Fan Obnoxiousness

Well, it has begun.












Hello, gravity??





Despite appearances to the contrary, her middle name is NOT Grace.



The hours and hours of practice, the driving to and from the fields, the night after night after night of English muffin pizzas for dinner because that’s all I have time to make. And the loads and loads of dirty, stinky, smelly, sweaty, shin-guard-socks in my laundry basket. And as you might have guessed, I love it. Its fun and we enjoy it and it makes me happy and it sure beats sitting at home watching Disney channel or worse yet, thanks to our "No-TV-on-school-nights" rule, reading them {roll-y eyes} educational material. Although seriously, one daughter came home from the Scholastic book fair this week with “Candy Apple” books and the boy came home with Pokemon books and the other daughter bought a Suite Life book, so really, how educational is ANY of that?

But I digress -- soccer.

Games started last week for Kendrie. They were beat so soundly in their first game that I turned to the parent of the he’s-gotta-be-a-native-Brazilian boy who single-handedly scored all ten of the opposite team’s goals, smiled cheerfully and said, “Wow, you really spanked us, didn’t you?” The shocked look on his face led me to believe he perhaps didn’t speak English very well and might have thought I just propositioned him with something naughty.

Kellen’s game last night was rained out (thanks for telling us that after all the parents on both teams schlepped themselves and their children to the field in our waterproof jackets and set up chairs and umbrellas …. THEN the officials decided to cancel? Would a decision beforehand and a few phone calls have killed you?)

Kendrie had her second game today. Once again, they lost, although if you ask any of the kids on the team they will tell you it was a tie. Delusion is the best medicine. It was definitely a much better game this week, compared to the rout we suffered last Saturday, and the teams were pretty evenly matched. And again, let me repeat, I’m not a competitive person and it truly doesn’t bother me if my kids lose a game. Or two or three or eight. What bothers me is when they lose to a team that’s not any better than they are, and part of the reason for the loss is a lazy referee. Or maybe he’s not even part of the reason, maybe *I'm* the one who's delusional, but it’s certainly no fun to lose AND have to watch that, at the same time.

He got hit with the ball three times, for goodness sake, because he didn’t move quick enough -- didn’t move AT ALL -- to get out of the way. He didn't help or try to correct any of their mistakes at all; this is an instructional league, after all, and some of the refs are fantastic about helping the kids understand what is happening and why. This one? Not so much. He didn’t call many fouls, and it wasn’t that the other team was blatantly fouling --- they weren’t malicious little kids, at all --- it just annoys me when kids are getting away with going out of bounds, or sloppy play, because the ref either can’t or won't see it. He was about three months BEYOND the cute-longish-hanging haircuts that teenage boys are wearing these days, so perhaps that shit flopping in his eyes meant he really COULDN’T see the ball, who knows? I just find it hard to believe that the ten dollars a game he’s earning is worth it, seeing as how he sure didn’t appear to be enjoying himself. At all. Not for one single second.

As I stood on either end of the field, taking photos of our players, I saw several fouls, particularly hand slaps on the ball by the other team, that he didn’t call. Just didn’t seem to care. Until finally on the third one, right in front of me, I yelled at the top of my lungs in an exasperated voice: “HANDBALL!!!” like I was an officially trained and sanctioned Soccer Association Important Person And By Golly Young Man, YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME AND CALLS THESE FOULS CORRECTLY!!!!

Immediately, immediately, I realized that from my position at the end of the field, I was NOT the anonymous crabby parent who is yelling, but instead had suddenly morphed into “That Obnoxious Mom Who Yells At The Ref Whenever Her Kid Is Losing”. I broke out with the dreaded “confrontation-rash” on my chest and wanted to curl up and become invisible. The ref looked at me with this hurt look on his face, and I remembered that “You moron, that kid is like 13 years old and you are a grown woman and YOU JUST YELLED AT HIM OVER A MISSED CALL IN AN EIGHT YEAR OLD SOCCER GAME!” Seriously, could I be any more embarrassed of myself?

But at least the soccer ball didn’t hit me in the head, so all told, except for the yelling, a successful day.

Until after the game, when I was passing out snacks to the kids on our team, and one of the boys, in an attempt to be funny (I think?) held his hand out to me and grunted. Not once, but twice. And I thought, “Oh, hell to the no if he thinks he can GRUNT at me and get a snack.” So I looked him right in the eye and said, “Little boys who grunt don’t get anything. Try again. With manners this time.” Only to realize his MOTHER was standing behind me the entire time I corrected her son. She then made him apologize for the grunting, which made me feel worse because honestly, who am *I* to correct her kid????

Geez, are there many more ways I can make friends and influence people today? I've yelled at a teenage referee and scolded a 2nd grader whose only sin was wanting his fair share of the cookies. I’m going out tonight with my girlfriends. There will be liquor involved. I’ll bet with enough, I can find LOTS more interesting and creative ways to insult and belittle people!! That's me, always the over-achiever!!

Stay tuned to find out.