Monday, October 29, 2007

Monday Morning

Child #1 announces pancakes are too cold.

Child #2 refuses to get out of bed.

Child #3 says shoes hurt her feet, and, no, despite appearances to the contrary which include a full shoe holder in her bedroom, she actually does NOT have any other single pair of shoes that can be worn to school this day. MUST wear painful shoes, complaining all the time about how they hurt her feet.

Child #2 announces pancakes are too hot.

Child #1 decides TODAY is the day she needs to take all the soda can tabs to school and gets angry when you won’t let her dig through the trash to retrieve them. Never mind she’s had all weekend to get this organized.

Child #3 cries when you can’t magically go to store and somehow purchase new pair of shoes before school.

Child #1 makes big production of re-heating pancakes, several times, including slamming of microwave door, and much huffing and puffing, to get them to the proper hot-enough temperature.

Child #3 announces she doesn’t want pancakes, but would prefer chocolate pudding for breakfast.

Fine. Whatever.

Child #3 cannot get peel-top off of chocolate pudding, but rather than calmly asking for help, throws a tantrum, flings pudding container on the breakfast table, throws down her spoon, and announces shrilly that “SHE’S NOT EATING BREAKFAST ANYWAY!!!”

Child #2 doesn’t understand why brushing his hair with his fingers isn’t good enough.

Child #1 confesses she only brushed teeth for a few seconds, then gets righteously indignant when you suggest she return to the bathroom for a re-brush.

Child #1 throws incredible tantrum when you have the audacity to ask if her hair is brushed, because WHEN she ignored your suggestion the night before, that she brush her hair after her bath, she ensured a total rat’s nest for herself this morning, but the parental announcement that you are “GOING TO CUT THAT SHIT OFF IF YOU CAN’T START BRUSHING IT” is met with much tears and drama.

Female parent refuses to open chocolate pudding until Child #3 can ask for help properly and politely, instead of rolling around on the sofa, crying about how nobody loves her.

Male parent confirms chocolate pudding lid is indeed defective, opens said pudding, and then slinks off to work like the coward he is.

Child #1 highly offended by parental observation that piling personal belongings in a corner does NOT qualify as “cleaning bedroom”.

Child #3, after being told to pick her cleats and shin guards off the living room floor, moans aloud “Why do I have to do EVERYTHING around here?”

Child #1 is finally dressed, teeth and hair brushed, but refuses to pick out a snack.

Child #2 is finally dressed, teeth and hair brushed, sort of, but refuses to get a jacket.

Child #3 is finally dressed, teeth and hair brushed, but half way around the corner to school remembers something she forgot in her bedroom, necessitating a return trip to the house.

Children dropped off at school.

Female parent wonders if 8:35 am is too early to return to bed --- with a very large bottle of wine.

44 comments:

Renee said...

Drink away, friend.

JoAnn said...

Don't you love those mornings????

Stephanie said...

I'm so glad stuff like this doesn't only happen in my house!!! Bed sounds pretty darn good -- go for it!

Anonymous said...

Bottoms up!!!

Jamie in MS

Sue said...

Are you sure you weren't at my house? 'Cause I could swear that sounded way too familiar. In my house, there is a sneaky gremlin that creeps around overnight, unpacks backpacks, strews shoes from one room to the next and hides jackets. My kids insisted last night that everything was all together and ready to go. Oh, and today is "wear purple to show citizenship" day for 5th graders, and "wear green for responsibility" day for 3rd graders. Why we don't know this on Sunday evening, but suddenly remember it on Monday morning, is beyond me.

I'm heading for the Advil now, though wine in bed sounds really tempting...

Jeanette said...

Lauren had chocolate pudding this morning as well...You just made me feel not-so-guilty :)PS If you find the wine, call me!

Cate said...

Well, you've already had whine. Might as well drink the other kind too!

There's a lot of whining at my house on Monday mornings too. And since I'm a single female with no kids you can guess who is doing the whining.

Shelly said...

It's 5'o'clock somewhere.

Thanks for the back up though...I thought I was the only inconsiderate parent around because I wouldn't run to the store this morning to buy a costume to be worn on WEDNESDAY.
Geesh.
It's monday.

Anonymous said...

Happy Monday Morning to you.....

Our house was a walk in the park compared to yours this morning. Hope the day is going better - sure the wine helped :)

Jill for Missouri

Rene S said...

Oh this makes me happy for the teacher workday we are having here today! Here's hoping homework is a breeze today.

lizinsumner said...

OMG, we have the same kid(s)!! Only you have it times three. But don't worry - my one tries three times harder to make up the difference!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grandma J said...

Maybe if you drink the wine before they get up? naw...
Be sure you set the alarm so you aren't late picking them up!!

Anonymous said...

You crack me up!! I just loving reading your blog and getting a good laugh. Who hasn't had one of those Monday's???
Keep the stories coming - you are my therapy :-)

Martha

Jeri fro Hawaii said...

Girlfriend, you made me tired just reading about your morning. I have to admit that I started my day with a good laugh at your expense. Bed and wine sound like a great alternative!

Anonymous said...

LOVE IT KRISTIE!!!!! We are new to this little compound in Africa and I actually have to walk my 2 boys to the bus stop...since I am new I always feel conspicuous!!! Especially since I feel like I have been beaten up by my kids...figuratively speaking of course. I am literally whooped down!!! They both climb on the bus without a care in the world and I am sure I look like a haggard old woman with my hair standing on end...am I painting a pretty picture?? The other day my husband actually had the audacity to CALL from work during our morning ritual of getting ready...how dare he!!!

Too funny, needless to say I CAN RELATE!!!!

Rachael

Kristine said...

You must of been at my house this morning, but I only have 2 kids! Glad to know it's not just my house, now to only get my husband to understand that what happens around here, happens in other homes too! Hope the rest of your day was better!

