Thursday, February 26, 2009

Bell Ringing

When Blaine had his radiation treatments for his second round of cancer, they took place in Seattle. You might remember (or might not because you know, time has passed and you have LIVES and what have you ...) that I intended to go with him but was unable, due basically to the greatest cluster-fuck of events, ever in the history of mankind. So I never saw the Seattle facility or radiation mask or treatment tables or anything like that.

This past fall, when he underwent radiation again for go-round #3, his new doctors and treatment facility were local, so I was able to go. I attended his consultation (with the oncologist with the sexy accent from New Zealand ...va va voom!) and then went to the first radiation treatment as well. It was very surreal, to watch him climb on the table, and watch them bolt his head to the table with his specially-fitted Hannibal Lector mask that covered him from the top of his head down to his chest. Actually, it was kind of creepy and gross and Friday the 13-ish, but hey, as long as it works, right?

Of course, I couldn't be in the room when they actually zapped him with the radiation, unless I wanted to grow a second head or start to glow or anything. So I sat in the waiting area right outside the treatment rooms. On the wall behind me was a "Survivor Bell" or something like that. Basically, a hand bell attached to the wall with a sign over it that said something along the lines of "Ring this bell to celebrate your victory over cancer ....." You know, the same kind of bell they encourage you to ring when you've had good service at Long John Silvers ..... "ring this bell so you can say, you had some great fried fish today" ..... or whatever.

I didn't attend any more of Blaine's treatments because quite frankly, he didn't need me to. I kept waiting, thinking if he needed assistance I would go, but the entire six weeks of treatment, the side effects of the radiation never got so bad he couldn't drive himself there and back. It was almost half an hour there, and half an hour back, for a ten-minute appointment ..... and I had bon-bons to eat and soap operas to watch, so really, why should I go?

After his final treatment, he came home ..... fatigued, sore, relieved to be done. "Did you ring the bell?" I asked. "The end-of-treatment bell?"

"No," said Blaine, "I didn't."

"Why not?" I asked. "Aren't you glad to be done?"

Well of course he was, but like he explained to me ..... he felt, well, silly ringing the bell. And self-conscious, and perhaps a little gullible and overly optimistic. I mean, what if he had rung the bell the first time he finished treatment, in Georgia (ok, fine, a theoretical bell because there WAS no bell in Georgia) and then the cancer came back, like it did. And then what if he had rung it in in Seattle, and then it came back again, like it did. It would have been sort of embarrassing, you know? Like here he is, this giant douchebag, ringing a victory bell, knowing darn good and well the cancer cells could be spreading through his body at the very same moment he was ringing ??? Being diagnosed with cancer is bad enough --- being diagnosed with a cancer RECURRENCE sort of takes away your naivete' ....

Maybe they should call it a "Hopeful Bell" or something. Like, "I am done with this particular treatment and HOPE I never have to have another, so I will celebrate this specific victory by ringing the bell ...... because I am HOPEFUL that this is the end of my cancer battle."

Does any of that even make sense? Its a symbol of something we desire, but not something anyone can simply claim because they feel they deserve it. Wanting it; working for it; making your intentions known; none of that is good enough and quite frankly, that pisses me off.

Because in the long run, it's not up to us, whether the journey is over or not, and ultimately the bell is nothing more than a wish. And those of us who are perhaps more jaded than others feel hyper-aware of the reality that ringing the bell might prove to be nothing more than a wish, unfulfilled. And who wants to set themselves up for failure like that??? Who wants to be that douchebag? No one.

(sigh)



Blaine finished radiation in November, and had his three-month follow up this week. We got the results of his most recent pet scan a few days ago.







It's a stupid, stupid bell, anyway.

159 comments:

Renee said...

FC

Anonymous said...

No! No no no. My heart just sank when I read that last line. I'm so sorry.

M&Co. said...

Oh that sucks!

Barb (IL) said...

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh Kristie! My heart breaks once again for your family. I am coming out of "lurker" mode. I originally "met" you on ALL kids and have travelled that road. I think the "restaurant" needs to eliminate the "ultimate crap sandwich". Please know that we are praying for Blaine and his doctors to have the wisdom to beat the cancer beast and for you and the kids. Keep strong!

Janice said...

I agree with Renee. FC. Praying for your family. I know you will face this in the amazing way you handle each challenge sent your way. Just wish you didn't have to.

debbie said...

Ditto Renee's comment.
Debbie E.
Peachtree City, GA

Alisa said...

