Monday, March 03, 2008

When Thinking Progresses to Talking ...

So we were blessed with Brayden, and when she was four months old, I got pregnant with Kellen. When he was eight months old, I got pregnant with Kendrie. And there we were, at the end of our whirlwind ---- three babies in thirty months. I was thrilled with my family, and love those kids more than anything, but felt a little sad that part of our life was over. We waited years to have kids, and then had them so quickly that by the time I looked up and caught my breath, we were done. Ride over. Please exit the car to the right, watch your footing, and make sure to leave no personal belongings behind.

At this point in our life we were stationed in Ohio and I was involved in my mother’s club, where I had met lots of wonderful, wonderful girls. (I know, it’s probably more p.c. to say “ladies” or “women”, but I still feel like a girl, even today. Will I ever grow up? Probably not.) The mom I had met and clicked with more than anyone was a girl named Kim. (Hey, Kim, if you’re reading this, hope you don’t mind me putting your life story out here!) Kim and I connected initially because Kellen and her son were only a few weeks apart in age. We became friends because of them, and continue to be friends to this day, because she is one of the warmest-hearted, funniest, most gracious, easy-going, up-for-anything people I have ever met. Kim and her husband had always wanted a big family, so it was thrilling to me that the day we brought Kendrie home from the hospital, they announced they were pregnant with their second baby.

At first, sad because my pregnancy with Kendrie had just ended, I thought, “Yippee, I can continue to be pregnant vicariously through her!” Then quickly realized I didn’t want any part of her pregnancy, vicarious or not, because she was sick as a DAWG. I hadn’t been around that many pregnant friends in my life, and simply didn’t grasp that it was possible for someone to feel that crappy, and puke that much, for the entire pregnancy. Geez, I felt terrible for her. (I still shudder, and feel a little nauseous on her behalf, just thinking about it.)

We started joking around that it was unfortunate her pregnancies were so awful (because she had been just as sick the first time) since she and her husband wanted six kids. And there I was, with such easy pregnancies, but was done with my family. Eventually that segued into “I like being pregnant, but you want more babies … I should just carry them for you!” type jokes, and we kidded around during her pregnancy about how I thought her husband was nice-looking, and I would be happy to bear his child. It was very good natured, and all in fun. Nine months later her son was born, and the kidding around stopped. She wasn’t sick anymore, and the conversations died a natural death. We had moved on to other, more life-shattering and urgent topics, like “Will my boobs EVER return to normal when I’m done breastfeeding?” and “How many times have YOU been hit in the face while changing your son’s diaper?”

A month went by …. two months … and I started to feel antsy. My conversations-in-jest with Kim were resonating in my head; comments made in fun about “I could just carry your babies for you” went round and round in my brain. Finally, one day, I turned to Blaine and said, “You know what? I really could carry someone’s baby, don’t you think?” Blaine, bless his heart, was like, “Uh, ok sure. But are they ready so soon, do you think?” and I said, “No, not them. Somebody who really, truly DOES need a surrogate. I think I could do that.”

And the more I thought about it, the more it sounded like a great idea to me.


Unknown said...

I so admire your unique understanding of the heartbreak couples go through when they can't conceive. Your unselfish gift shows what a beautiful person you are.

I was like your friend Kim....sick the whole time, carrying my barf bag with me throughout my four pregnancies.

On a lighter note, that doesn't deminish the fact that I can relate to you on another level because I so wanted to have Robert Redford's babies.

Anonymous said...

Oh how exciting. I am featured twice in the last few weeks. You made me sound so nice, yet you failed to mention how thin, gorgeous, and intelligent I am. :)
(surely your millions of readers know that if we are best friends, there has to be a common link of sarcasm...right?!)I love reading about seems like just yesterday. And, hey...I ma sure Kenny would still be game if you are! :) xo Kim

Anonymous said...

p.s. hate when I hit publish instead of preview. Why does this not fix all my typos???! Now people may not believe the intelligent part. :)

Anonymous said...

Because I can turn someone else's blog into being about ME:

“How many times have YOU been hit in the face while changing your son’s diaper?”

The answer? ONE! I learned after being liberally spritzed the first time, to put a baby wash-cloth over the offending part as sort of a reverse-umbrella :)


“Will my boobs EVER return to normal when I’m done breastfeeding?”

Actually? I never wanted *my* version of normal boobs. I wanted, saaaaay, Halle Berry's version of normal boobs.


"...and we kidded around during her pregnancy about how I thought her husband was nice-looking, and I would be happy to bear his child."

OMG! How could you be so tacky?! That is just so wrong and inappropriate! :) I feel like I can say that (TOTALLY IN JEST! for those who might read this) and get away with it; now that I'm where I am...finally :)

I'm really enjoying the surrogacy-story, by the way :) I'm so glad you are able to write about it!

Anonymous said...

Yay! Bout time you got to the surrogacy part! Don't leave out any details!

Anonymous said...

I think I can speak for many; we have been waiting for such a long time for the "surrogate story" . You are very brave to share such a personal story and even more so, brave to think of infertile couples when you had three littles ones under foot. I have to know this speaks volumes as to how big your heart is. Can't wait to read the next installment.

Becky, in N. TX said...


I was one of those sick as a DAWG people and often wished for a way around it. But in retrospect, I think it made me appreciate the gift of the child all the more by the time I delivered.

Still, if you(or anyone) had offered at the time, I might have been all for it!!!

I can't wait to hear more......please type quickly.

Monica H said...

That's amazing to me and it takes such a selfless person to do something like this. Thank you from all of us who DO need people like you! Wanna help me out (wink wink ;-)

Anonymous said...

Three kids in three years....grounds for sainthood, as far as I'm concerned; I mean, living through that, as well as the following years of diapers/breastfeeding/chronic lack of sleep/etc. - if that's not a miracle, what is???!!!!! On a side note - I see through the media that you guys are voting for big-league basketball down there, so, I just wanted to say - take our Sonics, PUHLEEEEEEZE!!!!! But be forwarned - they STINK! And, they're expensive. But still, take them. Then lock up your underaged daughters.....

Alice said...

What an unselfish gift of love that you gave by becoming a surrogate.

katy said...

I love this story. I had thought, during my first pregnancy, that when I had the all the children I wanted I would check into helping others but then I went into labor. My pregnancies were pretty easy but not the deliveries and my doctors warned me NO MORE.