When I received my packet from the agency, there were two profiles in it. (For privacy sake, I won’t be specifically stating anyone’s names, or reasons for needing a surrogate, or any other kind of identifying information, beyond what I need to tell my story.) I immediately started analyzing each profile, and poring over the photos each couple had sent, waiting to feel that “Click!” the other girls had talked about.
Um …. Nothing.
Well, not exactly “nothing”. It was more a matter of feeling like BOTH couples looked perfectly lovely. BOTH couples had stories that touched my heart, and BOTH sounded wonderful and friendly and down to earth in their letters. NEITHER of them said anything in their letters, or showed anything in their photos, that would have turned me off or led me to think they were not the couple I should work with. If someone had been sporting a swastika tattoo, or had maybe listed "dog fighting" as a hobby, then I would have known immediately that they were not the couple for me. But they both looked so ….. nice. It was a little perplexing. How was I supposed to choose?
I called the social worker (who has a name, obviously, but again with the privacy issue) because of course Blaine was no help whatsoever. She went into more detail about each couple, telling me a bit more about their personalities and what she thought each couple’s strengths might be as far as working together. I hemmed, and hawed, and asked some more questions. Finally, she asked, “Are you leaning more towards one or the other?” And I sort of sighed and said, “You know what? This is much harder than I thought it would be. But yes, if I was forced to choose right this very second, I think I am considering couple #2.”
The social worker paused, and then said, “Really? Because I thought you would choose couple #1.” Which of course had me asking, “Why? Are they better? Can I change my answer?”
Let me tell you, it’s very difficult to be such a wishy-washy person, and that is the reason you NEVER want me on a jury, deciding anyone’s fate. I am the most easily persuaded person on the planet.
“No,” the social worker said, “It’s not that they’re better. Just that they are closer to your own age, and don’t already have children. I just thought they might be a closer fit for you and Blaine.”
Hmmmm. This was really stinking hard. I spent another day or two scouring each profile for some hint, some clue, some lightning bolt, that would tell me THIS is the couple I should choose. And although in my gut I kept gravitating to the second couple, I had great faith in the social worker's ability to do her job well. There was a reason she had so many happy surrogates at those meetings, right? So in the end, I agreed to select the first couple’ profile. Now, my profile and photos would be sent to them, to see if they thought I looked like someone they could work with …. My GAWD, this was nerve-wracking!