I have had a hard time not swearing in my mind this week. I blew it tonight-
I mean it when I say I am sorry- as I scrolled to the bottom of the post I did not want to keep scrolling. I had that feeling-
I wish I had something better and more profound to say-

Cindy said...

Oh nooooo. I am so sorry! I wish I had something more profound to say, but please know your family is in my prayers.

karen said...

damn cancer anyway.... sending you and your family big cyber hugs..(well i know you are not a touchy feeling person, but..)wish I lived closer.

Pam D said...

Crap. Mamasita and I met up in Atlanta with Sarah Smith and family, and Mamasita SAID she was worried about you. She was right, and I HATE that she was right. I'm sorry, Kristie. If words could cure Blaine, I'd write a million. But right now? I just don't have any.
I'm praying...

Londa said...

I began following your unique writing style on Kendrie's site. I have to admit I am addicted to Not Quite What I Had Planned. I check it out sometimes three times a day. I was thrilled when you excepted me as a friend on facebook, I dont lurk your site there, I give you "privacy". Ok, I have looked a couple of times, (I was so happy you didnt boot me as a friend when you cleaned house on your facebook.) I have shared Kendrie's story with my 11 year old daughter, I have shared your parenting skills with friends, Your recent blog with the dog and cat I shared with many, and tonite, I am speechless. I am so truly sorry Kristie. It's so strange, your part of my morning routine, where I find such joy and entertainment, and yet you dont know me. I sat here staring at the screen, looking for the punchline, realizing no punch line, you had been dealt a punch in the stomach. So now, I will do what I did when I first found you, I will put Blaine on the church prayer list, tell all my friends to pray for Blaine and your family and continue praying for Blaine's healing. Cancer just plain sucks!!!
(Hey, you wont delete me as a friend now will ya ;-) )

Ryley said...

I did the same thing other people did.. started reading the post then found myself skimming it faster as my heart started beating faster.. when i saw that gap at the bottom.. i didnt want to go any further.. i just wanted to stop and pretend that there was nothing below it.. i bet you wish you could do the same thing..
Tell Blaine we love him.. and are thinking and praying for him..
but most importantly to stay strong.. I mean.. hello.. there are like a million more make costume days.. and you're going to need help coming up with such brilliant idea's as coffee filter shirt cuffs!
Love you guys.. I'm so sorry... I know it doesnt help.. but I truly am...

The Professional Bag Lady said...

Damn! I have redoubled my prayers for your family in general and Blaine in particular... With continued faith, hope and much love...

Jess said...

Son of a bitch. Cancer SUCKS.

Anonymous said...

Ditto.....FC

Rena'

Denise Tidwell said...

that just completely blows...it's not fair at all and I hate it right along with you. I just don't understand this...
I'm sorry Kristie!

Natalie said...

Well. Shit. I'm going to e-mail you so I can swear without causing blogger to tilt.

Leeann said...

You know, I have to ask..

Where is the fucking REF in this fight?

You guys have been sucker punched again and again and again.

How many times is Blaine expected to stagger to his feet and rise up against this unfair opponent?

Kristie, you and Blaine and your kids are the awesomest of fighters. I hate this for you from the depths of my soul and I am just so angry for all of you.

I know from years of Kristie writings that the Escoe family will rise up once again. And you can bet that I and your other readers who love you guys are rising right up behind you, ready to catch you and keep you.

Hugs and love, hon.

Leeann
niccofive.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

FC.

I'm not sure what else to say, except I'm so sorry. I'm praying for Blaine and you and your family.

Rachel

Anonymous said...

Fuck. Just Fuck, man. Damnit. In tears and so, so sorry to read that last line. This is complete bullshit and totally unfair.

I am pissed on your behalf. Very pissed, but still have hope, still have faith that Blaine can suit back up and slay this bastard for once and for all. You are all in my prayers.

Rita B

vgsmom said...

Oh crap!! I am so sorry. I can't even imagine how you have travelled the road you've been on. I am praying for you because I know God's heart is breaking tonight too.

Lori

M said...

F.U.C.K!

Mamasita said...

As Pam D. stated, we met this weekend and found out we were both "stalkers" of you. We talked about how we could tell that there was something going on behind the scenes with you guys and that we hoped that all was okay.

I wish I had some magic words of wisdom. Or just some magic words. I have no idea what to say. I am so so so sorry for you all having to go through this yet again.

Thank you so much for keeping your "friends" out here in cyberspace in the loop. The more prayers going up, the better. I will storm heaven with prayers for you guys. Please keep us all posted and know that we love you all so much.