Anonymous said...

Oh and one more thing...two words...baileys and coffee. It does it for me!!!
Rachael

Lisa L said...

Hey Kristi - I think the Bailey's and Coffee was the best suggestion. By about 10am you should be feeling alot better girl :)....I wonder if the kids are doing abit of acting out because of the move..god love you as you deal with the next few weeks. Mmmm..Bailey's...too bad I'm at work right now :)

threehandprints said...

Sounds like a lot of mornings around my home...Hope the rest of the week gets better!

Elonda said...

Wow, that sounds just like my morning. All I can say is CHEERS!

Anonymous said...

What is up with the universal: “Why do I have to do EVERYTHING around here?”
My 7 1/2 year old son seems to say that ALL THE TIME lately. (And then my hubby smirks and asks where he may have learned that phrase??) Urgh.

Anonymous said...

Oops..I always forget to put my name

Andrea in Delaware :)

Anonymous said...

Don't you just LOVE when they go to school...mine are out the door at 7:25 (most days, more like 7:35) when my husband drives them to school. The quiet when they leave the house is like heaven!!!
It all starts up again when I pick them up at 2:20...which seems to arrive in a milli-second!

Amy said...

I have the same problem at my house every school day. It's like everyday is the first day of school.

Melissa in CA said...

Thank you for reassuring me that my decision to wait a few more years before having children is indeed a good one.

Jan Reuther said...

Thanks for reminding me why being a grandmother is sooooooooo much better than being a mother!

You do realize that some day you'll laugh when you look back at this morning and you'll actually MISS times like this.

ThinkIshould Remainnameless said...

Just so you don't feel bad, here is my afternoon:

Child No 1 came home with 2 D's and an F on her 8th grade progress reports. Apparently she only does the work she wants to do and only if she feels like it does she hand it in.

Child no 2 is in an arm sling b/c he broke his collarbone playing baseball and comes home moaning in pain and complaining about all the work he has to catch up on after being out of school for 3 days last week. He has good reason to complain no less than 30 pages of work await, not including tonights homework.

Child no 3, who is the same age as Kendrie, has remarkably refrained from being a pain in the ass at all. She came in, grabbed her snack, and took off outside to perform cartwheels and flips with her friends. At least 1 child has mercy.

Child number 4 came in and laid on the couch and crashed while I ripped into child no 1. I hauled child no 1 and child no 3 to child no. 1's school to retrieve all the blown off work from child no 1's locker. Came home and child no 4 is still asleep. Checked on him and he is burning up with a 102 fever. Woke him for Tylenol and while is a sobbing little mess, he swears nothing hurts. He says he is crying b/c he is afraid he will miss Halloween.

So, I have a sick child, a broken child with 30 pages of homework and his writing hand in a sling, a budding slacker with major 'tude and alot of work her own to oversee and a gymnst.

Forget the wine. I want to fire up a fat one and float away. I promise I won't inhale.

Anonymous said...

Didn't know my kids are just like yours! Good to know we are not alone! Drink up, I"ll toast you!
claire

Care said...

I think you deserve at least two bottles. Maybe even three, one for each child.

Ann said...

I could have written this!

Ann
www.jack-schrooten.blogspot.com

Lisa said...

This is why I've only ever had pets! :)

Anonymous said...

Sounds like most mornings in my household too - have you seen the YouTube video of another Mom singing about her entire day??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxT5NwQUtVM

Another Canadian fan of your website

Denise

Wendy said...

Glad to hear I'm not alone LOL, and we homeschool, so the morning does not end until 11:59. Hope the rest of the day went better, if you found that wine I'm sure it did!

Chris M. said...

Oh...I know it sucks for you, BUT you don't know how much *I* needed this laugh tonight!!

DeAnn said...

Amen to this post! I have 3 children and there are some days that I feel like just the act of getting them off to school is enough effort for one day. I say go for the bottle of wine!

heartshapedhedges said...

sounds like my house, I think I might try that wine idea!

Connie F-G said...

I didn't have a Monday morning like you hahaha! I had a Monday afternoon like your Monday morning!

There wasn't even a full moon last night to blame it on!

Hope today is better for everyone.

Hugs,

Karen aka crazy mom of 4 said...

It is scary to me how similiar your morning is to mine. We always have drama at my house in the mornings and sometimes pudding for breakfast too ( to avoid more drama). It does count as a milk exchange doesn't it.

Brenda said...

While I was cracking up reading this, my 10 year old daughter came up behind me and started reading it. When she read the line about "cutting that shit off", daughter commented that,"Wow, she sounds just like you!"

You are not alone, Kristie, you are not alone!

Two Kids and a Husband said...

OH my goodness...You litterally just described every morning at my house except in that time I have to get ready for work and so does my dear husband and I can not leave the house without getting a hand print of SOMETHING on the front of my blouse...(sad to admit but for the last 4 years...I haven't given a poop... I got to work with said hand print and pretend it reminds me of my sweet children---when really I just cant be bothered to change my shirt again and do even more laundry)...

Girlfriend if I had the option I would be back in bed with the bottle too!!

Dianna in Louisiana said...

Your kids crack me up Kristie!!!!

Anonymous said...

Have you been spying on me?? Only, change "get back into bed with a bottle of wine" to "teach a kindergarten class under the influence of said wine."
Christi

Steph Jochim said...

Sounds waaaaayyyy too much like my house except you need to add three more onto your three. And oh how I wish I could crawl back into bed instead I drive to work in complete silence. That works for me.

Steph

Patty from Indiana said...

wine? Got anything harder? Good grief! I definitely would have went back to bed after that...I would also make them ride the bus for the next week! =)

I fight with my 5 year old every single morning....ugh.