Tuesday, March 14, 2006


Kendrie--Day 89 OT
Blaine--Who the heck knows how to classify him?

Yep, summer is definitely coming to Georgia. Or at least to the part where WE live, as evidenced by the outdoor-thermostat earlier this week, reading in the high 70’s, the sheen of perspiration on my upper lip (and lower lip, and forehead, and cheeks, etc) and the returning humidity which has my hair looking like something out of a Carrot Top infomercial. I was out running errands yesterday, and noticed a few things that can only correlate with the advent of the warmer weather:

1. God invented tanning booths for a reason, people. If you feel its warm enough to yank those short-shorts out of the back of your closet and put them on with a sleeveless tank top, please do the rest of us a favor and make sure your legs and arms don’t BLIND us when we encounter you in Target. I swear, I thought a few of you must be albinos, only to discover that was your natural pigment color. Now, I know the whole stink about tanning booths, and sun tanning in general, causing cancer, and wrinkles, and faces that will look like leather when you’re older --- and how it’s now “cool” to be “pale”. Well let me tell you, that only works if you have a beautiful ivory-white complexion like Nicole Kidman. The rest of you are PASTY, people, and you need to do something about it! Spray it on, rub it on, I don’t care, but get it on there. My sunglasses only have so much UV protection.

2. The feet. Oh, my GOD people, the FEET!!! Now, if you’ve been following along in this journal at all, you know I have a wee, tiny hang up about feet. Mainly, that I hate them and think they are disgusting, hideous appendages. If they weren’t so necessary for walking and running and total mobility, I would spearhead a “Get Rid of the Feet” campaign. But alas, I cannot. So, if you have them (and most of you do, after all) and you decide its warm enough to also pull sandals out of the back of your closet, then do something about the feet. Loofah sponge, pumice stone, emery board, pedicure, etc. I don’t care which method you choose, just do something.

Now, you should also know that the only thing more horrifying to me than a massage would be a pedicure, so this is a case where I'm definitely NOT practicing what I preach. But I’m not the one wearing sandals, now, am I? (And never mind that it’s because I’m 30 weeks pregnant and they don’t MAKE sandals big enough to fit over my puffy, swollen, bloated extremities) If I *were* wearing sandals, I would at least make sure my haven’t-seen-the-sun-in-six-months feet were fit for public display, puffiness notwithstanding.

Oh, and if you’re a man and you’re reading this? There is no reason, ever, for you to wear sandals. E. V. E. R. Not thongs, not flip-flops, not any kind of sandal. Really, they should be outlawed for men. The only exception to the rule is if you are walking to or from the pool or ocean. The rest of the summer time, if you are out in public, you should wear tennis shoes WITH socks. And if you’re hanging out at MY house, you may take off your shoes ONLY if you have socks on. Go with me on this one --- NO sandals for men. Your feet are uglier than mine, and trust me, no-one wants to see them.

3. Last but not least, have some sympathy for the middle-aged lady, driving the mini-van with the juice box straw wrappers in her seat, the soccer chairs in the back, and the local elementary school magnet on the door. In high school, I had a boyfriend that drove a Mercury Cougar with a (excuse my French) KICK ASS stereo system. When the weather got nice, like it is now, we would fill up the gas tank (remember when $10.00 could do that?) and drive around with the windows down, sun streaming in on us, wind in our hair, and Quiet Riot blaring. I always thought, judging from the looks we got, that older people hated us. Now, being old myself, I know the truth. They were just jealous. Much like I am jealous now. I have no sunroof. I have no loud stereo. I drive a MINI VAN, for heaven’s sake, usually with a Disney or Sugarbeats cd playing. So although summer is coming, and you are reveling in the glory of your youth, please understand that I am mourning the loss of mine, and it’s just a little bit painful. Have some respect.

So anyway, how does any of this relate -- in any way -- to Kendrie? Well, in the last month, despite the fact her treatment is over and she’s no longer taking chemo, she has stayed home from school several times complaining of stomach pain or headache. Do I think she’s sick? No. I think she wants to stay home with the grownups. She did it again yesterday, and in an attempt to foil her plans to lay around all day watching Star Wars on the dvd player, I made her stay in bed. All day long. I figured in the event she *was* really sick, the rest would do her good. In the event she was faking, at least I wouldn’t play the role of enabler.

Fast forward to 3:30 pm yesterday afternoon: Since the weather has gotten nicer, we’ve ditched our usual “home work as soon as you get home from school” routine in favor of a more direct, “let the kids play outside until they are ready to drop from exhaustion” strategy. Works wonders at bedtime. Yesterday, Brayden and Kellen hadn’t been home five minutes before the bikes and scooters and basketballs were in full play. Kendrie ran into the garage and started strapping on her roller blades, only to have me come out and tell her no, if she was too sick to go to school, she was too sick to play outside. (Geez, when did I start sounding like my mother?)

Oh, the tears and whining and crying and tantrum that took place! Seriously, she cried for close to an hour, leaving me to believe she couldn’t truly be ill, or she wouldn’t have had the stamina and energy necessary for that kind of fit. In the middle of it, she yelled at me, “Well if I had known you were going to let them play outside, I would have gone to school!” to which I replied, “Well, that was a bad gamble on your part, wasn’t it?” to which SHE replied, “Well, I thought it was going to RAIN and it wouldn’t matter!”

So apparently I am not the only one upset by the sun-shiny weather lately. Miraculously, Kendrie felt well enough to attend school today, and is outside roller-blading as I type this. Maybe she’ll decide the nice weather isn’t so offensive, after all. But I’m telling you, blinding white legs and nasty feet will ALWAYS be offensive.

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