Marsha said...

How can I care so much about people I have never met.

I wish with all my heart that this were not so.

Praying for your family.

Anonymous said...

WTF...I am sick for you guys. I just don't get it. FC! I will call ya' xoKim

Banni said...

I'm so sorry.
Praying for you all.

Cindy in Yukon said...

Praying for Blaine, you, and the kids.......that you all find the strength to keep fighting this fucking battle!

Heather said...

Kristie- NO! I don't have words to even express what I am feeling for you right now. I just don't. I agree with all the FCs. Really. How much should one family have to endure!

DeLynn said...

I am so, so sorry. You are in my prayers.

Mom on the Run said...

I was so hoping for a different ending to your post. It's just not fair, is what it is. Truly not fair.

Your husband has been through so much. He needs to ring that blankety blank bell for surviving the treatment and the surgeries and the general yuckiness of cancer treatment. He is a survivor. Period.

Prayers winging their way from MD to you in OK.

Cate said...

FC is right. There are a lot of words I'd like to use right now, but I won't because they aren't strong enough. Is there a stronger swear word than the "f" word. We need one for this.

Jenny said...

Damn cancer...

I'm sorry Kristie. I'm sorry. I know I don't post much here, but we still keep up w/ you guys (can't believe it's been nearly 5 years since that Lighthouse trip all those years ago). And I can't believe that after all this time cancer still won't leave you guys the heck alone!

Love,
Catie's Crew

Shelly said...

I am so really sorry. I have a close friend who just got the same news.....

Many prayers!!

Anonymous said...

Oh, Kristie, I wish I had better words than the 30+ people ahead of me, but they've said it all. I'll double the prayers and recross all the body parts and ring all the bells I can find to get Someone's attention. I love you Escoes!

Dixie

melinda marie said...

i am so sorry and heartbroken for your family. you'll get through this one too.
praying for you.
love,
melinda

Marie said...

Shit. Have you all not had a big enough, ridiculously oversized crap sandwich already?

I am so sorry. Words don't even, can't even touch what I feel.

I know you both will suck it up and do whatever has to be done but it still sucks. Cancer sucks.

~*~Snappz~*~ said...

Guys, my heart is breaking for you. Like so many, I'm be thinking of you, and sending my love. Good luck with the newest battle.

Ashley H. said...

That sucks major balls. Dumb ass bell.

You are are in my prauer!!!!

Lisa said...

Please tell us more and we can focus our prayer and our good thoughts. Meantime have a hug.People you don't know from all over the place are thinking of you and your family. XX

Anonymous said...

"I'm so sorry" seems so inadequate. But I'm so sorry. You just got fries with that crap sandwich.

Seriously, I'm sitting here at my keyboard taking a break to pray for you and I don't know what to write in this comment. It's times like this that prayer is all we can do. And it's powerful. Think of all the people like on the cell phone commercial who are standing behind you, praying for you and supporting you, whom you have never even met. Seriously. Think about that. (That's me jumping up and down waving.) We're here for you!!!!!!!!!

Claire in Indiana

Sharlene said...

Oh Kristie and Blaine, I'm so very sorry, my continued prayers are with you.

Anonymous said...

Kristie,
I know how unfair this seems to me, cannot imagine how totally unjust this must feel to you and your family. Sorry seems so trivial. Positive thoughts and prayers coming your way!

MadWoman said...

Well, that. fucking. sucks. ass.

Yeah. I didn't want to scroll through that gap at the end...it was just too much. What a shitty hand you and Blaine have been dealt.

I'm so sorry!

Amber said...

I have been following this blog and CaringBridge site for nearly 5 years now. I don't comment much but, I feel as if I know your family personally, though we have never met or spoken. My heart is breaking for your family right now. I am so sorry. CANCER REALLY SUCKS.

Heidi said...

So, so sorry Kristie. My Dad has fought and relapsed with oral/mouth cancer just like Blaine and I know what a punch in the stomach news like this can be. You, Blaine and your kids are all in my prayers.

Julie said...

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I love that this blog keeps us all close except when it really matters. So, I sit here wiping my face and thinking "well I'll just buy a plane ticket" then I calm down and realize you probably don't really want all eleventy billion of us showing up on your doorstep (unless we have one of those Sonic cards)so I just sit here praying and feeling completely useless. If positive thoughts could kill cancer it would be toast!

Anonymous said...

