AND WE’RE NOT EVEN FRENCH!

Kendrie -- Day 102 OT

Blaine -- Over-did it a little on the 4th, and spent the last half of the cook out in bed. That, or he was going to pretty drastic measures to get out of helping clean the kitchen afterwards.

As anyone who knows me can attest, I am not a touchy-feely kind of person. It’s not that I’m opposed or anything, I’m certainly not ANTI-touch. It’s just that I’ve never been a physically demonstrative person in public. Maybe because I grew up on a block with all boys and never got the hang of the “girlfriend hug”. (Seriously. Every single playmate I had up until I was 12 or so was male. That explains a lot, doesn’t it?) And the one time I tried to go in for an “air kiss” greeting with a friend, I tripped, fell into him, and almost broke his nose. Not the most graceful of moves. And massages … oh geez, don’t even get me started on massages. Give me a good firm handshake, or a wave hello or goodbye, and I’m perfectly happy.

But with my kids, I am different. I’m a hugger, toucher, kisser, snuggler. I know these years go quickly and one day they won’t be willing to let me smooch all over them, or even hold their hand in public. In fact, I’m guessing it won’t be long before Brayden doesn’t want to be SEEN with me in public! “Drop me off here mom, I prefer to walk the rest of the way. Yes, even in a heat wave/blizzard/typhoon (insert natural disaster of your choice); I don’t mind.”

But for now, they tolerate affection, and sometimes, if I’m really lucky, initiate it themselves. There is nothing on this planet sweeter than a spontaneous hug from a child. And by spontaneous I mean, “NOT motivated by a new pair of roller blades or the promise of chocolate ice cream.”

So imagine my delight the other day at the pool when Kendrie swam up to me, put her hands on each side of my face, and said, “Gimme a kiss, lady”. And right as I was leaning forward, just as I was getting my pucker ready, she shaped her lips into a perfect “O”, and planted an open-mouth kiss right on my lips.

I was so surprised, that what did I do? Laughed hysterically, of course. Which, thank goodness she wasn’t trying to slip me any tongue because that would have been a golden opportunity, me laughing with my mouth wide open.

I asked, still laughing, what she thought she was doing, and she said, “Kissing you like the people do on TV”. Which means either I need to re-evaluate Toon Disney, or they’ve been flipping the channel when I’m not looking. Then she proceeded to tell me I was doing it wrong, and show me the correct moves for “proper” Hollywood kissing. Basically, they consist of turning your head from side to side, and pursing your lips open and closed in an imitation of a dying fish, gasping for air on the beach. And, most importantly, making lots of "Mmmmwwwaaah" noises.

When I tried explaining to her that is how mommies and daddies kiss (let’s not even consider having any other discussion with my six year old at this point) she gave me a look, and said, “Well, it’s certainly not how you kiss Daddy!”

What exactly is the correct answer to that?

The sarcastic answer: “Nope, we’ve been married nineteen years, and we’re exhausted from chasing after you kids. Kissing like that went out the window a long time ago!”

Or, the evasive answer: “Well, mommies and daddies kiss like that in private” (which could open up a whole new can of worms I don’t want to deal with!”)

Or, the honest answer: “That’s something people do when they are a lot older. When nobody else is looking. Except for the people who you saw doing it on tv. And they were just actors. So don’t do it in real life because boys have cooties.”

Or, the answer I gave her:

“Look! There’s the dive stick you couldn’t find earlier -- go get it!”

I thought I had stalled the issue, until I caught her trying to do the same thing to Blaine. Apparently, she has issues. And maybe it’s time for me to be a little LESS affectionate with my children.

Nawwwwwww. The mom in me knows that the Hollywood-kisses will be over soon enough, and I’ll most likely miss them as much as I miss the hugs and hand holding in public.

But in the meantime, remind me to keep my mouth closed around her. Because it appears I’m raising a little perv.