day when this has happened, I thought *SHE* was going to be the administrator of the swirlies! They asked Kendrie if she would point the boys out and again, no hesitation, she said yes. Seeing that she was in capable hands, I left.

The teacher told me later that Kendrie knew exactly who it was and the boys’ teacher did discipline them. I have no idea what was said or how she disciplined them …. Although I’m nosy as hell, I suppose it’s really none of my business. And in a way, I don’t want to know who it was because it doesn’t matter that they’re only six, I would never be able to forgive them or like them or be civil to them again. So it’s probably better that I don’t know. (Really, have you ever seen anyone LESS mature than me?)

Then ---- here’s the interesting part. After school, I had to take the kids to the local mall to get a luggage rack installed on the top of my van at Sears. (OK, slightly off-topic, but is there *anything* that screams ‘midlife crisis just waiting to happen’ more than a mini-van with a luggage carrier on top???? Is there not one single cool bone left in my body??? What’s next? Socks and sandals in public? Will I look down one day and suddenly be wearing a fanny pack and a big straw hat????) Anyway, to pass the time, I took the kids to the bookstore and read them the entire volume “J” of the Encyclopedia Britannica while they snacked on organic trail mix, then we went to the music store to listen to a collection of inspirational hymns by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Wait, who am I kidding?? We went straight to the food court and bought cookies and slushies, fought over which table we were going to sit at and then promptly spilled one of the slushies.

The point I want to make is that there was an older lady sitting at the table next to us who asked me “if they were all mine” (there’s only three of them, come on, lady!) and then proceeded to tell us how “that little boy (smiling at Kendrie) reminds me so much of my grandson!” I just smiled politely, nodded my head and didn’t think much about it. Kendrie gave me a funny look, but I thought it was the “Wow, aren’t people goofy that they can’t even tell the difference” look that we have exchanged countless times over the past fourteen months. After the lady left, telling me again how cute my daughter and two sons were, it suddenly occurred to me that at the young age of 5, Kendrie might not have mastered the social concept of “It’s a total stranger; what difference does it make anyway?” So I asked her if it happened again, even if it was a stranger, would she want me to correct them? Her reply …. verbatim …. “Yes, but I don’t want you to be rude.”

There’s your proof. My 5-year old daughter is more mature than I am.

So back to the point I’m trying to make. I’ve been going along the past year, mostly ignoring the people who mistakenly think she’s a boy. A few reasons:

a) Who cares, anyway? They’re strangers and we’re never going to see them again.

b) Well, given her propensity for blue jeans and hiking boots, she *looks* like a boy! And she always asks for the boy toy in the Happy Meals, and loves superheroes more than barbies.

c) She’s only five, what difference does it make?

d) I’m just too lazy to correct them. *I* know she’s a girl, *she* knows she’s a girl, why exert the energy to explain to people that she’s not a boy, she’s a girl with cancer?

But now I get it. It does make a difference. To her. So if she needs me to correct strangers who tell me how cute my little boy is, or who call her “buddy” or “young man”, or stick their tongues out at her at school …………… Then I will proudly be her self-appointed swirly supervisor.

And who knows, maybe she’ll even teach me a thing or two about maturity in the meantime.

I hope you are all enjoying the holiday season and managing to find some down time. We sat down as a family tonight, turned off the lights except for the tree, and drank hot chocolate in the living room together. Well, Blaine didn’t because he doesn’t like hot chocolate and Brayden just ate the marshmallows, but my point is that the tv was off and we were together as a family for half an hour of peace and quiet, enjoying each other’s company. In my opinion, *that* is the true spirit of the holidays, and I hope you are finding it for yourselves, as well.

Love,
Kristie
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KENDRIE’S PERSPECTIVE:

WORST THING ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:

Those boys, that lady, the man at the Sears counter ….. good heavens, do I have to break down and start wearing dresses to spell it out for you people?!?!?!?!

BEST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:

Mom and Dad remembered to give me zofran tonight with my nine pills I had to take, so hopefully I won’t get sick like I’ve done the past two weeks.