Oh, NO.
I have no words. Only prayers.
Meg
Milford, CT

Kristi said...

FC!!!!!!
I am so so sorry.

Becky Smith said...

Kristie,

Only a writer as amazing as you could compose such a perfectly put together post to announce such perfectly horrendous news.

Love has got a great big hold on your family and love is bigger, stronger, and more powerful than cancer EVER thought about being.

Love will win.

Prayers,
Becky

caringbridge.org/nc/sarahsmith

Anonymous said...

I don't know what else to do except to pray. So I will.

Peace...

Bridget

Rosemary said...

I so did not want to scroll thru that open space.. and have to admit that tears fell when I read that last line. Your writing - even at a time like this, is so compelling, so amazing. I am one of many who have never met you personally, but feel like we're friends. I am crying for my friends today.. I'm sorry just does not cut it, but I am so sorry. I really am. Blaine, there are so many of us out here praying for you and pulling for you (I liked the picture of the Verizon people). Sure wish that there was more that I could do. My heart breaks for you for having to hear this news and fight this battle ... AGAIN.

Thank you for keeping us posted.. Please know how much even those of us who have never met you, care.

new mom in law said...

I too am at a loss for words. How is he emotionally seems like a cold thing to ask...but I DO wonder just how he is handling all this?. I will continue to pray for your entire family. Cancer affects everyone. Praying.
angela in NC

Lauren said...

I'm with Marey on this one. Enough already for your family. Hugs to Blaine and you and everyone else as you figure out next steps.

Lauren

SuperSuz said...

There are no words...so I'll just pray for you, for Blaine, for the kids.

Marisa said...

I am sooooo very sorry. I will keep Blaine and all you in my prayers. I also wonder how I got so attached to your family when I don't even "know" you. I also have tears streaming down my face.
This just really sucks.

Vanessa said...

That sucks. You guys are way over due for a break from this cancer crap...

Missy in FL said...

Dude, that's so uncool. FC is the most appropriate thing I can think of. Your family remains firmly in my prayers.

stephaie lawrence said...

DAMMIT. DAMMIT. DAMMIT!
it's not even fair... my god i hate cancer! blaine... we continue to pray for you and your entire family. i never did like bells! kristie... you are an amazing writer... peace.

Anonymous said...

Well this just stinks! Know that Blaine and all of you are in my prayers.

Postcard Cindy

kim-d said...

WTF! I am just so disgusted. FC! FC! FC! FC!

Here's the deal, just like with Kendrie's CaringBridge site, I stalk and read your blog everyday, sometimes several times a day. I don't sign/comment often because...well, you have so many and it's not like I usually have anything earth-shattering to offer. When I feel like I do, I comment. Well, today, I'm commenting just because it's one of those times when there could not be too many comments of support. I'm the one whose husband lost his kidney cancer battle, so I can say WITH AUTHORITY...FUCK.CANCER.

The other day, I clicked the link back over to read your 100 Things I Love About You to Blaine for your anniversary. Looking at the pictures of him with the kids and you, the great pictures of all of you as a family, and reading the things about him that make him such a great Dad and Husband, I got so emotional that I actually sat here and cried a little. Just because it's so touching, and there is so much love there. Blaine is one of the good ones; he's one of the good guys, and he's yours. My husband, too, was one of the good guys and I thanked God for him everyday. I still love him more everyday, and reading what you wrote for Blaine just really touched me.

Along with everybody else here, my heart is just broken for you guys, but we will stay strong and be here for y'all. I just...I wish I could come up with better words, I wish I could truly do something to help. Just know that you do have another person, here in Minnesota, keeping Blaine, you and the kids in her thoughts and prayers.

This just freakin' bites.

Karalyn said...

I'm so sorry.

Jeanette in GA said...

Wish I were closer...

Renee and Rena' hit the nail on the head.

Army Wife and Mom said...

ohhhh Kristie as i started reading this blog i started to giggle but the more i read i knew that there was something in your writing that made me sad as i scrolled and read on my heart sank and tears again flowed!!! im so sorry Kristie!!! and i so agree with renee...FC!!!!!!!

Kathi Kohler said...

Oh crap...double crap. Forget it. FUCK. It's just not fair. But, as we know all to well, life just is not fair sometimes (my 5 yo nephew was just dx with Type 1 diabetes yesterday, so I'm with you on the crappy week).

I haven't commented in a while, but I do read often. I will keep you and Blaine in my prayers.

Take care,
Kathi
(Melanie's mom, originally from the ALL-Kids list)

Anonymous said...

