The State Song -- A Challenge for You

At my children’s public elementary school here in Georgia, every morning they say The Pledge of Allegiance, sing The Star Spangled Banner, and “have a moment of quiet reflection on the anticipated activities of the day”, much to the horror of the ACLU. Back in the day, at my own elementary school in Oklahoma, we skipped the Star Spangled Banner, but said the Pledge and recited The Lords Prayer aloud, which I’m sure would have turned that O’Hare chick in her grave, had she been dead yet, but she wasn't. Blaine attended another elementary school not far from me, where they also did the Pledge, but instead of the Lord’s Prayer, they took a more geographical-historical route, and every single morning sang something he has long since called “The State Song.”

Basically, it is the complete listing of all 50 of the United States, in alphabetical order, set to music. Blaine has tried to teach it to me several times, but since the music is lodged firmly in his head, and he can’t play an instrument or display it to me in any other way, I can never get past the first five or six states before losing the rhythm entirely. Blaine always gets frustrated with me, “No, no, that’s not how it goes!” and I have to remind him it’s like trying to teach somebody how to do the Time Warp with no music --- it just doesn’t work.

But back to the song ---- it starts out quick, there’s a rapid rolling part in the middle, lots of Proper Pronunciation, with emphasis on certain syllables, and a BIG FINISH on WyOOOOOming! It sounds quite fun and educational, and I really wish they had done it at my elementary school, as well, because even to this day, Blaine sings loud and gets excited and pumps his fist in the air on the final note and damn, if that isn’t some fun, I don’t know what is.

Fast forward ten or twelve years: One of Blaine’s favorite stories is about an ROTC instructor he had in college. This guy was a pompous little ass, short in stature and character, with a huge Napoleon complex. At the time, he acted SO grown up and worldly because he was a CAPTAIN, for goodness’ sake, and everyone should RESPECT THE RANK, which just makes me giggle now because dude, most Captains are in their late twenties, so just how mature could he have been? But he definitely enjoyed lording it over the cadets and impressing them with just how wonderful he thought he was, and all the life-military-experience he had. Needless to say, Blaine couldn’t stand him.

One morning, he had all the cadets in his class, and he told everyone to get out a sheet of paper. Told them to number the paper one through fifty, and then made the following comment: “OK, you guys think you’re so smart? Let’s see how many of you can name all fifty states. You’re going to be DEFENDING them, you should at least be able to name them ….. you’ve got five minutes …. Go!”

And as people started scrambling, mentally scanning US maps in their head, Blaine looked calmly at the teacher, raised his hand, and with an innocent-yet-totally-ha-ha-conniving expression, asked: “Do you want this list in alphabetical order?” The captain sneered at him, thinking no doubt Blaine was being a wise-ass, but in record time, before anyone else in his class had even come close, Blaine handed in a perfect list, of the fifty United states, in alphabetical order. Got up, walked out of class, and gloated about the look on his instructor’s face the rest of the day. All thanks to the State Song he had memorized when he was in elementary school.

When he came home and told me the story, I laughed. And congratulated him. And then I laughed some more, in a smarmy way. Sure, I was pleased for Blaine that he’d been able to best that arrogant twit, but still ….come on, really …. How hard could it be? Fifty states? {shrug} I could do that. I could *probably* even mange them in alphabetical order. At the time, I was working at a nation-wide insurance agency, and our department was arranged geographically. Each girl handled certain states, and we all knew who handled what …. So all I had to do was go through the list of co-workers in my head and write all the states down. Easy-peasy.

Except it wasn’t.

Except it’s NOT.

I wasn’t able to list all fifty states that day. It was maddening. And humbling. Oh, and did I mention maddening?

Every time I’ve ever tried it through the years, I’ve missed at least one or two states. I’ll scour the list, certain, positive, 100 percent sure that I’ve got them all listed …. But I’ll have only gotten to 48 or 49. And I’ll make comments like, “What the hell?? I’m missing NOTHING --- they are all here!!! So why am I two states short???” And then I’ll consult a map, and figure out which states I’m missing, and I’ll want to smack myself, because normally it’s a state right next to my home state, or a state I’ve even LIVED IN, or something ridiculous like that. Seriously, it can drive you crazy.

We’ve had friends try over the years --- very, very few can do it. Bright, intelligent, educated people. But it’s so hard to list all 50!! I tried it again today, before typing this journal entry, just to prove, just to SHOW MYSELF, that I could do it. This time, I would be successful.

I only got 47. Possibly my worst attempt yet. Obviously, all the years of being a stay-at-home mom have sucked the brain cells right out of my head.

So, this journal entry originated when Blaine was performing (ie, showing off) the State Song to our children the other day, and promising them that he would teach them how to sing it, all the while I’m scoffing in my head because seriously, Blaine, you STILL can’t play the piano so how are you going to teach someone a song with no music????

But this entry ends with a challenge for anyone who is reading this. Get out a sheet of paper. Number it one to fifty. Set a timer for five minutes. See how you do. And bonus if they’re in alphabetical order. Big huge super bonus if you get as frustrated as I always do. And no fair if you already know the State Song.

Leave your results in the comments section. I’ll leave mine there, too, because if I tell you *here* which three I missed, that’s cheating. But I will give you this hint: There are a lot more damn “M” states than you think there are.