Pass the Kerosene Lantern, Please

Yesterday, when the Cox guy came to set up my computer (can you hear the angels singing?) we discovered there was no phone jack in the office. I hate technology.

He said he could install one, but it would cost us an extra $55.00. I hate expensive technology.

Late last night after everyone else was in bed, I unpacked all the computer components and did my best to hook everything back up (bearing in mind I was NOT the person who unhooked the stuff in Georgia and had no idea which wires went to which thing.) I hate technological work.

Naturally, both the keyboard and the mouse did not work. I hate technology even more.

Then I realized the instruction manual to the computer was packed in a separate box, but good guess as to which one, piled up all the way to the ceiling ..... so I gave up and went to bed, having technological nightmares all night, with visions of ten days worth of unopened e-mail taunting me.

I got up this morning, and discovered both the keyboard and the mouse, which weren't working last night, and to which I had done NOTHING in between, were now working fine. Have I mentioned I hate technology?

Got ready to try and access my e-mail, only to lose power in the entire house. Called the electric company, who didn't technically confess they had turned power off instead of transferring the account, but I have my suspicions. They agreed to send someone out to turn it back on, and we commenced unpacking in the dark. At this point, I told Blaine life would be easier a hundred years ago, without all this electronic, high-powered, high-speed, high-voltage, breaker box stuff to worry about.

Thirty minutes later, with the temperature in the house falling rapidly, I confessed that I wouldn't like to live in the Dark Ages after all, and was very grateful when the electric guy showed up.

AT LONG LAST, computer was up, connected, working, and ready for me to change my e-mail server to the OKC Cox center from the Middle GA Cox Center.

This was the point where I discovered that despite what I was told in Georgia about having 30 days to keep my account and e-mail, despite the fact it is Cox Communications in both states, despite the fact we can PUT A MAN ON THE FUCKING MOON, that it is NOT POSSIBLE for them to transfer e-mail, or for me to receive any of the e-mails that have been sent to me the past ten days.

That in order to turn ON my Oklahoma e-mail account, they have to turn OFF the Georgia account, and when that happens, all e-mails on the server, approximately 1200 by my estimate, will be automatically deleted.

That was the point where my head spun around and monkeys flew out of my ass, because it was only 10 am and it was the second time TODAY that a customer service person had said to me, in so many words, "Too bad, so sad."

SO!

If you have e-mailed me in the past ten days, I did not, and will not, receive it. Please read the following instructions:

1. If you are a friend and e-mailed me personally, please send it again.
1 1/2. If you are a stranger and e-mailed me personally, please send it again.
2. If you are one of my online bills, I promise, the check is in the mail. Er, the internet.
3. If you are any of the occasional spam mail I get, which thankfully isn't too often, take a hike anyway.
4. If you are any of the online retailers who e-mail me, I'm hoping I've been deleted from your address book because you people reproduce like bacteria on wet bread.
5. Someone from my leukemia parents list, please bring me up to speed on how everyone is doing.
6. Someone from my surrogacy list, please bring me up to speed on how everyone is doing.
7. Someone from my scrapbooking list, please bring me up to speed on how everyone is doing.
8. Logan from the OKC Cox technical support team, thank you for explaining it to me and have a very nice day. You were efficient and helpful and kind, and I appreciate that you agreed with me that the entire situation blew.
9. Tanya from the Middle GA technical support team, you need a serious in-service on customer support. When I told you not to talk to me like I was stupid, I meant it. You almost ruined my morning with your snippy little attitude. You will get coal in your stocking.

I hate technology. But I liked Logan.