We can't live it for you, but we can support, pray for, and love you as you live it. I'm so very, very sorry!!!!

Mary Z

Anonymous said...

Crying. Praying. I am so sorry. I don't even know you guys and I love your family. I wish we could all be there for you, but know that you have a lot of people praying for your whole family.
Sheila-MN

The Running Girl said...

Renee put it best in the first post. Good gosh, your family needs a break. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Anonymous said...

I am so very sorry to hear this!!!! FUCK is the exact expression! I will keep Blaine and your family in my prayers! I just don't know what else to say :(

Anonymous said...

Kristie: My heart breaks for your family. Hugs and prayers for everybody.

Mel

Kathryn said...

What Leeann said. Double.

Libby said...

I wish there was a magic word or words that could be offered to beat this beast into submission for, if there were, surely one of your many supporters would have come up with it - or, more likely, you would have discovered it yourself.

The only thing I know is that the Escoe's are strong - each and every one of you - and that you will not wimp out - you will pick yourselves up and fight once more.

Please know that you have our love, support and prayers. There are many of us who would jump on a plane and be there today if it would be of help. I say that in hopes that if there is anything we can do other than offering our prayers, I hope you'll let us know.

deb8able said...

I just can't believe it!! I am storming the heavens with prayers for Blaine and your whole family. I know sometimes that life sucks, but this is ridiculous - you guys have had the biggest suckfest ever!! I wish I could just reach out and give you a hug.

Cindy

JoAnn said...

Another round of the "crap sandwich". Shit!

Colleen said...

I'm so sorry. Please know I'm thinking of you guys...

Tracy said...

There's not much I can say here that hasn't already been said. But I wanted to add my words of support and prayers. I don't think you can ever have too many prayers.

KirstyB said...

No words...just lots of prayers!! And huge cyber hugs!

Anonymous said...

Shit! And I don't cuss - I'm a preacher's wife for crying out loud, but no other word would adequately express my feelings about that. Praying ...thank God he listens to cussers too!

Alayna

Regina Ice said...

CRAP!!!!
Sending prayers that your new "Aussie Speaking" oncologist has some type of superpowers and galactic talents with which he can search the universe and detect a surefire method to blast that stupid stuff into outspace..or innerspace...or microscopical space..or wherever the heck it goes when it disappears forever!!
We love you guys!.........Ice Girls

René S said...

My 10yo son asks me frequently what the worst curse word in the world is. Whatever that word is, that's what I say to cancer. Hang in there. Praying for you in NC.

Pam D said...

Been praying for you all morning since reading your post last night, and amongst all the comments that are here, two stay with me...
Like Mom on the Run said, Blaine NEEDS to ring that bell, because he IS a survivor. Actually, he is MORE than a survivor; he's a true winner.
And,like Becky Smith said, Love will win... it will.
With love,
Pam

Rosie in TX said...

I don't comment often but have been following ya'll for a long time. This Sucks!!!!! I will keep you guys in my prayers. Keep Fighting!!!

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry. I dont even know you and I want to really cry.

robbin
St. Louis

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one who doesn't know what "FC" means?

leeanne said...

Damn it Kristie! I cant type what I REALLY want to say..I am so sorry. And as always, Blaine, you and the kids are in my prayers. Enough already!!!!

Anonymous said...

Just want you to know that I'm praying for Blaine and for your whole family.

Anonymous said...

I'm soo sorry! I have tears streaming down my face. We will pray and pray and pray some more for all of you. This just totally sucks. Cancer stinks.

Steph in ND
www.caringbridge.org/nd/josh

Anonymous said...

I found you through Caring Bridge. I have been following you for a while. I am so sorry to hear this news. Thinking of you and your family.
RO

Autumn said...

Oh, dear God, NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so very sorry. ::sob::

Ness said...

Kristie, the farther I got down the blog, the more my heart sank and when I read the last line about the bell I just burst into tears. I have been with you since Kendrie started her journey. I have always looked up to Blaine as not only did he have my heart because he serves our country but because of how he remained the supportive husband and father while battling his own battle. I am storming the heavens on Blaine's behalf and join with the others here that we will support you and your family in every way possible. I am just so, so sorry about this latest PET scan. You are a phenomenal woman, Kristie, and you will keep this family going. Anything you need, name it and one of us will take care of it for you. I love you all so much!

kim-d said...

