You Are A Winner Today!

At the new gym I’ve been going to ….. (I just love saying that. “My new gym”. It’s a clean, nice facility with pleasant, helpful people, and I’m forging quite a bond with the geriatrics who push their walkers from machine to machine, despite my annoyance that most of them can leg-press more than I can. In addition, by using the adjective “New”, it lets people know I haven’t actually been working out for very long. Which might explain why in the three weeks since I started, I’ve actually put on five pounds. I’d like to think it’s because I’m lifting weights and everyone knows that muscle weighs more than fat. Truth be told, I’m pretty sure it’s due to my inability to push away from the dinner table and the fact I think a “balanced meal” means a Twinkie in each hand.)

So, back to the story about my gym ~~~

Those of us taking part in the Wellness Program have a computer where we sign in and record the workout we plan to do each day. After we’re done, we sign back in to the computer, enter how much time we spent on the bike, elliptical, how many repetitions we did on the weights, etc, then sign off the computer. It tracks the calories burned, visits, miles, etc. Each time you sign off, there is a prompt to click and your name is entered into a random computer-generated psuedo-slot machine-type thing …. And then 99 times out of 100, the screen flashes, “Sorry, try again next time!” But on Friday, the slot machine rolled, I got three fruits in a row, and the screen flashed, “You’re A Winner Today! (notify the front desk)”

Not knowing exactly what this meant, I walked to the front desk and said to the receptionist, “Hi, I’m a winner today!” She looked up at me and said, “I beg your pardon?” and I said, “Well, of course I’m a winner all the time, but today I’m a winner on your computer!” still smiling because I totally crack myself up.

She said, “Oh, congratulations, would you like it cold or at room temperature?”

And all I could think, after completing my workout, especially the part when I accidentally pulled the safety cord out of the treadmill while I was on it, and it came to an emergency stop and I almost fell off, flailing about like those people do on the funny commercials, dropping my iPod and having every eye in the room turn to me at once, all the grandmas and grandpas hollering, “Are you OK, young whippersnapper????” …. All I could think was Ooh, yes, an ice-cold soda would really hit the spot right now. Hmmmm, wonder if they have Diet Dr. Pepper?

So I replied, “Well, do you have diet, or is it all regular?”

To which SHE replied, “Uh, this is a gym. We don’t recommend you drink soda. I’m talking about bottled water.”

To which *I* replied, rather sheepishly, “Oh, of course.” (pause) “I suppose there’s no chance that Halloween bucket over there has any Kit-Kats in it, either, does it?”

I’m starting to understand why I have a weight problem.