WHY EAVESDROPPING NEVER PAYS OFF

So, this gym where I’ve started working out (I figure if I keep mentioning it in this journal, then I’m more likely to continue going, what with the public accountability and all, right?) is primarily a physical therapy/rehab place. Lots of older people, recovering from accidents and illness and surgeries and what not. But they also have a “wellness” program for people who are interested in getting healthier, which is what I’m doing. I had to meet with a personal trainer-type person to discuss my overall goals the first day, and then he designed a workout plan for me. For some reason, he laughed when I said “Abs and Buns of Steel” as my primary goal, so we downgraded to “better overall health and fitness”. Hmmm. Imagine that.

It’s been interesting to me this first week to go in and see some of the other people, and play the guessing game in my head about what’s wrong with them, or if they’re there for “wellness” like I am. The guy riding the reclining bike with both legs in casts? I’m guessing car accident. Stroke victims are obvious. Etc. But I like this place for that very reason --- it’s not a bunch of PYT’s in spandex making me feel bad about myself. Granted, the 80 year olds who can out-lift me and out-walk me on the treadmill, yeah, *that* makes me feel bad about myself, ha! But overall I’m very comfortable there.

I do my warm up on an elliptical, and for the record, I am the most uncoordinated person on the planet and when I fall off and break my neck, don’t be surprised. Yesterday, there was a very fit, good looking guy on the elliptical next to me. He got off and started a circuit on the machines, lifting quite a bit of weight without any apparent problems, so I thought, “Aha! Another wellness person like me.” He was working out in a t-shirt and scrub pants that had happy faces all over them. An older lady with a very LOUD VOICE on the machine next to him struck up a conversation with him, and to take my mind off my flailing limbs on the elliptical, I was eavesdropping:

Older Lady: “I like those pants you have on. Where did you get them?”

Good Looking Guy: “You can buy them at {name of local medical supply store} but I got them when I was a patient at the Burn Center.”

OL: “Oh? You were burned?”

GLG: “Yep, over 50 percent of my body”

OL: “You look really good, I can’t see any scars”

GLG: “Lots of the burns were internal”

OL: “My house burned down last January but we weren’t home. Praise Jesus for you firefighters and the wonderful work you do.”

GLG: “Oh, I wasn’t a fire-fighter”

OL: “Oh, did your own house burn down?”

GLG: “Um, yes. Sort of”

OL: “Were you sleeping? What happened?”

GLG: “Actually, I was making meth.”

She never missed a beat.

OL: “Well that fire and you getting burned was a wake up call from the Lord!”

GLG: “Yes, ma’am, it sure was”

And then, I’m still not quite sure how, she went from praising Jesus to bashing President Bush and praising President Chavez in about 60 seconds, never taking a breath, with no end in sight. GLG was like a deer in the headlights, unable to escape, and all I could think was, “Yes. This is why I must get my iPod working immediately so I can NEVER eavesdrop again.”

And with that, on to Part 2 of this journal entry: the play-list. I want half of my play-list to be upbeat music, probably dance remixes and high energy songs that will be good for working out. I want the other half to be power ballads …. You know, the kind of song that you belt out while singing along to the radio in your car, quite confident that Celine Dion has NOTHING on you, baby!

Perfect example is Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse of the Heart, which if I could give you just one more peek into last week’s karaoke debacle, was sung by me, NOT as a karaoke song, but by someone else, and I “helped” with the singing from the table, using a beer bottle as a microphone, which is made funnier by the fact that not only do I not drink beer, so it wasn’t MY bottle, but the bottle was given to me by the table next to me, two couples who were obviously in awe of my awesome vocal singing ability and encouraging me in my awesomeness by giving me their bottle to sing into.

No, I don’t drink much. Why do you ask?

So, I’m asking all of you for your song ideas in those two categories: “Good Upbeat Exercise Music”, and “Songs That Everyone Is Guilty of Singing In The Mirror Using a Hairbrush {or, beer bottle} For a Microphone”.

Any suggestions?