In my world, FC = Fuck Cancer. And that is exactly what I meant when I typed it several times. I know swearing is bad, but still...
I'm pretty much betting that's what Renee had in mind, too.

FUCK.CANCER. FIGHT.CANCER. FLIPPIN'AWFUL.CANCER.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry

Leesa said...

Well CRAP!!! Call me dense, but I didn't realise where your post was headed until the very end.. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.
So sorry for the sucky news, but I AM SURE Blane will beat this! I'm sending prayers and all good wishes your way Kristie.

Julie said...

:( oh Kristie- I am so sorry and I am sending hugs and prayers your way-
I am a long time lurker ( since Kendries CB days) and I have grown to love your family-
so so so sorry

lizinsumner said...

why do bad things happen to such good people?? no answers. no words. just praying. and hoping......

Anonymous said...

My heart really breaks for you guys! Everyone is right; cancer does SUCK! I'm telling cancer to shrivel up and die in Blaine's body and for new, good, life-giving cells to rejuvenate in him! (In the name of Jesus, of course!)
The Escoe family rocks!

Anne in GA

Anonymous said...

Don't know if Blaine has the mind set at this time to "lurk" at all the support and love coming to his entire family, so make sure you at least tell him Kristi. I so appreciate the gut honesty of bluntly stating the obvious as eloquently as possible under the circumstances from your loyal friends and fans. I, for one, am much more comfortable spreading and sharing the cancer sucks tune - and truly by nature I am NOT susie sunshine - especially under the circumstances. However, being a loyal cheerleader for your family albeit geographically inconvenient, I assume by now you are processing your "F" plan since the others fell short and you "thrive" on structure (inserting sarcasm since cancer made planning impossible). To that goal I just wanted to share with you the motto/slogan used this year for THON - Penn State's dance marathon for pediatric cancer (btw - their grand total was $7,490,133.87 raised for the kids). Personally I think it is brilliant, more profound than bells echoing in your brain (and next time - screw it - tell Blaine to ring the freaking bell - loudly - can't hurt). Sorry, I drifted in my nervous ramblings - the slogan was DREAM FORWARD and the character was an armored warrior. So, along with ALL the obvious and diverse ways of wanting to support you, groveling for appropriate/powerful words of wisdom, I wish you the courage, strength and enough CHOCOLATE to Dream Forward. XXOO-Love, Randy

Daisy Duke said...

No. Way.

That is unfreakingreal.

And not fair. If I was 3 I think I might sit down and hit the floor a zillion times while screaming "No fair, No fair."

Ugh. Prayers for you & your family & your sanity.

Anonymous said...

Praying for Blaine and your entire family.

Lynn

Becky said...

I hate that this is happening to your family.

FC, indeed.

The Foster Home said...

Oh, Kristie and family...I am so sorry to hear about this news. I will be praying for you guys.

Cancer does SUCK!!!

Anonymous said...

This poor guy can't catch a break, can he?!?? Praying for all of you, especially Blaine.

Julie H.
Bucks Co., Pa

URBAN BLONDE said...

I reloaded the page 3 times because I thought I was missing something... you know like a picture of Blaine holding an all clear pet scan report. Then the last line really sunk in...

My heart is broken for you guys... Like Cindy I wish I had something more profound to say but please know you all remain in my thoughts and prayers.

Kelly F said...

I'm so sorry. There are just no words to describe how unfair this is. Cancer does SUCK.
You guys deserved to be done with cancer a LONG time ago. Sending lots of prayers for Blaine & your family.

Kelly - Abe's mom (ALL list)

Katie said...

Oh God Kristie... I'm sitting here in tears. It's all just so colossally unfair. I'm sorry.

Anonymous said...

Oh I'm so sorry. My prayers will continue to be with you and Blaine - and the rest of your family.

Lisa C.

Anonymous said...

I am so, so sorry Kristie. Your family will be in my prayers.
Krystal

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry....praying for your family.

Anonymous said...

I just don't get it. Why again??

Keeping you and yours in our thoughts and prayers!

Lenaya

krueth said...

OH NOOOOO! I am so sorry...I will continue to pray...Wendy

Anonymous said...

There are just times when you hear something that makes you think 'Really?? Really?? God's got a plan??' Life just sucks so bad sometimes. Not only has your family been through more than their fair share of crap, you have given the ultimate gift to infertile couples. Shouldn't that get you a few brownie points? Shouldn't that put your family in the 'cut them some slack' category? I am just pissed. It is so fucking unfair and I am just so sorry. Your family will be in my prayers, even though those prayers will probably include the phrase WTF?

