Saturday, February 21, 2009
A day in the life ...
Barley: "Seriously. Have you ever seen anything as cute and lovable as me? Say it. Say it out loud, that I'm the most precious thing you've ever seen."
Barley: "I am playful and full of energy and how could *anyone* not want to be my bestest, bestest, very bestest friend???"
Blackie: "You are a waste of oxygen and I mock your vapid playfulness. Please go away you stupid creature, and leave my new family all to me, as the clearly superior animal that I am, the way God intended it."
Barley: "Come on! We can totally play together! I'll even share my toys and wag my tail and pant excitedly to show you my friendliness! And if you really want, I could chase you and jump on you and knock you down and slobber on you, just like I do the human people in this house!! Please?! Please?! Pretty-pretty-prettttyyyyyyyyyyyy pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaassssseeeeeeeeeeee?!?!?!?!?"
Barley: "Hey, here you are! I was looking for you in the living room to show you my new chew toy and you disappeared ..... what are you doing here in the bedroom? Wanna play? Huh? Huh? Do you, do you, do you????"
Blackie: "I am warning you, miscreant. You are venturing far closer than you have the right. I prefer never to see your goofy face again. See the mighty cat teeth --- consider yourself warned."
Barley: "Hey, look! You're smiling at me! We're going to have great fun and get to be life-long friends ..... I just know it!!!"
Blackie: "I can't take it any more, you stupid, demented dog! Your kind is an affront to humanity and I will use my superior cat paws to put you in your place!"
Barley: "Oh, shit. He's going all ninja-cat-warrior on me."
Blackie: "I will batter your stupid, ugly dog ears, until you get it through your thick skull that I am better than you, since you clearly don't hear me telling you to LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"
Blackie: "And then I will batter your stupid, ugly dog nose so you quit sticking it in places that don't belong to you! How DARE YOU touch my silky, heavenly fur and sniff me with that disgusting snout? Surely by now even someone as pathetic as you will get a clue."
Barley: "That hurt, man. That hurt me, real bad. And I don't mean my nose .... I mean it hurt me --- inside. Despite my slobber and rough-housing and muddy paws everywhere, I'm still a sensitive soul .... with feelings. Why does that evil cat have to be so mean???"
Barley: "I think I'll just sit here with my human person and chew on some shoes to make myself feel better. While I'm at it, can anyone tell me why the human people have so much trouble putting away laundry? Every time I come in here to chew on shoes there are all these tempting clothes in baskets but I get in trouble for eating any of it. What's up with that???"
Barley: "And listen to me, cat creature, I know some day I will be triumphant and you will give in and be friends with me! Who can resist adorable-bandana-ness as this??"
Blackie: "Oh, for pete's sake. I'm hiding under this bed until that dense creature figures it out and LEAVES ME THE HELL ALONE."
PS. For the record, the 3am games of tag-you're-it-no-tag-you're-it in my bedroom --- and sometimes even on my bed --- WHILE I'M SLEEPING IN IT --- tell me that the two of them are actually becoming very good friends.