Things that made me confused at the water park today:
The very large number of people (both men and women) who obviously don’t own mirrors (or eyes) or they would know to buy their swimsuits just one size larger. And I’m not simply making fun of the chubbies. No matter what size you are, none of the rest of us want to see your butt-cheeks or your boobs hanging out the bottom of your suit.
The fact that my children were not at all hungry for the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I so lovingly prepared and then schlepped to the park for lunch …. But that five minutes later they were starving and begging for curly fries (which they did not get, by the way. Hello, Meanest Moms Club of America, another plus for my membership.)
The fact that so many teen age girls clearly spent hours putting on their make up and flat-ironing their hair before coming to the park. To get in the water. Which pretty much ruins the effect. I don’t know, I guess I was that vain myself once. Apparently not any more; you only need look at me with my chip clip in my hair and sun screen on my nose and “blouson” swimsuit to know the truth --- the vanity bus has left the station.
The GINORMOUS swastika tattoo that man was sporting on his shoulder as he walked around the park. I mean, seriously? He didn't think a shirt to cover that thing up might have been appropriate? (For the record ... I'm not anti-tattoo ... I have three myself. But I am anti-hate-tattoo.) I've heard of people waking up after a night of drunken antics with tattoos ... which might explain it. Personally, I'd rather wake up from a night of drunken sex with Napoleon Dynamite than to have something that nasty on my body. Or maybe I'm just being knee-jerk ... it originally was intended to represent good luck, right?
That so many people arrive at the park first thing, throw their towel across a deck recliner, and leave. For hours. Taking up all the chairs by the pools, and rendering us moms-who-would-like-to-sit-and-keep-an-eye-on-our-kids chair-less. For goodness sake, people, spring for a locker and free up the chairs if you’re using them only as a towel rack for yourself.
Things that made me happy at the water park today:
Seeing the family next to us try to have lunch. A mom, a surly teenager, and three young children. Only two deck chairs (thanks to the obnoxious greedy towel-rack-people) for the five of them. The mom walked up and said to the teen age boy, who was lounging in one of the chairs, “Why aren’t you swimming? We’re having a great time on the slides, you should join us.” To which the boy replied, “I don’t want to do anything.” Then she told him to sit up and move his legs so one of the younger kids could share his chair and he said he didn’t want to.
At that point, she leaned over and whispered to him, in a voice so threatening and low that I think I was the only other person who heard her, “I don’t care WHAT you want to do. Move your ass NOW and share that chair. We didn’t come all this way today so you could sit here and act like a complete jerk so you will move and then you will swim and You. Will. Enjoy. It.”
I was kind of sorry they left soon after that. I think she and I could have struck up a lovely conversation and probably been life-long friends.