Anonymous said...

I follow your family since Kendrie´s CB page...Im SO sorry!
FC!!
Keeping Blaine and your family in my prayers.
Jimena,
Lima Peru

Sue said...

So sorry Kristie - I'm trying to remember where in your timeline that we actually met. I think it was after the 1st round of treatment and Blaine was heading into the second round of treatment. That was nearly 3 years ago! I can't believe you are still having to eat of this cr**p sandwich - it's getting a little stale.

One Down, One to Go said...

Took my breath away and not in a good way.

So very, very sorry.

Ginny said...

NO, NO, NO! I'm so very sorry.

Cheryl said...

How I have wished that wishes came true.

I am sorry.

We love you guys.

Anonymous said...

Kristie,

Wow! I'm just in shock. Life is definitely not fair, that is for sure. I know you know there are a gazillion people praying for Blaine, you, and your sweet family. Add me to that ever growing list.

~Carolyn
from Germany, formerly from McChord

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry too. Just had to come out of lurking to say that I am thinking of you & will be praying for you & your family.
Susan
PTC, Georgia

Pam said...

My thoughts are with you all!

Anonymous said...

This is a prime example of Life is not fair. How can this keep happening to Blaine? I have felt a kinship with Blaine since I first found Kendrie's CB site. I have had a bought with tongue cancer and have an appointment with Dr next week (another spot on my tongue). Just know that your entire family is in my prayers, especially Blaine. What a blow!
Kathy

Anonymous said...

Like all the others who have commented....I've never met you. I read your site almost everyday. You did email me back one time, i was thrilled. And now, tears are running down my cheeks. I don't get it. I guess that is what Faith is...when you don't understand, but you keep believing that it will be okay. We HAVE to believe that it will be okay! If there is any family that can make it though, it's you guys! I'm praying! Everyone, keep praying!

nancy said...

Damn.........

Momto4 said...

praying from OHIO

Kristina

Stephanie D. said...

And so Blaine has to take another HUGE bite of the crap sandwich that is cancer. :(

I am SO, SO sorry! My thoughts & prayers are with you all.

Stephanie

Rhonda said...

Damn Damn Damn.

That's all I really know to say. As I'm sure you can see from all the love and support in the comments, your family is being prayed for and thought of by many.

Amanda said...

So sorry to hear the results of the PET scan. Definitely not what we were praying for. We will keep praying!

Natalie said...

I think your family has had more than its fill of this crap sandwich. CANCER SUCKS!!!!!!

You will be in our prayers.

Anonymous said...

Damn, that sucks. Prayers are with you all that soon you really can ring that stupid bell!

Gayle in AL

Laura said...

Well that is just B.S. I am so sorry- do I need to go punch someone for you? Thinking of you and your family.

Suzanne and Lance said...

I am a lurker who is finally commenting! I've followed since Camp Jack introduced me to your CaringBridge site when you were back in Georgia. I loved what someone said about all of us being your support system like the Verizon commercial. Can you hear us yet? =)Praying hard for you and your family! xoxox Suzanne

Tobi said...

Praying.

Mama Bear said...

Crap! This is so unfair. Blaine (and all of you) deserve so much better than this. Have the doctors come up with a plan to move forward? We will continue to keep you in our prayers.

Kristi said...

That freakin' sucks Kristie. :(
My mom is on her 3rd bout of cancer. She went to the hospital by ambulance today.
I love reading your blog because it usually puts a smile on my face. I guess today maybe we can just know that we are kindred spirits. Cancer sucks. :(
(((((Kristie)))))

catherino said...

De-lurking to tell you how terribly, terribly sorry I am. It's not fair. You're all in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Ugh. I'm so sorry.

Anna in IL

Donna said...

cancer sucks.
Escoes rock.

Melissa in CA said...

I'm not sure what to say...I'm sorry and I'm praying for your family. We need a cure NOW...well, 10 years ago would've been good.

TO DO:
*Diet Dr. Pepper w/crushed ice
*Chocolate
*Lots of love & family time
*A good book

Sorry Again ~ Keep your heads up & your hearts strong.

Sue G said...

I came to your site at the request of Pam (Mamasita) and read your most recent post and many of your past posts last night. Today, I read through all the comments--and, yes, let me agree right here and now that you are a brilliant writer--and I see that you have a huge chain of prayer warriors surrounding you and your family. You also have a huge fan base who loves and appreciates all that you share with them. And you have a multitude of people who are sad, angry, moved to cry and/or swear.

