Child #1 announces pancakes are too cold.
Child #2 refuses to get out of bed.
Child #3 says shoes hurt her feet, and, no, despite appearances to the contrary which include a full shoe holder in her bedroom, she actually does NOT have any other single pair of shoes that can be worn to school this day. MUST wear painful shoes, complaining all the time about how they hurt her feet.
Child #2 announces pancakes are too hot.
Child #1 decides TODAY is the day she needs to take all the soda can tabs to school and gets angry when you won’t let her dig through the trash to retrieve them. Never mind she’s had all weekend to get this organized.
Child #3 cries when you can’t magically go to store and somehow purchase new pair of shoes before school.
Child #1 makes big production of re-heating pancakes, several times, including slamming of microwave door, and much huffing and puffing, to get them to the proper hot-enough temperature.
Child #3 announces she doesn’t want pancakes, but would prefer chocolate pudding for breakfast.
Child #3 cannot get peel-top off of chocolate pudding, but rather than calmly asking for help, throws a tantrum, flings pudding container on the breakfast table, throws down her spoon, and announces shrilly that “SHE’S NOT EATING BREAKFAST ANYWAY!!!”
Child #2 doesn’t understand why brushing his hair with his fingers isn’t good enough.
Child #1 confesses she only brushed teeth for a few seconds, then gets righteously indignant when you suggest she return to the bathroom for a re-brush.
Child #1 throws incredible tantrum when you have the audacity to ask if her hair is brushed, because WHEN she ignored your suggestion the night before, that she brush her hair after her bath, she ensured a total rat’s nest for herself this morning, but the parental announcement that you are “GOING TO CUT THAT SHIT OFF IF YOU CAN’T START BRUSHING IT” is met with much tears and drama.
Female parent refuses to open chocolate pudding until Child #3 can ask for help properly and politely, instead of rolling around on the sofa, crying about how nobody loves her.
Male parent confirms chocolate pudding lid is indeed defective, opens said pudding, and then slinks off to work like the coward he is.
Child #1 highly offended by parental observation that piling personal belongings in a corner does NOT qualify as “cleaning bedroom”.
Child #3, after being told to pick her cleats and shin guards off the living room floor, moans aloud “Why do I have to do EVERYTHING around here?”
Child #1 is finally dressed, teeth and hair brushed, but refuses to pick out a snack.
Child #2 is finally dressed, teeth and hair brushed, sort of, but refuses to get a jacket.
Child #3 is finally dressed, teeth and hair brushed, but half way around the corner to school remembers something she forgot in her bedroom, necessitating a return trip to the house.
Children dropped off at school.
Female parent wonders if 8:35 am is too early to return to bed --- with a very large bottle of wine.