With your permission, I would like to start another group of people who believe...who are confident that God can do what He promised when He said He wanted us healthy and whole...people who believe that Blaine is not merely a survivor but that he is more than a conqueror...people who believe that it is not up to the doctors to determine the length of someone's life but rather to God...people who believe in miracles and in faith and in God and in Blaine. When woven together they form a bond so strong that nothing can tear it apart, just like a cord with three strands.

People who believe that nothing is impossible with God, please join me. The line forms on the right side of the Lord.

Claire said...

No no no. So sorry to read that news. My heart sank too...Praying for you guys.

Anonymous said...

Kristie,
I am so very sorry to hear this. I don't know you personally, but I have been a stalker since Kendrie's early CaringBridge days. All of my family and friends "know" you and your beautiful family. Please know that we all will be Praying for Blaine, you and the kids! Wish I lived closer so I could come over and give you guys a HUGE hug!
~Debbie~

Anonymous said...

Kristie - we are so sorry! We got back from our trip and I couldn't wait to read your blog to catch up. It just isn't fair. You and your family are all so very strong...we pray that Blaine hangs in there and stays as tough as he can to beat the FC.
Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you all. Going to tell Nicholas we are going to have to pray harder for "Mr. Blaine." We love you all and miss you all being in Georgia!
Susan, Ray and Nicholas Ashworth, Byron GA
rcasmanca@cox.net

Jen said...

Kristie, I'm so SO sorry to hear this. As always, your family is consistently in my prayers. I wish there was something else more substantial I could do, or some way to make it all go away.

Rachel said...

I've been following your story for a long while. I am choked up, but nothing compares to what you've all endured, I'm fueled and angry and sad. How do you keep the hope alive? bell ringing? what for...

Anonymous said...

My daughter and I read your blog every day...We are lurkers who laugh with you and with each other as we share your stories together...When I walked in her house today her first words were, "Have you read Kristie's blog?"..We laugh with you, we cry with you and today we are praying for Blaine and for you and the kids..

Anonymous said...

Shit. I'm so sorry!

Anonymous said...

FC!!!!!

Amy said...

Speechless. And praying. Let us know how to help, including what to pray for.

Anonymous said...

Well damn. What happens next?
Lori

Anonymous said...

Ugh. I can't even come up with an appropriate curse. Enough already. He deserves a break.

Ugh. Many, many prayers for all of you.

Enya

Allison said...

Kristie - I read your blog last night, almost right after you posted, but I guess I didn't get it...UNTIL I read the comments. I am so heartbroken for you. I have only "known" you for a short while, but feel like I've known you for longer since I've went back and read most of your blog. There are no words to make any of what you're going through better, but just know that many, many people are praying for you.

Please let me know if there is anything anyone can do.

Miscellaneous From Missy said...

Stupid cancer.

Lisa L said...

I am so terribly, terribly sorry. I hate cancer. It has a cruelty which is baffling, and harsh, and unforgiving. I hope there are other healing options for Blaine. I know he is suffering, not only with the physical pain, but with the existential pain of knowing that this last treatment didn't work. Many, many hugs to you, Blaine, and the whole family.

Monica H said...

I am so, so sorry! When does it end?

My heart goes out to you and your family,

Monica

Anonymous said...

GD F***ing cANCER!

You and your family are in my thoughts...

Cathy
Santa Clara, CA

Kelli W said...

So sorry.

Lea White said...

Keeping you in my prayers and thoughts!!!

Lea White
Auckland, New Zealand
http://whitesinnz.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

You and your family have been through more c torture than any human should have to suffer. I will never understand..just keep fighting. You are in my prayers.

ELaw said...

DAMMIT. Like so many others who check on y'all frequently I was at first enjoying your fantasticly (is that a word?) creative writing style and then I began to get the feeling that this post was not heading in a good direction. It's so shitty. Just shitty.
How many damn times do you guys have to do this? I can't imagine how you all are dealing with all of this, especially Blaine. He is the one who's had to endure all of these awful treatments. My prayers are with you ALL.
This. Truly. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks.
Hugs,
Erin

Dianna in Louisiana said...

Oh Kristie---- It's just not fair, just SO not fair. My heart aches for Blaine, you and the kids. I am so sorry that you have to go through this again. You will get through it friend, you will endure. My family will be praying for yours daily.

Lauren said...

That's got to be the most unfair thing I've heard, perhaps ever. My heart goes out to your family.